I'm amazed they would believe a guy who wasn't upfront about the mind-magic he was putting on Twilight just because he blamed someone they only know to be thoughtlessly rude. Seems like a big step.

Also, Twilight? Your human self almost destroyed two worlds. Should we be concerned about you now? Blaming interdimensional counterparts can be rather dangerous like that.

Anyhow, quick note: In dialogue, when characters address one another, you normally put a comma in front of the name to avoid misunderstandings. For example:

"I want to come inside Rainbow Dash!"

has a different meaning than

"I want to come inside, Rainbow Dash!"

8439204 Dully noted, and I plan for Twilight to (mostly) wise up next chapter. Be a bit less naive than her species as a whole. That'll be a ways off though, reasons are in the notes for this chapter.

I find this story rather intriguing, albeit I am confused by the end. I mean, he seemed like an okay guy, considering the collar wasn't that bad as one could believe at the beginning. The end suggests he has some villainy plans ahead though.

8440326
That is entirely the point my dear Watson. In my opinion the best stories are unpredictable in their plot, so my goal is to keep the reader guessing till the end.

Just as I suspected with this chapter, more disappointment. There was a glimmer of hope when Spike attacked James but sadly that glimmer was snuffed out. And of course our wonderful little ego-tripping human is still up to no good. I truly hope he gets what he deserves but the way this story is going, I sincerely doubt it will happen. As it is with clop based commission fics, like this one, the antagonist will most likely succeed. That disappoints me greatly, for I would love to karmatic justice rip James apart for his transgressions.

So the jack-off admits about the enchantment on the choker and why his dumb ass was fired from the school. Then Spike tests it and attacks the jack-off, wonderful. I got to admit I liked him referencing Twilight as his mother, I am a sucker for tender moments like that. Then you gotta go and ruin it with Spike agreeing to test said choker on Rarity (which is complete bullshit by the way) and then the jack-off screws Twilight after speaking a bout tender mother moment. Way to go, we go from a rushed first chapter to a second chapter that mixes tender moments with cheap porno. Way to fucking go for another disappointing chapter.

8456285
if you hate the fic so much, why bother reading it? just to say you hate it and make yourself look lake a manifest of the dead sea?

8500710
I read it to see where it will go. You obviously don't read enough to understand that no story, book or otherwise can be judged merely by the first two chapters. I may not like the first two chapters and how they flow but there is always a possibility for something to change depending on the events. I am one who gives most stories a chance with three to five chapters (depending) to truly see the story's true potential. That and everyone is entitled to opinions, positive or negative.

8521094
while i do read alot- like i read every changling fic on fimfiction in about 4 months- i agree that we all are intitaled to our opinions. and i also agree that a story should be given time to show how well it does rather than just the first chapter.

Some of the best stories take some of the longest brakes hoping this continue soon

8528418
I’d be able to get to writing much sooner if I had Patrons. Someone once pointed out that working within the word limit of a Commission limits what I can do for chapters, so I’m hoping Patreon will allow me to work at my own level.

Sadly I don’t have any yet. Seriously though, if I just had 50 Patrons each doing the $10 pledges at least then I could afford to be putting out updates every week instead of the long periods of silence.

Done

8528910
Wow, really? Thanks!

Yeah, I'm not sure why there's so much bitching about this story. I mean, it's mind-control fetish porn. Says so right on the tin. And so far, James is pretty tame for being the (choose your prefix)tagonist of one of these things.

8534381
Personally this beats what I was once getting. Folks were saying the story was just utter trash, and when I deleted those comments they tried making fun of me for it. I just told them it wasn’t constructive criticism, and to try again. At least now my critics are going in depth with what they don’t like, and it gives me some idea where I can improve as a writer, so I don’t mind it too much so long as it isn’t hating for the sake of hating

So I’m hoping the next chapter has a bit more depth to the story than it has so far. I mean my client can only do increments of $25 a chappie, so that’s roughoy 5,000 give or take a few hundred depending on how the story writes out. Trying to fix that issue with a Patreon account so I can make due off of monthly donations instead of Commissions. If I can just get 50 folks doing the $10 donations it’ll go a long way towards easing reality off my back... Hard battle honestly, I only have one Patron. Look...
https://www.patreon.com/HTKWolfe777

This story is interesting... But I think there is more to James then meets the eye... Even if he was from the human world he should have turned into a pony when he entered the mirror. I think he has an enchantment on himself so he can stay human... Don't know if that's the route you're going but it is still a fascinating idea.

8591094
Not exactly. He does know magic as of obvious from the collar, but the mirror had no reason to change him. I have a theory about how that mirror works, I just tweaked it a bit for this story.

Basically when/if the mirror changes a creature it is to help that creature survive better on the other side. Magic runs rampant in Equestria so ponies are constantly in synch with the flow of magic entering then leaving their bodies (pinkie sense anypony?), but in the human world it does not which is why equestrian magic needs a medium to work such as music or magical items.

My theory is if a pony came to the human world as a pony then their body would quickly bleed itself of magic as it tried to synch with a flow of magic that isn’t there or is in very short supply, which could result in anything from seizures to death. So the mirror morphs ponies into humans passing through so they can contain their magical energy until a medium helps them release it. However humans are not inherently magical so there’s no real need for them to change since they have to conciously channel magic for it to enter their bodies.

Ergo, human in Equestria! And until natural born humans come through that mirror, and get turned into ponies by it I’m sticking by my theory.

8591124
Okay. But I still don't trust him. He gives off the "I'm evil but I mask it so well" vibe to me.

It's a little interesting... Is this going to continue?

There were a fwmew times where you mistyped James as names but apart from that really good

8695712 I hope so I'm planning on continuing it I'm just waiting on the author he seems a little busy I guess.

Do you know if this story will continue?

Any chance you will continue this.