• Published 17th Jul 2012
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Humans Assemble! - Mistershield



When Equestria is in need of Heroes, only the Avengers will do. But they are stuck with this group. Now with a mini character guide.

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Side Story E

Dear Reader- Run. This is the self insert chapter.


Side Story E- Happy Birthday Mister Shield


Inside his new home, Dan sat on his couch. Newspaper in his hands, he looked down at the day’s headline. “Princess Celestia is dethroned by Dan Mandel. New Ruler to be Announced.” Pinkie Pie hummed a jovial tune to herself, hoping up and down in place as she watched the clock. The “boingy” noises she made were distracting the angry one.

“Pinkie Pie?” Dan lowered his newspaper a moment.

“Yes Danny Wanny?” Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing, turning to look back at her fiance.

“What has gotten into you? You won’t stop bouncing...”

“Oh? I thought you knew! He’s coming!” Pinkie Pie shouted, throwing confetti into the air. Her eyes closed as she giggled. “It’s his Birthday! And he decided to show up!”

“He?” Dan raised an eyebrow.

“Yes! Him!” Pinkie Pie opened her eyes, moving over to him. “Him! You know who!”

“No. I don't know who,” Dan retorted, lowering his arms to stand up. “Who are you talking about?!”

“Him! The shield that walks!” Pinkie Pie called out, her face moving side to side as she said each word.

“The two faced shield?!” Dan’s eyes opened wide, leaning back a bit.

“The one and only! He’s coming over for a party!”

“Sweet Mother of all Things Good and Right!” Dan’s hands dropped the newspaper. “Really? Why?”

“He’s going to grant us all wishes!” Pinkie Pie shouted, eyes closed as she hopped up and down on her rear hooves.

“Wishes? Any wish?” Dan asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Well, that’s the rumor anyway...” Pinkie stopped bouncing, turning to look at the clock. “He’s getting here at noon!”

“Noon? That’s only an hour away!” Dan shouted. “Do the others know?”

“I think so... I mean, I did send the invitations out.”

“Where’s mine?!” Dan shouted, bearing his teeth.

“Oh! You’re my plus one!” Pinkie held up the blue invite. Dan snatched it out of her hands and looked down, reading the lines. Sure enough:

You are are cordially invited to the Birthday of Mistershield. Wishes will be granted! May 29, at noon.

Dan dropped the invite as his eyes went wide. This was it! His way back home! But wait... He stopped and turned to look at Pinkie. What if she wished to turn human? Or turn him into a pony? Then he would have to get married! Even if he did stop her, one of her friends may wish the same thing!

“We are going to this party. Where is it?”

“City Hall Pavillion!”

____________________________________

“A wish huh,” Otacon mused out loud. In his hands he held a wrapped present box, walking next to Twilight. Travis and Luna walked along their side.

“What are you going to wish for Otacon?” Twilight asked. “I’m going to ask for a new quill set! I've been dying to get some phoenix quills!”

“I dunno Twilight. I’m still thinking about it,” the engineer admitted. “How about you guys?”

“Luna won’t say,” the assassin smiled and shut his eyes. His wish though? To have Luna turn human. “I won’t either.”

“It is of a private nature, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said with a blush. Her wish? That Travis could be immortal, and live at her side as her eternal night. Knight.

“No no, I understand,” Twilight said. She released a smile, wondering how many others had a wish that had to do with their partners.

__________________________________

“So what do you think? Will this make a great present or what?” Sokka said with a smug grin. Arms crossed on his chest, he presented a giant muffin with the emblem of a shield on it. Derpy, Sokka, and Little Strongheart looked down at the thing.

“It’s wonderful! I’m sure he’ll love it!” Toph said, giving a thumbs up.

“Really? This looks kinda...” Little stopped herself, biting her lower lip. Both at the muffin, and the fact she forgot Toph was blind.

“Sorry Toph,” Sokka said, his voice a bit sad. “How does it smell at least?”

“Like bat barf.”

“Hey! How do you even know what bat barf smells like?” Sokka stretched out his head to her, frowning now.

“Sokka, you have a lot to learn about muffins!” Derpy scolded him.

“I can make a sword, but I can’t bake. How fair is that?” He complained. “Least we;re getting wishes!” Sokka moved to stand straight and look at his partner. “What are you wishing for?”

“Muffin button,” Derpy replied, not thinking twice about it and with no hesitation.

“That was fast. Still, hard to say. My family’s rich. I get everything I need.” Toph said with her arms behind her head,

“Don't you want your sight back?” Little questioned.

“It’s overrated. I don’t think I would be such a great earthbender with eyesight anyway.” The others stayed quiet a second, wondering if Toph meant those words. Sokka decided what his wish was going to be with a smile. Derpy and Little smiled, deciding on their wish. “What would you wish for Strong?”

“I’m still thinking about it...”

“I can tell you're lying,” Toph said with a smirk.

“I’m not telling,” the little buffalo answered with a smile.

___________________________________

“So... We're really invited to this party?” Wesker asked. “Am I the only one that thinks this is a trap?”

“Of course it’s a trap,” Sombra said. “That’s why we should see what it is.”

“And if it is not?” Gligamesh asked. “Would you throw it away for a chance at a wish granted?”

“What if one of these ponies or other humans wish that we were all gone?” Vegeta retorted. He had considerably more time to think about wishes. “We can’t afford not to go if it’s a lie.”

“But what if us going is what triggers someone to wish us away?” Lex added his two cents.

“Besides I have to go. I’ve been hired to be the entertainment,” Kefka said.

Everyone turned to look at the clown.

“What? Xehanort is helping me. He’s the party singer...” Kefka raised his left hand to point at the old man. Everyone’s eyes opened wide to look at Xehanort.

The Keyblade wielder shrugged and begun to sing.

___________________________________

Nathan sat down on the couch, with his second journal in his hands. He was going over a few notes, using a new pencil to organize things. Next to him, Nigel sat down, bored. The poor kid had his eyes looking over his sunglasses as he waited.

“This is taking forever!” Nigel complained.

“Get used to it kid. Once you and your girlfriend get more serious, you’ll be doing this a lot...” Nate said.

“I already do this with my girlfriend back home, and my mom. Why do I have to do this now?” Number One moved both hands out, as if motioning to the situation. Both men were waiting for Sweetie Belle and Rarity to get a dress ready for a party.

“I’m telling you kid, the pay-” Nate stopped talking, lowering his journal. Speak of the devil... Rarity and Sweetie Belle walked back in. Sweetie Belle was wearing her flower girl dress, the one used for the Canterlot Wedding. The only exception is that she had no flowers in her hair, just a silver diadem. Rarity, was sporting an elegant dress made of purple that draped against her form.

“Wow...”

“You said it kid,” Nate said with a grin. He moved himself to stand up, moving his right arm out to Rarity. “From the tiniest detail, you look stunning.” Rarity had the good sense to blush, remembering Nate comment from before.

“If the simple things are not right, anything else you add on won’t be right either,” Rarity said as she moved to place her left hoof in his hand. “Shall we?”

“Well?” Sweetie Belle grinned, walking up to Nigel. “Aren't you going to compliment me too?”

“Sweetie Belle, a lady does not fish for compliments,” Rarity chided. “Besides, he already has a girlfriend.”

“Sweetie Belle, you look very pretty,” Nigel said, moving his right hand to slide his glasses against his eyes. “It was worth the wait.” Sweetie Belle shut her eyes and blushed, the red against her white cheeks too apparent.

“It’s still nice to be complemented.” Sweetie grined. This was the first time a colt- correction, boy, complimented her.

“We should get going. I don’t want to miss my chance at a wish,” Nate said as he walked to the door. “I’m getting a car or something to drive in this place. Walking around all day is taxing.”

“I agree with you Nathan, a carriage to be drawn for me would make it easier to move supplies around,” Rarity smiled as she walked up to the door.

“I could use a TV and some video games,” Nigel spoke out. He moved to extend his hand out, letting Sweetie join him to walk together.

“I just want my cutie mark.”

__________________________________

Terra smiled a bit, looking out the window of the train cabin leaving the Crystal Kingdom. Along with Vergil and their partners, they were all heading back to Ponyville for the big party. Cadence and Shining had to go back to the kingdom for a bit- making sure the crystal ponies stayed calm after the loss of the heart.

Currently, Vergil looked at the married couple as they made kissy faces at each other. He tried not to vomit or give looks of pure disgust. One would think he’d be used to it by now.

“Come now Vergil. Don't tell me you don’t like love,” Terra chuckled as she looked back at the other half human.

“Love?” The half human moved his head to look over at the esper. “Love has no place in this times.”

“But Vergil... If there is no love, what’s the point in wining this conflict for?” Armor picked up his head, away from his wife.

“Yes. You know this is a second chance at life- But why gain your life again? Don’t you have something to fight for?” Cadence asked. Vergil’s eyes closed a bit, looking over at the couple.

“My reasons.” He responded, not bothering to waste his emotions on these love sick fools.

“Fair enough. I guess if we get these wishes, one of us will have to wish Vergil to be frank,” Shining chided. The others chuckled at how the half devil rolled his eyes.

“I care not what you wish. If I can wish my mother back to life- then it won’t matter.”

The others quickly stopped laughing, the jovial mood taken away. Each had already admitted what they were going to use their wishes on. Now they knew what made Vergil so somber.

“For what’s it’s worth, I hope you do get your wish granted,” Armor added.

“If this was all some sick prank- no god will save this Mr. Shield. I dare not get my hopes up.”

_________________________________

“Why are we setting up the party?” Junebug asked. She along with Merchant were arranging tables and chairs.

“Dunno about you, I’m getting paid,” Merchant shrugged.

“How about you guys?” Junebug turned to look over at Cheerilee and Ralf. Ralf was holding on to a ladder so the teacher could decorate the pavilion with some streamers. Eddie and Iron Will were hanging a sign on the front entrance.

“Well, I was asked to help out since I decorate the school house for festivities,” Cheerilee lowered her head to the ribbon.

“I’m kinda just here because of Cheerilee,” Ralf answered honestly. “I need something to do since I get bored easily.”

“Have you thought about this whole wish granting business?” Merchant added. “You think we can get anything we want? Or will there be restrictions?”

“Well, according to the fables I read to children- Genies usually are unable to raise the dead, make ponies fall in love, and wish for more wishes,” Cheerilee added. She moved down the ladder as Ralf moved to help her down.

“I’m sure if there will be any wish granting, they will tell us at the party,” Ralf added. Once his partner was on the ground, he moved the ladder to the next pillar. “Besides, I’m more curious as to whose idea what to make a party for this Shield guy. Do any of us know him?”

__________________________________

“So...” Dovahkiin released a sigh. “What else is on this list of wishes?” He had a quill in his left hand, and a scroll on his other hand. Sitting behind a table, he turned to look at Applejack as she was deep in thought. Inside the Apple home, Big Mac, Samus, Applebloom, and Hoagie were sitting down behind a bench.

“Cutie Mark!”

“Candy and new goggles!”

“More workers!”

“A new body suit would be nice. This one is kinda smells...”

Everyone turned to look at Samus. She shrugged. “Hey, least I’m practical.”

Dovahkiin released a sigh, letting his upper body fall over the desk as his arms sprawled out. “So much for taking the scholarly approach.”

“Eeyup.”

________________________________

“Ready?” Soma smiled, moving his left hand out to Fluttershy. Mayor Mare and Ash pulled up to the cottage in a carriage being drawn by Vash and Braeburn. Fluttershy took Soma’s hand, only to stop and look at Vash with her left eyebrow raised.

“What?” Vash asked, turning to look at Soma and the pegasus. The soul hunter by now raised his eyebrows, looking up and down at how the harness that was around his fellow humanoid. “Hey, I wanted to try it once. Seems unfair to just let Braeburn here draw the thing.”

“Trust me, Vash is just as strong as any stallion!” Braeburn grinned, stomping the ground with excitement. He was kinda proud his partner was a lot more useful than the others.

“Don’t feel bad, Ash promised he wouldn't use the whip- Much,” Mayor smiled as he moved her head out of the carriage. Ash picked up his metal hand, waving a whip in it.

“Er... I guess if Vash is fine with it,” Soma shrugged and then help Fluttershy get in the carriage. “This is going to be the first Birthday party I get to attend in a while.”

“Really?” Fluttershy asked. “Oh right, ostracised childhood. I’m sorry.” The pegasus inwardly chided herself as she moved to hide behind her mane.

“It’s alright, least we got Shield a present. I hope he likes pets,” Soma said as he got into the carriage.

“Hiyah mule!” Ash called out, moving the reigns up and then slap them down on the backs of Vash and Braeburn. Both jumped up a bit- though the stallion in good honest gumption to get going, while Vash in pain.

__________________________________

“Trixie still doesn't understand why-”

“Trixie...” Snake warned her.

“Ahem. I don't understand why I wasn't hired to be the entertainment...” The light blue unicorn complained.

“Just enjoy the party. Let’s get this food to the pavilion already,” David answered. He was drawing a cart that had some real human food as compared to sweets. “Who has the cake?”

“I think it’s...”

“Snake? Trixie?”

“Sephiroth?” Snake turned his head, looking over at Lyra and the swordsman. The couple joining them were delivering a giant chocolate cake on a cart. This cake easily reached over 5 feet.

“Where’d you get that thing?” Trixie asked, her mouth watering a bit at the sight. The chocolate cake had vanilla frosting and white flower decorations.

“Donut Joe and Cooking Mama,” Lyra said. “They are on the way, but they kinda cooked themselves tired after doing this thing...”

“I guess we’re in charge of the food,” Snake turned to look at Sephiroth. The Cetra had no problems with the behemoth.

“You guys getting wishes too?” Lyra asked, walking over to join Trixie.

“I want out of this place, really. We got business back home,” Snake replied. “No offense to you guys...”

“I just want my own stage show...” Trixie replied. “And yourselves?”

“Sephiroth wants to wish others from getting evil wishes granted,” Lyra shrugged. “I think it’s a waste of a wish...”

_______________________________________

“Stop it you two!” Nurse Redheart called out.

“Yes indeed, you are acting so foalish. Grow up, and not be so selfish,” Zecora frowned. Red Medic and Blue Spy were at each other’s throats. Medic with a bonesaw to Spy’s neck, while the Spy had a knife to the Medic’s balls.

“He refused to kill me!” Spy frowned, eyes locked into the surgeon.

“I vaz creating innovation in medical science! I also zaid maybe later!” Medic gritted his teeth.

“That’s it! No party for you two!” Redheart scowled.

“Awwwww...”

“Awwwww...”

________________________________________

“He’s coming!” Rainbow Dash grinned, lifting her hoof up at the sky. Phoenix picked up his head, moving a hand to block out the sun. He squinted a bit, seeing a chariot flying in.

“Sure it’s not Celestia?” Phoenix called out.

“Trust me, I have great eyes. I can see from far away,” Rainbow called out. “Let’s set out the welcome wagon!”

A lot of the other humans started to arrive, some already inside the pavillion. Cake was set up, as was the food and the drinks. It took some of the Kids Next Door and their partners to keep Pinkie Pie from eating everything. Why kids? Because Pinkie Pie loves to play with little ones.

Even the so called villains were allowed in since they had an invitation. The area was declared a cease fire for now.

“He’s coming!” Barry peeked his head into the large hall. “It’s the wish granting guy!” Everypony and their partners started to walk outside and meet this so called Shield. So far they were all trying to see why he was so important and how he got the power to grant wishes. Humans and pony alike moved outside, lifting their heads to look at the sky.

The chariot was being pulled by the often forgotten “dark” Celestial guards. You know the ones? Those dark brown ponies serving under Shining Armor in the Canterlot Episode. Yeah, them. They were glad to be included for once. They landed in a stretch of land, in front of the pavilion. They all stayed silent, turning to look where the driver should be.

And they waited.

And waited.

No movements, no sounds, not even breathing was coming from the chariot.

“Is this guy tiny like Dan?” Wesker asked, eyebrow raised.

“Hey- shut up!” Dan called out. “Who does this guy think he is, making us wait like this?” Dan stepped out of the group, walking over to the driver’s side. He stopped a moment, peering down. “Is this a joke?” He called out.

“What’s wrong Dan?” Pinkie called out. Dan turned his neck a bit to look back at everyone. He held up a gold and black shield in front of everyone.

“Are you serious? Are we really having a birthday party for a shield?” Lex called out, a frown quickly forming. A lot of others started to mumble. Some in confusion, others in anger, and some just wanted to give up thinking.

“Ladies, Mares, Stallions, Gentlemen, Fillies, Girls, Colts, and Boys,” Distant Star called out. Everyone turned to look at the voice speaking. “Welcome to Mister Shield’s birthday party!”

“What the hell man?! We want our wishes!” Travis called out over the others.

“Yeah!” Snowflake added afterwards.

“Patience... Patience...” Distant smiled, He walked over to Dan and smiled. “There will be wishes granted- but only those that participate in his race...”

“What do you mean race?” Dan asked, lifting the shield up. “Are you telling us this thing can grant wishes?!”

“Of course! But, it is his birthday. Why should he grant wishes without getting something in return?” Distant grinned. He turned to look back at the others as Snape walked out with a martini umbrella drink. “For his birthday, he wants you all to participate in a race. The winners will get their wish granted.”

“He’s right folks,” Snape called out, stopping for a moment to take a sip from his drink. “I’ve seen his power first hand.”

“They’re... Telling the truth,” Phoenix said, holding up the magatama. “But a race?”

“Hey, I am so going to win, wish or no wish!” Rainbow called out with a grin.

“We have a signup sheet here folks! Of course, you don’t have to enter the race...” The Doctor smiled, lifting a sheet up and a pencil.

“Damn it. We have to enter that race now...” Sombra added. “We have to at least stop them from wishing us away.”

“Curses!” Dan called out, frowning as well. “We have to join this race just to stop those guys!”

Princess Celestia smiled, eyes closed as she understood Mr. Shield’s plan. Even if he couldn't grant wishes, people would join just to prevent others from winning.

“So? Who’s interested?”



Bonus:

“Are you sure about this Mr. Shield?” Protoman asked. He was talking to a blue pony that had a black mane and mustache.

“I’m sure. Better they think I’m that shield than think I exi-” Mr. Shield in his pony form stopped talking, spotting a Pink blur. Protoman turned his head, revealing a reflection of Pinkie Pie.

“Oh shit.”

“I found him guys!” Pinkie Pie called out. “Come on, it’s time for your birthday party!”

“Hold him down Pinkie Pie!” Dan yelled. “Alright everyone! We catch his guy and we force him to grant our wishes!”

“Run!” Protoman called out, moving his buster out. “I don’t know how long I can hold them back!”

Mr. Shield took off, running away from the sounds of the angry mob.

“I’m getting too old for this...”

Author's Note:

The premise for a spin off in the works for me. I didn't want to give too much away, as it would give away the whole story. Just a teaser, as a present to me from me.

Also, today is indeed my birthday.

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