• Member Since 10th May, 2015
  • offline last seen February 16th

Sparkletop Rainbows


Just a pegasister who's a huge fangirl on the inside. She follows back and would love to be your friend! (Avatar found at http://swa-oku.deviantart.com/art/Hetalia-Fan-Art-Samovar-Teatime-360787743)

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Sonata has nightmares every night. She has the same reoccurring dream every time. But a person can only handle so much. Sonata can't take it anymore. She wants to end it all, she can't take the pain anymore. It's not like there was anyone who cared for her, anyways.

Feedback is encouraged.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

Nice story, although I would have liked it more if the ending wasn't over so quickly. What you have is nice, and it's sweet and all that, but you gloss over Sonata' realization in only a sentence or two. You could pack a lot more emotion into the ending if you expanded it a little bit. That's my thought, anyway.

You also do a lot more telling than showing. Things like:

Adagio was steaming mad.

Aria was a little bit concerned

Lastly, I don't know if this was intentional or not, but this sentence really bugged me.

thousand light years

Light Year is a unit of distance, not time.

So those are my thoughts. Not bad, but it could be better.

There were some typos, but other than that, this was a wonderful story. Very nice job! :raritywink:

Ayy, that's pretty good!

Wow!That's awesome and so sad!It's just awesome!:fluttercry::heart:

7589657 Thank you! And could you point out the typos, please? I would like to fix them.

7590733 Sure. ^^ Sorry if I sound too critical.

Sonata tossed and turns.

Um, it's supposed to be "turned."

All of them looked staright down at Sonata.

*Straight

You're suck a pushover.

*Stuck or *Such

She never helped but cause trouble for her other siren sisters when they has tried to take over the world.

Uh, what? I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here...? I think you mean "All she did was cause trouble for her other siren sisters when they tried to take over the world."

But no matter how much she tried, she couldn't let go of er past.

*Her

It doesn't matter, anyways. Nothing matters anymore.

To make it sound more like it was in the past (since it is, really), you might want to change it to "It didn't matter, anyways. Nothing mattered anymore."

Sonata wore she serious expression while she walked down the stairs.

*Her

But her sisters have, and they all sit at the same table while Sonata sits in a lonely corner.

You might mean "But her sisters had, and they all sat at the same table while Sonata sat in a lonely corner."

These are just a few of them, and I think there's more, but that would probably be too overwhelming for me to correct all of them and for you to fix all of them right now. If you want, though, I can give you more tips and help.
Again, sorry if I sound too critical, but I hope this helped. :twilightsmile:

7591198

Thank you for telling me! It helped a lot.

I'm not a big fan of the Dazzlings but this was amazing. I've noticed you focus more on Sonata than the other ones.

Also, as a curious note, I notice a lot of similarities with my story (Pictures in my Head) in terms of story elements. Inspiration?

Anyway, good work.:twilightsmile:

7593219 Huh, I never realized it had a few stories. Perhaps I was a bit inspired by it I didn't notice. Thanks!

Oww......my heart

Right in the feels. Ouch...

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