The Other Siren
"I'm...not a Siren. At least, not a very good one. I've always known this to be the case, and yet, I continue to remain with my sisters, an unwanted burden whose only 'purpose' is to serve as a hindrance. To slow them down.
"I can't even call myself one of them. I'm daft, i'm slow, and i'm a nuisance. Worst of all, i'm...nice.
"I'm not like my other two sisters, whose lot in life is to cause misery and pain to those around them. Sure, they do it to feed, and to sustain themselves, but they also love it. They consider it fun, a game, to hunt down humans and feed on their misery.
"They've always been that way. Rotten to the core, and proud to be that way.
"I on the other hand, was not like that. I did consider our feeding fun, but that was mostly because I was too stupid to realize what they were actually doing. That they were causing others harm, ruining their friendships and their lives. Had I figured it out sooner, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have left them where they were, to continue on on their own.
"My sisters, Adagio and Aria, are nothing like me. Adagio is clever, cunning, devious and decisive. She became our leader when we were sent to this world, and led us in our mission to cause as much misery as possible. Aria has streets smarts, knows just the right buttons to push, and is, despite her outward appearance, extremely brilliant. There's a reason she became Adagio's number two.
"You see, we weren't always stuck here, in this horrible, human, world. We were terrors of the seas who struck fear into all who laid eyes upon us. That is until we were thrown out.
"Not out of Equestria, but out of the ocean, out of our home. We were once celebrated as the greatest of the Sirens. That is aside from the queen herself of course. But all that changed when Adagio defied the queen and tried to take the throne for herself.
"She believed that the queen had gone soft, and that only she could lead the Sirens back to their true glory. She believed that eventually the sirens would rule the seas, and no pony or human would dare to oppose them.
"It was only by her recruiting us that we managed to get thrown out along with her.
We were forced to blend in, using our magic to transform ourselves into ponies to hide our identities.
"Back then, I had no idea what was truly happening, and simply went along with their plans for 'World Domination' or 'Siren Supremacy'. It sickens me to think that I thought they sounded fun at the time.
"But as time drew on, and we were thrown out of not only our home, but our world as well, I began to see them for what they truly were. Black-hearted witches that did not simply thrive on the pain of others., but rather, they relished in it as well.
"For years I hid my real thoughts from them, hiding behind the idiocy that they had become so accustomed to seeing.
"To be honest, I was scared. I believed that if I broke away from them, showed my true nature, that they would begin to torment me as well. I did not want to become a target for their wrath, and so I went along with them in their quest to watch the world burn.
"I regret all the pain and suffering I caused, even if it was to survive. I regret all the evil I've done under the leadership of my two vile siblings. I regret all the actions that lead me to get banished to this world, but most of all, i'm sorry to all those whose lives i've destroyed, as well as all those whose lives I could have saved, had I not been too much of a coward to speak out against my sisters' actions.
"No, not my sisters. We may be kin, but they do not deserve to be thought of as family. They don't even deserve to be called Sirens.
"In all my years I've never met anyone as clueless as myself. Why, oh why did I not see them for who they were. Wolves in sheep's clothing with too much wool over their eyes to see past their own ignorance.
"Though, I suppose I am the same way. Though I talk as though I were greater than them, I, too lost track of myself on this infinite journey of ours. I failed to look into the eyes of our victims and see them for what they were. Innocent people, with families, children, loved ones, who I am sure have to now spend their days wallowing in grief and blaming us. Cursing us. Silently hoping to end our existence themselves.
"The fools. If only they knew. We are immortal after all.
"I will continue to pray for salvation. For a way to atone for the sins I have committed. For a way to get my fellow Sirens to understand the error of their ways.
"I want them to see that they do not have to be this way. That they can change, just like me.
"Maybe i'll go and have a talk with those Rainbooms. They seem like nice people. They did defeat us after all. Maybe they can get them to see the magic of friendship.
"Then again maybe that's too much to hope for. Maybe there is no salvation for us. Maybe we really are doomed to spend eternity in this land of war, poverty and conflict.
"If that is the case, then there is only one thing left to do. I must come before you and ask one thing of you.
"Please forgive us. Do not hold our actions against us. Do not let our actions cause you to despise us. To hate us and wish us dead.
"But most of all, please forgive the blind devotion of a fool to an even more foolish cause."
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I’m kind of torn on what to think about this story. Not terribly fond of Sonata being as sympathetic as you’ve portrayed her, so I’ll admit to being biased, but it feels like this would make for a good scene - or at least a good topic for a scene - in a larger story but doesn’t really stand on its own. In particular, Sonata seems completely unrepentant in the movie, while you seem to imply that she was already conflicted at that point and there’s no concrete justification for what made her change.
This paragraph, I think, really illustrates what my problem with the story was:
How did she begin to realize that? If they’re her sisters, that implies that she’s been going along with them basically all her life, which might be an awful lot of time to overcome. This is something that might have benefited from being expanded on; as it is, it’s really handwavey and vague. I’m sure it’s possible that she’d slowly come to realize what’s really going on, but it doesn’t make for a terribly interesting story if there’s as little substance to such a noteworthy revelation as you gave. Looking at the end, what you’ve written seems like it fits into the context you probably imagined, but that doesn’t automatically make it compelling.
Like I said, I think you could make a good story out of this. It would be nice to see this topic explored in more detail. What you’ve got felt more like a summary of a larger story than one that’s complete in its own right. That larger story could be a powerful one, but this summary of it wasn’t. Not for me, at least.
Always glad to see more people writing about the Sirens, though, and I do like some of the language you use. If you do end up writing more about them, I’ll be interested in reading it.
Anyway, I hope you find all this helpful!
8315787
I appreciate your criticism. You sound like someone else who said basically the same thing as you. If I am to assume, You basically said that this story is incomplete as it is. Well, this story was meant to be less of a full story and more of a take on a sort of what if scenario. The last line was meant to tie in with what I originally thought this was going to turn into. I will admit I was trying to gain a bit of a reaction out of the people who read it, but that's all stories.
8315843
Yes, that’s a good way to sum up what my general reaction is. It felt like enough of a glimpse into the scenario to be intriguing, but not enough to really get a reaction (I mean, it obviously gave enough of a reaction to justify a 300-ish word comment, but I doubt my reaction was the one you were going for). I’d be very curious to know what the original idea was, if that’s something you’d be willing to share.
8316010
My original idea was slightly less sappy. It was supposed to explore how Sonata felt about being stupid. (Or rather, being considered stupid by the other dazzlings)
very beautiful story and love how Sonata's mind works
8517516
Thanks so much! I tried to make her seem like she was always smarter than she looked, or rather, acted.