• Member Since 17th May, 2019
  • offline last seen 49 minutes ago

Leafdoggy


I'm Leaf. (Fledgling) Author Extraordinaire. Everyone loves me.

E
Source

Twilight Sparkle loves Nightmare Night. Planning it, setting it up, pulling it off. Her only wish is that it could last longer. This year, she's decided to make that wish come true. Plunged into darkness, Ponyville must band together on a quest to stop Nightmare Night from becoming Nightmare Forever.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 11 )

Looks like an interesting story.

Dreadnought

Read through just the first chapter and so far, all I can say is that the grammar is fairly solid and that the story seems to flow nicely. I have yet to see how the Thriller and Comedy tags are going to work together.

i have no clue on what i just read

Not really a fix I’m interested in reading, just came to ask if that photo you used for the fic was the art from a yugioh card or something? The moon looks very similar to a yugioh thing is all? Weird question I know but my curiosity demanded I ask ^^

Interesting, but chapters are kinda short.

9696295
It is yeah. It's just a good place to find easily source-able art, yknow. Choosing art for these stories is probly one of the hardest parts of makin em, tbh.

9696584
Noted. Thanks for the feedback ^w^

9696193
Fair, they are tags that would seem to contradict each other somewhat, but they seemed like the best fit. In retrospect the first chapter probably could have done a better job setting the tone. Glad to hear the other parts seem to work though! Thanks for checkin it out :3

Nice story! Wasn't exactly sure what to expect when I started reading, but it turned out to be quite the pleasant fic! :twilightsmile:
I did see your post that you're looking for feedback though, so here's something a little more substantial.

I'd say the story is really a Comedy / Slice of Life more than a Thriller though. If your intention when you started out was to build suspense I'm afraid you didn't quite hit the mark. The characters don't treat the events too seriously (or at least, there's not much attention placed on that), and that really kinda dissolves whatever tension there might have been.

Like I said, though, it really succeeds as a SoL. The character interactions are enjoyable and cute, and when the suspense is downplayed it feels like 'just another day' in Ponyville. It just works as a lighter, fluffier story.

That said, the story could probably improve by being just a touch more grounded! As it stands the story doesn't give much reason to engage with it. I'd compare this to watching a group of people in one of those escape rooms, only you already know they're gonna get out, and you're not shown any of the puzzle pieces. Watching the ponies solve incomprehensible riddles that we're not given the rules to would probably still work if you focused a little more on the character interactions and the comedy side, but instead a lot of the narration is focused on them solving the puzzles. And it would also work if the puzzles were solved more slowly so that there's at least some suspense.

You ended up hitting somewhere in the middle of that, though. So the story ends up being pleasant and not much else, not really making much of an effort to draw readers in.

That's more than I can say for lots of stories, though. Have an upvote! :twilightsmile:

9702008
Thanks for the feedback! That definitely all makes sense. I honestly haven't really given too much thought to engagement before, which in retrospect is probably something that deserves some attention. Especially with how I write, because the things you pointed out definitely came about from my writing process. My original idea was "town-wide escape room" so I started off focused on the puzzles, but then while actually writing it I drifted more and more towards character interactions, and I can certainly imagine how that would make it less cohesive and gripping. I ought to adjust my process to counteract that.

I appreciate the tip on the genre tags too, I flip-flopped a lot between SoL and Thriller in deciding what to tag it, and eventually just went with my gut. I should honestly read more stories to get a better feel for the differences between tags.

Thanks again! ^w^ Very helpful feedback for sure.

9702203
No problem! Your work shows potential, I'm looking forward to see what you come up with next :pinkiesmile:

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