19. Passion Perfectly Poured
Her Royal Morning Coffee
Passion Perfectly Poured
By the time the dawn was nigh, the secret was getting very difficult to keep. Moreso, since the experiment that Dry Roast had set up so carefully was bearing no fruit. Between Luna’s nibbling and being nibbled on, kissing and kisses, snuggles and nuzzles and all sorts of physical contact, the process of secret keeping was anything but unpleasant. Still, if nothing happened this evening, there was no way he could keep from talking until tomorrow when…
Well, it was not bad at all.
“I’m waiting,” whispered Luna while the two of them leaned up against the coffee store doorframe in the moonlight.
“If that’s you waiting—” Dry took a long moment to exchange a kiss “—I’d hate to see you impatient.”
“It is entirely my desire—” She drew out the word and spent considerable time in some mutual nuzzling afterward. “Sorry,” she breathed, “lost my place.”
“I’m not sorry. Whoops.” Dry gave Luna a quick kiss and headed inside the store. “Customer.”
“Ahh.” Luna’s voice was smooth as silk and she glided into the store behind Dry Roast. “The fair Princess Sparkle, for her morning dose of affection. I thought you fixed her coffee machine yesterday?”
“I pulled the grounds tray.” Dry Roast moved quickly, getting the coffee order ready and primed by the time Twilight Sparkle bounced off the doorframe, wobbled a few times in the open door, and moved forward in small steps.
“Metlobopt muglas fome bettr.”
“No foam, extra chocolate pump, and a pat of butter,” whispered Dry Roast while working in a blur. Twilight’s stride was much slower than any time before, moving forward slowly while sniffing the air. For a change, Dry Roast was done with her order before the sleepwalking alicorn bumped into the counter.
There was a quiet jingle of bits on the counter.
A long, slow slurp while Twilight leaned forward, closer to Dry Roast but with the foam cup still against her lips.
A very long pause while Twilight sniffed the air.
Then she turned around, moving slowly until she managed to make it out of the door, then gaining speed as she turned to the right. Both Dry Roast and Luna scurried to the door and caught the moment she set one hoof on the anchor rope that tied Rainbow Dash’s cloud house to the coffee shop.
“What is she doing?” asked Luna, who promptly answered her own question by saying, “She’s… sniffing. Wait a minute.” Luna stuck her nose into Dry Roast’s mane and took a deep breath.
“Switched conditioners to unscented,” said Dry with a weak smile. “I had my suspicions about Rainbow once I found Twilight could sniff out Rarity’s wine all the way from her castle, so I even washed the house anchor rope in her conditioner yesterday to give a scent trail. Besides, I always thought those two wrestled a little much for just friends.”
Both of them watched the young alicorn walk up the rope at a sharp angle, one surefooted-step at a time, until Twilight Sparkle vanished inside Rainbow’s house and Dry Roast let out the breath he had been holding.
There was quiet for a time, presumably while the alicorn huntress tracked her prey, then a startled squawk from above. Then… other noises.
“And so ends the saga of the Princess of Friendship and the Prince of Coffee Beans,” said Dry with a sigh. “The contest is at an end, Luna. I think we both lost. Well, unless you want to compete for Rainbow Dash.”
Luna remained with her head cocked to one side, listening to the sounds coming down from above. “We are not so crass as to fight when the contest is obviously won, so to the victor goes the spoils. It doth sound as if young Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash are enjoying their morning dalliance.”
Dry gave the cloud-home a skeptical look. “If it starts to rain, I’m untying her anchor rope.”
“How about thunder and lightning?” Luna scooted Dry into the store with one warm wing and did not stop until they both had a fresh cup of coffee with a shot of vanilla, which she improved with a warm kiss of her own. “We can tell you are disappointed by the loss of the fair princess, and the passionate competition which you were wrapped within. There were many secrets of our kind which we had shared with Twilight in order to advance your education.” Luna took a sip of her coffee. “I suppose we shall have to just practice them between ourselves.”
Dry Roast spit out the sip of coffee he had just taken and coughed briefly. “What?”
“Sex.” Luna peered at Dry with a quizzical expression, bordering on laughter. “What, did you think that simply because my eggs shall not be quickened by our passions, that we would turn down long, intimate evenings and days with a handsome, intelligent stallion who hath captured our favor? Sugar Lump and Straight Shot should be prepared to open the store many times over the next years, since I plan on keeping you within the bedchambers for extended times of nearly unbearable passion.” She blinked with a long, slow motion of her dark lashes. “Of course, should young Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash need to borrow your expertise in order to quicken their own eggs in the future, they may borrow you briefly, but we shall need to reestablish our dominance once the fertilization is complete. Does that meet with your approval?”
Dry Roast made a quiet squeaking noise, but nodded.
“It is regrettable that our eggs shall remain cold and inert while our bed steams with pleasure, but that is the way of our kind,” said Luna almost mournfully. “No matter what heights of ecstasy we bring each other to, or how many times, for however many nights in a row, we shall not produce a child.” The corners of her lips quirked up into an introspective look. “It does increase the probability of your survival, though.”
“That’s… nice,” managed Dry, who was promptly silenced by the application of a scorching kiss of great duration. “Better than nice,” he added once they broke for air. “I still can’t help but think we’re missing something.”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Can’t sleep. Smells good.
Want smell again. Smells of stallion.
Search. Not here. Smell gone! Need smell.
Been so long.
Found smell. Tastes. Bitter. Too little. Seek.
Scent stronger.
Closer.
There.
Sister and scent.
Mine! Mine!
It was the warmth that cued Dry Roast to his new customer before Princess Celestia thumped into the coffee shop door, fumbling for a moment before managing to get it open and stumble inside. She was glowing in the darkness, a force of heat and light which was an alien presence to the cool night air, but the discarded foam coffee cup impaled on her horn and splatters of leftover coffee scattered over her mane gave a more ordinary air to the Goddess of the Sun.
“Merglimp! Deflamet selbmut feldudget. Two.”
Dry had started moving out of reflex when the door had thumped, and only inertia kept him going with a huge foam cup under the coffee machine and the tortured howl of the steamer forcing boiling water through the emergency grounds. Some instinct had made Dry both roast and grind out of a new bag of ‘Death Head’ beans this morning, and the brew that was filling the foam cup looked just as deadly as the most lethal poison.
Although a quick glance at Celestia’s sleeping face, along with the thin line of saliva dripping from one corner of her mouth, showed that the scent of the bilious dark roast was at least appealing to one pony in the vicinity. He added a squirt of sunflower oil, two squirts of apple syrup, and watched the swirls track down into the inky depths before putting a top on it and floating it over—
One moment the huge foam cup was in his magic.
The next, Celestia was guzzling it like a college frat brother chugging a barrel of cider.
In bare seconds, it was gone, and she tossed the drained cup over one shoulder.
Then it was his turn.
Kissing Luna was like being surrounded by the cool, twinkling stars and swept up into the night sky to float effortlessly back to the ground, or at least until another kiss swept him back up in an endless cycle of joy. Kissing her sister was similar, but totally different. It was like being consumed by fire and swirling up into the summer sky as ashes and hot air so that they could dance among the clouds before catching on fire again.
His lips were scorched, his cheeks blistering hot, and his throat bone dry by the time Celestia finished, then came back for another blazing rematch. Eventually, after some uncounted number of centuries, she floated away, drifting on stumbling hooves through the door of the coffee shop with a “lvblmp” cast over her shoulder. Then she spread her wings and rose with the dawn to drift up into the air on her way back to Canterlot, still sleeping.
“My,” breathed Luna, looking at her departing sister with wide eyes. “I hath not ever seen such a reaction from Celly before.” The Princess of the Moon licked one hoof and used it to put out a persistently burning lock of Dry Roast’s mane, then looked deeply into his eyes with a growing smile.
“Our contest hath not ended. It continues, with victory and foals going to the strongest.”
“Looking forward to it,” gasped Dry Roast.
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Publishing the last chapter early as a favor for a reader. Enjoy!
(Like student, like teacher)
Remember, I promised a second chapter of How Many Princesses Does It Take if that one hit 1000 upthumbs, and I did, so I have history.
Welp
start likin this bois
Ah, that explains things.
Kind of. Maybe. Sort of.
Great story, by the way. Sad to see it end, though pleased by the results.
What?
I'm with him.
AH.
The hell?
See, I was kidding about the whole aphrodisiac coffee thing, but, now I don't know what to think.
Asking the dumb question here: So the Twilight and Dry Roast ship is over?
How do I like a story more than once?
Ha! Look at that. You even told us what the secret was way back on the train, and we just never clued in.
Well, some of us might have.
Ladies and Gentlemen! Summon the shipping armies and sound the horns of fandom! We march for sequels!!!
media.giphy.com/media/R9c5lUhgqwGuQ/giphy.gif
Damn, son.
Can't we compromise at 600?
8721682
I'd say yes. That ship never truly left port, it was just more camouflaged than John Cena. Although, honestly, we should have seen it before. The conditioner, Twi's predilection to kiss rainbow when pressed by Dry or Luna... Well played Georg, well played.
If this doesn't get a sequel, at least please write an epilogue when we find out if he and luna had cute little engines of destruction (if Flurry is an example to go by) or not. And if he survived the experience.
Burn cream, and some suntan lotion. Somewhere in the SPF One Million range should do it. :)
Oh really?
I'm beginning to think I'm the bad influence on you. 
Excuse me while I make a bunch of sockpuppets to bring that "Like" count up (not that it couldn't happen anyway, I just wanna make sure).
8721682
Yes... it was misplaced Twi-Dash the whole time. In a masterful Chekov's Gun, he was using Rainbow Dash's shampoo the whole time, so he smelled like her, and apparently Alicorns are very smell oriented, at least in sleep.
Now it becomes a Luna-Dry-Cely thing until this next round is decided.
So now Dry has to wait ANOTHER 19 chapters before “getting any” from alicorns who define “a little patience” in time units of generations?
Please update the story tags to include: Sad, Dark, Tragedy, 7-Up Stallion (never had it, never will), and Blue Balls.
Dry cleared his throat. “Luna, we need to talk about you taking unscheduled breaks at work.”
The alicorn turned to look at him with a wry smile.
Dry continued. “As your supervisor, I’m going to have to mark you down One Demerit for spending paid company time serving our customers in a manner contrary to our Business Plan.”
This earned him an arched eyebrow.
Dry sighed dramatically. “No, you may not read it. Company Executive Proprietary Access Only.” He licked his lips and moved closer. “I do hope I can count on you to ..... improve on your performance in the future?” He grinned up at her.
“Of course!” she exclaimed, moving her lips towards his, only to swerve at the last moment to stop them next to his ear. “We will refrain from kissing anypony except in your domicile.” She then sauntered past him, moving so close he was certain she would knock him over, but somehow she never touched him. This left the fine hairs of his coat standing on end as if expecting an electric shock that never came.
Dry gaped for a minute before slowly closing his mouth. “Horseapples.”
After a few moments of thought, he raised a front hoof and plunked it down loudly in the wastebasket to his right. Luna turned her head curiously.
“I just threw away the Company Executive Proprietary Access Only Business Plan,” he said with a scowl.
The Lunar Princess didn’t rub in her victory beyond a snort and a reasonably short nicker.
You are a cruel tease
Good bait and switch. A wonderful read.
1000 likes you say? *loudly making extra accounts.*
Bravo! Certainly explains the lack of Bookhorse passion while awake, she was looking for her Rainbow fix. Little comedy of errors. Though I do wonder if Luna just "accidentally" gave Cakebutt some of Dry's coffee to have some more fun. Or Celestia could be playing along and faking on purpose to help out her sister. Blueblood and Cadance have gotten old and moved out of the castle, she needs some new foals to spoil that aren't hers.
8721690
Multiple accounts. Course, I think Knighty and co might take issue with that.
Chekhov's cannon barrage just went off. I really didn't see it coming, but the clues are all there!
Heh. I guess RD will finally get a chance to turn into a gryphon like that one time she asked.
So... Are you really going to wait for 1k likes before you start work on the sequel?
8721734
Yeah, 1000 would be asking for too much too quickly, might as well write the sequel or just call it here and now.
Oh...my
In any case, magnificent conclusion! It all comes together at the end, and in an entirely reasonable way. Not how I expected it to, but everypony's happy... except Celestia, who from the sound of it, is just as willing as her former student to deny the truth in front of her. (One must wonder how that's impacted the historical record...)
Whether or not we see the sequel, thank you for this. Definitely went in a direction I wasn't expecting, mostly because I was blinded by my own shipping goggles.
And, well executed finale. Definitely needs a sequel.
Meanwhile, the neighsayers who backed out because they thought Dry was turning into a sexual doormat miss out.
Oooo, looks like Celestia is going to put the "dry" into his name (or would "Flash Roast" be more accurate?). But we all know Luna isn't worrying about the competition.
Though I'm sad to not see Twilight and Dry together, the ending was still beyond marvelous. Bravo Georg.
I'm disappointed. Not that I was wrong but Twilight just stumbling off as is makes it feel like a bit of false advertising. Like this went from being a Twilight story to a Luna story
in sorry but that I have one like to give, but I do hope for a sequel...this has been hilarious
8721663
Time to start making bogey accounts to like.
While I understand the like challenge, unless you were to continue updating this fic, it won't reach 1000 likes. A more reasonable estimate would be 600-750 likes.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to ball like a bitch in the corner over this fic ending.
It's over...... already....... NO!! I need this in my life. *goes to tell people to like this story* To 1000!!!!
...and then he died.
the end.
I kind of want to be angry about that ending, but I can't. I still like it too much. And I can't believe I missed the clues! They were all there!
Now excuse me while I go make a blog and tell everyone to come and upvote this fic since I can't do it more than once and don't want to get in trouble over making an alt.
...You think I'm kidding?
Thanks for this story.
You snuck in a second chapter today.
Thank you very much!! 
Ah well. TwiDash is still one of my favorite ships, and the fact it was also TwiDash in disguise was VERY clever. Well played.
But the true question is...when will the epic saga of Dry Roast’s Blue Balls truly come to an end?
Hope to see even more TwiDash in the sequel!
Okay, that was fun... and I’m kicking myself for not putting the details together, despite picking up the broad strokes. I even thought about what scent was drawing Twilight in, and wondered what Dash’s house had to do with the experiment, and still didn’t think of the conditioner. Well played. I’m glad that the story delivered a happy ending to all involved, so to speak.
Now to figure out who Applejack invited into that barn...
Why the heck does it not have 1000 likes already???? At least RD should be a happy camper, lol.
Huh. Sure. That ties up the first kiss quite nicely, and with some additional meaning.
Oh my primary goddess. Celestia?
Dry?
8721741
Hold up, are you saying... in the whole Ponyville... there are only two ponies using this particular brand of shampoo? How can this company survive?
But I wanted to see him get Twilight. Oh well.
Too much Luna. I was enjoying it at the start, but the more Luna got involved, the less I think I liked it.
Awww but I already upthumbed this earlier. Now what am I supposed to do?
Ah. A bait and switch. Well played. Still don't find it at all appealing.
This chapter wasn't here when I started the last chapter. Nice timing.
It has been awesome to wake up to a new chapter of this every day. Thank you! Hoping to see more
Fantastic and I felt Luna was the deserved winner, Twilight was just never in to Dry and it would have ruined the ending if they were suddenly forced together.
The best part though was Rainbow, all the hints were there, the conditioner the fact she was the only other person sleepy twilight kissed! Shame I only have one upvote to give, else I would happily give another for a sequel.
8721924
Likely by selling in more places than one small village.
had suspected that Dry sending coffee to the castle might affect celestia, though i also overlooked the conditioner bit only to remember after your reveal ^^
Seems like Dry's coffee is equal in potency to Cadence's powers of love.
8721962
Eh, bait and switch involves trails of bait. This was more of a 'throw the fish out and get squashed by the flying bugbear.'
Meh. Well written, but meh. Had a ton of potential and then kinda fizzled.
makes me sad realizing that this is how the story will end but ultimately it was a good read and I look forward to the sequel