• Member Since 6th Aug, 2017
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Crystalbreeze


Hello! I'm Crystalbreeze. A hungarian brony, who has got a breezie OC and who loves writing about the size difference, giant, or tiny ponies and humans.

E

Thanks to his job, Anon E. Mouse became tired and frustrated. His usual life was a living nightmare. He needed some kind of therapy which can make him calm and relaxed. But he didn't need a therapy. The only thing that he needed was a pet. A cute, smart, beautiful and lovable pet.

In the petshop he couldn't choose, beacuse there was many kind of pet. Parrots, lizards, fish etc. Under the tour in the petshop he suddenly looked at an interesting aquarium and its content. In that aquarium he found the perfect pet. A tiny seapony called Princess Skystar.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 27 )

Dude. PLEASE get an editor. There are FAR too many spelling errors in this. I loved the story, but your spelling and grammar in general needs SERIOUS work. Sorry, but it's true. :applecry::facehoof:

"So this is the kitchen. If you need something, that call me. In this place everything is so big. But I think I can take some currants on a plate. Do you like currats?"

How can she call him? She can't speak. And you spelled carrots wrong.

Comment posted by Crystalbreeze deleted Sep 23rd, 2017

8442926
She can't speak indeed, but she can show what she needs. Because she is smart enough to express things to Anon.

8442917
I'll get an editor, but now it's hard for me, because now I'm the editor of a story.

8443873
Well, I could be your editor if you wish. I'm writing my own story, but I can edit and proofread yours in my freetime. I work on my story at school, so I could do it for you? I dunno. It's your choice and I'm only offering because I love this story.

Comment posted by Crystalbreeze deleted Sep 23rd, 2017

8444088
Okay. But I don't know how can I send a story to you.

8444139
Can you put into google docs and send it to me? I can't really work on it unless it's in there, or on here.

Comment posted by Scarlet_Harmony deleted Sep 23rd, 2017

8444174
Cool. I look forward to working with you.

8445655
Uhhhhh... You gonna send something so I can help? :rainbowhuh::trixieshiftright:

8446457
Of course I will, Do you have an E.mail, or can I send you a google dock document?

It's written the end yet it's written incomplete :/

8448137
You need to switch it from incomplete to complete in the edit menu. That's what they're talking about.

8450949
I see. But did they see the big "THE END" words in the end the 2nd chapter?

8451573
I'm sure they did. Thanks for the watch, by the way. I really appreciate it! :heart:

Great effort so far, but needs some cleaning up. "mane" not "name", and quite a few choppy sentences. get some flow too and less commas.

Just some critiques :twilightsmile:

It felt like there could be more chapters to this, but all n all, it was a good, yet cute story!

Comment posted by chadisdabomb04 deleted Sep 14th, 2018

I have reviewed this here.

9551194
You were right in the review. I just wrote a story for fun and unfortunately I didn't think about the grammar, the characteristics and the narration. I think I was in grade seven in primary school when I wrote this. I only concentrated at the story and not the description. I was meant to write something cut that most of the people love and like. And also, I exercised my English grammar here on FimFiction. So you were right and thanks for warning me of my mistakes. :)

9551748
I forgot to reply to this. I appreciate you being understanding. I hope you keep writing and improve upon your craft.

Btw, as a little fun fact, I'm a quarter Hungarian myself. ^^

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