- Member Since 24th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen March 28th
Wandering Pigeon
I came here to eat breadcrumbs and indiscriminately shit on cars. And I'm all out of breadcrumbs...
Wandering Pigeon
Joined 24th Sep, 2014 ·
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>reads title
I really hope this gets some kind of sequel or something where the roles somehow get reversed.
(Plus there really aren't enough hypnosis fics with Dash as the one doing the hypnosis)
9969365
Dunno about a follow up where I reverse the roles, but I am considering another installment that has Sweetie Belle treating Dash as her doll.
9969381
Eh, at the very least I'd personally like to see Sweetie Belle somehow help Dash get revenge, becoming the "big sister" in the process.
But you do you.
Gotta be honest, not sure I'm a fan of the whole "all-dialogue" thing — all I can think of through the whole piece is how it could be improved with description.
Admittedly, that may be the wrong attitude to walk into these sorts of stories with, but I can't help but feel there's always something missing — something description fills perfectly.
Perhaps all-dialogue styles just don't work with me.
Regardless, it was a nice read, if a little predictable — but I wouldn't consider that an issue here.
9969456
Guess nothing can be done about it if it just isn’t your thing. From what I gather, the idea behind stories like these is to let the reader’s mind wander with imagery all their own, but I think I also prefer concrete descriptions of what’s happening. Still glad I tried my hand at this, though. Think I have a better grasp on what should and shouldn’t be inferred when writing.
I'd say you did fantastic in a pure dialogue short story. I genuinely did not even realize it had no descriptors beyond the dialogue until you pointed it out. The whole thing flowed very well with each back-and-forth statement creating the scene, effect, and mood for the tale.
What you should be quite proud of is how nicely this works for a screen reading piece of software, like I have to use. Being blind bites but I can certainly say reading this via the screen reader flowed extremely well. I even had the speed of reading turned up and, truly, it enhanced the whole telling of how Rarity managed to get Dash to go back to being Dashie.
The silent / "..." parts were very well placed as you could tell those were moments of potential tension, complaint, etc. You kind of knew something was really starting to happen at a moment when a 'pause' could be heard.
Congratulations on a fun writing achievement. I've tried some tricks but never this. Bravo!
Can't help but feel like there's a story to be had about why Rarity uses Rainbow Dash as a diaper model in the first place.
Having said what I said before, if I turn off the part of my brain that's sick and tired of hypnosis fics with Dash as the victim (which is REALLY hard to do, considering the volume of them, at least as far as "one of the mane 6 mind controlling one of the others" goes), it DOES flow pretty well as a story...
I just wish somepony OTHER than Dash had been chosen as the test victim for this, but that's more of a me issue than anything inherently wrong with the story.
9969623
While I agree RD is kinda overused, I do love these "tomboy taming" stories. Maybe have a different victim like Tempest, or some of the (fe)male wonderbolts would make it different?
9969903
I was actually thinking Applejack as a potential victim.
I like Tempest too much to want to see her tamed like this
Click!
With another brief flash of the Princess' aura, the tape player stopped playing that recorded message. Even though the mood had already become awkward enough, the looming bout of silence that swept across the room was much harder to ignore following the ending of that audio. On one end of the table, Rarity could only sit in silence while her muzzle was tightly clamped shut, and her stoic expression was struggling not to show any signs of shame; but alas, the unicorn's blush was rather obvious as a heavy hue of crimson splashed across both of her cheeks. Meanwhile on the other end of the table, Twilight Sparkle sat in wait as she eyed her friend with narrowing eyes, and tilted her head in contemplation of what she had just presented to the fashionista.
For a long, pregnant moment of uncomfortable silence, Rarity tapped her hooves together as she gazed down at the table. She was clearly taking the time she had to think things over, and trying to conjure up a suitable excuse for her actions. However, due to how fruitless it was for her to justify how she had been treating their most loyal friend, there was nothing for Rarity to do but close her eyes, and sigh in defeat.
Meanwhile, Twilight's eyes darted between the sight of her distraught friend, and the revealing tape that was still resting between them. After what felt like an eternity, the Alicorn was finally able to give a response as she leaned back in her seat, and took a deep breath with her eyes closed. She exhaled softly, and then stared back at Rarity to ask, "So... this is going to sound kinda weird, but... could you teach me how to perform hypnosis spells like that?~"
9969504
Thank you! I’m glad this experiment worked for you. Kinda glad to hear you were so invested the lack of descriptors didn’t even register.
9969592
Something to explore if I ever do return to this one for sure.
9969623
Can’t do much if that’s your preference. I haven’t read too many hypno fics with Dash as the victim, so it doesn’t feel as tired to me. And I chose her cause I’ve really wanted to do a diaperfic with her and Rarity for a while now. But still, to each their own.
9970015
10/10 I love it!
9970150
As someone who's a bit of a connoisseur of hypnosis fics (it's pretty much my one fetish), I've kind of noticed it as THE pattern.
As far as your reasoning goes, though, fair enough... though that tidbit VClaw wrote does kind of make me want to see a sequel where Rarity suffers karma from Twilight.
(I realize that's probably not going to happen, but I just kind of had to say it to get it out of my head)
GOOD
9972179
THANK YOU
At first it was a little confusing and annoying but it was fine once I got used to using the context in what they said to fill in the blanks. The format seems to work for shorter stories like this which have pretty familiar concepts.
Overall it's a cute
and hot afstory that I'll probably read again once in a while :3keep up the amazing hypno diaper fics, nailing my two favorite kinks <3
I would love to see her be Sweetie Belle's doll!!!!!
9973140
And don't worry, I definitely plan to keep tapping into these kinks in the future.
Glad you could come around to this one by the end.
9974954
Well that makes two of us! Maybe I'll get around to that someday.
It's really hard to convey exactly what you want through only dialogue, but I was surprised by just how well you pulled it off. I could definitely read another story or two like this from you in the future. I mean, if you did, this story would lose its "thing", but I wouldn't really mind. Maybe making it into a defined series can justify making more.
9975680
Thank you! Dunno if I'm tackling dialogue only again anytime soon, though. It certainly makes for a quicker write, but I'd probably miss descriptions eventually.
9975959
I think honestly you did a great job with the dialouge. I really think you should do a story like this again.
9975959
Yeah, I'd figure. Still glad to see some experimentation here, and as always, I'm looking forward to whatever you have next.
Maybe if she just used more words words words..
9978189
That oughta do the trick.
You did a great job pulling off the dialog-only concept. This was a delight to read!
9983095
Thanks! Glad to hear you liked it.
Always a pleasure when you indulge in hypno stuff, though I admit I do prefer the descriptions.
9984989
Can't blame you for that. Luckily they're coming back for the rest of my stories
it took me about 3/4 of the way through the story to realize that there was only dialogue, and i think that's a commendation to how well you pulled this off
9990322
That is a pretty good sign! Thank you
9969903 Tempest could probably benefit from this treatment. She'd probably need to be "convinced" to relax.
this was good short read before bed even though i find this one a bit dark