• Published 17th Jul 2012
  • 21,543 Views, 2,870 Comments

Humans Assemble! - Mistershield



When Equestria is in need of Heroes, only the Avengers will do. But they are stuck with this group. Now with a mini character guide.

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Side Story D

A possible look into the future...


Side Story D: Winter Cheer


White.

Lots of it.

Snow lay on the ground, trying to blanket the earth. Snowflakes fell from the sky, adding to the already large amounts of white on rooftops. The sky itself was a bit murky, clouds dropping the white invaders to the ground.

Vash the Stampede hated it!

Both of his arms moved to grasp each shoulder, sliding the black gloves up and down his arms as he shivered. Being used to a desert, the blond man had his teeth chattering up and down as he was unable to keep warm. Why couldn’t he have stayed in Appleloosa? It was nice, dry, warm, and most importantly- Food could still be grown and made there.

“Really Vash? Ya got the power to blow up a moon, but ya can’t handle a little cold?” Braeburn asked, face turned looking outside a window. Both traveled to Ponyville for the winter holiday season for the human reunion. Something about an ‘x-mas’ holiday something or other. “Though Ah gotta admit- Living in Appleloosa so long has me missing the heat.”

“You’re lucky you got a warm coat all over your body! While I’m wearing a red coat, it was made to protect me from heat and works with sweat. It wasn’t designed to keep me warm...” Vash complained. “I should’ve stayed in the Human House instead of this barn.”

“Ya think?” Braeburn asked, lifting his eyebrows. The Human House was a large building built by the humans. The remaining banded together, building a special large four story house for all of the tall ones. While they managed to live in the pony spaces- Having a home where they didn’t have to bend or crawl through doorways was a welcome relief. “Hey, let’s go see if Rarity or the Stud’s Warehouse has Winter clothes for ya!”

“You mean I gotta out there? In that white cold stuff?”

Braeburn shut both of his eyes, shaking his head to the sides at the human.

“Fine. I wonder how the others are doing...”

____________________________________

“Please let me know when this is over!” Junebug said covering her eyes with both hooves. She laid down on the floor of the giant sled Merchant was driving. Snow still fell, but she was too terrified to care.

“I think its a good time to tell you, but I never got a driver’s license!” Merchant held on to the reigns of the sled, urging the reindeer on. They were flying through the air, making their way to the North Pole. Gray clouds that dropped snow made a sort of lining beneath them to hide the ground from view.

“I can’t thank you again,” Santa said leaning back against the giant bag of toys he had. “When I heard humans came to Equestria, I knew I had to deliver toys here for you... Some more than others,” the jolly man in red added.

“How’d did you get hurt anyway Santa?” Junebug asked.

“Let’s say Deadpool and Vinyl Scratch are going to be on my naughty list a long, long time...” Santa said with a scowl. “Almost as bad as Harold and Kumar. They actually shot me.”

“I always wanted to drive...” Merchant laughed. “Hey Santa. What are ya buyin?”

“Oh, I need maybe a Riot Shotgun. Dan is expecting me...”

______________________________________

“Next!” Dan yelled out, eyes narrowed a bit. The small human was dressed in red and green spiral spandex and an elf top and hat. “No spitting, chewing, whining, or crying!”

“I’m next!” Rumble spoke, marching up along with Kuki. She was wearing a fuzzy red and green sweater for once. “So this Santa is that great a guy? Gives presents to all colts and fillies?”

“Only to good ones! But I always like the presents!” Kuki shouted as Dan pulled the red cord down to let them pass. Pinkie Pie in a human form wearing the same outfit as Dan smiled at them both.

“Who’s first?!” Pinkie Pie shouted with her hands up. That’s right, hands.

“You can let Kuki go first...” Rumble said, flapping his tiny wings and floating up in the air a bit. “I want to see how its done!”

“Okey Dokey Lokey!” Human Pinkie Pie moved to pick up Kuki from under her arms and smiled. In a human form, Pinkie retained her puffy pink hair but her eyes were made a bit smaller. The twinkle her eyes had was still there. Unfortunately for Dan, she was about a head taller than him. Pinkie Pie moved Kuki to have her sit on the Santa Mall they had gotten for the City Hall Pavillion.

“A human child for once...” Kratos the Spartan frowned. He was dressed in a Santa outfit, with a fake beard and everything. For once, his ash skin helped him blend in with the wig and fake facial hair. “And what do you want?”

“Oh Santa! I want a Rainbow Monkey for all the little colts and fillies!” Kuki shouted moving her arms to hug Kratos. The God of War frowned, unable to hide his disgust. Dan crossed both of his arms and tapped his foot up and down. The Spartan rolled his eyes.

“Remember, you are a representative of Christmas. Since you are kinda of a God, you are the closest thing to Kringle. You are a diplomat,” Dan said. The Spartan sighed and turned to look down at the child with stick legs.

“I will think about it. Until then, here. Spartan children always get this...” Kratos set Kuki down on the floor and gave Kuki a tiny set of a shield and spear.

“But I’m a girl!”

“Oh, then you get a dagger.”

“But...” Kuki had her spear and shield taken away by Pinkie Pie and then was given a knife. “What am I supposed to do with this Santa? I thought you never gave weapons to kids!”

“Its made from candy!” Pinkie Pie said, kneeling down and giving Kuki a hug.

“Really! Oh thank you Santa!” Kuki jumped once more on Kratos’ lap and gave him another hug. Defeated, Kratos released a sigh and moved his left arm out to hug the small Asian child. In a way, Kuki reminded the ash white human of his daughter.

“You’re next Rumble!” Pinkie Pie moved to hug the little pegasus, only to have him fly out for the spear and shield.

“Oh, this is awesome! Thanks Santa!” Rumble cried out, holding the spear under his left hoof and placed the shield on his other. “Kuki was right, you are so cool!” The pegasus colt flew over to Kratos to give him a salute.

“Hmph. I see at least one pony knows the value of a good weapon and shield,” Kratos nodded his head and watched the duo walk off. “How much longer must we do this?”

“Almost done Kratos! I’m sure Octavia will be happy to know you are helping out!” Pinkie Pie responded. Somehow, she turned back into her pony self. “And thank you for the idea Dan!”

“I’m the only one that’s actually done this before! Someone had to make sure Kratos does the job right...” Dan said, looking away. There was a hint of red on his cheeks. Pinkie Pie giggled, moving to the next set. Wally and Scootaloo.

“I’d better not get tube socks Santa!” Number Four cried out. He was quickly silenced when Kratos threw a football into the boy’s stomach.

___________________________________

Nathan Drake walked down main street. Mostly window shopping, it was almost time for the gift exchange and he couldn’t find a gift for Rarity. He raised both of his arms up to grab the end of his jacket and pull the collar up around his neck. Not jewels, Rarity got those for free. And not lingerie- Oh lord not lingerie. Taking her out for dinner was also a no-go. That was her present to him.

“Problems Nate?” Otacon asked walking up to the Element of Equality. Otacon was dressed the same, in a dark coat and a scarf- Save Otacon was wearing a Santa hat.

“There are lots of things on sale... I’m having problems making up my mind,” Nate turned to face the scientist. “You got any ideas Twilight?”

“Well, she actually has mentioned she wanted a new hairbrush- Something fancy,” Twilight said, smiling up at the two humans. “Personally, I think its a great idea you humans want to celebrate a holiday with a gift exchange. I’m learning so much thanks to Otacon.”

“Thanks for the idea Twilight. I’m glad you guys came with me to go shopping,” Nate responded. The treasure hunter took a second and gave the rest of the Canterlot residents a second look. Least it seemed they were used to humans now, none of them gave the odd group a second thought.

“Oh, it’s not a problem. Twilight has been meaning to introduce me to her parents,” Otacon said placing his hands into his coat pockets.

“Oh? You guys move fast. So when’s the baby due?” Nate chuckled.

“How did you know?!” Twilight Sparkle raised her eyebrows. “We just found out a few days ago.”

“Wait, you and Otacon?” Nate raised his left hand to point between the two of them. Otacon raised his right hand out to rub the tip of his nose as his cheeks turned red.

“Well, ever since Princess Celestia found the morph spell...” Otacon shut both eyes as he turned himself into a light brown unicorn with a dark brown mane in an instant. Twilight Sparkle walked over to rub her mane against Otacon’s neck. “She keeps wanting me to tell her more about the Karma Sutra...”

“No, don’t want to hear it!” Nate raised both hands out to cover his ears. Of course, leave it to the more quiet ones to be the perverts.

________________________________________

“Come back here!” Travis shouted running after a little dark blue alicorn with black hair. “Your mom wants you for a family portrait!”

“Hell no!” The little alicorn ran down the halls of the palace, looking back at his father.

“Watch your mouth!”

“Make me!”

“Artemis Bishop Touchdown!” Princess Luna cried out from a hallway. “How dare you keep your Auntie and Uncle, Vergil, Terra, and your cousins Armor and Cadence!”

“Oh crap, mom sounds angry!” Bishop said, skidding into a stop.

“Gotcha!” Travis launched himself to grab the alicorn into his arms and held him against his chest. They both rolled several feet along the ground before Travis could sit up. The little alicorn was unfazed.

“No! I don’t wanna! I hate Uncle Discord! He’s no fun at all! And cousin Solaris is so dull!” Bishop screamed, struggling into his father’s arms.

“Listen Bishop, I hate this too. But your mom wants this, so you better behave. Do you want your mom to send you to get tutored by Dan again?”

“Anything but that!” Bishop lowered his head, moving his tiny wings to fall flat against his body. “Please not again! I just got my mane back...”

“Then lets go... You made me get my new robes dirty,” Travis said, standing up and looking down at his royal red robes. “So help me your mom is going to kill us both.”

___________________________________________

“Alright! You almost got it!” Cooking Mama moved both of her hands together, looking down at Samus’ cooking. Both women were wearing aprons and hunched down in the Apple kitchen. While the chef was clean and sparkling, Samus had lots of dough spread along her apron and face.

“I hate cooking...” Samus frowned as she stirred the fourth batch of cookie dough in her bowl. Attempt one caused an explosion, the second came to life and threatened to destroy all life, and lucky number three just got a book deal.

“Anybody can cook. You can do it Samus. And this is not for you afterall,” Mama said closing both eyes and smiling. Samus shut both eyes as well, this time to blush.

“Where are those menfolk anyway?” Applejack asked as she moved to set down a fire extinguisher. Mama pointed outside the window to show some of the KND were having a snowball fight against the adult males.

“Oh, I should call them children instead of men...” the orange cowpony huffed.

“Let them be Applejack,” Granny Smith said rocking back and forth. It was nice to have a large family back and forth. “You know menfolk are not mature.”

Donut Joe frowned a bit at them all.

“Sorry Joe,” Samus sighed. “And you are taking the time to teach us how to make donuts and cookies.”

Meanwhile, Dovahkiin and Big Mac were getting the beating of their lives. The remaining KND showed no mercy and let it rain snowball after snowball to hit the men. Unlike the men, the children and little ponies created a whole fort from snow.

“Show them no mercy! Fire!” Pipsqueak raised his wooden sword up as Hoagie and Abigail unleashed their automatic snowball launchers fire.

“How are we letting these kids beat us like this?!” Dovahkiin cried out as he created a magical force field for himself. Big Mac ducked and then ducked behind a tree.

“We need a plan Dovah. See if ya can cast fire or something and make a hole in da fort!” Big Macintosh said. The dragonborn nodded and lowered his ward to gather fire into his hand. That was until a snowball hit him.

“Ow, my dragonballs!”

Big Mac winced as the mighty Dovahkiin fell to the cold ground to clutch his groin.

__________________________________

Soma kneeled down on his left leg and lowered some wood into Fluttershy’s fireplace. Once he was sure there was enough wood to keep the fire going, he raised his left hand out to touch the wood. Using Ukoback’s soul, he set the wood on fire. Glad his job was done, Soma shut both eyes as he smiled and sat down. After a second, Fluttershy came from behind to place a blanket around his shoulders.

“Thank you Soma,” Fluttershy moved over to sit between Soma’s legs and smiled. “This fire feels so nice...” She shut both eyes to fold out her wings once and then settle herself into his chest.

“Thanks for the blanket. Say, where are all the animals? I know some are hibernating...” Soma said looking around the cottage. One would think a warm fire would have some close by.

“Oh well...” Fluttershy blushed as she opened her eyes to look around. “They, felt I needed some quiet time.”

“Oh? For...” Soma opened his eyes wide and nodded. “But.. I’m so tired. And we do this a lot lately. Can’t I get some rest?”

“But Soma, you know I can’t get enough,” the pegasus rubbed her soft mane against his bare neck. “And you need to practice more...”

“Honestly, there is no satisfying you though. I know I’m young, but even I have my limits.”

“Just one more time? Please? I want it so badly right now...” Fluttershy begged as she moved her left hoof up and down the back of his hand. Her mouth moved to slide against his cheek and give him small kisses.

“Alright, alright, but this counts as your present.”

“Yay!” She cheered. Soma moved the blanket around them both to hug her and then start singing “Magical Place.”

_____________________________________

“Are you sure this is safe?” Cheerilee said, closing her eyes a bit. The earth pony was wearing a blue scarf and a hat on her head, looking down at Ralf. Both of them were on top of a snowy hill. The soldier was sitting on top of a red toboggan.

“Of course! Sokka made sure it was up to Southern Water Tribe standards! He should know, he’s from the south pole...” Ralf said, smiling.

“Then why is he not in it?”

“Well...” Ralf picked up his left hand to point at Sokka. He was on the next hill, wearing a heavy blue coat, practicing his sword fighting with Jack. Spike and Toph were sitting down on a log, watching their partners train and sip hot cocoa. Well, Toph at least listened to the lesson. She had to learn how to fight on snow also.

“Remember Jack, fighting on snow can be pretty treacherous. There’s more than one kind of snow out there...” Sokka said, circling around the samurai. “And it can be hard to tell soft snow from the hard one at first glance.”

“Who knew the younger swordsman would be the teacher this time,” Spike chuckled and then took a sip of delicious hot chocolate.

“Yeah. Sokka... Sokka is,” Toph shut her eyes and smiled. “Sokka could very well be a future leader of the White Lotus.” She blushed, forgetting how much the teen could offer. She could hear how Jack stepped lightly over the snow. While Jack stepped in to become Sokka’s new master, this time the roles were reversed.

“You should just tell him you like him already,” Little Strongheart sighed. “We all know except Mr. Dense over there. For a smart guy, he can be pretty stupid when it comes down to the heart.”

“I agree. You should just get it over with,” Spike added.

“Those two look so cute together.” Cheerilee smiled at Toph and Sokka. She was cut off though, as Ralf nabbed her. “No! Please!” Ralf set her down between his legs and leaned forward.

“Here we go!” Ralf laughed out loud and pushed the toboggan forward and sent the two of them down the snowy hill. Cheerilee shouted out loud as she moved at fast speeds down. Ralf had his left arm wrapped around her before they flew off a sudden drop.

_______________________________________

“Really? Chancellor Puddinghead?” Phoenix put on the ridiculous hat. “And shouldn’t an earth pony be playing this role?”

“Oh come on Phoenix! Where’s your holiday spirit?” Rainbow Dash fought back from laughing. That hat on the lawyer’s head looked so funny. “Besides, you should be happy you are doing a pageant with me.”

“You’re lucky I run a talent agency now. I need the experience,” Phoenix moved each hand to smooth out his costume. Preparing for the final rehearsal, almost all of the other ponies in the play were in costume as well. Awful lots of stained sacks worn. Because the event was in the cloud city, the pegasi playing unicorn and earth pony roles were having their wings wrapped around their bodies. Rainbow Dash was one of them, playing the role of the chancellor's assistant.

“Oh, if I have to do this, you can bear with it. Besides, the reason all the pegasi want to see this pageant is because you’re in it! They all want to see the awesome Phoenix Wright!” Rainbow Dash smiled, done with her costume.

“Are you sure you don't want me to shift forms?” Wright asked.

“No way! I love you in clothes....” Rainbow frowned as she slapped her face with hoof, causing her to facehoof, realizing she said that outloud. All of the other pegasi turned to look at her. “So I have a clothes fetish. Anypony want a big deal about it?!” The cyan pegasus turned to look at her fellow pegasi and snorted confront the others.

“Oh, this is hilarious...” Vegeta said, crossing his arms on his chest. He was dressed as Commander Hurricane. “So what if I do, Rainbow? Going to make me regret it?”

Phoenix released a sweatdrop.

_____________________________________

Lyra hummed a low tune to herself, hands behind her back and smiled. Ever since the morph spell, the would be unicorn refused to turn back. Sure she got a lot of weird looks in the past, but ponies got over it. The hardest part was getting used to her new home and body. Least Sephiroth was there for her every step of the way. Though this human holiday was something new for both of them.

“Milady,” Sephiroth called out to her. “The photographer is here.”

“Coming!” Lyra turned from looking in the mirror and rushed over from her room and out to the Human House commons room. She was dressed in a red Santa’s helper suit, short red skirt to expose her long legs. Sephiroth was also dressed as Santa, save his top was open to expose his chest. “I never understood why you don’t like to button up.”

“It doesn’t...” Sephiroth shrugged and stoped talking. It just didn’t feel right to leave his chest covered. Was it because of his wings or a past experience? He moved his left hand out to grab Lyra’s hand. He still towered over her, but not as much so her neck stopped hurting so much.

“So, how do you like the costumes?” Rarity asked as she walked around the duo. The unicorn nodded at her handiwork.

“They look great!” Lyra smiled as she pressed her form against her knight. “This calendar idea will be perfect for the fan club!” The Cetra blinked once and then shrugged.

“I do not think red is.... My color,” the one winged angel said.

“You both look fine! Just not as handsome as me, uh huh.” Johnny Bravo looked up from the camera to stretch his arms out to make his biceps bounce. Blueblood frowned and shook his head to the sides. If it weren’t for the fact that his partner was once a model, he wouldn’t be here. He also had a lot of practice self shooting himself. A lot.

“Let’s get this started then. We have dates later,” the unicorn prince said.

“Really? Who would....” Rarity stopped talking, taking a look at Blueblood’s new hairdo. While she forgave the pompous prince since he was a hero- She had a hard time believing either of those two could get dates that would want to stick around.

“Terra and... Why are you looking at me like that?” Blueblood raised his left eyebrow at her.

“Oh, do forgive my staring... I was just wondering what Nathan would look like with your hair style,” Rarity turned her head back, forcing back the laughter and her red cheeks. Nate with that hairdo would be priceless!

“Really? Terra?” Lyra blinked once to look at Johnny as he got a camera ready. “I thought she hated you?”

“Who could hate this perfect specimen of manliness!” Johnny smiled, moving a comb out with his left hand to give his hair the attention it deserved.

“Terra always liked Johnny,” Blueblood said, looking over at the couple as they got ready for the photo shoot. “She just hates how aggressive Johnny is. As it turns out, her half heritage has left her...” Blueblood shrugged. “She is much like Sephiroth. Memory lapses here and there. She was not sure how to proceed. Lack of social graces I think.” Of course it helped Vergil never responded to her advances.

“Shall we proceed?” Sephiroth asked. Rarity nodded and walked over to the record player to have some music play while the photo shoot started.

______________________________________

Trixie lowered her head a bit, shivering a bit at the cold. She could be indoors, nice and warm next to a cozy fire. Instead, she was waiting outside of Ponyville for a delivery. She drew her cape closer around her form with her magic and blew hot air into her chest.

“David better thank me...” Trixie said in a low voice.

“Who?”

“Who is it?” Trixie asked, lifting her head up to look at the voice. Gilda the griffon landed on the ground, shaking snow off her head and wings. In her left claw she held a wrapped package. “Ah. Do you have what I requested?”

“Yeah, I got the meat. Special from the Griffon Republic. Animals grown specifically for meat, killed in least painful way possible, and all that other junk,” Gilda said, frowning.

“Not rat, right?” Trixie almost wretched in disgust as she moved her magic to grab the wrapped parcel. This looked like a lot.

“Of course not! Now where’s my payment?” Gilda frowned. She hated flying in the snow.

“Here,” Trixie moved into her cape and levitated an envelope to the griffon. Gilda smiled, reaching for the yellow holding device. She turned her back to Trixie and opened it up to look at the pictures inside. She could see Sephiroth in all of his naked glory. Gilda’s wings flared up as her cheeks went red.

“I never understood why you like the winged human...” Trixie said to walk away.

“Says the one to get meat. Weird unicorn...” Gilda said, frowning. She began to walk away as well. “I need to find a bathroom.”

“Look, I just wanted some meat for David and the other humans,” Trixie said, blushing and looking over her shoulder. “I know they miss it so much.” The two nodded, moving away from each other.

When it was safe, Snake rose up from behind a fence. Wearing a thick white coat, he had camouflaged himself to follow his partner. He felt a tear slide down the side of his cheek. Meat, from Trixie from all ponies. He lowered his sniper rifle, glad he didn’t have to shoot the griffon. He picked up his left hand to wipe the tear and moved to get back home before she did. No way would she admit she was the one that got meat for everyone.

__________________________________

“Achoo!” Spy sneezed. The frenchman was sitting inside Zecora’s hut, a blue blanket wrapped around his shoulders. A thermometer inside his mouth, and a hot water bag on his head. His nose was red, and his feet dunked in a hot tub of water. “I hate getting sick.”

“Do not whine to no avail. My Spy, these potions never fail,” Zecora smiled at the man. She was hunched over her giant caldron and turned the brew she had going.

“Ah, you are too good to me,” Spy said as he stopped shivering a second. The zebra stopped turning to walk over to him. She nuzzled against his mask as he chuckled. “I just I feel better for the big dinner. If not, we can celebrate on our own.” Zecora nodded and went back to brew he cure.

_____________________________________

“Suck on this!” Ash laughed maniacally. He had his chainsaw up over his head. The power toll roared with life, ready to tear through flesh. The human lowered both arms to bring the chainsaw to start cutting ice. He hummed a low tune to himself as he carved a block of ice. Lots of pony residents and Mayor were watching the show.

“Wow, he’s an artist!” A pony said looking over at the Mayor. She smiled, dressed in a scarf and hat. She was in charge of the dinner the humans would be having the gift exchange. Ash decided he had wanted to ship in his part. The ponies didn’t seemed bothered by the manner the human cut and chipped away at the ice block as it took shape.

“Yes, yes he is...” Mayor Mare sighed. Ash seemed more at peace now, more now than the past. It seemed that he didn’t care too much about the past as it was. He was no longer moody, and getting a job in construction with his chainsaw was a good move. The ice sculpture finished, Ash stepped away from the ice pony to smile.

“I call it- Drunken Mare,” Ash smiled. The final product was Mayor Mare, sucking on his metal hand.

Mayor Mare moved her right forehoof up, causing her to facehoof, and shook her head to the sides.



Bonus:

“Behold, dishes native to Skyrim!” Dovahkiin smiled. He moved to set down some dishes on a bench for all the humans. The mares and other Equestrians looked at the dishes and felt ill.

“Um.. What is this stuff?” Nate asked, almost hating to smell the dishes. Sokka didn’t care, this was meat!

“We have Horker Stew, Mammoth Steak, Steamed Mudcrab Legs, and um...” Dovahkiin stopped talking. The last one was Horse Haunch.

“What is this? This looks so yummy!” Pinkie Pie said as she sniffed the haunch. Dan moved both hands out to pull Pinkie back.

“Its um... A four legged beast of burden...” Dovahkiin said shifting his eyes left and right.

“Where were you hiding this meat? And what is Horker and Mudcrab?”

“Oh! It was at the doorstep.”

Pasta fell forward and held his stomach to vomit when he heard the meats mentioned. “Oh, my scarf! It’s still tied around my mouth!”

Author's Note:

Merry Christmas to you that celebrate it!

Otherwise, enjoy your Winter Season.

See you next year!

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