• Member Since 19th May, 2012
  • offline last seen August 16th

Perfect Prime


Saw a lot of FanFics on EQD, so I decided to make an account for reading them. Got my exams in a few days though, so I probably won't do much for a few days. Can anyone actually see this?


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Source

Rainbow had a second chance at growing up, but she never thought that its darker side would come and find her, especially now that she had finally let go of the pain and got her life back on track.

Constructive Criticism is Appreciated.

[NOTE] I guess you could call this a sequel to My Little Dashie, since it is supposed to take place after the events that happened in it, and since it does reference it a lot.

Obviously, kudos to ROBCakeran53 for writing My Little Dashie. I cried

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 28 )

At the time, it seemed like a good idea to write this, but now I get the feeling that someone may or may not have already written a story based on the same idea. After all, it didn't take a genius to come up with this. If that is the case then I am sorry and if someone could link me to that story, then I'll give credit to both it and the author.

Constructive criticism is appreciated, please point out my mistakes, and how I could have written this better. Thank you.

:twilightsmile: I like it. The grammar and writing was amazing
You portrayed Rainbow Dash's emotions really well :rainbowkiss:
I almost cried at the end :fluttercry:

Sequel? I'd like to see a reunion :twilightsmile:

1088383 Thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot to me (and to my ego!) :twilightsmile:

I was surprised that it managed to garner a dislike already but what can you do? Except write better FanFics! :pinkiehappy:

I really enjoyed reading this. It was a tad confusing at first, but I think that was by design. The buildup to who these two ponies were. :)
I liked your approach to her grieving the loss of her "father". The pitiful cries of a heartbroken daughter crying out for her daddy to come get her.
*ouch* that gave me a feel.. :) Thank you for writing this. Kudos.

()_()
That was pretty damn impressive. But I find that all the emotion comes from flashbacks of My Little Dashie rather than actually reading this.
Also, might I ask: what sort of packaging do shoes come in in Equestria? :rainbowderp:

1088543 I always imagined that they just got their shoes since you know, they're horseshoes and all...

I don't know :derpytongue2:

Also, sorry for being unable to conjure up any emotion from this fic alone :twilightblush:

1088514 Thank you! Sorry for making it confusing!

This was suprisenly a good...how you put it...a short sequel twist kind of story! :derpytongue2: I really felt the emotion! I loved My Little Dashie, so I like it whenever some fan writes out sequel and puts on a good closure after reading the original, or tells more about what happened with Dash since then....so good job! :rainbowdetermined2:

1088620 Thank you for your kind words! :twilightsmile:

Welcome to the Dashie Sequel club, friend.

Loved it! Really did! Just a small gripe though, :rainbowhuh: in the original story, around the end where Princess Celestia and the rest of the mane 6 arrived to take Rainbow Dash back to Equestria, I thought they said they had to get rid of Dash's memories of the time she spent on Earth in order to keep the two sets of memories (The set she must've had on Equestria and the one on Earth) from conflicting and causing her to most likely go insane.

Then again, :twilightoops: this is the second parody I've read where RD's memories of her time on Earth we're kept, so maybe I'm the one that's erroring, in which case, sorry.

1089055 I'm just glad you liked it!

Think of it this way: It was a bluff from Celestia to spare the feelings of the father so that he knew Dashie could live her life without knowing who he was and what he did. However, magic has limitations like being unable to end life and touch the memories of ponies. :pinkiehappy:

1089085 Very well then, I shall view it that way. :pinkiesmile: Of course you could always... oh wait, this was a one-shot.

I was going to suggest that maybe you could edit in how the magic to cloud Dash's memories fadded away. Or it could be that the spell was never cast, but then if the latter case is true, you don't have to do anything.

As for magic having limitations... :applejackunsure: well, it can already move giant stars millions of times bigger than the planet it's being cast on through a daily bases, but killing and erasing memories is where it draws the line...? :unsuresweetie: I've got a comparison scale for a Earth like planet and sun around here somewhere...

A Manly tear is she- *Begins Wailing*
:raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry:

1089159 Glad to see you liked it! :pinkiehappy:

Also, thanks for the fave!

1089361 Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for the fave! :pinkiesmile:

ITS SO SAD!!:fluttercry: strange thing though after i read my little Dashie i had this exact same idea but i didn`t write it I just could `t be bothered plus at that time i didn`t hav an account on any fanfiction website whoops going off topic great story loved it till the end nearly cried :derpyderp2:

1096859 thank you for your kind words and thanks for the fave!

This is beautiful. The emotions are portrayed well and Dashie's character is spot on. And the feels... the feels. :fluttercry: Excuse me for a sec...

...

Sorry, just had to pick up the broken fragments of my heart. :heart:

1113050 Thank you for the kind words!!!

Really well written story... I loved my little dashie (who didn't?) and of course it was a definite tear jerker (Dashie is best pony... that didn't help) I like how you tied into the memories of her father and the pain she she felt from their untimely separation. Good job, it definitely brought on a case of the feels.

1118799 Thanks for the kind words and the fave!!!:pinkiehappy:

1088383 I only just realised that you said you wanted to see a reunion, and I presume that you meant with Dashie and her father, but sadly I don't think that's possible. In the original My Little Dashie, one day in the pony world was the equivalent of one year in the real world. In my fic, if you read it very carefully, you would have seen that Dashie is now 23 years of age, and since she left our world when she was 20, 3 years must have passed inbetween. However, these three years were spent in the pony world, which means 365.25*3=1095.75 years have passed in the real world. Unfortunately, this means that Dashie's father is dead and has been for a very long time.

But I like it this way. Just being aware of that without the characters themselves realising makes it that much more sad. Their being oblivious to this fact makes them seem all the more innocent and sympathetic.

It was saddening, to say the least. Now I need to go read a happy story to be happy again. Good job.:pinkiesad2:

1143920 unless the accident that sent her to Earth sent her through time as well as across dimensions. Which is less unlikely when you consider the whole de-aging angle; clearly there were some temporal effects.


Which is why I think Sunbutt made a hasty and I'll considered, maybe even evil decision. Worried about creating an imbalance between universes? Hah!

Ya got a 15 year imbalance already created on the Earth side...he could come to Equestria for 15 years to balance it out. And since 15 years one way didn't create any noticeable problems, you could tack more time on, especially if Dashie visited earth to "balance" it out.

Since we already have one example of permanent inter dimensional portal magicology, why not more? :P Far better cause than visiting Canterlot High if you ask me.


All these random portals dropping folks in other dimensions willy-nilly (not just Equestria...it is a common trope in fantasy! And quantum mechanics says every story is a window into an alternate universe!) tells me the multiverse doesn't give a fig for being "balanced" anyway. Or if it does, anytime it gets too out of whack, it just rips open a portal and dumps folks in alternate realities like a colliding high/low pressure front spawns tornadoes.

If I ever fall through such a portal, I'm giving Sunbutt a piece of my mind. That's a promise!

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