Almost everypony feels as if Ponyville's mailmare is a little thick, and they aren't always able to keep their insults to themselves, but how does she feel about it?
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- Member Since 19th May, 2012
- offline last seen January 3rd
Perfect Prime
Saw a lot of FanFics on EQD, so I decided to make an account for reading them. Got my exams in a few days though, so I probably won't do much for a few days. Can anyone actually see this?
Perfect Prime
Joined 19th May, 2012 ·
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I don't know why I wrote this, I just suddenly felt an urge to write something other than the five pieces of drivel that I've been working on for a while, so I wrote this.
I think it's OK. It's not the perfect sad story, and it's not the perfect story either, but I quite liked it so I'm posting it here in the hopes that others will either find it enjoyable or mildly entertaining.
Constructive criticism is welcome!
This is really cute and heartfelt. Good job
I feel your pain. There was no need to change her. They may as well say that Snails is the same and replace him if it takes so little. 'Certain' groups could also complain about rainbow dashes appearance and force Hasbro to remake her. Next thing you know some feminists will work towards changing Rarity.
It's insanity I say
1474760 I'm glad you liked it!
I love this story! It's nice to see someone take Derpy's feelings into consideration for once! I think we all have so much fun with her, we forget she has feelings too. Kudos to you, sir. This has touched me.
1474998 I'm happy that you liked it!
1475323 Thanks!
And quick question: Are you typing on a phone? And if you are is it an iPhone?
You don't have to answer, I'm just trying to be more of an intrusive mystery fan that I should be!
So much D'awww. It all ends happily ever after! Ranking:
/
10/10 Derpys!
1475570 Damn, that's not even a tiny bit close... Thanks for the reply anyway!
I really liked it ^^ And Derpy's totally right, I loved her~
D'aww. Loved it. Perfect levels of d'aww, and the story has a good moral to it as well. Five Derpies out of five.
Heh. If they ever did get around to doing an episode about her, it would probably go like this. Mind you, it'd probably be Twilight asking her why she doesn't give hate a chance but this is an anvil that needs dropping.
I loved it, it was a great showing of one of my favourite characters. Good work, keep writing
I liked this.
I found the whole cake-missing-thing saddening. That's just mean.
But you know what? Screw that! I'm turning that into something good.
Big Mac found the cake and assumed the owner had lost it. So he set out to return it.
Derpy and Dinky were overjoyed by his act of kindness and invited him in for cake.
They laughed, had fun, and in the end Derpy made a new friend.
Well. I feel better.
Still, this was really nice. Good job.
Derpy, you're so cute and awesome.
I'm conflicted on this. On the one hand, you seem to have portrayed Derpy in a nice way, and I like the use of details here. I also enjoy the Dinky / Derpy personality contrast. Rather than superficially label Derpy as X, Y, Z using dry, descriptive language like many authors, you show things through both actions and dialogue.
But on the other hand, there does seem to be a real sense of 'padding' in the story. As well, there's a kind of pedestrian nature to the writing in terms of 'this happened', 'then something else happened', and 'a third thing occurred'. That plus the 'padding' gives a sort of unsatisfied feeling. Let me cite something exactly to be specific:
One by one, I visited the homes and if there was a mailbox then I would have stuffed the letters and packages in there. If there wasn’t, then I would have knocked on the door and hoped that somepony was inside, or I would have just dropped it through the slot in their front door for them to pick it up when they see it there. Sometimes, there’s no way for me to make a delivery, and it could be because the package is too large and because the pony isn’t home, so I either have to reschedule the delivery or I have to leave it somewhere for them to get.
Look at the word choice. 'There is no way', 'the pony is not home', 'there was a mailbox', and so on. It sort of comes across as detached and bland. And this whole section, anyways, seems unnecessarily. We as the reader know how mail-delivering works. There's no 'hook' for our interest here.
In terms of the story-line, it seems to me that Derpy's hooves-off attitude (that other ponies can speak ill of her, and she won't care because they're just bystanders to her) is in and of itself tragic. It's a bit disturbing. What kind of life experiences and relationships is she locking herself out of? Like in the case of Carrot's boyfriend. He was embarrassed to offend Derpy and her with his words. He is a romantic who writes sappy loves letters.
If I was writing this, I would have pressed the point. Maybe Derpy would have politely engaged in chit-chat with mister boyfriend later. Maybe she could have asked about where he was from (since it was far away apparently). Maybe she could have complimented him in what he looks like, making him blush, and then it all would have been water under the bridge. Character development would have gone on.
The scene with the kids has the same sorts of issues. It's written fine, but there seems to be this lacking quality to it. Kids are inherently cruel. Surely, she would have had other parents that she had bonded with. There's other ponies she knows there. Right?
In terms of Derpy, I've usually chosen to interpret her as a charming eccentric (maybe like Doc Brown of time traveling fame) rather than someone mentally challenged or anything. Your interpretation is fine, and I like it in many ways, but I... I don't know... does she not have greater feelings of purpose? A bigger motivation than just her job and her child? What about hobbies, or going out with friends, or maybe getting a boyfriend of her own?
...
Thinking it over, I did upvote this, but I feel like you might want to get more constructive criticism.
A very well written story I must say.
You really put your time into thinking what Derpy might feel like in these kind of situations. Theres definately something that made me intrested in this, and that was how you made it different from other stories that tell us about Derpy's feelings.
Most would make it sound as if she was really depressed, and how she became like we know her today. Some even write about Derpy suiciding because of these situations.
You earnt yourself a new watcher, keep up the good work!
/) (\
1476004>>1478367>>1476429 Glad you liked it!
1477613 Thank you for pointing that out! I'll get more criticism when I have a steady period of free time on my hands.
Wow...
Wow... That's... Fantastic
I electronically urge you to keep writing!
You're amazing!
I can't wait to read more of your stories!
Well, FINALLY, Derpy gets the respect she deserves.
Sadly, this story does accurately portray how a large portion of society treats those with physical and mental challenges.
Because of learning disabilities, a lot of people considered me to be dumb growing up. Because I was the smallest kid in school, I was a constant target for abuse from those who thought I would be easy pickings. Even now, I deal with issues every day, with PTSD being one of the worst. Maybe someday, society will be better....
Maybbe someday...
Thank you for this story
1480880 Not a problem. My own condition prevents me from doing what should be simple things, such as walking in a straight line and riding a bike, and being call me retard and the like as well. I find that playing along with it helps, but obviously I can see why it won't work for everyone.
I'm glad to you liked my story, and you should take Derpy's message to heart. Remember it, live with it, let it brighten up your darkest moments. Then wake up to a brand new day filled with new promises.
1478390
Well, look, I do hope you take constructive criticism to count because this is-- to me-- a 'just good' story that potentially could have been a 'great' story. Are you planning on continuing Derpy fanfics in the future?
1480880
1480904
Yeah, growing up I had lots of the same problems myself-- not quite being able to tie my shoes, blow up a balloon, being so damned socially awkward that I simply couldn't relate to people, and so on... damn... my parents knew I was a high-functioning autistic kid with some depressive and maybe schizophrenic elements throw in there but they deliberately did not take me to anyone medical because they feared I would be stigmatized.
I don't know what to say. "Stay strong" is about the only thing. Tons of people have issues, and-- looking forwards-- they need to remember that friendship is magic.
*hugs everyone*
1480904
1482548
Thank you
I have nothing bad to say about this story
story
It's fantastic, especially for a sad
I don't think that your other stories are drivel, by the way
That's only putting yourself down!
You're fantastic!
Keep on writing!
1482548 I don't take criticism well, but I take it into account. I know this may sound like asking for a bit much, but could you offer some advice as to how I could improve this story? Or any stories that you'd recommend so that I can see for myself the difference it could make? If you can't it's fine, but if you can then that'd be
I might write another Derpy fic, I'm not sure at the moment. Usually I'm writing for my main story but then I just randomly stop and start writing something else, so it's pretty hard to predict when I'm going to write a Derpy story. With that in mind, I'd like to improve even if just a little bit before then so that it'll a great story.
1484970 Although I'm happy that you found the stories so enjoyable, even if just one person points out something wrong with the story, and they make a legitimate point, then I have to take it into account.
Also, sorry but I've just had high standards for the majority of my life, so I see my work negatively. That doesn't mean you as the reader can't enjoy it though!
P.S. I was talking about five stories that I hadn't posted yet.
Better than expected awesome
1490669 Glad to see you ended up liking this! Also, thanks for the fave!
1485143
I can't quite think of what I'd say that I haven't already said.
I would consider looking at The You Saw Her by Possiblydominator and Avalon by, uh, me (I don't want to sound crass or obnoxious or anything recommending something by me-- I'm just saying that you might be curious at how I went with Derpy)... To be clear, I don't think those stories are necessarily better than your story here. I'm not saying that at all (your fic was a sadfic, those fics were inherently positive, so it's apples => oranges comparison). But, well, the sense of how both fics go deeper into psychological things might be very interesting to you. Be warned that both are romances with some saucy content in the middle (but are romances first and foremost).
Have you read Bubbles? That fic is fantastic. I guess the central thing here is that I get the feeling reading your fic that you were trying to get for a certain portrayal of Derpy but didn't quite flesh it out enough-- like jumping over a bar but still bonking it.
I don't want to sound negative by any means. This is a legimately nice fic. I thumbed it up immediately. Just trying to be helpful.
1495592 Irrelevant as to whether this fic is great, decent or bad, the fact that you are willing to take your own time to help me improve it means a lot to me! I'll read these stories when I have the chance and I'll revise my story, adding to it when inspiration strikes.
Thank you so much for offering me advice, I'll try to improve my story as much as I can!
1497444
Alright!
Nice read. This seems pretty similar to how a Derpy episode would go if they ever did one.
An ending message that is in the same style as the usual MLP episode themes.
If you were going for a sad story, I think you blew it. This made me happy. Derpy's got problems, but she doesn't let them define her, nor does she spend all her time worrying about defending herself. The ponies who mind don't matter, and the ponies who matter don't mind. I mean, yeah, it stinks that Dinky's being teased, but maybe she can learn a lesson from her mom here. And the cake thing is unfortunate- twenty bits wasted and all- but the muffin is a nice substitute that calls attention to the special closeness of their family, and in Equestria I'd say the odds are pretty good that the one who picked up the cake was looking to return it to the owner before a bird or squirrel got into it.
I liked it. It gets to your heart. Plus, it has one of my favorite ponies in it. Good job!
1905377
Yay!
Glad you liked it!
1905466 form the stories I have read, you do good work. I still have some to read, but I have high expectations. Good luck on your writing!
1905549
Thank you! Don't worry, I have a few bad stories in there, you'll get to them eventually.
my GOD this touched my very soul this phrase in particular
“They’re all just strangers to me. My friend’s would never say mean things about me, and neither would my family, and they’re the ones that matter.”
3883173
I'm glad you enjoyed the story
3884486 thank you for writing it