- Member Since 11th Mar, 2017
- offline last seen Yesterday
JesterOfDestiny
I ignore (almost) everything that happened after season 6.
JesterOfDestiny
Joined 11th Mar, 2017 ·
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Ok, I had some free time and I read this, let's do it.
My main problem with Starlight is that I don't know anything about her, so I can't assess whether the character was well portrayed or not. She came off as a rather generic character in the story, not bad, but nothing worth mentioning in specific. She could have had another name and another color and it wouldn't have made a difference for me.
The grammar is definitely better, with just one part where it should say "she has ever been" rather than "she ever was." I didn't really have any other issue with it, so that's a yuge improvement over last story.
I found a bit frustrating that Twilight STILL doesn't trust or even understand Discord. He isn't evil anymore, but he is a prankster and doesn't tell things straight, but through his way. She might not like it, but she should at least understand that's how he works. That's not a flaw of the story, that's a flaw of Twilight's and I can easily see her failing to understand this,... yet again.
The only real problem I had with the story was the plot. It was too short and too simple. No twists or surprises. You can see the end right from the beginning. Still, considering how much you have improved since the last story, I won't hold it against you.
I did find it odd that Twilight and company basically made an illegal arrest with no evidence and no remorse and no consequence whatsoever. Just go, get a purple pony with white mane and drag her against her will. I mean, they're supposed to be the good guys.
Finally, the part where Pinkie Pie points out that Starlight IS techincally an ex villain made me chuckle. It was very Pinkie of her.
I don't have anything else to day, it was a short and straight-forward story and the review was pretty much like that. I did like that you have improved a lot since last story.
Edit: I tried to upvote the story, but I can't for some reason.
Interestingly enough, that's a pretty common complaint towards her... I'm sure some sort of conclusion could be pulled from that.
That doesn't really happen here, does it? At first they think it was him, because the last time the same problem came up, it was him. But they were quick to drop their suspicion once Starlight stepped in.
Hmmm, I can already see this becoming a common complaint about my stories. I guess it's up to me to either try to complicate my stories, or become the master of simplicity. Better keep this one in mind, I have a feeling this will follow me for a long time.
I'm glad I overcame most of my grammar-related hurdles. Although it's probably thanks to the whole thing being more dialogue based, which I think is a lot easier to write.