The session with Cloud Kicker was nice and calm. A sexy pose, an hour or so of drawing, and a nice stack of bits for Sketchy.
He walked beside Applejack with his usual air of detached calm. “Do we have any other appointments today?”
“Nope,” Applejack said. She glanced at the sky. It was getting late enough that she should head back to the farm and start on dinner. Hopefully omelets would be fine; she wasn’t in the mood to make anything fancy. “What do you think you’ll do with the rest of your day?”
“I need to pick up a package of instant noodles for dinner,” Sketchy said.
Applejack paused. “Is that what you normally eat?”
“Yes,” Sketchy said.
A sudden war exploded in Applejack’s mind. Good Old-fashioned Manners told her to invite him over for a real meal instead of letting him suffer through instant noodles. Protective Instincts was against it all the way, though. Dinner with the family meant putting him in the same room as Apple Bloom, where she’d likely get a crash course in the facts of life. Embarrassment pointed out that Granny would give her a hard time about bringing a stallion home for dinner, and Stubbornness just didn’t want to give Rarity the satisfaction of thinking they’d hooked up.
Shame stepped up to Sketchy’s defense, telling her that she shouldn’t be afraid to introduce any of her friends to her family. A feeling that could best be described as Warm Fuzzy showed her a picture of Sketchy sitting at the dinner table, bonding with the ponies she cared about most. Warm Fuzzy’s opposite (Cold Sharpy?) gave her an image of Sketchy sitting by himself in a dark apartment, eating noddles out of a styrofoam cup. Finally, a quiet little voice asked if she wanted Sketchy to come to dinner.
Well …
She tried to think of something else, but the voice gave her no quarter. Yes or no?
… Yes.
The voice somehow nodded at her. Well, there you go.
Applejack swallowed her nerves and turned to Sketchy. “If you want, you could come over to Sweet Apple Acres instead. You know, have dinner with my family.”
Sketchy gave her one of those confused looks. “How much do you normally charge, and could I get a discount because we’re business partners?”
She couldn’t help but laugh a little. “We ain’t gonna charge you to eat with us, Sketchy. I’m inviting you over because you’re my friend, and I’d like to spend some more time with you today, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh.” Sketchy looked even more confused. “You want to spend time with me? Why?”
Applejack smiled. “For starters, the conversation’s never boring.”
Sketchy’s confusion faded a bit. “Okay. Thank you for inviting me.” He glanced forward. “By the way, where are you leading us?”
“Me? I’ve been following you.” Applejack looked around and realized they were halfway across town, and walking away from Sweet Apple Acres.
“You always lead when we walk,” Sketchy said.
Applejack laughed sheepishly. “Guess I hadn’t noticed.” She turned around and started out toward the farm. “By the way, do you like omelets?”
( | )
Most of the walk to Sweet Apple Acres was spent explaining, in exhaustive detail, all the things that Sketchy wasn’t allowed to mention around Apple Bloom. She wasn’t sure if he understood why it was bad to bring those things up around a filly, but at least he agreed not to talk about them.
“Guess that’s it, then,” Applejack said, covering the last few feet to the house. She paused at the door. “Also, my family might give you a bit of a hard time, since you’re the first stallion I’ve brought to dinner. They ain’t doing it to be mean, or anything. That’s just their way of welcoming you.”
“What does it mean to give me a hard time?” Sketchy asked.
“Just that they’ll crack a few jokes about the two of us dating. Acting embarrassed gives them more fuel, so stay calm and act like it’s no big deal.”
“Like what isn’t?”
“Whatever they try to tease you about.” Applejack pushed the door open. “Granny, I brought a friend for dinner. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course we don’t mind,” Granny called from farther into the house. “The more the merrier. Now where you been all day? Dinner’s supposed to be on the table in a half hour, and you ain’t even started yet.”
“I had some things to take care of in town.” Applejack walked into the kitchen. Granny wasn’t there either. She was probably resting in her favorite chair in the front room. “I’ll be making omelets tonight.”
“Put tomatoes and mushrooms in mine,” Granny called. “And go easy on the cheese.”
“Will do.” Applejack started collecting ingredients. “What do you want in yours, Sketchy?”
Sketchy shrugged. “Whatever is available.”
“Wait a minute,” Granny called. “Is that a stallion’s voice I hear?”
Applejack took a deep breath. “Yes, it is.”
Granny walked into the kitchen a few moments later. “Well, it’s about durn time you brought home a strapping stallion. With all the times you turned down that other fella—What’s his name, Noteworthy?—I was starting to think you weren’t interested in stallions.”
Applejack blushed. “I told Rarity and I’ll tell you, Noteworthy wasn’t serious about me.”
“Oh pish-posh he wasn’t. Would’ve had to slip into your bed to be any more obvious. I had half a mind to help him, too. I want to see at least one more generation of Apples before they plant me in the ground.” She turned to Sketchy. “Now let me get a look at you.”
Sketchy nodded then held perfectly still.
Granny walked a slow circle around him, muttering appreciatively as she went. “Nice legs, good full chest, ooh, and cute rear to boot. You sure know how to pick ‘em.”
“It ain’t like that,” Applejack said quickly.
“Hush, deary,” Granny said. “I won’t let you let another one slip through your hooves. We’re gonna find out right here and now if it’s like that or not.” She focused back on Sketchy. “So, you interested in my granddaughter?”
“Of course,” Sketchy said. “I find her very interesting.”
Granny smiled. “Oh really? Any parts more interesting than the others?”
“Her butt,” Sketchy said.
Applejack’s face and hoof suddenly got acquainted with each other. “Granny-”
“I told you to hush,” Granny said. “Don’t make me tan your backside. After all, it’s this fine stallion’s favorite part of you.”
Screaming in frustration wasn’t an option, so Applejack had to settle for a hearty blush and another facehoof.
“So,” Granny said to Sketchy, “are you two dating?”
“I’m not familiar enough with pony courtship to say,” Sketchy said. “What does a date normally entail?”
“Ain’t that a cluster of fancy words,” Granny said. “But how can you not know what a date is?”
“I was raised in Griffonstone,” Sketchy said. “Their traditions are rather more violent and focused on gold than pony ones.”
Granny’s expression softened. “Sounds rough, youngster.”
“It could be,” Sketchy said, “but I still wish I could be back home sometimes.”
“Nothing ever replaces the home where you grew up,” Granny said. “But anyway, pony courtship ain’t that complicated. Most dates are just two ponies meeting up to eat and spend some time together.”
“We’ve been meeting at Sugarcube Corner almost every day for the last week,” Sketchy said. “Afterward, Applejack will usually accompany me for several hours.”
Granny whistled. “Sounds like you two are going steady.” She grinned and stuck out a hoof. “We ain’t been properly introduced yet, but I’m Granny Smith, Applejack’s grandma, and it’s a pleasure to meet her first real coltfriend.”
Sketchy shook her hoof. “I’m Frameless Sketcher, but everyone calls me Sketchy. Also, I don’t know what ‘coltfriend’ means. Applejack always changed the subject when it came up.”
“It’s what you are to her,” Granny said. “And she’s your marefriend. Remember that now.”
“Okay,” Sketchy said in a tone that meant he didn’t understand but would obey anyway.
Applejack, meanwhile, had decided that facehoofing wasn’t going to cut it and upgraded to slamming her head into the kitchen table.
“Quit being over-dramatic,” Granny said. “Dinner ain’t gonna cook itself, and it’ll give me some time to talk with this fine stallion.”
Granny is best elder.
You see, the thing is... In the UK, "fanny" is a crude term for "vagina", so I'm sorry but the title to this chapter makes me feel a little weird.
This chapter had me snickering like a fool good times.
lol Granny Smith OP
9064488
I’ve gotten that pointed out to me on a story before too. I kind of wonder how the differences in meaning came about....
Granny smith savage
9064508
I'm not exactly sure, but if I remember right, don't you guys in the US use it as a cute word for "butt"? Over here in the UK, using the term could get you a slap across the face, unless you're Scottish. In Scotland, you'll probably get a handshake; or, they'll ask you who you're referring to, since they use it as a name, too.
9064592
It's an older term for 'butt'. I can't recall anyone using it over the past few years.
So sharing a meal & time is a colt or marefriend relationship... Yes yes yes! Apple Jack me too?
Oh boy, Spike and Rarity
BigMac & Sugar Belle
Sketchy and Apple Jack!
Rainbow Dash . . . Tank!
Sport Tanks a turtle . . .
tortious
DISCORD!
Twilight and books books books
Now that was nice of AJ to do that wasn't it?
9064592
Learn something new every day. It's just another way to say bum, only ever said playfully, but is also used in the word "fanny pack", a bag around the hip of questionable utility and fashionableness. I think it ranks low on the scale of butt-label popularity. I certainly hear ass, bum and hinny more-- though that could just be a Southern thing.
[EDIT]: I'm a dumb-butt, it's "Heinie", which is clearly spelled out in the chapter name...
Now I just need to know how to spell 'keester' properly and I'm all set for butt terminology.
9064720
Huh, I've never heard the term "hinny" before. :o
At what age do you become too old for your grandma to threaten to spank you?
9064637 As another Brit I have to agree. Seeing 'fanny' made me think this story's rating was going up. If you want a uniquely British slang term for the behind, it's 'arse'. As in 'Move yer bloomin' arse.' It's pretty much the equivalent to ass, I believe. A less rude one would be 'bum'.
9064592 9064637 9064751
“Fanny” is definitely not in common use in North America any longer, and some authors (like me) use for comedic effect because it sounds ridiculous and archaic at the same time; no one who actually says it can possibly be taken seriously.
Well, maybe some Canadians who’re trying to be polite still say it....
9064720
I think you may have meant “heinie.” “Hinny” is the offspring of a stallion and a jenny.
9064747
You're never too old for your grandma to spank you
9064440
And slightly crazy, but that just makes her more fun.
9064488
Whoops! Let me know if you can think of a different pun for this chapter. I'd rather avoid alienating readers from the UK.
9064490
Glad to hear it. We all need a good giggle from time to time.
9064503
There's a reason AJ knows to respect her elders. Granny isn't above spankings even now.
9064677
Pinkie thought Maud was dating a rock, so Twilight dating a book isn't impossible.
9064683
Which thing?
9064927
Inviting Sketchy.
9064751
"Arse" somehow worked its way into my daily speech. I don't know how, I've never been anywhere near Europe. Anyway, I think I came up with a better pun for this chapter: Home is Where the Heinie is. Hopefully that will prevent awkwardness in the future.
9064930
Ah, gotcha. Applejack's home and family mean everything to her. It would've been weird if she hadn't invited him over eventually.
9064917
Aww, don't worry about alienating me; to be honest, all it did was get a giggle out of me, which I guess is a good thing.
Plus, I know it means something different in different places; there's no need to conform to anyone else's version of things, bud.
God-fucking-damnit hahahahahahah!
9064923
Fear the Old Blood
Sketchy and AJ sitting on a tree K I S S I N G first comes introducing him to friends then to family then they F U C K I N T H E S H E D
9064797
I tried to figure out how to spell it for a few minutes and gave up, on a chapter that already has the exact spelling in the title. Clearly I'm not a very observant person.
9065140
i.pinimg.com/originals/fb/37/2c/fb372cde1136a599ab89fda361e0949f.jpg
9064592
America, England, and Australia -- three nations divided by a common language.
9064720
Heinie (or heiny) is definitely a southern-U.S. thing -- but it seems to be one of those old-fashioned terms that's slowly on the way out, really; I haven't heard it in common usage for some time, certainly not from anyone younger than my grandparents.
I can't say I recall hearing "bum" used here in the U.S. as a synonym for "butt", though; its more common meaning is "vagrant" or "panhandler." (Or, when used as a verb, to obtain something by asking or begging for it; i.e. "bum a ride", as in hitchhiking, or "can I bum a cigarette?", as in "can I have one of yours for free?")
I'm glad you decided to expand this story from the original plan. I've had a lot of fun reading it over the past 48 hours.
9065147
Actually, I changed the chapter title just a little bit ago, since it included a word that's fine where I live but is vulgar slang in the UK. In fact, your comment about "heinie" is what inspired the new chapter title.
9065223
Lol, I was thinking the same thing!
9065252
And I'm glad you're enjoying it. Speaking of which, the next chapter should be up in a minute or two.
9065250
Honestly the most I ever hear "bum" is in Bum-fuck, as in "Bum-fuck nowhere" or "Bum-fuck Egypt", which has an equivalent meaning to "out in the boonies" or "middle of nowhere", and even then I don't hear it often. I always assumed that bum in that sentence had the "butt" meaning rather than the vagrant meaning, and that's where I hear "bum" used like "butt" the most. Otherwise, "bum" is usually used when people are pretending to be fancy/British in a joking manner.
As for heinie, I'm inclined to agree. Can't think of anybody who has used it in a serious manner other than my grandparents. Nowadays I'd probably only hear it used in a joking manner.
God I love the English language.
oh yes Granny. Definitely ready to see some more.
So I was gonna say that this should be omellete, but apparently I've been remembering my French more than my American English xD
I'm just glad I was able to remember to Google it first
Love how you handled this inner conflict
9065250
It's not a division, we English wrote the bloody language, the clue is in the name. The Aussies and Yankees keep getting it wrong to mess with us.
Nice. Nice and simple. This is why the Apple Family is so big.
Stallion
Mare
Bam marriage and kids!
Applejacks embarrassment is delicious!
This made me burst out laughing.
“By the way, do you like omelets?”
I don't know, what's it made from?
Eggs
*gasps* the forbidden food!
Uh. Oh, right. Griffons.
9074977
Huh, I should've thought of that.
9074977
Gryphons' back ends are mammalian. They don't lay eggs.
Unless they're weird platypodes-like critters with venom in the claws and sweat milk for their litters.
According to transactional analysis, that would be "cold prickly".
9094894
*me about to put a sharpie into refrigerator*
Nuts, read it wrong
10911622
Thanks, that brightened my day!