'We're often silent. We don't yell and we don't complain. We're patient, as always. Because we don't have the words yet. We're afraid to talk about it. We don't know how.' -Svetlana Alexievich
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Many years after the Elements of Harmony found new patrons and many Equestria's sworn adversaries have been vanquished, somepony in the Great Unknown rises from what could have been death itself. Left in a cold world he doesn't understand, this pony is required to find refuge at the last bastion of an old society, and to stand against the threat that seeks to smother the last kindling flame of hope.
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I found this story a little slow-going at first - I think the issue is that Void isn't a very interesting or relatable character to begin with, and it's difficult to care about someone's plight if we can't make a good connection with them. "Blank slate" characters are tricky like that. It doesn't help that Void comes across as being a very typically "edgy" protagonist (no memories, no clear personality, frequent angsting, a superpowered dark side that he can't control...)
That said, once the story did get moving, I found it interesting, particularly when it turned out that the amnesia affected more than just Void. I'm a real sucker for scenarios where people are forced to start their lives anew, be it by amnesia, catastrophe, or other. I love that kind of transformative escapism. And I also enjoy stories about communities coming together in dire times, so having the combination of both is very welcome. It feels like there's some good potential here.
Some other observations:
Canonically, ponies don't have the concept of Christmas; the equivalent would be Hearth's Warming. Although I guess "Hearth's Warming Tree" doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well.
I think you mean "parameters"?
I really liked this line. It's a great summation of this character's perspective (assuming it's a genuine sentiment, of course).
Really trying hard not to mentally follow this with "Quiet now"
9832655
Thank you for the corrections you have presented, and I will see what I can do to correct them! I appreciate the time you have taken to read this, (I understand it may not be the greatest thing to read) and for the issues you have presented. I'll keep it in mind as I move along with the story.
Thank you again!
I'll take a wild guess that people overlooked this story because a prologue feels a bit slow. Certainly improves once other characters show up, I am a sucker for banter and squadiees are fun. I may have worded some tiny things differently here or there but no complaints overall from me.
Also I'll probably be the only one who finds it funny that the place is called Grad. And almost sad character isn't named The Stallion, it was said so often it is now stuck with me.
9834223
Thank you for taking the time to comment and read my story so far! Upon review of the prologue, I see precisely what you say when you say that the prologue 'feels slow.' I am glad that you found character introductions to speed it up, but it is unfortunate that the story starts in such a way.
Hopefully to the next it will go better, and perhaps there is more room for 'The Stallion,' never considered that as an alias. We will see where it leads!
Thank you once again!
Liking the slow burn but that might just be me. My only concern with the slow pace is the minimal number of chapters to go from my perspective. Makes it feel like the story will soon lurch forward at a rapid pace when the ball really starts rolling plot-wise. Post-apocalypse does tend to work better in a slower pace to let the reader feel the difference of the place compared to the normal we know, especially in early chapters. Just a running thought.
*Update*
Having finished, I now somewhat understand the pacing. Was an interesting read with many questions left unanswered. It will be interesting to hear them as they play out in the next installment.
9906725
Thank you for your review! Looking at the pacing and the room it was given in the plot went from sluggish to rapidly fast, which I can see how it is offsetting. There is still a lot to explore the place, which I am looking forward to continuing in future stories! Thank you for taking the time to read!
Your story has been reviewed by the "My Little Reviews & Feedback."
Hello! This has been reviewed here. Deuces!