Chapter 26: So Rear to my Heart
It only took the nobles in Canterlot a few days to learn that an artist named Frameless Sketcher was selling sexy pictures of both Princess Twilight and Princess Luna. To the noble mind, this revelation meant two things; important ponies needed at least one sexy picture of themselves, and apparently Sketchy was the best in that field.
A flood of commissions followed.
“Three down,” Applejack groaned as they stepped out of yet another Canterlot mansion. “Two more to go.” She didn’t have to look at the setting sun to know they wouldn’t get back to Ponyville until well after dark.
“When is the next one?” Sketchy asked.
“Not for a while,” Applejack said. “We can walk around for a bit.” Which was to say, sitting around all day had made her as antsy as a dog at a flea circus. She needed to stretch her legs before she lost her mind.
“Can’t we find a place to sit down?” Sketchy asked.
“Nope.” Applejack set out down a random street.
Sketchy followed behind her. “How much did we make from that last appointment?” he asked after a moment.
“A thousand bits.” Applejack wanted to gag. What kind of idiot blew a thousand bits on a naughty picture of themselves? Canterlot nobles, apparently.
“When did we increase the price?” Sketchy asked. “I thought it was still one hundred plus any expenses.”
“That’s still what we charge in Ponyville,” Applejack said. “Rarity said charging more in Canterlot would make us more popular.” She shook her head. “Looks like she was right.”
“I don’t understand,” Sketchy said. “Why is increasing our price making us more popular?”
“You got me,” Applejack said.
“What did I get you?”
Applejack rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “Never mind.”
They went another block before Sketchy spoke again. “Do you know if any apartments are available for rent nearby?”
Her smile disappeared, replaced by a weight in her chest. “Still plan on moving to Canterlot, then?”
“Do you think I should?” Sketchy asked. “We do get paid more here.”
“Yeah, but ….” Applejack looked around at the crowd of highfalutin’ ponies in fancy clothes, doing their best to look down their noses at everypony they met. “Is this really the crowd you want to run with?”
Sketchy looked down at his hooves. “I just want a home.”
Applejack wanted to shout that he already had a home, in Ponyville. And … well, she kind of liked having him around too. That had to count for something, right?
Except another part of her mind whispered that she was being selfish. A two-hour train ride to and from Ponyville every day just wasn’t practical. They could reduce the number of commissions they took from Canterlot nobles, or maybe make them come to Ponyville instead, but either choice would hurt Sketchy’s income big time. She couldn’t ask him to give up thousands of bits a week just to stay in Ponyville with her. The weight in her chest got so heavy that her head sank low just thinking about it. “There’s an apartment complex around here somewhere,” she said quietly. “We can go see if they have any available rooms.”
“Good idea,” Sketchy said. “Thank you for always helping me.”
Applejack couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. “Just doing my best to be a good friend.” She shook her head. “Now come on, I think it’s this way.”
The apartment complex wasn’t hard to find. Most ten-story buildings weren’t. Applejack led them inside and carefully studied the lobby. Somepony had said you could always tell the quality of an establishment by how they maintained the lobby. And if no pony had said that, then they needed to, because it was true.
Unfortunately, she didn’t find anything to complain about. The lobby was clean, decorated tastefully with a few chairs and sofas, and everything smelled faintly of peach blossoms. Darn it. Maybe the pony at the front desk would be a jerk and give her an excuse to storm out.
“Howdy,” Applejack said, “my friend’s looking to rent an apartment here.”
The desk pony smiled politely. He wore a red jacket with a black tie, both of which looked nice and professional. “He’s come to the right place. We have three apartments open right now. I’d be happy to show them to you, if you’d like.”
Of course. Applejack swallowed and forced herself to smile back. “That’d be real nice.”
‘Real nice,’ turned out to be a great way of describing all three apartments. They ranged in size from single-occupant to family-size, but all of them were comfortable, everything worked just fine in them, and Applejack could practically see Sketchy sitting in them, happily drawing his way to fame and fortune.
By the time they made it back to the front desk, her chest didn’t feel heavy so much as it felt like somepony had stomped it flat. She licked her lips. “How much are the apartments per month?”
“Six hundred for single,” the employee said, “a thousand for couple’s, and fifteen hundred for family.”
One more stomp on her chest. That was easily within Sketchy’s budget. “Th-thanks.” She turned to Sketchy, who had followed them silently the whole time. “So … what do you think?”
He looked at her for a long moment, like he was waiting for something. Applejack didn’t know what, though. Eventually he turned to the employee. “How soon can I move in?”
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You know what? That’s it!!! That tears it!
(Proceeds to jump into the story.)
“Yeah, Hi, big fan. Now listen hear MC Escher-“
“Frameless Sketcher.”
“That too. You like that Applebottom?”
“
Hey!!”
“I do.”
“Naturally. What about the rest of her? Tell me specifically what else?
“She is patient, kind, selfless.”
“When you look at her, what does it remind you of?”
“....Home.”
“Good lad, my work here is done. No idea how to get back...meh.”
9071408
Avoid Twilight, unless you're into experimentations...
I wonder what his home was like back in Griffonstone. Any friends maybe?
I'd scream at Applejack that Sketchy obviously wants to stay with her... but it's Sketchy. Nothing about him is obvious to her.
Element of Stubborness.
9070993
I'm not sure why either. Sometimes it's easiest not to ask questions.
9071000
Thanks, I struggle with writing Rainbow as more than a gung-ho ego-tripping daredevil most of the time, so I was worried I'd screw something up here.
9071104
Based on the Journal of Friendship, it'd sell really well.
9071114
Lol, true. Almost every episode focused on her includes getting knocked down a peg or two.
9071199
A lot of people, actually. Either you all are learning my writing style, or we just love ourselves some Trollestia.
9071408
Lol, awesome! And here we have a rare case of someone writing fanfiction of my fanfiction.
9071409
No worries, I lie to myself plenty, like when I say I'm totally not an utter nerd.
9071433
Not really. He has a lot of trouble connecting with others, and most griffons just wanted to use him to get bits.
9071462
As they say, love is blind. And kind of clueless. Okay, really clueless.
9071473
She's definitely qualified.
Im really liking this. Really nice to unwind with these before bed.
9071517
"When a man is in love, he is... not himself!"
"He is another, stupider man."
9071535
I feel like I've heard that somewhere before....
i really really really really really really really really really like this story. I don't comment a lot anymore, this made me comment.
9071418
Figured I kick around the badlands, team up with Tempest, go on few adventures with Rockhoof.
Yeah, I think not. Probably just get a job and pray that I don’t die alone.
9071510
An HiE no less.
It's a shame that people use T H I C C the same way that PHAT used to be used, because when I want to call AJ "thicker than a bowl of oatmeal", it'll just sound weird.
But wow, you write a really good dumb AJ. Looks like she needs to teach herself that same lesson on honesty (and also remember the junk that Dash was talking about).
Just kiss already!
9071409
Argh, even when you tell the truth you lie to me! You're so evil!
there's a part of me that wants to follow Sipioc into the story and scream at both of them about what's happening between them.
But then there's the part of me that still considers AJ to be the waifu....and is getting a little jealous.
Is it weird that I'm starting to get slightly jealous of a fictional character over another fictional character?
Meh. That's my issue to deal with I guess.
I can say, though, that this being an issue for me definitely means that the writing is superb.
Also....that Celestia chapter.....*slow clap*
bravo
*Slams head into the table repeatedly and bawls like a little girl*
Also, this is story is inspiring my development of a romance fic with Rarity! Still working out plot details, but I like my concept...that originated from your concept. I mean plot. Of the story. Not Applejack's plot.
Sketchy, bruh.
I know you’re on the spectrum, but you’re giving up legendary waifu material here.
9071408
*lands behind you* Bit lost are we? Need directions? No problem! I'll have you home in no time at all, just make sure to listen closely.
Alright, here's what you do.
First, take this hunk of purple crystal and get yourself down to ponyville. You'll need to rent a room for the night, here's some bits. In the afternoon, wander on over to Carousel Boutique around the time school gets out. Sweetie Belle won't be Sweetie Belle. Ask her if Rarity appraises gemstones and show her the crystal. She'll likely tell you it's not worth all that much and offer to take it off your hands at a bargain price. Go along with her and make the trade. Go for common gems if you can manage it, those'll be useful later. She'll likely crack it as soon as you get out the door, so hang around. The thaumic ripple from her jump should be enough to charge this hearthstone. That will get you as far as the last dimension she felt at home in.
Step two. If I'm right, the Equestria you're now in is having alien problems. So don't wander off into the countryside, get on back to Canterlot. Once there, just wander around, enjoy the scenery. In short order you should be picked up by humans in military fatigues bearing this symbol.
steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/270600779943481092/575C80EA460CDA0898658E8334518CC96F778940/
They are going to be very interested to hear about how some random civilian got to Equus. Tell them honestly that you have no idea how you got here, but you would very much like to go home. With a bit of luck, you should be shipped back to earth. Of course, you're now stuck in a cell under suspicion of being an EXALT operative... but no worries, that's just minor details.
Now you absolutely will be searched at this point, so the rest of the stuff I'm giving you will need to go in your hammerspace inventory. I know you don't have one of those, that's what this runic brand is for. Gimme your hand.
So once you're on earth, take this clay tablet, (be careful with that, it's quite delicate) and snap it in half. You need to do this quickly, before the residual charge from the dimensional jump to earth wears off. There'll be a big flash of golden light, and you will find yourself in an entirely different place. Congratulations, you are now in "A" San Francisco.
We're here for shopping, so ask around for directions to "Uncle's Rare Finds and Spells". When you get there, ask the proprietor if he still has that jade tea set, the one with the white lotus inlays. We also need some tea to go with it. Inquire, politely, after his Niece, you've heard she has a gift with plants and are wondering if she could help with this cutting. Apple Bloom will have no trouble revitalizing the White Dragon bush I've given you. You'll be paying for all this with the gemstones you traded that purple crystal to Sweetie Belle for.
Alright! Shopping's done, on to the next stop. That shop was saturated in a particular frequency of Harmonic mana. Which, combined with this crystal lodestone, ought to get you to the next leg of your journey. Suspend the lodestone from it's chain, and wait until it stabilizes. Now with your other hand, smash this glass phial at your feet. Between the Homeward potion and the lodestone, you'll arrive safely in Canterlot city. No, a different one. Trust me.
Now this is the chanciest part of the journey, not because it's dangerous, but because we're going to need to rely entirely on a complete stranger's good nature. That's why you're going to be as honest and polite as you can possibly be. And it's also why you're carrying such a lovely gift(bribe). Again chatting with passerby for directions, you want the Jasmine Dragon tea shop. That's probably what he's named it, if not, he's most likely well known wherever he's set himself up. You're looking for a gentleman named Iroh, you'll need his help for the next step.
When you find him, present your gifts of the tea set and the White Dragon bush, complements of your patron (me). Tell him everything you've been through and answer his questions honestly. With all due respect, ask him if he would do you the great favor of arranging a meeting with Wan Shi Tong. Iroh is a great man, and a wonderful friend, so I anticipate no difficulties, but he is the only way you're moving on with your journey, so be on your best behavior. And enjoy the tea, it's excellent.
Assuming all went well, and Wan Shi Tong deigns to meet with you, you will arrive in one of the greatest libraries in the multiverse, and a gateway for those who know it's paths. There is, of course, a price to pay in exchange for access, present this tome, Miiraad Do Lein , it should do nicely. When he asks you what you're looking for, tell him you have been instructed to find the Librarian, and bring him lunch. (These bananas) Wan Shi Tong will know who you're looking for, and give you directions through the Library. Follow them exactly, or you will get very, very lost.
At some point the bookshelves will go from stone to old wood, and you'll be seeing far fewer scrolls and more leather-bound tomes. Many of said tomes will also be chained to the shelves, this is how you'll know you're getting close. It probably goes without saying, but don't touch anything. You'll know the Librarian when you see him, he'll be the orangutan, he is not a monkey, if you value your life do not call him one. Give him the bannanas and ask him if he wouldn't mind showing you the way to (01100110 01101001 01101101 01100110 01101001 01100011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101110 01101110 01100101 01110100) Bananas will get you everywhere, so he'll most likely be happy to show you the way. This is where things get complicated.
9071408
Hah, you totally would, you nutty applefan
9071637
Once the Librarian's gotten you where you're going, you'll notice things are looking a bit, pixilated. Congratulations! You have successfully made the journey to cyberspace! Always a tricky business that, almost as difficult as smuggling someone out of the afterlife... ahem! Anyway, exiting the archive, (and you'll want to do that quickly, those people are seriously weird.) You will be gazing upon the glories of the Omni-net.
Yes, yes, it's very shiny, now let's go find the nearest manhole cover. You heard me, next stop is the roots of the mountain.
When you find it, look closely, you'll see a data port on it, insert this flash drive. The insignia will change to Flynn was here. Once that happens, lever it up and climb down. Be sure to close it behind you, we don't need some random stranger falling down an open manhole. At some point you'll no longer be descending a ladder, and will instead be standing on a glossy black hill. Welcome to the Grid, birthplace and origin of all of cyberspace.
wordwizardsinc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/tron-city-grid-back-end.jpg
You're very nearly home by this point, all that's left is to get you to an I/O tower. This would usually somehow become a huge hassle, but I am a clever fellow so we'll skip all that nonsense. Take this spike, and jam it into the ground. You will see a gauge spin from 0 to 100%. When it completes, the button at the top will turn green.
Push the button.
The Data spike will then do something terribly complicated and quite clever, bringing you right to the top of the relevant I/O tower. Just walk into the beam and you'll be returned to the real world. Specifically a dusty basement somewhere in Vancouver. Head outside, (use this skeleton key for any locks) and bring out this last item.
Now I'm not kidding when I say this is the most dangerous thing I've asked you to do so far. Yes, I know it's a potato in a box with a toggle switch on, don't underestimate this thing. Pay close attention. take a blood sample, like so, and apply it here. This will give the stepper your dimensional frequency. Once it's locked on, hit the "recall" button. Nothing else! Just that! A quick warning, this will make you horribly nauseous, but there's no helping it. And with that, you're done! Back in your home dimension! Admittedly you're still in Vancouver, that might present a bit of a hassle. Eh, you'll figure it out, and here's some cash for a plane ticket, since X-COM took your wallet.
And with that my task is done! Good luck, have a nice life, and try not to jump into any more warp rifts.
9071638
self-insert HiE.
9071532
Glad to hear it. I was going for a sort of relaxed chill-out book. The kind you could use to kill a lazy afternoon.
9071574
Me too.
9071599
I'm flattered. Thank you!
9071642
What can I say? I'm a fan of irony. AJ just taught the same lesson she needs to learn.
9071684
Seriously!
9071696
Because sometimes you can love two characters but also want to slap them both upside the head.
9071715
Lol,
9071727
I know how you feel about getting jealous. Whenever I write a fic where a main character pairs up with someone, I always think of those two as being together thereafter. So whenever I read a fic where they hook up with someone else, I feel like they're cheating on that other person.
9071870
I'm flattered that my writing could inspire you. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help!
9071976
Impressive, and I loved all the great fanfics you referenced! Ah The Sweetie Chronicles, please update again!
9072021
You never fail to impress.
9072053
ah, you recognized everything then? I do so love my oblique references and allegory.
9072058
I try. Now if only I had any capacity at all for writing characters...
9072059
Most everything. I wouldn't be surprised if at least one reference slipped past me somewhere.
9072034
I'm actually writing one of those in my spare time right now. For when I can't be arsed to figure out what someone other than me would do in a given situation.
9072065
Well I look forward to seeing if anyone else can trace the path I sent him on, and even better, if they can divine my reasons for choosing it.
Another good chapter. And I get the feeling that Sketchy just prefers to have an apartment/home over paying for a hotel every time he is in a different city or town.
At least that's my logic on it. Why pay for a night, when you can rent for a long stay in a place where you can make your own?!
9072100
Yea, that whole chapter was all for Celestia and it was great fun to read!