A man, living alone in the wilderness for years after shunning society, saves a unkown woman from drowning. The woman then explains she was sent to find him and his help is needed in another world.
the OC and AJ relationship is something i plan on using later on in the storyline, i wanted to try and get it off the ground and going in time for the upcoming journey. dont know what exactly what wild hair struck me to write it like that, but im kinda glad i got it out there. and the boxing scene with Tim and Mac, Tim just got a lucky shot... patiently waited for an opportunity and took a gamble.... Then AJ kicked his ass lmao
I really like this story so far. Yeah the romance definitely looked planned and other people probably thought it went fast too, but i think its fine. It is your story anyway. So in the end do what you want. But i like the way its going so far
8708850 its not gonna be smooth sailing with Tim and AJ, there is going to be work needed to be put in for their relationship.... Tim has some issues to work thru before that,... Ive just always thought of AJ as being very forward when she decides she wants something and i wanted her to make the first move. Ill try to redeem myself for the burst of hormones lmao
I don’t know that the interactions between Aj and Tim could be called Love, YET. What we have between the two is plausible, physical, attraction, and a mutual admiration of the other. Those are things that can speed the way to Love and be the basis for a exceptionally strong relationship. The kiss is a logical physical expression of that. I like that you stopped your chapter there. And while I agree in this case Aj would go for what she wants, I really hope that the nest chapter is not going to be clop, because what Aj also is is A TRADITIONALIST. So things would have to proceed a little farther for that. But you built a good foundation for the ship between Aj and Tim. The fight between Mac and Tim was plausible, esspecially as Tim is an expierienced fighter. Mac had skill but expierience trumps everything, and Tim just waited him out then took advantage of his oppertunity when it came. It was basically a hail mary play, which shows that Mac has skill but no real expireience in a fight outside the ring. May have happend once or twoce but nowhere near the violence Tim has seen. So that made sense. That it was cliche for the OC to beat a minor character then lose to a main one can be forgiven because it was done well. There is a reason things are cliches, it is because when done well the fit perfectly, when done less then well, not so much. This was done well. The only complaint I have is some of your sentence structure gets a little blocky but that has been smoothing as the story goes and you find your pacing and rythm. Which the only way I know how to solve that is , as I have the same problem, read it aloud, ethier to yourself or another. All in all good job. By the way kinda noticed Twi might be devoloping a crush, and Tim is attracted as well, even if Aj is more his type, and the way he is increasingly leaning, was that intentional or just the way the story ran? Could be me reading more into things. Still Iook forward to whereever this story goes and fully intend to keep reading till the end.
8709712 thanks alot for your feedback, i appreciate any and all comments, good or bad. constructive criticism helps the writing process. i try to reread all my chapters once or twice before i post them, but when ive been up for over 24hours (like yesterday) i tend to get a little hurried and sloppy in everything i do- lesson learned here; no posting without sleep lol... NO, the next chapter WILL NOT BE clop.... more so some internal struggle for the OC and hopefully getting the crew either in or arriving at Canterlot and get back into the main storyline, just had the urge to get some hormones aired out lol
the OC and AJ relationship is something i plan on using later on in the storyline, i wanted to try and get it off the ground and going in time for the upcoming journey. dont know what exactly what wild hair struck me to write it like that, but im kinda glad i got it out there. and the boxing scene with Tim and Mac, Tim just got a lucky shot... patiently waited for an opportunity and took a gamble.... Then AJ kicked his ass lmao
I really like this story so far. Yeah the romance definitely looked planned and other people probably thought it went fast too, but i think its fine. It is your story anyway. So in the end do what you want. But i like the way its going so far
8708850
its not gonna be smooth sailing with Tim and AJ, there is going to be work needed to be put in for their relationship.... Tim has some issues to work thru before that,... Ive just always thought of AJ as being very forward when she decides she wants something and i wanted her to make the first move. Ill try to redeem myself for the burst of hormones lmao
I don’t know that the interactions between Aj and Tim could be called Love, YET. What we have between the two is plausible, physical, attraction, and a mutual admiration of the other. Those are things that can speed the way to Love and be the basis for a exceptionally strong relationship. The kiss is a logical physical expression of that. I like that you stopped your chapter there. And while I agree in this case Aj would go for what she wants, I really hope that the nest chapter is not going to be clop, because what Aj also is is A TRADITIONALIST. So things would have to proceed a little farther for that. But you built a good foundation for the ship between Aj and Tim. The fight between Mac and Tim was plausible, esspecially as Tim is an expierienced fighter. Mac had skill but expierience trumps everything, and Tim just waited him out then took advantage of his oppertunity when it came. It was basically a hail mary play, which shows that Mac has skill but no real expireience in a fight outside the ring. May have happend once or twoce but nowhere near the violence Tim has seen. So that made sense. That it was cliche for the OC to beat a minor character then lose to a main one can be forgiven because it was done well. There is a reason things are cliches, it is because when done well the fit perfectly, when done less then well, not so much. This was done well. The only complaint I have is some of your sentence structure gets a little blocky but that has been smoothing as the story goes and you find your pacing and rythm. Which the only way I know how to solve that is , as I have the same problem, read it aloud, ethier to yourself or another. All in all good job. By the way kinda noticed Twi might be devoloping a crush, and Tim is attracted as well, even if Aj is more his type, and the way he is increasingly leaning, was that intentional or just the way the story ran? Could be me reading more into things. Still Iook forward to whereever this story goes and fully intend to keep reading till the end.
8709712
thanks alot for your feedback, i appreciate any and all comments, good or bad. constructive criticism helps the writing process. i try to reread all my chapters once or twice before i post them, but when ive been up for over 24hours (like yesterday) i tend to get a little hurried and sloppy in everything i do- lesson learned here; no posting without sleep lol... NO, the next chapter WILL NOT BE clop.... more so some internal struggle for the OC and hopefully getting the crew either in or arriving at Canterlot and get back into the main storyline, just had the urge to get some hormones aired out lol