This story is a sequel to Past Regrets
Set after 'Rainbow Rocks', life has been getting better for Sunset. After helping to save the world from the sirens, she has been pardoned for her crimes and is more accepted by the students of CHS. Life is good, but something is still bothering Sunset. After buying a mysterious sketchpad, Sunset decides to take out her frustrations through her drawings. But when the monsters in her drawings start coming to life, can Twilight and her friends find a way to help Sunset before it's too late?
Chapters (8)
While the idea is interesting, I have to point out a few odd things.
It doesn't make sense to me of Sunset's or Twilight's situations. You mentioned that Sunset lives with her parents, which in the EQG doesn't make sense. She wouldn't leave Equestria and convince her parents to come with her. The other option is that she's living with human Sunset's parents, and human Sunset is either dead or somewhere else and pony Sunset took her place.
Or what would make the most sense is that Sunset was taken in by a family in the EQG world.
Now Twilight, this takes place after Rainbow Rocks so this is pony Twilight here. Is Twilight staying with human Twilight's family? I'm so confused with this, if everyone is going away on trips why would Twilight stay. Can't she just go back to Equestria?
It's just so confusing I'm sorry. It could use improvement, I hope you are able to fix it with better explanations for things. If it's some sort of alternate universe situation you might want to explain that in the description. :rainbow huh:
It seems like an interesting concept, I saw no grammar or spelling mistakes really, but I'm just pointing out what could use some help. :twilight blush:
The unsigned note had read 'Everyone might buy the whole 'nice girl' act, but deep down, your as much a demon as you were before.'
Another thing I want to mention:
Why is Twilight being such an ass? :rainbow laugh:
Twilight would never say or even write something like that! Even if she was suspicious of someone she wouldn't give away and tell them she's suspicious of them. She would go after clues and do research and in the end we would figure out things.
Even if she would leave a note to a reformed villain saying that- she wouldn't be so rude about it! She would say something more like 'I've got my eye on you' or 'something smells fishy here'. Not calling the person 'still a demon'. I just can't imagine her doing something like this, so I suggest you change the wording there. Now, I don't know if this is gonna be some 'Twilight is evil' story, but if it is, you're making it WAY too obvious.
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This is part of my "Elements of Equestria" series which take place in an alternate world different from the cannon one. You might want to read the two previous stories to get a better idea of how it's different.
Also, the note was unsigned, right now there is no clue as to who wrote it.
I hope this clears up a few things.
Very little I can say beyond excellent start to this latest story. Once again, the characterizations are quite well done and I've got a bad feeling about the note (though "bad feeling" in the way that is good for story-telling). I know none of Sunset's friends sent the note, but that's ALL I know. Then again, I get that's the whole point right now.
At any rate, I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be very willing to be patient. After all, I get that real world concerns have to come first and inspiration can often be difficult to come by.
This has peaked my interest can't wait for the next chapter
Very little I can say beyond excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. And Sunset being a good artist is an especially good character detail. And I am definitely sensing a doozy of a fight coming up in the next chapter (as well as probably the next few chapters)
And, for the record, my guess for the "children's horror author" is R.L. Stine (aka the creator of the "Goosebumps" series)
And, I have some ideas for later stories (but not THIS story)
1. In the story of your choice, should you like the idea enough to use it, Sunset can come across a "seventh Element" (which might not be needed to make the other six elements work, but CAN make the other Elements more powerful when it is added to the mix). The seventh Element would be the Element of Empathy, which would be a bit of a nod/possible foreshadowing to "Legend of Everfree".
and 2. If you like this idea enough to use it, the adding of the seventh Element can grant a couple of added personal abilities to each of the Element Bearers (one an augmentation of their best abilities and the other based on their Element)
Applejack: Obviously super-strength (as well as the durability to use that strength without hurting herself) plus an "Honesty"-based sixth sense that, while NOT flat-out mind-reading, DOES allow her to sense when somebody is lying to her (or, alternatively, to realize when she isn't getting the full truth, even when the one she is speaking to really IS telling her everything THEY know)
Rainbow: Obviously, super-speed (as well as her reflexes and thought processes being sped up enough for her to move at full speed without accidentally hitting anything as long as she is on full alert) plus the ability to increase the strength, speed and durability of up to six friends at a time within her immediate area up to a dozenfold for six minutes (which would be a logical ability for the bearer of the Element of Loyalty)
Fluttershy: Her natural knack with animals amplified to a flat-out telepathic link (but still limited to a range of about twenty feet) plus a healing touch (the latter a logical ability for the bearer of the Element of Kindness)
As for the others, well, I'll have to get back to you.
Of course, if you DON'T like these ideas or already have better ideas (the latter of which is QUITE possible), then I profusely apologize for wasting your time.
At any rate, I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will respect if it takes a while.
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Glad you like the chapter!
And you've got it. I may end up using monsters from him, King, and Lovecraft in this and future stories, so try and see if you can spot the references!
As for the 'seventh element' thing...sorry but I've never been into that. I've always stuck with the six the show gave us, so sorry to disappoint you.
On the other hand, you almost got the part about their powers spot on. Their going to come up in future stories!
Don't worry about wasting my time. I love hearing what readers have to say!
I've also got something coming up tomorrow, so I put up another chapter tonight since I might not get back to it until Thursday.
Hey there. Thanks for getting the next chapter up so quickly. And, yeah, I can definitely understand you being new at it. The action was still better than *I* could do. The characterizations and exchanges were ALSO quite well done. And, yeah, I can't blame Sunset for being upset, but I also can't blame any of the others for being worried. I just hope they manage to get this mess resolved without anybody getting SERIOUSLY hurt.
At any rate, I'll very definitely be looking forward to more, but also know not to try to rush things.
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Thanks for the response. In every respect. I do truly appreciate the explanations. :-D
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Yep that does clear it up a bit! :twilight smile:
Whoa. I have to say, thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. And, yeah, this DOES give us a pretty solid lead on a possible letter sender. Anyway, excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. And, while I can't blame Sunset for being upset at the right targets, she should do a better job controlling her temper with those that are actually trying to HELP her. Anyway, on to the next chapter.
Once again, superb job on this latest chapter. Glad to see Sunset finally starting to swallow her pride SLIGHTLY. And, yeah, that DOES actually explain A LOT. And, once again, very good job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked the group's reactions to the shop AND the chat with the store owner. I'll very certainly be looking forward to more, but will also be quite willing to be patient.
Again, thanks immensely for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Once again, great job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. I particularly liked the meeting with Sunset's landlady AND Celestia and Luna's active participation in this adventure. Well, on to the next chapter.
Again, superb job on this chapter. The action, exchanges, characterizations and epilogue set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked how Celestia helped Sunset start to work through her parental issues. I'll very certainly be looking forward to the epilogue, but will be quite willing to respect that real world concerns have to come first.
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Don't worry. Like I said in my blog I don't really have much responsibility until college starts up again. I case anything does come up, I'll talk about it in the footnotes.
Hey there. Once more, I can't say much beyond job well done. Yeah, I loved the exchange, characterizations and wrap-up. And, yeah, I don't blame you one bit for liking the thought of Sunset living with Celestia and Luna. (and hey, maybe Luna and Sunset could end up adopting a possum named Tiberius [that would be a reference to the comics] and a gecko named Ray). Sorry about that. Got a little caught up in the thought.
At any rate, VERY good job on this story overall.
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Luna already had Tiberius. He's her 'familiar' if you understand.
I'll try to find a way to include Ray later! (personally I thought it would be a black cat but oh well.)
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Okay. I missed that. Thanks for pointing that out (sheepish grin)
Thi Story was so good I loved All the charaterisation and feels just want to say your a fantastic writer
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Thank you so much!
That's what happens to all the left socks!