Chapter 7: To Rear and Back Again
Applejack walked up to the house and took a deep breath. Right, this was going to be embarrassing as all hay, but she may as well get it over with. She knocked.
A few tense seconds passed before Lily opened the door. She had the kind of slender, elegant build you’d expect to see on an alicorn, her pinkish coat was always glossy and clean, and her golden mane and tail almost glittered in the sunlight. “Oh, hi, Applejack.” Her eyes locked onto Sketchy and she grinned. “And hello to you as well. I don’t think we’ve met. Are you Applejack’s special somepony?”
Five seconds in, and she was already digging for gossip. There was a reason Applejack avoided the Flower Sisters when she could.
“I’m not sure what my relationship with Applejack is,” Sketchy said. “Business partner, perhaps.”
“Something like that,” Applejack said dryly. “Look, um, we’re here because Sketchy is an artist, and he’s looking for a good model, and, well, we thought you’d fit the bill.”
Lily’s eyes lit up. “Really?” She struck a pose. “What do you think my best feature is?”
Sketchy shrugged. “I can’t tell.”
“What do you mean you can’t tell?” Lily asked. “Aren’t you the artist?”
Applejack quickly put herself between the other two. “Don’t mind Sketchy. He’s a great artist, but he don’t know a thing about whether a mare is good looking or not.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “Oooh, so he swings that way.”
“Swings?” Sketchy repeated. “Does she think I’m attracted to stallions too?”
“Wait, you aren’t?” Lily asked.
“No.”
She blinked. “Then what are you attracted to?”
“Griffons,” Sketchy said. “Specifically, their beaks, talons, and tails.”
Lily tilted her head to the side. “So he’s a … griff-sexual?”
Applejack sighed. “Sure, why not? Now are you willing to model a few poses for him?”
“It depends,” Lily said. “Will I get paid hourly, or do I get a portion of the profits for each picture sold? What kind of benefits do you offer? Do you have a retirement plan?”
Applejack’s ears pressed back. “Well, uh, he ain’t exactly got any money to spare right now.”
Lily’s smile disappeared. “You do know models normally makes upwards of fifty bits an hour, don’t you?”
“Uh, no.” Applejack looked back at Sketchy. “Did you know that?”
He looked more than a little overwhelmed. “Griffonstone didn’t have a lot of money. I used to pay my old models three bits an hour.”
Lily shook her head. “Sorry but I didn’t go to two years of modeling college to make less than a tenth the industry standard. Come back when you’re willing to pay an acceptable amount.” Then she shut the door.
Applejack stared after her. “Modeling college is a thing?” She shook her head. “Never mind that, Sketchy, we’ll find somepony else.”
( | )
“I don’t know,” Lyra said, standing in the doorway of her house. “Charity is a good cause, but it would be pretty weird to have a bunch of stallions staring at sexy pictures of me.”
Applejack forced herself to keep smiling. “Well, Sketchy could make a few, uh, extra sexy pictures just for you. You know, to surprise your special somepony.”
A mischievous smile worked its way across Lyra’s muzzle. “Well, her birthday is coming up …”
“Lyra,” Bonbon called from further inside the house, “who’s that at the door?”
“Just some ponies that want to draw sexy pictures of me,” Lyra called back.
“What?!” Bonbon appeared moments later. “Applejack? I’m surprised at you, wanting to ogle my special somepony.”
“No, no, it ain’t like that at-” Applejack’s response was cut short when the door slammed shut. “All …”
( | )
“I can’t believe you wound up paying for that,” Applejack said as they walked away from yet another house.
Sketchy looked at the calendar he’d just bought. “You were the one who told me that DJ PON-3 is a famously attractive mare, and this calendar is full of provocative pictures of her. It’s a perfect chance to study an example of a beautiful pony in modern artwork.”
“Why couldn’t you just study that Playcolt magazine I got you?”
“I did,” Sketchy said, “but more examples will always be helpful.”
“If you say so,” Applejack said with a groan. “Just put that thing away before some poor youngster sees it.”
( | )
“And who’s this handsome stallion?” Berry Punch asked, draping herself over Sketchy.
The gray stallion watched her with that signature frown. “My name is Frameless Sketcher, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to come back with us to my apartment.”
Berry’s cheeks lit up, but so did her eyes. “Well, well, that’s quite the offer.”
Applejack facehoofed. “He wants you to model for him while he draws some pictures.”
Berry nuzzled into the back of Sketchy’s neck. “And then the real fun begins?”
“No,” Applejack said between grit teeth. “You won’t be having no ‘fun’ with him.”
“That’s a shame.” Berry’s gaze shifted to Applejack, and she smiled. “But I guess I wouldn’t mind if he just wants to watch.”
Applejack facehoofed again.
( | )
“Nope,” Applejack said flatly.
“But we haven’t had any luck with mares yet at all,” Sketchy said.
“Not gonna happen.”
Sketchy pressed on, “And every mare in the marketplace is sneaking glances at him.”
“No.”
“And you said yourself that he’s very nice and helpful.”
“Nope, nope, nope.”
“But why not?” Sketchy gestured to the apple stand across the street. “He’s perfect.”
“Because you ain’t gonna draw a bunch of sexy pictures of my big brother.” Applejack turned and stalked away.
Sketchy sighed and followed after her. “Is this another of those weird pony things?”
( | )
“That’s it,” Applejack said, approaching her destination. “We’re gonna sit Rarity down, explain everything, and get her to model for you.”
“Isn’t she the one who knocked me unconscious and stuffed me in a trash can?” Sketchy asked, following several steps behind her.
“Eeyup.”
“I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.”
“Come on,” Applejack said. “There’s no way she could be worse than the other ponies we’ve talked to today, right?”
“None of them bludgeoned or electrocuted me,” Sketchy muttered.
Applejack ignored that and stepped inside of Carousel Boutique. “Rarity, you in here?”
“I’ll be with you in a minute, dear,” Rarity called from upstairs. “I’m just putting the finishing touches on the new line for my Manehattan store.”
Sketchy crouched behind Applejack, apparently hoping Rarity might not notice him if there was somepony between them.
“Relax,” Applejack said. “Rarity’s mighty dramatic at times, but she’s never yet turned away a pony in need.”
“And finished,” Rarity said. The sound of hoofsteps came from the stairs. “Did you hear the dreadful news about Twilight?” Rarity stepped into view, wearing her work glasses. “First she had to ruin poor Spikey’s innocence, then some brute of a stallion practically assaulted her.” She pressed a hoof to her forehead like she might faint.
Applejack cleared her throat. “Em, yeah, I did hear about that, but the thing is-”
“Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same stallion I threw out just the other day after he made unwanted advances on me.” Rarity turned and stomped off toward the small sitting area where a pot of tea waited for her. “To think, innocent little Ponyville had such a beast lurking its streets.” She poured out two steaming cups and took one for herself. “Why, I’m terrified to think of what might have happened had Sweetie Belle encountered him. Thank Celestia he’s safely locked away in jail now.”
“Well, actually …” Applejack slowly approached her friend. “Ya see, he kinda-”
Rarity finally turned to face Applejack, and her eyes shot wide. “Applejack, behind you!” She hurled her cup of tea at Sketchy, arcing it right over Applejack’s back to splash all over his face.
“Gah!” Sketchy reared up, pressing both hooves over his eyes. Unfortunately, that also meant he wasn’t using his forelegs to keep himself upright.
“Whoa there!” Applejack jumped back so he’d land on her back rather than crash into the ground.
“Brute!” Rarity levitated one of the chairs and swung it at Sketchy’s head. “Get off of her!”
Sketchy went flying through the nearest rack of clothes before collapsing in a heap of torn fabric and groaning stallion.
“Rarity, knock it off, already!” Applejack grabbed the chair and pulled it back to the ground. “What in tarnation were you thinking, attacking the poor fella like that?”
“Poor fellow?” Rarity demanded. “He tried to mount you right in front of me!”
“No he didn’t, that was …” Applejack put a hoof to her forehead and groaned. “Look, Sketchy’s as clueless as they come, and he seems to walk around with his hoof permanently in his mouth, but he ain’t nearly as bad as you’re making him out to be, and he certainly wasn’t trying to do anything bad to me. I moved to catch him as he was falling is all.”
Rarity hesitated. “Then how do you explain him propositioning me the other day, or the fact that he was behind you, crouched down at just the right angle to stare at your posterior? He’s likely the same stallion that Twilight arrested for selling inappropriate material to children.”
Applejack sighed. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “I’ll give you a full explanation, but I need you to help me with something first.”
“Very well, then.” Rarity dusted herself off and retrieved her teacup. “How may I assist you?”
Applejack pointed at the tangled heap where Sketchy had come to rest. “Would you help me get him to the hospital?”
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Oi vey, the poor guy can't catch a break can he?
Darnnit, Rarity....
Where'd Big Mac come from?
Can't say I'd blame Rarity, the dude's a weirdo.
I have to say, after reading many larger, epic more serious stories lately, it's really nice to read something more simple and funny. So thank you for making this story.
Keep up the good work my good man
Another downside of the guy's condition horrible bad first impressions and dad rumors caused by miscommunication, I am always weary of people with charisma as they quickly make an opinion of me before the get to know me. Normally at such a prices for a professional model is shared between several artists to so that they can all study at the same time. Lily isn't in a positions to ask for a lot from is she can't even work full time as a model at the moment and not even through an agency. I don't think AJ and Sketchy knows about it so I don't think they will manage to convince her otherwise.
Poor fella. Somehow for the past two chapters his suffering stoped being funny and now I just want him to get out of this mess...
9050243
I hope that's a good thing. It's what I was going for, at least.
9050243
Agreed. A few first-time miscommunications could be funny but it's been nothing but heartbreak, despair, and physical abuse. And none of the physical abuse is resulting in so much as a fine, let alone arrests. Rarity savagely beating someone and stuffing him in a trash can, and apparently electrocuting him is just shrugged off? That's not funny at all.
9050269
That's okay, I get it.
Just came up with a potential good ending for that story: Sketchy starts a derpybouru.com in Equestria and makes a fortune by selling advertisment places.
Would ponies buy sexy griffon pictures?
This is starting to read like one of those RomCom harem manga, like wossitsname, Love Hina. Though I doubt poor Sketchy possesses the same preternatural durability. Have they asked Cloud Kicker yet? I suspect she'd be all for it.
HOLY SHIT I WAS RIGHT! HAHAHAHAHA!
9050643
Probably, someone's gotta be into that.
9051140
If someone came up to me irl and stared at my ass, I'd be pretty pissed off too. I don't even care if it's a woman or another man who is doing it. The fact is, going around and staring at someone's ass is a massive invasion of privacy and it's common knowledge for literally anyone to not do. You don't have to bring "cultural intolerance" verbal sewage into this. It's not like she's saying "Fuck you, you foreigner. Go back to Gryffonburgerland." Like, come on dude.
9051767
I agree, but you know what they say about the internet and feeding trolls.
He asks a person an inappropriate question in public, Rarity calls that assault.
Rarity assaults him, in response to him showing up at her door, calls that a reasonable response.
Pretty sure Sketchy isn't the only one getting a fine today.
9052079
Rarity's one of my favorite characters, but she's never been one to let facts get in the way of a good freakout.
Oh my god...
they were right...
THEY WERE RIGHT
THE COMMENTERS
THEY WERE RIGHT
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
9052321
I'm surprised it took this long for someone to notice that.
Damnit Rarity
9050643
It's clearly a superior business plan than anything we've seen so far, if only because it requires no previous research (this stallion ought to be fine drawing from memory and imagination there) and ponies objecting to sexy griffon pictures have to first realize they are sexy griffon pictures.
I'd be surprised Applejack can take this much time away from regular farming with no advance warning or prep time, except that doing so is a good explanation for why she's been fully in "reaction mode". With every aspect of the original plan faulty, trying to seize and salvage every dangling end couldn't help but end badly - if maybe not as humorously.