a guy with countless dreams in his head. Feel free to leave feedback!
As an ancient item has gone missing, Celestia struggles to uncover the true culprit and recover the item before the enemy's forces grow. Meanwhile, a young man awakens with no memories of his own. The bonds of friendship will be tested and the sins of the past revealed as the young man searches for answers. But will the search for the answer guide Equestria into darkness?
Page generated in 0.098 seconds
Total duration
958 users online
25,196 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
you have my attention good sire
This is pretty freakin' good!
Can't wait for more
Now THIS is what I was looking for in a HiE story! Keep up the good work! You've earned yourself a follower!
Or it'll get you thrown out on your ass.
Going along, going along..... aaaaand all of a sudden Luna is slapping Celestia.
mohideenmkt.com/items/00030.jpg
3786198
Before I provide your review, I apologize for how long it took to get this out.
This review is brought to you on behalf of group: Authors Helping Authors.
Grammar Score: 9.5 out of 10
Pros: The story begins with the prologue by properly providing the necessary amount of information and mystery to plant interest in the reader. The introduction of the main character is done well, again providing enough detail to allow the reader to know a little about him without providing too much and making the reader continue to gain more information. Each pony character is in character and their interactions are believable. I particularly like the Portal reference.
Cons: There are moments of internal thought that are difficult to identify. The lack of italics or anything to differentiate the thoughts from the speaking is the source. As far as interactions are concerned, I did not enjoy Lyra's and Bon Bon's interaction with Lux. It seemed as a way to keep with the bandwagon that Lyra is a fanatic for the mythical human when you provide the idea that there are humans living in the world already. I almost feel like the entire scene could be removed without sacrificing anything that the story has to offer. Finally, the introduction to Lux's magic weaponry was, cheesy. I came across like a typical anime where the character announces their attack or weapon as they use it. Really just an overused idea that throws off the entire scene for me.
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10. You get a like.
Personal issues and not part of the review.
I do not like HiE stories but this one did do well in not just magically bring a random human into Equestria. I do not like the assumed identity of Dia (Luna is best pony). Plus, I don't think Luna could bring herself to harm Celestia after her change back. I don't like Blueblood (at all) but you did present him in a way that I can live with.
Surprisingly, you have peaked my interest so I will be checking up on this as it updates.
4882566 Thank you very much for the review! And I totally agree Luna is best pony!
4900467 You're welcome. I look forward to how this turns out.
ALL HAIL LUNA!!!