• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

LilSlipsy


Comments ( 20 )

Oh my. Even as just a one-shot this would have been wonderful, but I'm really excited to see fun deeper exploration of porn premises and how they can be escalated to greater heights. Dawny is super cute, and I like her Mom's conflict. I'm going to be very very disappointed if we never get some real Mother-Daughter bonding time in the cave later down the line, though.

Eagerly looking forward to more, thanks for writing!

There's a non-con tag now, please use it.

HALT!

Ze GNG has spotted a mistake!

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“Y-yea... It’s ok compared to Cloudsdale’s school” She said, slowly eating her plain tasting pancakes. “The school kids are a whole lot nicer thought[though]!”

=======•=======G=======•=======

This is really good still and I love the emotional arcs!

Wow, actually a really fun read! Good work

Comment posted by Bumblebee16 deleted Aug 5th, 2018

Great story. Cant wait for more

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Thanks for the kind words! (And thanks to everyone else who enjoyed it as well :raritywink: )

The story is already completed and the final chapter should be posted Saturday night/Sunday morning.

The story was.... Horrible. I'll just say it. Horrible.

It was like if you added up wrong gears into a machinery and it started creaking along the way.

Some of the parts of the plot just didn't fit there, many things were just over the top. What I surely noticed is that the characters were overreacting and I think that filly was way too smart and manipulative. And the ship wasn't exactly genuine, you would have achieved better results if you just shipped Dawny with her mother.

The clop though? Excellent. Long, described and imaginative. Everything that a good clopfic should have. Shame there were just few scenes in the entire story, but I think the character of Carrous could be always used in different side stories or even prequels.

All for all, great clopstory with terrible plot.

If my rating would mean anything, I would give this story a:

B-

More Carrous please. Maybe a sequel ?

There is some stuff here that is a bit weird for me (mostly the whole lie stuff), but overall I found this most excellent. It's more than just porn.

That was an adorable ending scene. Keep up the good work!!!

9053135
You call yourself a grammer nazi, and yet you missed the fact that the auther used the word "yea" instead of "yeah". Lol.:pinkiehappy:

“I… I learned in school that drugs are bad… m’kay?

Ha ha, I get it!

9103987
I can't help but noticed that Rainbow was the only one who didn't look completely mortified.

Daw yes needs to stop abusing Twilight, it’s not right just because she doesn’t know better. And Twilight just spent time letting a filly walk all over her so badly, I’d check for bruises. She’s not getting much of a choice in anything.

Dawny learns that blackmail is bad, and consent is good eventually, right?

I was able to orgasm three times from this chapter.

I know it will go away by the time I’m in school tomorrow.

“Well, you’ve been through a lot, so you just take as much time as you need.”

Dawny slipped into her bed after an exciting day out with her mama.

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