Death Rides a Pale Mare

by totallynotabrony

Author Notes

Author's Note:

My wife first presented the idea for this story nearly two years ago and it has been a long time coming to make it happen. The two of us are glad to finally publish it.

As I understand, my wife took the idea of an assassin's guild from Skyrim. The workings of a plague came to her from various Michael Crichton books, with a little dose of Stephen King. The title of the story is a reference to a Piers Anthony book. It is not tagged for alt universe because it is carefully woven into the background of the first six seasons.

We talked about and developed the story off and on for, well, two years. I finally convinced her to let me ghostwrite it after drawing up some art of the lead character.

Source

This is essentially a fancier version of a ponycreator image my wife made to lay out the colors.

Pale's appearance was specifically not supposed to be beautiful. In fact, my drawing is probably the equivalent of magazine cover airbrushing. She's half changling. She's been fighting for most of her life and has the scars to prove it. She's tall, she's muscular, she puts badass first and makeup never.

It was interesting to see her character develop as the story went on. She even developed a catchphrase. Bonus points if you caught it.

How old is Pale? We never put it to a number, but she feels like she's in her late twenties.

Here is the extent of the character notes we had about her when we began:

The Pale Mare - protagonist, female changeling hybrid, horn broken by abusive bug mom resulting in malfunctioning magic. Mother is Queen Chrysalis, father is unknown but apparently a fairly powerful unicorn.  Very pale grey-blue color, with light green and yellow hair. Usually hides wings as they are very changeling-like. Doesn’t like crowds.  Good with a blade. Has no friends besides coworkers. A surprisingly good mentor. Not funny.

Even Odds/The Spinning Coin was originally intended as a sidekick, and shows some of that early on. Then we realized someone or something needed to help pull Pale out of her metaphorical shell and turned Coin away from her buddy role in order to give Pale some space to develop on her own.

Some of you will ask, so here it is: Coin would do Pale. Unfortunately for her, Pale's preference, if she had any sexuality at all, would probably fall somewhere to the straight side of center.

Shipping aside, they both do care deeply for each other. Pale, obviously, is much worse at showing it. She had no experience in social interaction because she killed most every new pony she ever met.

The other character notes are more limited, usually just a few sentences each. The most amusing is one line from Whisper's:

...like Hannibal Lecter in a tiny body.

While he was an open psychopath, Jolly was actually next in line on the scale. He just hid it better. Being genetically unable to reproduce will do that to a guy. Even still, for the same reason, he had a soft spot for kids.

Mirror was difficult to characterize without making her a Rarity clone. Clothes horse trope.

We purposely didn't mention the cutie marks of the other guild members. Well, several of them weren't even ponies, but no mention of cutie marks meant we focused more on their name as an identifying feature. In Equestria, newborn ponies are named related to their talent, as if their parents could see the future and pick out a name suited perfectly to them. In the guild, names are given for actions. One earns their name.

From both of us, thanks for reading.

Source

Comments

[TitaniumTao]

The main arc is done, but this still feels a bit incomplete. Mostly cause there are a lot of unanswered questions and plot strings. Did Pale ever find her dad, and is he even alive? What happened with her horn? Did the Royalty ever find out about the plague and the genocide of the Cyclopes? And so forth, however a pretty good yarn.

[Blackbriar]

ARGH! So many unanswered questions!

[Noc]

I think it’s \obvious her dad is Shining Armor – or if it’s not the case, it sure seems implied that it is.

I like Pale, though I would’ve liked to see where her life takes her after the killing is finally done. Maybe she and the other guild misfits can start a group to help each other integrate into pony society – find a job, learn to interact with people with words rather than knives, etc. I also agree with those above who say there’s a lot of unanswered questions. I know you can’t address everything in the story (it’d be unrealistic to tie things off in a neat little bow), but maybe include those answers in the author’s notes?

Either way, it was enjoyable and I liked reading it. Looking forward to what’s next from you (or your wife, should she ever feel like it).

[totallynotabrony]

8252782
I'd say it wasn't obvious at all. Pale's probably about the same age as Shining.

[Noc]

8252834
Oh. Wow. Major derp on my part – I’ve read so many “X is Shining/Chrysalis’s child” stories I forgot to consider the age. I retract that comment.

In that case, though, it only adds the question of who her father was. Is it meant to be implied as someone we know from the show, or is it some random stallion we haven’t heard of?

[Dragonofshame]

Will there be a sequel?

[totallynotabrony]

8271503
Nothing is planned.

[Skalula7]

8276544
Maybe even a chapter that is in x many years in the future?

[Admiral Stoic Rum]

8332646

8333525
Girl in plaid shirt

[totallynotabrony]

8334376
It was that spoon-obsessed Plaid Stripes kid from the Made in Manehattan episode.

[Admiral Stoic Rum]

8334418
I like my reference better but that explains the camping spoons

[UniqueSKD]

The Blight is a mysterious disease that lurks in the darkest corners of Equestria. Those it infects crave mayhem and will go to any length to spread mindless destruction.

The only cure is death, and the Pale Mare is bad medicine.

The cover art looks like an albino male version of WoodenToaster's OC. Also, a take on Bloodborne or...?

[totallynotabrony]

8510062
I was not previously aware of WoodenToaster.
The story is not a crossover with anything, but if there's any video game influence in there, it's Skyrim.