- Member Since 14th Oct, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
Lotus Moon
VA/Dramatic Reader, YouTuber, & Writer | Connect with me here
Lotus Moon
Joined 14th Oct, 2016 ·
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Is this mare trapped in a time loop?
I just can't put this story in words at all, im in mass confusion and sick.... Sweet celestia that story..
This was gore just for the sake of gore. The stallion would have died the moment his organs were removed...he wouldn't have survived long enough for her to feed them to him.
In the future, might I suggest taking it down a notch, and building into the gore? You went from the nails right to removing his organs. No, no, no. Remove one at a time, after several days, instead of hours. Give your victim time to heal, and thus build up hope. Make the cuts shallow, gradually building up to the final acts, so the reader can savor every moment of your victim's fear, agony, and hopelessness. Make us hear the delightful screams, make us smell the blood and offal.
Make it a visual feast as well...we want to see the glistening organs, the blood staining the floor and table, see it draped over the mad face of the villain.
Think of it as...practice. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
9748891
I thought on leading into it more. But when I wrote it, I was dwelling on pure unadulterated rage and wanted instant satisfaction. Also I wasn’t gonna start with nails...I think I was gonna start with lightly frying and scrambling his brains via electric shocks. But that fades after a while.
Thanks for the tips though. Maybe doing another part that how this all started.