• Member Since 31st Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen May 15th, 2023

Shadow-Mane


I am here, I still live, just working through Writer's block

Comments ( 49 )

It's here and I love it!:pinkiehappy:

Apart from the Incest, I have really enjoyed this story so far.

8827991
I can understand that. Incest is not for everyone's enjoy ment in this culture I just thoing it would be natural for a culture like this.

Damn, i was just going to check on this story and it has almost increased with 50,000 words. :rainbowderp:

ESL huh? Nice tag salad, by the way. Really inviting, that.

”one obviously female with how gravid he looked”

Gravid, are you Swedish or is that a typo?

Oooh lalala someone is getting ready to laid, also glad you back on story:pinkiehappy:

8950123
When I can I will write out the examination twilight and David have.

He only has 14 chromosomes? Unless something changed for him humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes.

So why go with the " ponies can live up to 1000 years" idea?

8962423
The Guyver when bonded Genetically and physically optimisms. Such as getting rid of junk DNA, and regenerating Lost/missing limbs.

as for a thousand years. The Strong ties to magic all the ponies have extend the life span. And I did not want David to have like 2000 years of life with his friends and family dying off every hundred years or so.

Surprised this doesn't have more likes. Keep up the good work!

9243499
Glad you like it. Working on chapter 14 right now. I hope to have it up in a Week or so

9340925
Thank you I am trying to make it Compelling and hold water.

Your description of Cold Marcone got me thinking. Any relation to Marcone from the "Dresden Files" books?

Fun story. I'm interested to see where you are going to go with this.

9342559
Never read the Dresden books, but the owner of Kyle's character was the one who came up with the name.

Hmmm.

I'm not a fan of the oh-so prevalent noble bashing. Not at all. Seems to me like a cheap move to build up antagonists. Not to mention Luna using her reputation as Nightmare Moon, aka the one who tried to kill Celestia and take over by force to "put them in place" seems wildly out of touch with Luna's guilt. After all, what she did was horrible.

I've only seen Blueblood's name mentioned, but I've already flashes to him being racist for no reason against the human OC.

So, I hope the story moves away from that. Would be a breath of fresh air.

And that's where I'm off.

Sorry, I just hate this stuff with the nobles and Blueblood. Your author's notes state it'll only get more so, so I have nothing to look forward to since I have no interest in the human OC easily humiliating pushover nobleponies with his awesome human coolness.

Sorry about the snide tone there. It's just so frustrating. I want to like this story, but that aspect kills it for me. If it turns out later the nobles are actually okay and Blueblood isn't all horrible and David doesn't just waltz all over them... but that's probably not going to happen.

9350483
First I don't mind the Snide remark, it was made respectful.

Second Every story is not for everyone. And I can understand. Just keep in mind David may have had an emotional re-balancing, he's been through hell, he doesn't give a S**T about politics. When Luna goes into David's dreams... Let's just say I'm not holding back the details of what he been through.

I see Celestia as the loving mother who's willing to spoil her children (Ponies) to a point such as slaking off on their chores (Duties) As long as they are done in a decent time and honest effort is put into it.

Luna is the more strict parent. She expects you to do your chores and put great effort into it. IE if you are a noble your duty is to the land and your fellow ponies.

And assuming that nobles have say 300 years consecutive service. After Luna's Banishment and Celestia needing to assume the duties of both. Combined with the fact that she and her sister were driven apart by Discord (Who is more malicious in my stories). She was put into a depression, and while the ponies at the time of Moon's banishment, where very sympathetic to her pain and plight. and assuming that nobles have say 300 years conservative service. Some of the nobles are four generations removed from Luna's expectations. and are used to doing their duties and being free to do what they want.

Luna and Celestia are night and Day, yin and yang. They balance each other. They were never meant to be separated. And because of it, Equestria has been on the decline.

As for Blue Blood. His issues are medical, when combined with someone like Celestia who would coddle him, he grew up a Spoiled Brat. He'll improve under Luna's tutelage which won't be as harsh or cruel as one thinks. And the issues at the Grand Galloping Gala,

As for Luna's attitude. Yes she is guilty of her pride and such. But a noble even a princess who has done such horrible things, who feels terrible guilt has to project some level of strength. Luna if asked if she ever feels guilt over what happened? She could recite to you the name, colors, description of their cutie mark of every pony that died when she first became Nightmare Moon, She could recite to you the name, colors, description of their cutie mark of every pony that died when she returned after a thousand years. And she will NEVER forget.

9350788
Thank you for the gracious way you took my comment. That's very kind of you.

I'm worried though that David's horrible experiences will be used to, well, excuse his behaviour. Yes, he deserves a massive break, but encouraging him to be an *sshole can be problematic. And that the nobles will just be his personal punching bag to vent his anger with the princess' endorsement.

9354746
As Writers thrive on comments. Even when it is negative. Giving a negative review helps but only when done in a respectful way. And you were very respectful.

Your concerns are very valid. Yes it will be hard for David and yes he is gonna be an asshole. Which is why Which is why I added Mason and Kyle. Seeing David spiraling down, Kyle is gonna smack David more than just mentally to get a hold of himself. AND Mason is going to give him someone he needs to look after for a while which will help him settle down.

9342559
Yes Knight wanted me to let you know that Yes. Cold Marcone was inspired by the Dresden files.

Edited with Grammerly

Mate, computer programs and apps, espescially Grammarly, aren't perfect. If they were, it would have pointed out that you spelled the name wrong.

"You are it's conscious, it's heart, it's soul. Only a beast kills without feeling pain. You are no beast, and you are not soulless. Never claim you have no soul again." And with it David finally broke down, the real poison in his soul slowly started to be drained. As all the ponies just stayed around David who was left in convulsive sobs.

It's is a contraction of the words "it is." The possessive form is just "its."

9441709
Thank you for the Feedback and assistance. Means a lot.

Grammarly is not a good substitute for self-editing skills. I'm seeing a significant number of errors in spelling, sentence structure, and grammar. Please spend some time to learn proper English writing skills, because as it is, the story is barely readable. The only reason I'm soldiering on is because the content is good enough to hold my interest.

8962423
From what I gathered, his missing chromosomes is from his enhancements. He still possesses them but they are either masked or suppressed.

10126968
Yes it is my plan I been dealing with a lot of emotional BS irl, and currently and dealing with a minor cold, allergy season, and of course I have asthma.

10127180
Either way I am glad your still on this story most people just stop for some reason. And if you need someone to lend an ear just ask

Too many humans in thus story. Don't like it.

10378489
Well. I can't please everypony. Sorry I lost your interest.

Love the story and hope to see you begin updating it again soon I hope.

10688252
I understand though don't rush as that's how I feel you ruin a story is when you try to rush it.

Comment posted by Jack443 deleted May 13th, 2023
Comment posted by Jack443 deleted May 13th, 2023

Sorry about the other two comments I messed them up, anyways I found this story and it hasn't updated since 2018 but you last logged in last December do you ever plan on updating?

11583368
that is my goal, life... has not been kind to me over the last years and I am psychological recovering. my writing has suffered not just here but on Fanfiction as well. I am slowly trying to get back to all my stories. Including the two I posted here.

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