- Member Since 22nd Apr, 2017
- offline last seen 19 minutes ago
Big Otey
RariJack & OctaScratch- BEST SHIPS EVER
Big Otey
Joined 22nd Apr, 2017 ·
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This is a very good start to a very good story. Please write more when you can.
pure heart and noble spirit. Really? Well there goes any chance that we had of having a cool character.
Oh wow... This has definitely got my curiosity!
Wow... thas was really well described. I definitely will follow this story.
8595727
doing the right thing with the best of intentions can include some badassery from time to time lol
8596017
You know what they say nice guys finish last and they don't get the hot girls.
8596024
lmao
8596054
??
8596055
nice guys finishing last and not getting the hot girls... just found that funny, i have always found the "hot" ones to be a good bit of trouble anyway lol... i hope in my future chapters i can build my character a bit more and, if you continue to read, i can possibly surprise you
8596053
i agree i did rush that part a bit more than i wanted to, but i kinda felt i needed to move things along to get to a place where i can add more characters, settings and storyline... two people floating around on a beat up boat can only be entrtaining for so long less i turn this thing into a clopfic lmao.... i surely dont wanna do that! (nothing against those types of stories, tho ;) )
8596157
lol.... aint that confident in my writing yet lol
8601038
nope, no practice unless you count doin paperwork for reports for the state... that and i like to read... alot. i like to read when im hunting r when i cant sleep. i guess ive read enough to have picked up on a few things... as for as the details/descriptions in my writing, i DO credit that to writing reports at work... and being the dad to 3 kids under 12 (always gotta give instructions step by step, over n over lmao)
8625107
before i even got alot of the parts of what i want in my story in my head i had the idea of the ann / applejack projection. that scene in particular was an attempt at trying to show how he was delusional due to his exhaustion/injuries as well as setting up Tim being reminded of his wife by AJ and eventually bonding with her. And yes, i plan on Big Mac and Tim having a strong friendship as well. As soon as i can get some time to write, i hope get a few more balls rolling and get into the deeper storyline. Thanks a million for your feedback, i greatly appreciate it!
8629893
Yeah, been a little busy.... Hoping to have another chapter up in the next 7-10 days....
gotta find some free time first, though lol
8640148
like alot of fics ive read, there are no guns in Equestria and those that mention them, they are outlawed, so i ran with that idea. i didnt want my character to come out and say it was a weapon and put Applejack/the Apples to where they would fear him or it or possibly cause problems for Tim. More of an "ignorance is bliss" kind of thing at the moment, but the revolver will play a part later on. And dont worry, there wont be any CMCs getting ahold of it lol. Next chapter will have Tim talking to Twilight and i will try and get some more backstory brought in.
Do you have a link to the artist you mention in the description?
Dang i really started to get into this. The only real peoblem i see is there aren't more chapters. Good job here cant wait for more 😃
8657294
I'll have more up as soon as I can... still working on the next chapter... glad to hear you like it
I'm still curious as to whether or not Tim got his hat back.
"Tim reached down and picked his hat up from the floor and placed it back on his head, clearing his throat and wiping his eyes for a final time." in the last chapter.... he didn't actually shove it down R.D.'s throat... yet lol
the OC and AJ relationship is something i plan on using later on in the storyline, i wanted to try and get it off the ground and going in time for the upcoming journey. dont know what exactly what wild hair struck me to write it like that, but im kinda glad i got it out there. and the boxing scene with Tim and Mac, Tim just got a lucky shot... patiently waited for an opportunity and took a gamble.... Then AJ kicked his ass lmao
I really like this story so far. Yeah the romance definitely looked planned and other people probably thought it went fast too, but i think its fine. It is your story anyway. So in the end do what you want. But i like the way its going so far
8708850
its not gonna be smooth sailing with Tim and AJ, there is going to be work needed to be put in for their relationship.... Tim has some issues to work thru before that,... Ive just always thought of AJ as being very forward when she decides she wants something and i wanted her to make the first move. Ill try to redeem myself for the burst of hormones lmao
I don’t know that the interactions between Aj and Tim could be called Love, YET. What we have between the two is plausible, physical, attraction, and a mutual admiration of the other. Those are things that can speed the way to Love and be the basis for a exceptionally strong relationship. The kiss is a logical physical expression of that. I like that you stopped your chapter there. And while I agree in this case Aj would go for what she wants, I really hope that the nest chapter is not going to be clop, because what Aj also is is A TRADITIONALIST. So things would have to proceed a little farther for that. But you built a good foundation for the ship between Aj and Tim. The fight between Mac and Tim was plausible, esspecially as Tim is an expierienced fighter. Mac had skill but expierience trumps everything, and Tim just waited him out then took advantage of his oppertunity when it came. It was basically a hail mary play, which shows that Mac has skill but no real expireience in a fight outside the ring. May have happend once or twoce but nowhere near the violence Tim has seen. So that made sense. That it was cliche for the OC to beat a minor character then lose to a main one can be forgiven because it was done well. There is a reason things are cliches, it is because when done well the fit perfectly, when done less then well, not so much. This was done well. The only complaint I have is some of your sentence structure gets a little blocky but that has been smoothing as the story goes and you find your pacing and rythm. Which the only way I know how to solve that is , as I have the same problem, read it aloud, ethier to yourself or another. All in all good job. By the way kinda noticed Twi might be devoloping a crush, and Tim is attracted as well, even if Aj is more his type, and the way he is increasingly leaning, was that intentional or just the way the story ran? Could be me reading more into things. Still Iook forward to whereever this story goes and fully intend to keep reading till the end.
8709712
thanks alot for your feedback, i appreciate any and all comments, good or bad. constructive criticism helps the writing process. i try to reread all my chapters once or twice before i post them, but when ive been up for over 24hours (like yesterday) i tend to get a little hurried and sloppy in everything i do- lesson learned here; no posting without sleep lol... NO, the next chapter WILL NOT BE clop.... more so some internal struggle for the OC and hopefully getting the crew either in or arriving at Canterlot and get back into the main storyline, just had the urge to get some hormones aired out lol
8718817
AAACK! see, thats what happens when i write/edit after working 12hr night shifts... i had Cadence written in there but i was like no, she needs to be at the Crystal Empire.... need to keep better notes and keep them at my side at all times... THANKS A MILLION for catching that for me lmao.
.... And thanks again for critiquing my work. I dont care for the "constantly defying physics and breaking 4th wall" Pinkie alot of folks write... its ok and i dont mind reading her that way, but i just cant write her that way... with the exception of Equestrian magic/flying/strength, I am aiming for more humanesque characters.... not really shootin for cartoony, here....
My lesson learned today- CANNON, MOTHER-EFFER... WRITE IT! LOL thanks again, JB,...
8718817
FIXED! Gonna give you editing credits on my story now- gotta give credit where credit is due.... Thanks again for that... hopefully not too many folks will think I'm a dumbass lol. Also, I take from your comment that I may have saved myself from that lil detour i took in the last chapter... I hope thats the case, i value your opinion.
8646372
https://sunnyq.deviantart.com/gallery/
thats some of sunny's work.... sorry it took so long to get back to you
8719495
Thanks, man.... that means alot to me.... Im tryin my best at this and i really want to do well... hoping to be in that featured or popular column one day!
8719482
i feel ya on them long hours... been up since 1pm yesterday so im creeping up on being awake 30 hours... worked 13hrs at my unit last night, then been home cleanin around the house and workin in the rain out in the yard... dealin with kids baths n homework right now... about to crash lol... longest ive hit is 47 hrs... and the last 4 i was drivin
8719535
lmfao.... ill tell ya this... at about hour 45 or so, the natural hallucinations can start kickin in... i saw a gorrillia hanging on the moon and a 10ft tall baby in a diaper crawlin down the highway in the lane next to me while i was doin 65mph headed home from the lake... buddy of mine recorded me... funny as hell! you would have thought he would have offered to drive for me
I'm calling Luna shinanigans right now.
he
Wrong tense. Would suggest changing the highlighted words to "to see"
Oi ya better live up to the artist's reputation in the "face" department, catch my drift m8?
8887257
face... riiiight....
Thanks for the chapter
As always I will wait for more
Thank you
Getting intense now
I don't know if it's such a good idea to not take any guards. Maybe they should take 1 or 2 with that do so incognito. You know, concealed weapons, cloaks with light armor underneath. Something that speaks prepared traveler but not royal guard. Just my two bits. Write it however you like. I'll enjoy reading it regardless.
9311606
thanks for the praise, herb. i tried my best with my descriptions of canterlot castle, glad u liked it. im hoping to get the ball rolling into some action... got a lttle planned for the next chapter or two... hoping to get back in the groove of writing n posting...
But will he do the smart thing and stock up on supplies first?
You couldnt even get the boat into some water? Cmon Twilight!
I seem to recall that he had some extra ammo, or is he that short already?
Surprised they don't even have a HINT as to who they're dealing with yet
cant wait for the next
IT
LIVES!!!
Wow it's alive
Thanks for the chapter
I know it aint much, but ive been trying to find the time to write and it just hadnt worked out... a paragraph or two here n there is all ive been able to do... glad to see there are still readers out there. thanks you guys/gals... i appreciate yall taking the time to read and comment.
Definitely worth the wait. The alley scene was awesome and I think we found a clue as to why there isn't any real idea of what they're fighting. Can't wait to see how the guards behavior is going to be responded to by Cadance. Pretty sure it was rougher than necessary at the end. (puts on tinfoil hat)Or it could be worse, those could have been more changelings.
And everyone died, the end
I hope you update soon i hate cliff hangers.