• Published 14th Jul 2018
  • 4,824 Views, 1,297 Comments

Applejack's Butt - Vedues

The new stallion in town is strangely obsessed with rear ends. Especially Applejack's.

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Chapter 4: Hiding Your Assets

Applejack couldn’t believe she was doing this. Sure, Sketchy needed a model, but there had to be better ways to accomplish it than this. She looked around the Stallgreens, wishing the last few customers would leave so she could make her purchase and get out.

Unfortunately, the two other ponies in the store didn’t seem like they were going to leave anytime soon. Even worse, Applejack knew one of them, Golden Harvest. She was wandering through the shampoo aisle.

The other customer was a green pegasus with a purple mane and tail over in the makeup department. Applejack had seen her around town, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember the girl’s name. She didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular, just browsing like she didn’t have anything better to do.

Applejack wandered into the pharmacy and pretended to stare at some kind of medication while actually keeping an eye on the other two customers.

Nope, neither mare seemed like they’d be leaving anytime this century. Applejack sighed. She didn’t want to keep Sketchy and Dash waiting, but she really didn’t want to make this purchase in front of anypony. Maybe she’d wait just a bit longer.

Oh, for goodness sake! Another pony just wandered in, and it had to be Lily. The Flower Sisters were the biggest gossips in town.

“Hi, Applejack.”

Applejack jumped a bit when she realized Golden Harvest had seen her and was walking her way. “Oh, heya, Golden. Fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m running low on shampoo, and this place had a sale.” Golden Harvest smiled. “How about you?”

“Not much, just getting, uh,” she grabbed a random item off the shelf, “this.”

Golden Harvest’s eyes went wide. “Oh, um, that’s, er, nice. Well, gotta go, take care!” She turned and practically sprinted away.

“Now what bee got stuck in her bonnet?” Applejack looked down at the box in her hooves, and immediately facehoofed. Condoms, ribbed and extra large.

Of course.

She put the box back on the shelf as quickly as possible. “Forget it, I’ll just buy it now and get out of here.” She marched up to the front—then turned around and marched away. Golden Harvest was still checking out, and the last thing Applejack wanted was another encounter with her.

Eventually, Golden left, and Applejack scurried up to the register before somepony else could get close enough to overhear. She looked at the cashier, and froze. “Caramel?”

“Hey there, Applejack.” The brown stallion smiled at her. “Didn’t you know I worked here?”

She supposed this was what she got for paying too much attention to the customers and not enough to the employees. “No, I didn’t.” She took a deep breath. It was too late to back out now. “I need a …” her cheeks flushed as she mumbled the last few words, “please.”


She was fairly certain her cheeks were going to catch fire. “A Playcolt magazine, please.”

Caramel’s expression slowly went from confused to awestruck. “You mean you …? Oh, oh wow. I mean, I always suspected, but-”

“Just get the magazine before I punch your teeth in.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He reached for the shelf behind the counter. “Um, which issue?”

“Don’t care.” She glanced around nervously. “Just pick one, and hurry, would you?”

He grabbed one of the magazines and placed it on the counter. The cover alone was enough to renew Applejack’s blush. “Want me to bag it for you?”

“Yes, definitely.” She passed him the bits. “Don’t you dare breathe a word of this to anypony.”

“I won’t,” he said quickly, putting the magazine in a brown paper bag. “But, uh, I want you to know that I’ll support you no matter what lifestyle you live.”

“I’m just getting it for a friend,” Applejack hissed.

Caramel arched an eyebrow. “Right, and I only read it for the articles.”

“Oh, forget it!” Applejack grabbed the bag and ran outside before things could somehow get even more awkward. She was halfway back to Sugarcube Corner before she slowed to a walk. Okay, the worst was over.

“Heya, Sis,” Apple Bloom said. “What you got there?”

She could almost hear Discord laughing somewhere in the distance. “Nothing.” Applejack looked around. They were alone on the street, thank Celestia. “Just a, uh, something for a friend.”

“Really,” her little sister leaned closer to the paper bag, “what is it?”

“I’ll tell ya when you’re older.” Much, much, much older. “Anyway, what are you up to?”

Apple Bloom frowned and crossed her hooves over her chest. “I’m almost an adult, Applejack. You can tell me now.”

“You’ll always be my baby sister,” Applejack said. “So just trust me on this one, okay?”

Apple Bloom sighed. “Fine, if you insist, and since we finished planting the trees early, I was gonna meet up with Sweetie and Scootaloo and go to Sugarcube Corner for-”

“Nope, not Sugarcube Corner,” Applejack said quickly. She didn’t want her impressionable sister anywhere near that butt-obsessed pony. “Here’s some more money,” she shoved a bunch of bits at Apple Bloom, “why don’t you all go to that nice Prench restaurant instead?” She forced herself to smile.

Apple Bloom looked at the bits suspiciously. “Why don’t you want us at Sugarcube Corner?”

Applejack could feel her smile starting to crumble. “Please, AB?”

“Fine, fine.” She took the bits. “Is it okay if we go to Bonbon’s instead? I really don’t get why ponies like Prench food.”

“Sure, Bonbon’s is fine.” Applejack pulled her sister into a hug. “Thanks for trusting me.”

“You’re welcome, I think.” Apple Bloom hugged her back and then set off towards Carousel Boutique. “See you at dinner.”

“See you then, love you.” Applejack took a deep breath. Crisis averted. Now to get this stupid magazine delivered.

Music filled the air as she got closer to Sugarcube Corner. She didn’t think much of it until she opened the door and found Pinkie and Dash shaking their rears along with a crowd of ponies as they all sang, “And each butt’s great in it’s own waaaayyyy!”

Applejack watched with a deadpan expression as everypony posed at the end, paused for a few seconds, and then went back to their food. “Did you two just sing a song about rumps?”

Pinkie smiled. “Well yeah, I mean, Dash was feeling bad about hers, and I had to cheer her up somehow.”

Applejack sighed. “I don’t know why I’m surprised.”

“Well, it did help,” Dash said with a sheepish smile. “Anyway, what do you got there?”

“Just one more shred of my dignity.” Applejack walked over to Sketchy’s booth and slapped the bag onto the table. “Here, study this back at your apartment. It should have all the models you’ll need.”

Sketchy didn’t seem to hear her. His face was frozen in an expression of shocked confusion. “They just did a choreographed song-and-dance number about butts.” He slowly turned to her. “Why did they just do a choreographed song-and-dance number about butts?”

Applejack sighed. “It’s Ponyville. Don’t ask questions.”