- Member Since 28th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
Vertigo22
Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back.
Vertigo22
Joined 28th Jan, 2016 ·
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- Vertigo22 · 4.2k words · 13 3 · 502 views
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I am offering free hugs for anyone traumatized by the reading of this story.
please hug me
Jesus christ john's character was so out of character it became agonizing to read this. Fix that and it'll be 100x better
8508393
I read it. Where's the traumatizing part?
8508483
Yeah, John's character felt off for me too. Regardless, it was still an enjoyable story. There were a few problems with the story telling, but nothing that was a deal breaker for me.
8508518
It is a sort of joke between me and vertigo. I edit and make fun of his stories, he writes them.
8508518
8508483
I had a feeling that I'd get his character wrong. Ah well, I tried me best! I also tried to add some levity, which I know goes against his character... but I figured it might've worked.
Also, yeah. James is just screwing around. He does that with every story.
8508528
Ah, my friend and I do the same thing.
That's funny...
Because according to the show, Sombra is actually #1 when it comes to traps.
8508643 Eh, I figured if I was gonna do an AU story (a first for me), I was gonna take full advantage of it.
Hope it didn't ruin the story for you!
8508671
You didn't; I still enjoyed it, lone nitpick aside.
FUCKING FINALLY, A JOHN WICK FANFIC :D
Celestia, you fool have you forgotten? You don't make John Wick owe you favors, that's a terrible idea! He killed three men with a pencil! He destoryed a entire organzition for his puppy death. He went war with the organzation for someone pissing him off! He traumatize Discord! With a F*CKING. PENCIL!
Well
, this one was entertaining
, if a sequel follows I kind of wish it has to see with Nightmare Moon / Luna, also, did I missed the Discord vs Wick one
?
One las thing, this needed that awesome song of Marilyn Manson.... yep, this one
:
8508998 Nope! The thing about Discord was to establish that Wick had already visited Equestria. :)
Since when was John a sociopath?
8509096 I figured he'd be much more cold-blooded prior to his retirement. Guess I was wrong considering that's been the main criticism of the story. Bummer.
8510189 Well, I'm glad that you enjoyed it! ^_^ I'm pretty proud of myself for having written something like this. Mainly because I hate writing action sequences. The fact it has the rating that it does amazes me.
Grglglrrmmmmgrbl!
8514390 I agree! I think... Thanks regardless!
it sounds like there will be a sequel to this story
Other than some cocky comments from John, that I can't imagine him saying, this was VERY well done
Good job, fella. God bless ya
This is a decent fic to be sure, but there are a few complaints I have that, if fixed, could have turned it from good to great.
The first is the pacing, which is way too fast for all the wrong reasons. The story takes no time to establish the setting properly nor the tone, and character actions aren’t articulated as well as they could be. While over-detailing can cause the problem of drawing out a story too much, under-detailing makes it move far too quick and lose the reader’s interest and understanding. The latter seems to befall this story a fair bit, which is unfortunate as setting and action descriptions that ARE used are very well written. In conjunction with this, character descriptions, in looks, personalities, and actions, seem to be a minimum in this story as well, through both exposition and presentation, expecting the reader to know the source material. It’s a common trap that can downgrade a fic among the average writer, and can become a habit when writing other stories (even entirely original works). A good rule of thumb is to treat the reader as someone that doesn’t know the characters at all, even if you’re writing the fanficiton for a certain fandom that’s to be hosted on a site dedicated to said certain fandom.
The second issue is John. Not his physical actions, but his social ones. Despite his intellect, he was never one to talk, even at length, and any answers he’d give to questions would be short and to the point. At times in your fic, you actually pull this off, but other times he falls into generic cheesy action hero territory with one liners and sarcasm (which isn’t a bad thing in of itself, but it’s certainly not Mr. Wick’s style). If you would have cut back on the chit-chat by a good 60 to 70%, maybe show off thoughts or his feelings through body language (or, get creative and use his gunplay to express his thoughts and feelings) instead, it would be SO much more like John.
Anyway, good on ya for seemingly doing the only John Wick story ever on this site, and double points for being decent.
9008508 Thank you immensely for the feedback! To address your points, the first one's something I've been trying my best to fix as it's always been something I've not been the best at. Primarily due to the fact that I write comedy (mainly crackfics if you look at the other stories I've written before and even after this one), so a lot of my descriptiveness of what's going on is conveyed through dialogue and silly narration. This fic was one of my first steps towards an actual story, but I tried to focus more on action descriptiveness as the films are known for their action scenes. Hopefully, I've improved on character emotion and tone since I wrote this story.
Pacing wise... I didn't think it was too fast, but I'll make sure to establish more in the future.
The third one... is something that I knew when I posted this would be seen as OOC, and my reasoning for doing it basically boiled down to snarky comments and other things being something I was very much used to, but the tone and style of the story being something I'd never done before. It was sort of habitual for me to have the main character be a wise ass and, as a result, it just sorta fell onto John (for better or for worse). I know I should have gone back and touched up his dialogue, but it just stuck and I wrote this story when I was rather ill with some sort of throat infection. Hopefully, when/if I write a sequel to this story (I'd love to, but I have a fair number of other stories I want to write), I'll write John closer to who he is in the movies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story though, and I hope I'll fix what you disliked whenever the sequel comes out.
That was fricking awesome but its a shame that Frank Castle wasn't in there
I know others have pointed this out, but it bothered me so much that I needed to say this. John Wick is atrociously out of character. Throughout the story he acted like a complete psychopath and even did incredibly stupid desicions (like getting cocky and not gearing up properly at the beginning.) For whatever reason Celestia also didn't really try to formulate a plan with Wick, and was just like: "K, take the train to the Crystal Empire and do whatever. Also, don't die." And why does she specifically NEED Wick? Did they not try to use their army to attack Sombra beforehand? You could've explained that and have Celestia tell Wick he was needed as an absolutely last resort, emphasizing the seriousness of the situation and how badass John must be to undertake on such a mission. Thankfully, it seems like you have taken note of all this.
Shame that there's only two John Wick stories in fimfiction. Wick's violent assassin background contrasts so heavily with the happy, less violent tone of MLP that sending John to Equestria is an amazing concept for a fanfiction.
10093719
Oh yeah, I'm well aware of how OOC he is nowadays. If I still wrote fanfics, I'd rewrite it. Alas, most creative fiction I've lost interest in. I appreciate you taking the time to read it though.
10094328
Incredibly late reply, but I admire how accepting you are of constructive criticism - shame you're no longer writing fanfictions. May I ask why you have lost interest? On a side note, it's sad the only other Wick fanfic here is suffering from infinite hiatus and as such is most likely never gonna be finished. Maybe one day I'll try my hand at writing one. :P
10370270
To put it very simply: I just couldn't find enjoyment in writing them. I started up my own little blog in August of 2018 (which you can view here) and it's since become my primary writing outlet. I found a great deal of joy and purpose in writing about unsolved mysteries, conspiracies, and—on occasion—unmade/canceled pieces of media (e.g. Rainbow 6: Patriots).
As for why I no longer found enjoyment in them: I didn't think they were as fulfilling as it was to teach people about the more enigmatic side(s) of life. A large part of my life growing up was centered on mysteries like Bigfoot, Nessie, the Bermuda Triangle, Mothman and so on. The more I dove into that side, the more I found it really spoke to me on a level that fanfiction didn't; while it's fun to to create my own worlds, I didn't think it was as fulfilling as it was to introduce people to that which we know nothing about. Whether it be who The 3X Killer was or what The Akashic Records are, introducing people to that side of life was far, far more fulfilling. Heck, I wrote a megalist of 500 Conspiracies back in February. That was one of my greatest achievements. Nowadays? My biggest is listing off 5,000 mysteries from around the world.
While I would still love to write some ideas I had for fanfics (the sequel to this story not being one of them as I think I wrote myself into a corner by hinting that Nightmare Moon would've been the main villain), I think that my calling is in the realm of the unknown. I do, however, still greatly appreciate the advice you gave me. It helped me to understand when things go too far; I utilized that advice to make sure I never went overboard in describing the grisly details of a murder, suicide, or anything of that nature. As for trying your hand at a John Wick story, I would definitely recommend. In spite of the flaws this story had, I still consider it one of my personal favorites. It was my first time trying my hand at really trying a crossover and I think I still did an adequate job (flaws and shoddy characterization aside).
And no worries on being late at replying. I'm more than happy to know that people still care about what I wrote (even if I think 99% of it was me not trying to create something of genuine merit).
10372766
I'm glad you've been able to find your true calling in writing about stuff that actually engages you. Personally, I've always been interested in similar things. I remember fondly watching creepypasta videos as a kid and scaring the absolute shit out of myself. Or watching videos about urban legends and mysteries. Hell, there was even a time where I believed a bunch of crazy-ass conspiracies (tends to happen when you're a dumb kid). Or all the old "alien sighting" videos on YouTube that almost always had this music playing in the background https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKfS5zVfGBc Man, those were the days.
Also, glad you mentioned Rainbow Six: Patriots in your comment. It was such a cool concept for a Rainbow Six game, yet it was abandoned in favor of yet another '''''''''tactical'''''''' hero shooter. As for your blog, it definitely seems interesing - I'll be keeping an eye on it. I think you should make a post about the Randonautica app. Seems right up your alley, and it's honestly one of the most intriguing and fascinating things I've heard about all decade.
10379305
I'll be sure to check it out. I also have a write-up planned for Patriots in the very, very near future. ^^