Her Royal Morning Coffee
Shut Up And Pour
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
The train trip seemed to Dry Roast to be less than a date, but perhaps a persimmon, or maybe a lemon. He had not even gotten to get a good look at Rainbow Dash’s outfit for the Canterlot Spring Flower Festival before being stuffed into his own suit, hustled into the train, and assigned a seat by Rarity. Said rump plunking spot seemed to be suspiciously close to Princess Twilight Sparkle and away from both his supposed date and any nearby doors he could flee out of, but Dry Roast screwed up his courage, tried not to be embarrassed at just bringing coffee for himself, and persevered.
Despite Rarity sprinkling little bits of monologue through their conversation that showed more research into his background than he was comfortable with.
“How interesting,” said Rarity. “I had no idea you were working on an advanced degree in Alchemy at the Maresachusetts Institute of Technological Magic. Whatever made you abandon your thirst for knowledge and move to Ponyville?”
“The school and I came to a mutual understanding,” admitted Dry Roast.
“Huh.” Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her mane with one wing. “Same thing happened to me with weather school. What did you blow up?”
“Um…” Dry Roast did not want to admit it, but the fact was probably already in Rarity’s little list she was hiding behind one hoof. “It’s not so much what we blew up. It’s more what we blew down. You know how you’re not supposed to flush certain chemicals like catalysts down the sink in a lab?”
Rainbow Dash nodded. “Yeah, because they corrode the bottoms out of the clouds and drip all over whatever Cloudsdale is over at the time.”
“Or they mix.” Dry Roast paused. “Do I have to go any further?”
“No,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Yes,” said Rarity.
Twilight Sparkle said nothing, but just remained where she was while stewing in a sullen silence.
“Anyway,” continued Dry, “the north wing of the Advanced Alchemy building doesn’t really line up with the south wing any more. But they got to put in an extra basement at almost no charge.”
Spike abruptly spoke up. “Hey, Twilight did that once with—”
“Spike!” admonished Twilight Sparkle.
“Sorry.” He waited a moment until Twilight returned to her intense glower at the floor of the train before miming a little explosion with his claws, with a wriggling of his fingers that most probably indicated flames.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Some time later when the interrogation/conversation had thinned out enough for Dry to get up and stretch his legs, Spike called him over to a place in the car where their voices would not be overheard. He glanced around and lowered his voice anyway, and seemed to be genuinely concerned about something or somepony in particular.
“You’ve got that look,” said Spike rather cryptically.
“What look?”
“That look that every stallion who ever dates one of the girls gets.”
“There have been others?” Dry Roast paused at Spike’s smug expression. “Did any of them survive?”
Spike chuckled into one fist. “Nopony has died yet.” He thought for a moment. “Although the stallion who tried to date Applejack caught a bad case of country fever, and the one dating Pinkie did spend a few weeks in an institution.”
“Mental?”
“No, a baking school. He’s in Las Pegasus right now, making Air Eclairs.”
It seemed only rational to Dry Roast. “Sweet to eat and low in calories, I’ll bet.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the point. You like Twilight, right?”
After a quick glance to make sure the alicorn in question was not lurking behind him, Dry Roast waved a hoof. “What’s not to like? All of the mares of the Elements of Harmony, the most famous group of ponies in like ever, are likable. Except for Rarity,” he added. “As beautiful as she is, I understand she’s taken.”
“Darned right,” muttered Spike. He coughed and raised his voice. “So are you really interested in Rainbow Dash?”
“Not really,” admitted Dry Roast with a shrug. “She’s cute and a real fireball at the gym. Throws me around like a sack of beans on the mat. But there’s nothing really in common between us. She just invited me to this flower festival thing—”
“Canterlot Spring Flower Festival,” corrected Spike. “Mostly tulips and important ponies standing around with tiny little drinks.”
“Yeah. She did it just to see Twilight and me kiss.”
“So why didn’t you say no?” asked Spike with the innocent sincerity of the very young.
There was a long, open-mouthed pause before Dry Roast cautiously put forward, “It would have been rude?”
“Yeah, speaking of rude,” grumbled Spike. “Can I get you to talk to Lyra? She says Luna said since Twilight was sleepwalking when the kiss started, the pool is still open.”
“And it can stay open,” said Dry. “I’m here as a friend and casual date for Rainbow Dash, that’s all.”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
“So, I heard you’ve been seeing my sister.”
Shining Armor looked oddly normal for a Prince of the Crystal Empire and former Captain of the Royal Guard for Canterlot. He was not sharpening a sword, or leading a squad of soldiers against an enemy of Equestria (of which Dry was fairly certain a barista in Ponyville qualified as). Instead, he was carrying a drink with a little tulip-shaped umbrella in it, much the same as all the rest of the ponies in the decorated ballroom, including decorated elderly veterans and well-dressed young socialites.
Not that Dry Roast wanted to see any violence mar the festivities of the Canterlot Spring Flower Festival, particularly any directed at him. It was just oddly peaceful compared to the mental picture Dry had of his first meeting with Twilight Sparkle’s big brother. Putting it down to a reluctance on Shining Armor’s part to commit murder with this many witnesses, Dry tried not to knock back the rest of his drink and instead gave a weak smile.
“It is a little difficult to miss Ponyville’s resident princess.”
“That’s not quite what I meant.” Shining Armor took another drink without looking at Dry, which after a moment’s contemplation, made him just about the only pony in the large reception hall who was not keeping an eye on the two of them, perhaps in the hopes of seeing something more exciting and bloody than their present activities. They were doomed to disappointment if Dry had anything to say about it. And he did.
“That’s as much as I’m going to admit to you,” said Dry, which was what he had been thinking, but not what he was intending on saying. “I’m actually here as Rainbow Dash’s date,” he added quickly, hoping to open some metaphorical space between him and Her Highness, Princess of Pre-Dawn Pecking.
“So the two of you are just friends?” asked Shining Armor. “Officially.”
“I wouldn’t even go that far,” admitted Dry. He hesitated for a moment, then decided to put everything on one roll of the dice since Shining Armor was Twilight’s brother, and Dry Roast’s own brothers had enough blackmail material on him for a lifetime. “She’s been sleepwalking into my coffee shop before dawn for well over a year, almost two now. I don’t think she’s seen me while awake until just this week.”
Don’t mention the kissing, don’t mention the kissing…
For one moment, Shining Armor just stood there. Then small hints of a smile broke out on his face, along with a suspicious tremble down his ribs much as if he were suppressing a belly laugh. “You don’t say,” he eventually managed.
“Family trait?” asked Dry.
“Oh, no.” Shining Armor made a warding motion with one hoof as if he were attempting not to get something smelly or sticky on his good jacket. “No, no, no. This is all Twiley. Dad found her once down in the kitchen, eating the next day’s coffee grounds out of the percolator. She still claims Dad is making it up because he didn’t get a picture.”
Dry thought about that for a moment, then asked the question that seemed to logically follow, given Twilight Sparkle’s genetic tendencies. “So what happened the next time when he remembered the camera?”
“Denial. Claims of photo editing. Pranks. Shapechanging space aliens, although that seemed a lot more funny at the time,” said Shining Armor. “Twenty page papers detailing the impossibility of the photograph details, including circles around misplaced shadows and lines showing where the negatives were spliced together. I thought it would go away after she became Princess Celestia’s student. We didn’t hear anything about her sleepwalking, other than one really odd report from Joe’s Donuts and a few guards who regularly saw her staggering down to the Night Kitchen.”
Shining Armor shook his head with a cascade of softly flowing mane that gave Dry a suspicious twinge of envy about his own short and tangled mane, which even Rainbow Dash’s conditioner struggled to keep controlled. “Night Guard coffee is only one step up from sludge. It doesn’t really so much dissolve sugar cubes as melts them into submission. And don’t leave a spoon in it overnight or all you’ll wind up with is a stub.”
“Sounds like the faculty lounge in the Maresachusetts Institute of Technological Magic.” Now it was Dry’s turn to shake his head. “I thought my faculty advisor was holding me back in grad school just to keep me trapped making him coffee. I wound up having to charge him out the flank to keep the other professors from joining in. That’s why when I was… asked to leave the institution, I decided to take the first opportunity I could find in the newspapers. My parents cosigned for my coffee shop loan and I was in business within a month. It was the only job I knew for certain I was good at.”
“So why Ponyville?” asked Shining Armor. His drink was empty, but he seemed to be honestly interested in what Dry was saying, which was an improvement over the way Dry had expected the conversation to go, and involved less ‘being pounded.’
Dry Roast shrugged. “It was cheap. Something about a giant space-bear tromping through the center of town. The previous owner sold Java Le Choza to me for a song. Well, not literally,” he added, thinking of the time he had used that phrase on Pinkie Pie.
“Java Le Choza?” Shining Armor gained a particular quirk to his lips and another set of subdued twitches to his barrel. “You actually named it that?”
“What?” Dry frowned and thought back to his Old Equish. “The Java Hut. It was named that way when I bought it from Old Bean Knobby, and I kept the name to keep the townsponies comfortable, even though I updated it with a franchise from Starbuckers. Some of the equipment he had was coal-powered. I’ll bet Luna would have been able to operate it, but I prefer my equipment to have been made in the last century or so.”
Shining Armor’s cheeks were nearly concave and his lips were drawn into a straight line by the time Dry Roast had finished speaking, although a few small snorts of humor leaked out through his nose.
At least I’m entertaining.
Then the most peculiar thing happened. Shining Armor abruptly stopped laughing, paused for just a second, and shot a look in the direction of the Princess of the Night, who was most of the way across the room. Dry Roast followed his eyes, and caught Luna looking back while running just the tip of her dark tongue across her lips, much as if she had spotted a delicious piece of chocolate on the buffet. It was only for a moment, then she turned back to her conversation with Shining Armor’s expectant spouse, Her Royal Pregnant Pinkness, and exchanged a few whispered words.
Then a second peculiar thing happened. Princess Cadence looked straight at Dry Roast with an expression of absolute glee, passed the same look on to the unsuspecting Twilight Sparkle, who happened to be facing a different direction at the moment, then moved closer to Luna to continue their previous conversation in much quieter whispers.
“That’s odd,” said Dry once Shining Armor had turned to look in his direction again. “Any idea what that was all about?”
“No,” said Shining Armor, although with a pensive, thoughtful expression, much like Dry Roast’s own brothers used when they were hiding something.
“Huh.” Dry Roast finished off the last of his drink. “Oh, well. I’ll ask her about it tomorrow morning at work.”
“Work?” echoed Shining Armor.
“I’m surprised you haven’t heard,” said Dry. “Princess Luna has been working at my coffee shop in the early mornings. I think she’s using it as a way to meet the locals and get familiarized with modern life.”
Dry Roast had not really wanted to spread the news around, and in hindsight it sounded a little as if Dry was trying to hide behind her wings to avoid some well-deserved thumping in a juvenile way of “If you hit me, I’m telling Mom!”
“Oh.” Shining Armor nipped the tulip out of his empty drink and chewed it thoughtfully, then gave Dry Roast the most peculiar top-to-bottom look as if he were evaluating him for a Royal Guard application. “Has Princess Luna ever…”
After waiting an excessive amount of time for Shining Armor to continue, Dry Roast decided to pick up the conversational thread. “She’s been the perfect princess at work, other than taking a little too much joy in my embarrassment whenever your sister drops by. I think she just gets a little lonely at the castle in the early hours of the morning and is looking for a little companionship.”
Shining Armor gave a noncommittal grunt which would have made Dry a little less nervous if he did not also look as smug as somepony with a vastly amusing little tidbit of information that he was just dying to share. Instead, the prince made a brief excuse before nodding, then slipped away into the crowd, leaving Dry stranded in the middle of the social event.
It did give him a few minutes before the next group of well-dressed ponies wandered in his direction, and Dry used that time to check on where his date had flown off to, as well as the location of the rest of the Elements of Harmony. They were all ‘socialing’ as much as expected, although Princess Twilight Sparkle seemed to be having a miserable time, despite having obviously been primped and prepared by her friends for this occasion. Little bits of her mane kept popping up at random, and she just… twitched whenever anypony talked to her.
She did calm down somewhat as the day went on and the group went through the Flower Festival festivities, although with his position beside Rainbow Dash and Rarity’s extravagant gowns, Dry felt a little like a burlap sack full of raw beans next to a dozen elaborate paper sacks of gourmet coffee. Thankfully, the Canterlot social scene had not yet ‘twigged’ to the rumors about Twilight Sparkle and her mystery suitor.
Un-thankfully, Dry had never really considered the backlash of showing up as the ‘Plus-One’ to Rainbow Dash, the famous, flamboyant, rainbow-colored pegasus. The worst reaction from his fellow flower festival folk turned out to be from a certain fantasy following among other pegasi of both genders who had their own idea about who should properly occupy his position. Tails were ‘accidentally’ flipped into his face more times than he would care to count, and he began to recognize a particular sneer and cutting tone of voice accompanying the most jealous ponies. On the flip side, there were a surprising number of ponies who honestly seemed overjoyed that Rainbow Dash had ‘touched ground’ with a male pony and took great friendly glee in rubbing her nose in previous statements about ‘flying solo’ and ‘not dating anypony unless they were as awesome as herself.’
Dry Roast had never thought of himself as awesome in any fashion. Well, other than the trail of destruction he left behind whenever experimenting with any reagents more volatile than coffee beans. The festival was awesome, though. It was really a unique sensation to sample the various delicious spring flower petals alongside Equestria’s heroes and actually get to officially meet three other Princesses of Equestria, even though Luna was considerably quieter and more subdued in her mountain home, and Celestia barely acknowledged his existence with a glance while talking to several other ponies. Thankfully.
The whole trip blurred together until they were traveling back to the train station, and then on the way back to Ponyville in the afternoon. Dry, of course, took a detour into the dining car, then wandered back into the car where the six mares were happily chatting afterward. Well, five of the mares were chatting while Twilight sat brooding to one side with her eyes closed in somewhat of a sullen slump as if she were trying to take a nap, without even a book in front of her.
“Hey, Lovercolt,” teased Rainbow Dash. “You’re not sneaking off with some other mare, are you?”
“Just the lady who was guarding the train’s coffee machine,” said Dry, floating a number of steaming cups out from behind him in his magic. “Hot cocoa with onyx sprinkles for Spike.”
“Thank you, sir.” Spike took the foam cup and drank deeply despite the bubbles of steam still coming up from the bottom. “Still boiling, just like I like it.”
“And a cup of marshmallows with some cocoa in it for Pinkie Pie,” said Dry while floating another cup over. “White chocolate frappuccino for the beautiful Rarity, plain coffee with just a few drops of cider for Applejack,” he continued.
“Just right,” said Applejack after a long, appreciative sniff.
“Double-sorghum syrup for Rainbow, oh, and give this to Twilight for me, please,” said Dry after pulling out two coffees and floating them over to the pegasus. “And a hot carrot juice with two straws for Angel and Fluttershy,” he finished.
“What did you get?” asked Rainbow Dash while hoofing the coffee over to the snoozing Twilight, who accepted her coffee out of reflex and took a deep sniff, with her eyes remaining closed and a low moan of appreciation.
Then the reaction that Dry was expecting happened. Twilight Sparkle made a lighting-like grab that captured an unsuspecting Rainbow Dash behind the neck. Lips first, she leaned forward and promptly planted a princess-powered pucker right on Rainbow’s unprepared mouth complete with a sudden ‘Urk!’ of surprise from both the kiss-ee and the kiss-er when Twilight opened her eyes.
“Itdidn’thappen!” squeaked Twilight as she recoiled backwards almost out the window of the train.
“Itsuredid!” replied Rainbow, who had almost made the exact same distance in her backwards leap to the other side of the train car.
Dry Roast checked his watch. “Are we still in your section of the pool, Spike?”
He looked up to see Spike making a frantic negating motion with both hands.
“Pool?” Princess Twilight Sparkle turned slowly in his direction, her horn lowering to point directly between Dry Roast’s eyes. “What pool?”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Confession was good for the soul, and it kept Dry Roast’s hide fairly intact too. If he had to be put in the doghouse for spilling the beans about the kissing pool, at least he had Pinkie Pie in there with him to use as cover, and Rainbow Dash from ‘guilt by association.’ It actually turned out to be more funny than humiliating, because Pinkie Pie would mirror Twilight’s lecture on responsibility behind her back with identical posturing and facial contortions until one of her friends would burst out laughing and Twilight would spin around to see what was so funny, only to have Rainbow duplicate her gestures on the other side.
After the third time, Twilight put Spike in their little lecture group too, even though he was innocent.
By the time the train pulled into the Ponyville station, they were all in the proverbial doghouse, including one of the train conductors who happened to be making his rounds at the wrong time.
“That was fun!” declared Rainbow Dash once the prisoners had been marched out onto the Ponyville train station platform and the conductor managed to slip back onto the train. “We should do that again sometime. You’re actually not such a bad date, Dry.”
“You know,” started Applejack with a speculative rubbing of her chin, “Pinkie and I’ve got this here conference on machinery coming up next week in Coltana Falls. Since Big Mac is holding down the farm while I’m gone, and ah don’t think taking Apple Bloom along would be very beneficial to our insurance rates, it wouldn’t be too bad if’n Pinkie and I had someone along with us who knows their widgets.”
“The Cakes were looking for a new oven,” said Pinkie Pie as she bounced along. “Since I accidently used the last one to make a huuuuumungous cake that might have squished all through the innards of the old one and left everything that it bakes smelling a little like burnt coconut, which isn’t bad if you’re cooking something with coconut, but everypony is getting a little tired of the taste of coconut in everything we bake.”
“Are you sure—” Dry Roast looked up overhead where Rainbow Dash was gliding along, only to have the speedy pegasus wave a dismissive hoof at him.
“Don’t sweat it. I’d be more than happy to loan Dry out to you two. Somepony’s gotta keep you girls out of trouble, after all.”
“Then I suppose I can,” said Dry Roast, rubbing his chin briefly like Applejack. “I’ve had enough issues with the bean grinder at the shop that checking out what the industry is up to wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”
“And I have a fashion show in Manehattan in two weeks,” said Rarity with a distant gleam in her eye. “Spike is busy and it has been so difficult to find a proper gentlecolt for an escort, preferably one who would not gossip about any indiscretions they might possibly discover during the event that I had considered simply going solo. Would you consider an overnight trip to the fashion center of Equestria, Mister Roast?”
“Err…” Dry looked up at Rainbow Dash, then over at the two earth ponies, then back over to Rarity. “I feel like a time-share. Not that I wouldn’t be proud to be seen with you, Miss Rarity, but don’t you think having me show up with so many of the Elements of Harmony at social functions could be considered…”
“Outré?” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes at him. “Why, whatever could you mean, Mister Roast? Oh, wait! Wait!” She turned to Spike and used her magic to gently remove the suit jacket he had been wearing, folding it carefully and placing it on her back. With a beaming smile, she addressed the little dragon and said, “Spikie, I know it’s been a long day, and I need to get all of the girls’ outfits properly put away for when they’re needed again. Could you run along to the castle and get Twilight’s bath all set up for her and get a small meal prepared so when she’s done at the boutique, she can just go back to the castle and go to bed? It would mean so much.”
“It would?” Spike’s smile grew radiant. “You bet, Rarity!” He took off just as fast as his little feet would carry him, vanishing into the distance with nothing left behind but a puff of dust.
“That was both thoughtful and creepy at the same time,” mused Dry Roast while watching the little dragon go.
“I’m with him,” grumbled Twilight, turning in the direction of her distant castle.
“No! Twilight, wait!” said Rarity, scurrying over to put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder only to recoil at the obvious dustprint it would leave on the delicate fabric. “That gown is nearly all chiffon! It needs to be cared for, eased off the shoulders, and cleaned with only the most delicate of touches or it will wrinkle up into a giant ball of snags, like the last gown I made for you.”
Princess Twilight Sparkle froze. “It wasn’t that bad.”
Rarity tapped one hoof. The rest of her friends wisely remained silent. So did Dry. He could take a hint.
“It only snagged a little,” protested Twilight. “Around the hems. And the wings. Most of the damage came from when I washed it. You didn’t say anything about not letting Spike dry it.”
Rarity did not say a word. Her expression was doing all of the speaking for her.
“Arightifyouinsist,” muttered Twilight, turning toward the nearby boutique.
“So glad you can listen to reason,” said Rarity with only the slightest hint of the vindication she surely must have been feeling. “Perhaps we can even sit around the kitchen table and have a few drinks. Fancypants sent a most tempting bottle of pink champagne, and your brother included several small bottles of crystal berry white whine. If you put your ear up to the bottle, you can even hear it.”
Rarity produced a small white bottle with frost on it and held it up in the middle of the group while they walked. As she said, it was emitting a high-pitched noise much like a child being denied sweets, only softer.
“Sure as shooting does look like you need to let your mane down a little, sugarcube,” said Applejack. “Just one little drink with your friends’ll help with that.”
“And that’s my cue to run,” said Dry Roast. “It’s never just one little drink, and I really don’t want to find out—”
“Finish that sentence,” growled Twilight with her head down and a faint ominous glimmer around the base of her horn. “Go ahead.”
“You may return home once I have properly extracted you out of your suit, Mister Roast,” said Rarity, over the sudden snorting chuckles out of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. “The rest of us will carry on without you, but sometime later, Twilight, we really all need to sit down and discuss things between you and Mister Roast.”
“What things?” protested Dry Roast. “How about… the day after never?”
“I don’t care,” snapped Twilight Sparkle. “All I want is for all of us to go over to Rarity’s and get these clothes off so we can all go to bed!”
There was an intense silence in their vicinity, and when Dry Roast looked up, he could see at least a dozen ponies who were all looking in their direction. Every one of them seemed to have heard Twilight’s outburst, and about half seemed willing to inquire directly as to the details.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
After a brief visit to the Carousel Boutique just barely long enough to be stripped of his suit and escape back out the door, Dry Roast pointed his nose to home and let out a yawn. Morning was going to come around awfully early, and whenever he had one of his employees open and close the store, the next day was always trouble with things needing to be put back where they belonged and little details which should have been taken care of before blossoming out of control.
Conservatively, it would take him five days to clean up the store after a day’s absence. If he ever took off a month, Dry expected to find nothing but a smoking crater when he returned. Literally, if Ponyville was half as bad as its history had demonstrated.
He did take a quick pass by the coffee shop just in case, and was somewhat relieved to find it still intact.
His little brother Rain Check was home early from work, and greeted his big brother the moment he walked in the door with a hearty back-slap and associated leer, which only grew once Dry’s upcoming schedule was revealed. It was probably a little bit of little brother/big brother payback from when they were smaller, and the difference of two years much more pronounced. He took the ribbing about becoming a paid male escort for the Elements of Harmony in stride, as it seemed to be a much more survivable job than Royal Smoocher for the Princess of Slumber, which ever one of the two that was. After an hour out on the sun-warmed balcony while reading to calm himself down, Dry Roast settled down in his own bed, closed the curtains, and closed his eyes.
Then he got back up, locked his bedroom door, latched the windows, and returned to the bed with slightly more reassurance about being in the same place when he woke up the next morning.
Shining Armor seems to like the kid.
This story is excellent. I am genuinely excited each time a new chapter comes out.
Therefore I must demand it becomes a million word long epic slice of life fic that NEVER STOPS!
Or as close to as you can get it please :D
Dry Roast must have a huge amount of hidden terror or a deep well of patience, because I might have popped off at Twilight by this point.
And maybe a few other ponies too, but Twilight especially.
It seems Twilight's slowly building up to a really big breakdown. If lake 'Don't Mess With Twilight' is any indication, it won't end well for anyone within a two hundred metre radius.
Sign language is harder to shush.
Huh. So it's a believable long term character trait, that's helpful for getting various important individuals to accept the story.
Now I'm suddenly curious about what might have gone on at Joe’s during Twilight's time in Canterlot. I feel like Joe may have been able to manage the situation better when it was a younger Twilight, keep it from turning too awkward.
That conversation with Shining went pretty well, though I'm concerned what Cadance might be about to get up to.
Science!
Dry is never going to escape the Elements.
8701748
"I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and f*** my sister!"
Doors and locks don't help much when your bogeymare can teleport.
Sleepy Twi is starting to leak over into Princess Twilight, and tomorrow we might be dealing with drunk/hungover Sleepy Twi. Yikes.
Don’t know if it’s the same for anyone else, but each time a new chapter comes out, it’s right in the morning for me. The perfect time for Coffee.
Is that intentional. Awesome if it is.
8701797
It. Is. AWESOME.
8701748
The better to assassinate him later, no doubt.
Place your bets folks. This time around, Twilight's in HIS bed.
Calling it now!
Caaaaaalling it now!
Betting pool is open for the next 16 hours.
So, how long before the rest of the princesses get in on the pool? If they haven't already
8701771
When you have been essentially taking advantage of the situation (and a sleepwalking person) for well over a year up until getting caught, and enjoying it, you really don't have much of a leg to stand on.
8701814
Five Aussie dollars on that shit.
8701814
I'll take the longshot: they both wake up in Rainbow Dash's bed, without Dash present.
So. Shining approves, Cadence is plotting, and the rest of the Bearers have decided Dry makes for excellent foreleg candy. Plus we get some more backstory on both halves of the not-a-couple. (Probably for the best that Dry isn't given access to Twilight's lab. He might synthesize something that could dissolve her castle.) At least Celestia has decided she's above it all... or so it seems.
In any case, Dry really needs to stop tempting fate. Or at least offer it a latte to go with the temptation.
Also
hah you thought
Ah, that's do it.
Dammit FashionHorse!
Oh?
Huh, good on him.
Oh?
So what?
More like she's been making out with him in her sleep after ordering coffee.
I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's sleepwalked.
Why is she so adamant that she isn't sleepwalking?
GOOD.
Oh dear.
What are you up to?
If he can spit out lava, hot coffee is nothing.
Oooh, so it's coffee that makes that happen...
Dude? RUN.
Is, is coffee an aphrodisiac for these mares?
He has a point.
Whoa hey, chill!
Oh you poor naive fool. Twilight can TELEPORT.
8701819
"Taking advantage of" is a bit of a stretch. Princess Twilight isn't responsible for her sleep walking actions, I agree, but she is responsible for being in a constant state of denial about her condition, for her entire life. She is committed to believing that everyone she knows has been gaslighting her about this sleepwalking thing for her whole life.
And what is Dry Roast supposed to have done? There is a certain lack of belief when they say he wasn't an (initially, currently?) willing participant. Sure we know he likes her now, but just because you think someone is cute doesn't mean them sleepwalking into your place and smooching you by force is going to be something you are comfortable with. But sure, he's taking advantage of someone who is way above him in the social pecking order by maybe wanting to avoid the scrutiny and disbelief of his actually true explanation that he is not a willing participant.
What was he supposed to do when this started? Not allow her into his coffee shop? How? Slap her awake? Really? Go over to her and explain her sleepwalking shenanigans? Twilight's Denial is well established. Maybe he should have stopped dressing in that provocative coffee shop?
I really wonder what you would think of this story if the genders were swapped.
Also, is this going to end up as a harem-comedy?
There’s that sneaky cleverness that one develops after surviving Ponyville long enough.
I hear tin foil party hats are all the rage nowadays.
Oh ho, how interesting!
Open mouth, insert hoof, jump vigorously.
“I don’t care,” snapped Twilight Sparkle. “All I want is for all of us to go over to Rarity’s and get these clothes off so we can all go to bed!”
8701886 "Dude? RUN." - You'll only die tired. And with wounds on your rear.
8701911 Seems Twilight is the Princess of Denial.
8701887 Through a Mirror, Dark Roast. Hm. I'm sorely tempted.
8701852 Celestia can see with a glance what other ponies take weeks of observation to notice.
"So, Twilight." Celestia lowered her voice and leaned closer to her fellow princess. "Who is that adorable young colt over there? The unicorn with the soft latte-colored coat and the chocolate mane who's talking to Shining Armor."
"Oh!" Twilight's voice was a near-squeak as she took her own look, a particularly long look that ended in a discouraged expression, as if she was not seeing some sort of expected sibling pounding. "He's... Rainbow Dash's date. He makes coffee. In Ponyville. For her. Not me. I've got my own pot. It breaks at times because its awfully frail for a household appliance and really there should be some sort of consumer protection laws that keep companies from producing such flimsy products. Really. So." Twilight put on an obviously false smile that only made her seem like a psycho killer in search of a hatchet. "How's Luna? Still your sister, right?"
8701951
Coffee? Maybe some sleepwalking? Yeah, she already knows. These dots are way too easy to connect.
8701846 I'm not sure about the 'approves' part. There's giving a blessing to a relationship, and there's avoiding being beaten to death with a large celestial body for getting between one of the Royal Sisters and their Project de Jour.
8701819 Just a fifth leg. Sorry. Really sorry. Not really.
8701814 Would I put a princess in his... (Checks several previous stories) Ahem. Nice weather we're having.
8701797 I actually push publish on my phone, since I have all the chapters done. That way I can publish before brushing my teeth and read my comments over my break times.
8701788 He's making at least a token opposition. That way in court, he has a defense. If he survives to court.
8701785 Spike is Best Snarky Dragon. Cathy Weseluck must have a ball voicing him at times.
8701771 Popped off as in "Hey, stop kissing me!" I presume? The problem with that is (of course) the lack of kisses afterward.
Old Bean K-nobby's Java Hut.
A wretched hive of foam and pastry.
8701887
Bzzt, wrong. Roast didn't know a thing about Twilight's "sleepwalk denial" up until the few latest chapters, so that has absolutely no bearing on his decision to not try and solve the issue more than a year ago. And if you recall, this started way back when Twilight was still a unicorn, so no huge gaps in social standing existed back then - not that the reasonable course of action to attempt changes based on it. It boggles the mind that you are suggesting that trying to wake up a sleepwalking person who is doing weird things is not the right thing to do - it's what every normal person would have done
And yes indeed - trying to shake her awake is a good start, followed by trying to talk her during the day - he never tried either of those. The second thing he should have done if he didn't like it - actually open his coffee shop on time. Seems like you have forgotten the fact that he opens the shop extra early - before his listed working hours - exactly because he knows that's when Twilight wanders around, based on the one time he did so by accident and has been doing ever since. Oh my, looks like he was so "uncomfortable" with her actions that he immediately set out to recreate the circumstances that allowed them to happen in the first place.
So yes - Roast has been very explicitly taking advantage of the situation, and no amount of timeline-ignoring excuses are going to change that fact. I don't even know what you are trying to get up with the gender comment. Dry Roast is a creep if we ignore for a moment that this is a comedy, and it certainly wouldn't be less creepy if he were female who had found a sleepwalking guy she really liked, then discovered something that triggers a kiss during his sleepwalking and then set out to recreate said "success" each and every day for years. The only reason it's not worth thinking seriously about is because it's a comedy and everything is played for laughs. How does gender even factor in to this?
I almost thought it was a typo....lol.
Finally, the opening line I've been waiting for.
Hmm? Didn't expect this background. Does this mean this whole debacle might not even happen if Dry did not sell coffee?
8701968
That's what makes it hard (get it? hard? heh ... heh ...) to stand, depending on his specifications
Sorry Dry I feeling your precautions will be naught
And now Twilight is making everything worse, as well. Can't wait to see the Equestrian tabloids on this one. "Princess Twilight's Royal Herd!" "Princess of Polygamy!" "Demands Constant 'Attention'" "Batboy Lives!"* "Purplesmart Engages In 'Group Activities' With Coffeepone, Bluefast, and Marshmallow."
Even the "respectable" *snerk* newspapers will eventually catch on. Photographers will eventually start to camp out in front of the coffeehouse. Then Twi will flip out when the pictures of her trying to perform an impromptu tonsillectomy on Dry Roast with her tongue come out and she'll still try to deny it. Hopefully then Dry Roast will speak up and go "aren't you a scientist? Aren't you supposed to craft your theories to explain facts, rather than try to explain them away?" Which will only cheese off/entice her more.
Bah, I'm starting to write my own fanfiction for this story in the comments. Whatever happens, it's been very entertaining so far and MOAR PLZ.
*There is always a tabloid using that story. ALWAYS.
8702006
Eh. I think you're forgetting that he doesn't seem to realize until a few chapters into this story that she's sleepwalking. Not just coffee-deprived walking dead giving him a smooch for the best coffee ever. She does walk up to him after passing multiple complex obstacles, makes a sophisticated order, and gives him the payment before the snag-n-smooch.
That's better situational awareness than some 'fully alert' drunks I've transported. And I'm serious when I say that. I have transported drunks from the bar who while fully conscious, couldn't identify their own house from the driveway. And didn't seem to recognize the cul-de-sac they lived on.
So it's no wonder he just rolls with it for the longest time. Heck, even the way he reacts says a lot. Analyzing the morning smooch the same way one would check the weather. The problems only really start when Rarity makes a scandal out of it.
At this point, I would say that even if there was some fault for him not breaking the status quo sooner, it's out of his control. The girls find he's not too bad. Some of them ship him with Twilight, and Luna's decided to try and play Prince Consort Poacher.
Now all he can do is ride this train to the end of the line.
8702044
Won't that be offensive to ponies who actually have bat features?
("Boy" has been used to refer to ponies; cf. "Crusaders of the Lost Mark.")
8702059
Depends. I'm of the opinion that batponies ain't real, just guards in costume to fit the night's activities of the one (and exactly one) episode they appeared in. So as far as I'm concerned, ain't nothin' there to be offended.
If you're one of those people who fully intend to overcomplicate things by adding in a fourth "tribe" despite all the facts, batponies/thestrals/whatever the [Apples!] you call them, don't mind because A: it's about some kind of weird bat-ape hybrid, not them, and B: it's a tabloid story from the Weekly World News. (Yes, it's called that even there because I say so ) Notorious for making [Apples!] up out of whole cloth, and not even making them believable. It's like being offended by a 5-year-old's first attempt at telling a creative narrative; it's petty and beneath them.
Remember, offense is never given, it is always taken.
Well, that settles it, right? It's not him, it's the coffee. Okay, ship over, everyone go home!
Spike abruptly spoke up. “Hey, Twilight did that once with—”
“Spike!” admonished Twilight Sparkle.
Nice. An admission AND a recrimination!
The redirection of the assault to Dash was hilarious and honestly expected. I am surprised that she fell for that trick, though.
Do NOT mention the pool, though. Got it.
I suspect Celestia is ALSO involved, just better at hiding it. To be expected for someone that good with politics and planning. He's in deep water now, with at least two of them having evil intentions.
Also, locking the doors is asking for something to happen. Next one is likely to be more compromising...
So enjoible to read your story in the morning and have a little chuckle over my own coffee...
Thankyou
8701814
three pinkie pies on that
two rainbow dashs on twilight going cuckoo from trying to not sleep
one spike on a normal sleepy twilight coffee shop visit
Even more fun. Will all the girls vying for his attention finally get Twilight to stop using this pretense and admit that she likes him?
NAH!
Oh, c'mon, Twilight, I wanted to hear that story!
That talk with Shining actually went better than I expected...but then again, I have the nagging feeling that, once he knew all the details, Shining could understand just what it was Dry had gotten mixed up into...perhaps better than Dry himself does.
Also, I'm betting that Dry is NOT still in his bedroom come morning, despite precautions. At least, that has been the trend in the story thus far.
This chapter also proved that the way to Twilight's heart is through coffee. This doesn't strike me as very flattering for Twilight, but there it is.
Pffffft!
Oh no. Now Roast has to deal with poly-princess plotting! (And here's betting that Celestia abused her gift of prophecy to win the betting pool.)
Something that didn't make sense to me: How come having RD pass her coffee worked, but Luna got no reaction?
Neat to see Dry Roast has such an interesting history. Higher education and explosions!
Poor, poor Dry Roast. You assume that you're the one sleepwalking on the weekends. Though the possibility of their both sleepwalking amuses me.
8701814
I would like to place 10 bits on Twilight's Bed being in Dry Roast's Bed. With a side of desperate Dry Roast trying to get free from becoming sandwiched.
8702006
I mean, we've seen Twilight grab him in her magic and drag him over, why would she bother noticing that the store is closed in her sleepwalking state? I guess we could maybe say that since she pays in her sleep too, then maybe she would respect a closed sign, but she doesn't respect personal space while sleep walking so maybe that's a tossup.
And, admittedly I'm taking this off human-based advice, I was always under the impression that you shouldn't wake a sleepwalker as their disorientation and confusion could cause injury to the person attempting to wake them up. If ponies work the same way I wouldn't want to risk damage from a freaked out unicorn/alicorn of vast power.
I'm just saying I think it's a little bit more muddled that a clear "Well, he's totally taking advantage of her."
As If that was going to make any difference
Oh dear, now Cadance is in on Luna's plot.
At the end of the story, we're going to find out that Princess Celestia put in the biggest bet into the pool, aren't we?
Funny that Twilight didn't react to Luna giving her the coffee way back when, but did with Rainbow Dash
Also, Dry locking his door may prove to be a mistake, depending on the going rate for locksmiths in Ponyville.
8701814
Nah. He wakes up in Luna's bed.
8701826
Take the really long shot: he wakes up in Sci-Twi's bed.
I can't believe it took me this long to realize the name of the store literally translates to "Java the hut".