- Member Since 22nd Sep, 2012
- online
Disavowed ASH
I kick evil in the NARDS ! Here be thy Patronage Page !
Disavowed ASH
Joined 22nd Sep, 2012 ·
Online
Sequels1
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Disavowed ASH · 2.4k words · 7 3 · 92 views
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A nice start and a nice job well done, so good show dude
8689954
Thank you.
Good start but i think you might need a bit of a transition to make things less confusing.
"I got closer and told her, “You are more correct than you know.” "
Something that tells the reader we are doing a flashback
Do the flashback
Tell/show the reader we are back to the present.
I was confused because there was a flashback and no signal that there was one.
8701039
Got it. Sorry. I'll fix that now.
Thumbs up for this tale.
I liked the grittiness and the different types of equipment.
Elder Sign Array, that's pretty cool.
Chars were handled fine.
What could cause trouble:
You put your char against the mane six. Not sure that's a good idea.
I could see some folks bitching about this.
There is probably a 'rule' against OCs being more powerful than the Mane six.
Other than that I had a good time with this story.
8701086
He is not more powerful, he has been dealing with evil longer. He is 39. He even mentions how Twilight is the most powerful and brilliant sorceress in ages but she isn't very creative with her use of magic.
He, Daring Do, Zecora, Doctor Bronze Savage (based on the old Pulp Adventure stories character Doc Savage), Rocketeer Wrench, and a few others did save Equestria and the world a few times, though they did it in secret and without government approval.
8701086
Also thank you for the review, very insightful.
8701105
Hey, I'm not the one making these 'rules'.
I have no problem with your char but I can see how other folks might have problems.
I have to be aware of these 'rules' so I don't get into trouble.
Rules is in quotes because they aren't official but folks will notice if they are not
complied with.
8701172
Like I said, thank you. It was very insightful. And honestly you are cool.
8701184
Thanks.
I'm sorry if I sounded hostile.
Are you thinking of doing a series with your char?
8701791
It's already kind of part of a series. This is the same Arcanum Folklore that appears in The Symphony of Canterlot, only this takes place more than 3 years after that story.
And "Of Broken Hearts and Merciful Hooves" takes place 12 years before the show, when he was 23.
8701805
I'll check em out.
Nothing like some monster killing goodness to get the day statrted, nicely done dude, nicely done!
Whew, Dashie got a bit trigger happy with the shotgun, haha, I like it.
Keep it up.
Oof, harsh boi he be, hehehe
very nicely done, Ash, nicely done indeed.
Well this was certainly one hell of a story, I liked it!
lots of dark deadly magic and evil magical creatures nearly beyond comprehension, I love it! Reminds me of some plans I have in store for stories...
Good stuff man and nice job on this!
Hit there! My name is CaptainPinkiePie and I made this TvTropes page just for you:
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/ThePinkOutOfSpace
Reading this at work right now and I nearly spit my tea out.
I'm loving this writing style. Feels like something of a mishmash between Lovecraft and Melville. And the concept of a crazed Pinkie on the loose using her powers for evil is both hilarious and chilling.
Good start, will be reading more. 
10419179
Thank you. If anything this was a combination of my little revenge on "Cupcakes" and at the same time writing something of a Tarrasque Hunt story.
Oh man, I loved how you described Twilight in this chapter. Especially how she's so powerful but also incompetent with her magic at times.
10428176
Can't say that I wanted some generic fawn over the main-six OC or a Male Mary-Sue. Instead, I opted with a bitter warlock that has been chewed and spat out by the worse the world has to offer and somehow managed to live while most of everything that isn't a Great Old One, An Outer God, or a Demon Lord of Sheol that has tried to kill him has not managed to live. If anything Folklore is a survivor, an equanist/humanist, and because of 22 years of war, monsters, gangsters, serial killers, rapists, gods, demons, aliens, Eldritch Abominations, and Stock Brokers managed to become one of the scariest yet most sad and wrathful stallions in the world.
Considering he has murdered, tortured, made unethical chemical, biological, and magical experiments. And has also conspired to knock a Lord of Sheol from his seat of power and enslaved him to be his familiar. (Botis was impregnating virgins with the intention of making servants. And yes he really is a Jewdeo-Christian Lord of Hell he is in the Ars Goetia.) And he still uses the corpses of his enemies as materials for spells when necessary whether they are inequine or equine. One can argue that the things he has achieved came with plenty of blood-shed especially considering that even if he ever was a potential to be an Element of Harmony, his soul is too corrupted by the horrible actions he has done just to survive that he no longer is remotely worthy for it.