//------------------------------// // Chapter 19: Home is Where the Heinie is // Story: Applejack's Butt // by Vedues //------------------------------// The session with Cloud Kicker was nice and calm. A sexy pose, an hour or so of drawing, and a nice stack of bits for Sketchy. He walked beside Applejack with his usual air of detached calm. “Do we have any other appointments today?” “Nope,” Applejack said. She glanced at the sky. It was getting late enough that she should head back to the farm and start on dinner. Hopefully omelets would be fine; she wasn’t in the mood to make anything fancy. “What do you think you’ll do with the rest of your day?” “I need to pick up a package of instant noodles for dinner,” Sketchy said. Applejack paused. “Is that what you normally eat?” “Yes,” Sketchy said. A sudden war exploded in Applejack’s mind. Good Old-fashioned Manners told her to invite him over for a real meal instead of letting him suffer through instant noodles. Protective Instincts was against it all the way, though. Dinner with the family meant putting him in the same room as Apple Bloom, where she’d likely get a crash course in the facts of life. Embarrassment pointed out that Granny would give her a hard time about bringing a stallion home for dinner, and Stubbornness just didn’t want to give Rarity the satisfaction of thinking they’d hooked up. Shame stepped up to Sketchy’s defense, telling her that she shouldn’t be afraid to introduce any of her friends to her family. A feeling that could best be described as Warm Fuzzy showed her a picture of Sketchy sitting at the dinner table, bonding with the ponies she cared about most. Warm Fuzzy’s opposite (Cold Sharpy?) gave her an image of Sketchy sitting by himself in a dark apartment, eating noddles out of a styrofoam cup. Finally, a quiet little voice asked if she wanted Sketchy to come to dinner. Well … She tried to think of something else, but the voice gave her no quarter. Yes or no? … Yes. The voice somehow nodded at her. Well, there you go. Applejack swallowed her nerves and turned to Sketchy. “If you want, you could come over to Sweet Apple Acres instead. You know, have dinner with my family.” Sketchy gave her one of those confused looks. “How much do you normally charge, and could I get a discount because we’re business partners?” She couldn’t help but laugh a little. “We ain’t gonna charge you to eat with us, Sketchy. I’m inviting you over because you’re my friend, and I’d like to spend some more time with you today, if you don’t mind.” “Oh.” Sketchy looked even more confused. “You want to spend time with me? Why?” Applejack smiled. “For starters, the conversation’s never boring.” Sketchy’s confusion faded a bit. “Okay. Thank you for inviting me.” He glanced forward. “By the way, where are you leading us?” “Me? I’ve been following you.” Applejack looked around and realized they were halfway across town, and walking away from Sweet Apple Acres. “You always lead when we walk,” Sketchy said. Applejack laughed sheepishly. “Guess I hadn’t noticed.” She turned around and started out toward the farm. “By the way, do you like omelets?” ( | ) Most of the walk to Sweet Apple Acres was spent explaining, in exhaustive detail, all the things that Sketchy wasn’t allowed to mention around Apple Bloom. She wasn’t sure if he understood why it was bad to bring those things up around a filly, but at least he agreed not to talk about them. “Guess that’s it, then,” Applejack said, covering the last few feet to the house. She paused at the door. “Also, my family might give you a bit of a hard time, since you’re the first stallion I’ve brought to dinner. They ain’t doing it to be mean, or anything. That’s just their way of welcoming you.” “What does it mean to give me a hard time?” Sketchy asked. “Just that they’ll crack a few jokes about the two of us dating. Acting embarrassed gives them more fuel, so stay calm and act like it’s no big deal.” “Like what isn’t?” “Whatever they try to tease you about.” Applejack pushed the door open. “Granny, I brought a friend for dinner. Hope you don’t mind.” “Of course we don’t mind,” Granny called from farther into the house. “The more the merrier. Now where you been all day? Dinner’s supposed to be on the table in a half hour, and you ain’t even started yet.” “I had some things to take care of in town.” Applejack walked into the kitchen. Granny wasn’t there either. She was probably resting in her favorite chair in the front room. “I’ll be making omelets tonight.” “Put tomatoes and mushrooms in mine,” Granny called. “And go easy on the cheese.” “Will do.” Applejack started collecting ingredients. “What do you want in yours, Sketchy?” Sketchy shrugged. “Whatever is available.” “Wait a minute,” Granny called. “Is that a stallion’s voice I hear?” Applejack took a deep breath. “Yes, it is.” Granny walked into the kitchen a few moments later. “Well, it’s about durn time you brought home a strapping stallion. With all the times you turned down that other fella—What’s his name, Noteworthy?—I was starting to think you weren’t interested in stallions.” Applejack blushed. “I told Rarity and I’ll tell you, Noteworthy wasn’t serious about me.” “Oh pish-posh he wasn’t. Would’ve had to slip into your bed to be any more obvious. I had half a mind to help him, too. I want to see at least one more generation of Apples before they plant me in the ground.” She turned to Sketchy. “Now let me get a look at you.” Sketchy nodded then held perfectly still. Granny walked a slow circle around him, muttering appreciatively as she went. “Nice legs, good full chest, ooh, and cute rear to boot. You sure know how to pick ‘em.” “It ain’t like that,” Applejack said quickly. “Hush, deary,” Granny said. “I won’t let you let another one slip through your hooves. We’re gonna find out right here and now if it’s like that or not.” She focused back on Sketchy. “So, you interested in my granddaughter?” “Of course,” Sketchy said. “I find her very interesting.” Granny smiled. “Oh really? Any parts more interesting than the others?” “Her butt,” Sketchy said. Applejack’s face and hoof suddenly got acquainted with each other. “Granny-” “I told you to hush,” Granny said. “Don’t make me tan your backside. After all, it’s this fine stallion’s favorite part of you.” Screaming in frustration wasn’t an option, so Applejack had to settle for a hearty blush and another facehoof. “So,” Granny said to Sketchy, “are you two dating?” “I’m not familiar enough with pony courtship to say,” Sketchy said. “What does a date normally entail?” “Ain’t that a cluster of fancy words,” Granny said. “But how can you not know what a date is?” “I was raised in Griffonstone,” Sketchy said. “Their traditions are rather more violent and focused on gold than pony ones.” Granny’s expression softened. “Sounds rough, youngster.” “It could be,” Sketchy said, “but I still wish I could be back home sometimes.” “Nothing ever replaces the home where you grew up,” Granny said. “But anyway, pony courtship ain’t that complicated. Most dates are just two ponies meeting up to eat and spend some time together.” “We’ve been meeting at Sugarcube Corner almost every day for the last week,” Sketchy said. “Afterward, Applejack will usually accompany me for several hours.” Granny whistled. “Sounds like you two are going steady.” She grinned and stuck out a hoof. “We ain’t been properly introduced yet, but I’m Granny Smith, Applejack’s grandma, and it’s a pleasure to meet her first real coltfriend.” Sketchy shook her hoof. “I’m Frameless Sketcher, but everyone calls me Sketchy. Also, I don’t know what ‘coltfriend’ means. Applejack always changed the subject when it came up.” “It’s what you are to her,” Granny said. “And she’s your marefriend. Remember that now.” “Okay,” Sketchy said in a tone that meant he didn’t understand but would obey anyway. Applejack, meanwhile, had decided that facehoofing wasn’t going to cut it and upgraded to slamming her head into the kitchen table. “Quit being over-dramatic,” Granny said. “Dinner ain’t gonna cook itself, and it’ll give me some time to talk with this fine stallion.”