• Member Since 27th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 13th, 2021


My true alias is Dreagonight, the Dreaded Dragon Knight, but my friends just calls me dreago, the reckless Mystic Dragon-Knight


After being abandoned by her sisters and both physically and emotionally tormented by the students of CHS, Sonata has no place to go. Sonata, who was evil, was a bright girl who always kept a smile on her face and seemingly cheerful with no care for the world. Now she is homeless, scared and seems emotionless until a male student came to her rescue. But what happened to her that caused her to lose even her emotions, and how will she be with this new found help? Only time will tell.

Now you can read the Dark Spin-Off of this story, have fun!
Also thanks to Tennis Match Fan for editing my chapters since chapter 2.

Chapters (30)
Comments ( 321 )
Comment posted by Samey90 deleted Sep 20th, 2015
Comment posted by Voldine deleted Sep 20th, 2015

It's awesome to see you're taking a shot at something you hate, :pinkiesmile:. I'm going to point out some errors so you can fix them. PS, don't let people like Samey90 discourage you from this story. It's great you want to share with the world even when you know you aren't the best writer, :twilightsmile:

It been a few week

It has been a few weeks

and three days after been abounded by her sister, sonata begin looking

and three days after being abandoned by her sister, Sonata began

It was already pass noon when I got done helping around the school for the principal, I haven't been to school for a little over halve the semester so I missed out on a some big event that happen.

It was already past noon when I finished helping around the school for Principal Celestia. I hadn't been to school for a little over half the semester, so I missed out on some big "Battle of the Bands" even that happened

You also want to include a reason so we don't think you're a slacker. ;)

As I was taking out the last bit of trash I notice a girl sitting by the dumpster she had light blue hair and dark purple highlight she was wearing a purple hoodie and blue jean pants.

As I was taking out the trash I noticed a girl sitting by the dumpster. She had light blue hair with dark purple highlights. She was wearing a purple hoodie and blue jeans.

As I look more closely I could see her clothe was a bit tatter in dirty it look like she was working at a mechanic shop all day. I said nothing to her at first as I throw away the trash but as I look at her aging I could see she has been hurt physically.

As I looked more closely, I could see her clothes were a bit tattered and dirty; it looked like she was working at a mechanic shop all day. I said nothing to her at first as I threw away the trash, but when I looked at her again I could see she had been hurt physically.

Mention how she had been hurt physically :) Bruises on her cheeks, cuts, scrapes, etc.

"is there anything I can do to help you"?

help you?"
The first letter of a sentence is always capitalized, and the punctuation is inside the quotations. :)

"okay then are you hurt you seems ruffle up," as I eye her up and down?

"Okay, then. Are you hurt? You seem ruffled up," I said/commented/noted (pick one :raritywink:) as eyed her up and down.

"I umm fell that all am okay really," she said as she sit back down, I could tell she didn't trust me but nothing I could really do.

"I, um, fell, that's all. I am okay, really," she said as she sat back down. I could tell she didn't trust me but there was nothing I could do if she didn't.

The next day I came back to the school wondering if that girl was still there or not when I made it to the back not to my surprise she was there sleeping in a box shelter that I recognize as the material I threw out yesterday.

The next day I came to school wondering if that girl was still there, or if she had gone back to her home. When I returned to the dumpster, I wasn't surprised she was there, sleeping in a shelter that I recognized as the material I had thrown out yesterday.

It clear she been out here all night in I'm sure she haven't eaten anything I went to a nearby store in bought two sandwich and some drink.

It was clear she had been out there all night. Sure she hadn't eaten anything, I went to a nearby store abd bought two sandwhiches and some drinks.

How was it clear? Did her clothes look wet? Her hair even messier than before?

As I made my way back to where she was sleeping I notice she was already getting up and looking around she then notice me approaching this time she didn't try to leave.

As I made my way back to her shelter, I noticed she was already getting up and looking around. She turned my way, and I knew she noticed me approaching. This time, she didn't try to leave.

she pause a second like she was deciding if it was okay to tell me' "my name it.....Sonata Dusk," she said taking a seat back down.

She paused for a second as if she was deciding if she should tell me.

"My name... it's Sonata Dusk," she said, taking a seat back down.

5433727 You came all the way to the actual story just to say that instead of passing it over?

Comment posted by Samey90 deleted Sep 20th, 2015

This story has some potential, though there are quite a few typos in this, I highly recommend either going back and fixing them or hire a proofreader, I'd offer some of my services, but I'm tied up with a huge crossover series.

This was a good first try at writing, and I look forward to see more of this story :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by The Guardian and Friends deleted Sep 20th, 2015
Comment posted by The Guardian and Friends deleted Sep 20th, 2015
Comment posted by Gleaming deleted Sep 20th, 2015
Comment posted by Samey90 deleted Sep 20th, 2015

You hate writing? It shows.

Comment posted by SiIver Spoon deleted Sep 20th, 2015

People I know I have mistake in my work I also ask for feed back so I can improve my writing but you don't have to be mean about it this is my first work and am a terrible writer and I do plain on fixing my mistake

Comment posted by thechicken95 deleted Sep 20th, 2015

For those telling me to get a proofreaders do try to understand this I didn't have anyone to help me my friends don't like mlp so they won't help I don't have any connection to a source reader so I did this in the dark, blind with no help that why I was hoping for NICE feedback to help me not the RUDE ones I've been seeing so far

5434364 Good intentions, but not everyone comes to read and correct a story. It's kinda like a movie, you don't wanna pay twenty bucks to see the beginning of idea don't know, Avengers: Age of Uldron only to find already there's a misspelling of the word "Ultron". Or watching further into the movie you find a character forgetting their lines or messing up in the movie. You would definitely want your money back after the time that was wasted.

Which is one of the reasons why it is important to get an editor and a proofreader before publishing and if there's any mistakes the reader would be able to kindly let it slide and even let you know so that you could fix it.

Hope this helps. :3

5434463 Ah, well there's a proofreading and editing group for you to join. One is The Proofreaders Group and the other one is The Editor's Group.

5434482 well I knew that my story had some problem with it but I didn't think it was this much I thought it would be a problem with the story itself like understanding it not the whole grammar thing

I went back in tried my best to fix the error in the story so I hope it better to read now

Well I've been watching the comment section from the start, and I gotta say it was funny reading everyone go off at the guy.
Sure maybe it's his first time but at least give him some useful tips like everyone been saying.

OR maybe give him links to some fimfiction groups like:
The writer group http://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group
The proofreader group http://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group
And many other group. Please look in their similar group section.

Side note. I get yelling at him to get a proofreader is a tip but it's a pretty lazy tip when you say " desc is bad, get proofreader " and only that.

The plot of the story has potential and can be put into a great story! The only thing that made me dislike this is the fact that there is so many grammar mistakes that I can't even understand some parts of it. I recommend to get a good editor and at least proofread your work.

5435649 Well that's great! I'm really looking forward to your revised work!:pinkiehappy:

Hello!, The story has a great beginning, though are you going to turn this into a romance fic. Cause if you are you should take your time, and I understand it might be hard but when your done the feeling is amazing. If you need an editor I recommend TheUndiscoveredPony, she's one of my good friends but she's usually really busy. if you ask just say I sent you.
:derpytongue2: Keep writing!

5442188 Thanks for the feedback, I do plain on taking my time with the romance but not so much to where it only come at the end, and also thank for the recommended of your friend I will look into that in time when I feel my writing has 'improve'.

Why does this have to many thumbs-down's? i mean it has errors, and it isn't perfect, but i think it should have a 2:1 like ratio, if not 1:1. please continue this, do not be dissuaded because of the down votes, you're doing great. :twilightsmile::heart::yay:

5474352 thanks I will continue it till it finish after that though I'm not so sure

Would you like me to post a review? Comment? Private message?

Great story. Now that most of the errors are fixed, others should believe that too! :pinkiehappy:

5504603 comment or review is good enough for me, but mostly review as I do hope to improve the story over all

5510814 I meant if you wanted a review in the comment section or in your PM. Just in case.

Since you've requested a review, here it is:

A few days early before sonata life falls apart

It has been a few weeks since the battle of the band, and four days after being abandoned by her sister, Sonata began looking for a place to stay. She hope someone who was kind enough to let her stay a their house for at least a day till she can get something for herself but this prove to be more of a problem then she hope for.

Present day: My main OC

Cut out this part of the opening. The transition between Third-person and First-person is jarring and it doesn't set up the story very well. Since the next paragraph is written in First-person we can see a much more interesting story unfolding before the narrator.

And now for spelling and grammar (as far as I know).

She was wearing a purple hoodie and blue jeans pants.

Replace "blue jeans pants" with either "blue jeans" or "blue jean pants".

she had bits of scraps and cut on her knees and legs

Scrapes and cuts.

I'm not the one to ignore a girl hurt,

How about "a girl being hurt"?

You seem...a little bet up,"

a little beat up.

When she lifted her head in looked at me coming she panic in began

Replace these phrases with "and saw" and "panicked and".

1." Hey, calm down I'm not going to hurt you."2.-I put my hands up like I was a criminal under arrest as a slowed my 2.pace-"You seem hurt. Is there anything I can do to 3. help," I said now standing in front of 4.her?

1. Remove the space between the quotation mark and the word "hey,".
2. Remove the hyphens; they should be used when the speaker is cut off in the middle of a sentence. And should stay inside the quote.
3. Replace the comma with a question mark.
4. Replace the question mark with a period.

Seeing the scrapes and cuts on her body, it was obviously a lie,

Remove the comma.

"1.Okay, then. Are you hurt? You seem ruffled up," I noted 2. as eyed her up and down.

1. Remove the comma.
2. The phrase is "as I eyed".

I could tell she didn't trust me but there was nothing I could do if she didn't.
Aright, I'm confused.

It clear she been out here all night,

Replace with either "It's clear" or "It was clear".

"Don't know if you would like them, though,"

Remove the comma.

I came back the next day, like I1. promised , with some more sandwiches. As I was approaching the dumpsters, I overheard some girls talking to her. More like yelling at her, and nothing2. the said was nice.

1. Remove the space between the word "promised" and the comma.
2. and nothing they said was nice.

Nobody like you,"

Nobody likes you.

light purple jean 1.jacket., "After all you and your 2. sister did,

1. Remove the period.
2. Sisters.

She 1.look at me in I could see within her sad eyes 2. that what she was going to do. "How about you stay the night here 3.umm....,"4.-as I said this it never cross my mind that I haven't ask her 4.name-

1. Looked.
2. Remove "that"
3. Remove the comma, an ellipsis has three periods.
4. Remove the hyphens.

"My name it.....Sonata Dusk,"

The is "is", and an ellipsis has three periods.

"Well 1.Sonata my name is Blitz Shot, and why don't you stay here for the 2.night then we can talk more in the 1.morning that sound okay to 3.you,"
1. Add a comma
2. Add a question mark at the end of "night" then capitalise the first letter in "then".
3. Replace the comma with a question mark.

"I 1.cant leave her now, 2."-while i look at her sleeping form with 2.pity-

1. Add an apostrophe like so: "can't".
2. Remove the hyphens.


And remember: Never post your first draft!
Revise it again, then again, then a third time for luck.
Just leave the anticipation to me, as I very much look forward to hearing more from you.

5532731 I see what your saying but the damage is done plus I only put that there because I didn't know a better way to start the story so I made the mistake of a third to first person transection though I'm surprise you brought that up since no one else did even the one who grammar Nazi me there a lot of those on the first chapter

5546768 Thanks, what was you expecting though

5546800 disappointment actually, usually a story involving the dazzlings turns out really bad but so far this is great

stay classy:moustache:

This is, good I'm enjoying it so far.

5566601 Thanks but I think things might get crazy by the 5th chapter, and not Pinkie pie crazy that for sure.

Hmmm I give this story a like maybe a fave in the future.

Hmmm I'm intrigued as to what will happen.

So far so good keep it up.

So Dreagknight where's the next chapter "A Siren" at? Got an email update yesterday and I don't see it up.

5572150 That chapter was a mistake, I hit the publish button when I tried to hit the edit. but the next chapter should be here by sometimes today

5572159 Ah ok then. I noticed this happened a few times for other stories I've been reading.


Login or register to comment