Duke Winters had a rather dull life, no family, not too many friends, and certainly no children. But one fateful day, he fell into Equestria and was given the task of raising six alicorn foals, foretold to save their land. Now armed with a disguise, an extended lifespan, and the lessons that his parents taught him, will he raise these foals and protect them? Or will he flop like the failure that he thinks he will be?
Problem one, it's too good and i want it to be done so i can binge the whole thing.
Problem two, it's not done.
Problem three, i am a sad boi now.
In all honesty though, that fight could have waited a good 2-3 chapters. But i guess you gotta have a hook somewhere in such a short first chapter, so i cant give you too much grief over that.
intresting worth keeping a eye on I do like the banter between tempora and duke (change his name please because all I can think of when I read that name is the dukes of hazard if you wanna got for a royal name try Arthur)
hum, you could afford to read it over a few more times, I suggest that you use an audio reader like Natural Reader it would help to pick up on your sentence structure. keep it up.
First off. He acepts this whole pony world thing way to fast. Second. How is he knowing how to run with 4 legs (an illusion cant touch anithing).
But i can see some potencial in this story and will be happy to see more in the future.
Edit: sry I'm accidentally reposted the whole thing agan.
Unconscious
Didn't think much of this when I first found this, no offense. Now you have my curiosity
when pinkie said her first words all I could think about was ponyo's ham scene
this is super adorable and I am happy that I'm following the story
I like this story alot as it completely deviates from the canon.
Its hard to find original writers using the world as base but not the same characters that are in canon or in the same era as when canon happens.
This is certainly a breath of fresh air. I just hope u dont cut off Tempora. She deserves better than that. Or atleast let her have some form of comunication when her end happens since i hope u based her of Lights Tempora from DA.
That dream thing has happened to me before.
Excuse me writer, but wouldnyou please pick up the phone? Because you knownwhat happened over in comment land?
Lemme give you a hint: We all bloody called it.
oh my god my heart it hurts go much the cuteness is sooooooooooooo feeling it the foals are to freaking cute
8994159
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8993602
oh please, try having a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream ! i swear that happened to me once and when i woke up for real i was half expecting to wake up again a few more times, and the other half was like "am i in inception? what the is going on!?"
8995179
Thats what I was thinking when it happened to me.
8996711
oh, well, you weren't very clear about it
what about dragons?
Discort is part Dragon that should be enought.
Edit suggestions for Ye Olde Butcherde Englishe:
“Did thou hear something sister?”
Didst ?
“does thou not see the ruins in front of us?
dost ?
“Does Discord need a reason to do anything!?”
Doth ?
Just a few ideas. I could be wrong about some of them...
9018563
(apologies if this sound rude) do you mind elaborating?
9018801
oh its from a youtuber that explains medial stuff and on some of his merch their is a shirt that says what about dragons
9018823
oh, ok!
9018827
welcome
*Hugs*
they are so cute!
oh those poor foals are about to loose their mom
so she sees the best and worst outcomes
Hmmm, interesting story, I look forward to more.
*green cloak pony* .......soon.....
Holy mackerel. I gotta know what happens next! This is an awesome story!!!
9264638
Glad you like what's here so far!
9264892
Totally! I really hope you add onto it soon! I seriously won't be able to stop wondering what happens next!
I like the update and it got some much needed background on tempy
Please update
This is an interesting story and I hope to see more soon to see if it’ll continue to be interesting until then keep up the awesome work!