8. Rise and Grind
Her Royal Morning Coffee
Rise and Grind
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Dry Roast always woke up slower on days where he did not have to go to work. Sugar Lump was covering the morning, which after a little bit of drowsy consideration made him wonder if Twilight Sparkle had ever visited during her solo shift before. If so, she had never said anything or given any indication of it, and Sugar was about as ‘normal’ a pony as Ponyville had, so…
Pulling the sheets a little more over his head to block out the bright sparkling light from the window, Dry Roast took a deep breath and relished the smell of fresh bedding. His little brother must have made a trip to the laundromat, which was a little odd because his turn on the chore sheet to do laundry was next week, but maybe he had some young chick coming over in the evenings.
Rain Check was a nice kid. Since their work and sleep schedules were reversed, Dry Roast almost never saw his little brother for weeks at a time except for notes on the icebox and the occasional time when he would drop by the shop on the way to work. ‘Check’ as he hated to be called, was the low buffalo on the totem pole at work, and as such he always got the task of picking up coffee for Filthy Rich’s staff meetings, which worked out well too since Dry had given him an employee’s discount out of nepotism. After all, his parents were still a little worried that their ‘Little Checkie’ was all the way out in Ponyville without their benevolent guidance. Having a few extra contacts with his little brother made it easier to have details when he wrote home other than “I think Rain Check is still breathing because the grapes keep vanishing out of the icebox.”
In any case, he was family, and good to have around.
The glitter of the morning sun drifting over his sheet-covered slumber spot was bothering Dry Roast, though. Normally he kept his curtains closed, and the only glitter in his room was a suncatcher hanging on the balcony window. That, and it seemed to be warmer than usual in bed this morning, with a faint hint of jasmine in the air. A series of unconnected sensory impressions condensed into an awareness of a warm body within touching range in the bed.
A bed that was not his.
Admittedly, it was as large as Dry Roast’s princess-sized bed, as well as comfortable and spacious, but his princess-sized bed was not sitting in Princess Twilight Sparkle’s bedroom, with Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Starswirl The Bearded sheets, and with a very real Princess Twilight Sparkle curled up on the other side.
Dry Roast opened one eye the rest of the way, studied the way the light of the breaking dawn filtered through the walls of her crystal castle to cast her bed-headed and rumpled form into dramatic morning glow…
Then he began to plan his escape.
First, he slowly slithered in the opposite direction of Twilight, much like a snake would slip across the bed, down onto the floor, and pausing for a long moment to control his breathing. Despite moving his hooves as quietly as possible on the hard crystal floor, every motion sounded much like a berserk tap dancer to his sensitive ears. It took a few minutes, but Dry Roast did not even begin to relax until after he made it to the hallway unscathed, and even then he could see a major problem.
If you go out there now in the light of day without a witness, somepony will see you. They will talk to Twilight Sparkle. She will want to know what you were doing in her castle. You cannot lie worth a darn and you won’t have Applejack to testify in your defense. You will be arrested for trespassing, stalking, and anything else the Royal Guard can think up. Princess Celestia will conduct the trial, and most likely the execution afterward.
Trying to explain his nocturnal wanderings as sleepwalking would most likely fall upon deaf ears, because he had not done that since he was a little colt and wet the bed. Dry’s beans were most certainly going to get burnt, unless…
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Dry Roast had some experience with the difficulties involved in remodeling from getting Java Le Choza ready for the first day of business, but Twilight Sparkle’s kitchen must have made his expenses look like loose change. Water lines, power cables and sewage pipes all had to be cut through the thick organic crystal, as well as the ventilation for the stove in order to install modern appliances.
It had been a very busy few weeks for everypony back when the huge castle had just popped up out of nowhere. It had been twice as hectic for Dry Roast, between Twilight’s early visits to the shop and the constant demands for coffee from all of the contractor workponies at the castle. Still, he had managed to survive his end of the chaos with what few scraps of sanity he had still intact, and the contractors had produced a modern castle kitchen that could have doubled as a work of art.
Dry Roast was still a little miffed at having slept through Tirek’s visit.
Making himself at home behind the kitchen counter and digging through the meticulously labeled shelves, Dry mixed up some pancake batter and got out the haycon, as well as plates, silverware, emerald sprinkles for Spike. Then, of course, he nursed the battered coffeemaker into operation and was pleased that it was perking happily away by the time the dragon in question came into the room, still rubbing his eyes.
“What’s going on?” asked Spike with a yawn.
“Breakfast,” announced Dry. “It’s my day off. I woke up early and since I’ve been causing Twilight so much trouble lately, I thought I should do something nice for her. So, breakfast.”
For a sleepy dragon, Spike had quite a tone of skeptical disbelief. “Uh-huh.”
“So, how many emerald sprinkles do you want on your pancakes?” countered Dry Roast.
Spike perked up. “Lots!”
It was a little different with a customer base of one and no worrying about a menu. To tell the truth, it was kind of fun. Dry Roast got the feeling that Twilight Sparkle did not pamper her dragon enough, and that in fact she treated Spike a lot like ‘her dragon’ instead of the fun-loving kid that he really was. He enjoyed a few extra shakes of emerald sprinkles on his blueberry pancakes, showed Dry where the haycon press was for the best crispy results of frying, and exchanged a few short stories about Twilight and her friends. Spike was just getting into the details about one of her more explosive exploits when they both heard the shuffle of an alicorn working her way down the hallway to the kitchen on autopilot. It triggered two immediate responses.
Spike quit talking with his mouth full of pancakes.
Dry Roast moved over to the coffee percolator.
Thankfully, one of the large foam cups had been missed by the Royal Guard’s recycling trip, thus allowing Dry to pour, mix, and create in a semi-familiar environment. He had to use several of the little spells he had developed instead of the more efficient frappuccino module on his coffee machine back at the shop, but he compensated by adding more cream and chocolate syrup. Two fresh blueberry pancakes, a strip of crispy haycon that he had managed to keep back from both of their snacking urges, and a full foam cup of coffee later, he turned around to greet the Princess of Friendship.
Then after another minute of waiting, Twilight staggered slowly into the kitchen more or less by Braille, thumping and thudding on her scent-driven path to the coffee pot.
“Good morning, Twilight,” said Spike once he had swallowed the last of his pancakes. “So glad you’re finally up. Mister Roast is making breakfast for us this morning since—”
Princess Twilight Sparkle scooped the cup of coffee out of Dry Roast’s magical grip with such force that she could have taken a hoof off if he had been holding it any other way. After taking a deep sniff, she leaned into her first sip of the morning, making Dry suddenly realize just what was coming next.
Her lips were as hot as flames, and nearly as hot as the open range that he inadvertently backed up into during the kiss. He barely had enough sense to drop the plate full of pancakes down on the table, and no sense at all when Her Highness’ eyes opened.
She froze in place, which was not the optimal situation for Dry Roast’s mind or his rump, still pressed against the hot stove. Then Princess Twilight Sparkle vanished with a faint squeak and a bright flash of light that singed his nose. The coffee continued to hover next to where she had been, then started floating and bumping across the room in pursuit of its controlling alicorn, vanishing out of the room and leaving him alone with Spike again.
“Yes!” declared Spike with an enthusiastic fist-pump. “I win the pool!”
After putting a cool wet washcloth on his singed rear, Dry Roast hesitantly said, “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
“Naaa, she’s just a slow waker-upper,” said Spike in a dismissive manner even while the echoes of a bellowing alicorn shook the walls and made the crystal chandelier in the kitchen jingle. He checked the time on the kitchen clock and scribbled a note. “Can you deliver this to Lyra for me? I’m going to run those pancakes up to Twilight and see if I can calm her down.”
Something deep inside the castle rumbled and the windows rattled, making Dry Roast quickly turn off the gas range and check for a nearby fire extinguisher. There were three in the small room, which only made him a little more nervous. He scooped the last pancake off the griddle and added it to the Sacrificial Offering to Aggravated Alicorns, sprinkled it with a few colorful sugar sprinkles, and poured far too much maple syrup over them all, just in case it was needed to save his life. “Should I run?”
Another bellow in the distance was heard, only this one had a few words in it. “…uncultured, rude, arrogant…”
“Naa, just walk,” said Spike, picking up the plate of pancakes and heading for the kitchen door. “You’re fine.”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Even with that reassurance, Dry Roast sped up his departing pace until he felt a little like he was running away. Which he was not. Really. It was just a fast walk, although his route home was interrupted by the local mailmare who gave him his morning mail, a change of address card, and a wink. He stopped by the park where Lyra was busking as usual, dropped off the note without waiting for her predictably snarky response, finished off his own coffee, and went home.
Inside, his little brother was finishing up the last of a late breakfast at their kitchen table. Dry waved a hoof and relaxed a little with the proximity of his family, giving a short yawn and saying, “Hey, Check. Back from your training, I see.”
“Can’t fool you for a minute, bro.” Rain Check gave a matching yawn, covered only partially with an extended wing. “A highly successful two glorious weeks of corporate policy and sales techniques learned on my way to a high-paid career in upper management in the Bargain Barn Emporium network.”
“There’s always the Cloudsdale Weather Factory if you want upper management,” said Dry.
“Not that upper. Filthy Rich is a wonderful boss and I intend on working for the Bargain Barn chain of stores for the foreseeable future.” The young pegasus smirked and raised his glass of orange juice as a salute. “So, I hear you’re shooting a little high too, bro.”
In a rush, Dry Roast immediately jumped to counter his claim. “You heard wrong. Princess Twilight is just a customer. There’s nothing sexual going on between us. In bed. At the castle. I just left. After breakfast. But not in her bed where I woke up.”
Rain Check looked positively baffled. “I just heard that Princess Luna dropped by your store.” He pushed over a newspaper from Canterlot with a second page article about Luna making a Ponyville visit and returning with a coffee from a store there.
It was a comfort, because if there were rumors outside of Ponyville, Rain Check would be the first to know. “Whew. A few more snobby Canterlot unicorns dropping by Ponyville to daytrip won’t be too bad.”
Rain Check only paused, raising one eyebrow and tapping a hoof on the table.
“So, do we need any more groceries?” asked Dry Roast, going over to the cabinets and rummaging through them. “Since I took today off, I can drop by the market and pick up some. A few apples, maybe some pears. We’re almost out of oats.”
“And excuses,” said Rain Check. He kicked a chair across the floor and over to his big brother. “Come on, bro. Spill it.”
Admittedly, Dry Roast was not all that interested in telling his blabby baby brother about what had been going on in his life lately, but if he did not, the entire Ponyville area would ‘enlighten’ him with wild rumors of their own. It seemed to be a fairly simple misconception to clear up, so he detailed the events of the last few days, with a few edits. Then, after a little consideration, went back and told Rain Check about his experiences with Twilight Sparkle over the last two years and the legal opinion of their brother Bud in regards to his fate.
“I can’t believe it,” said Rain Check, shaking his head.
“You’re about the only one in town, then,” said Dry.
“No, I mean about this going on for over a year! You told Bud. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t tell Bud until a few days ago, because he’s a lawyer, so he can keep his big trap shut. Five minutes after I would have told you, everypony would know, including Mom and Dad.”
“No, I wouldn’t tell.” Rain Check paused with his hoof held over his chest. “Not everypony.” He settled back down into his chair with a flick of his wings and a thoughtful look. “Not Mom or Dad either. They’d freak. So what are you going to do?”
“Nothing,” declared Dry. “Absolutely nothing. Except maybe tie myself to my bed.”
Rain Check snorted. “Can’t believe you’re sleepwalking again.”
“And get a lock for the inside of my door, I guess,” said Dry.
Check added, “She can just teleport you to her bedroom whenever she wants your beans.”
Dry Roast rolled his eyes. “And clobber my little brother if he runs around spreading rumors.”
“Only truths.” Rain Check held up a hoof as if he were being sworn in. “You don’t really think you could be arrested for royal canoodling in the first degree, do you?”
It was worth some thought, but if so, Princess Luna would have said something. Unless she thought it would be funny. Or thought about sneaking into the jail cell with him.
He settled for a long sigh and a poignant, “I just don’t understand mares.”
There was a sharp knocking at the door and both stallions turned to look.
“Are you going to get that?” asked Rain Check. “I can try to come up with bail if they’re here to arrest you.”
Grumbling a little, Dry Roast trudged over the door, hesitated at the thought of who was probably on the other side due to the wingflaps he could hear, then opened it up anyway. Thankfully, it was just Rainbow Dash on the other side, but she seemed more than a little upset.
“I missed it again!” shouted Rainbow right into Dry Roast’s face. “Twi’s all stomping around her castle like some loose thundercloud because you went and kissed her in the kitchen, and I missed it!”
“I missed that particular detail about kissing in your description, bro.” Rain Check wandered over to the door and casually arranged himself where he could listen in to the conversation. “Go ahead.”
“You snooze, you lose?” said Dry with an increasing amount of uncertainty. “Besides, it doesn’t count. Legally.”
“Yeah, right,” muttered Rainbow Dash. “Well, I know how to keep an eye on you.”
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
Rarity regarded Dry Roast with a certain skepticism that seemed to be contagious inside the boutique and among the three ponies present. “Let me get this straight, Rainbow Dash. You want to take Mister Roast with you to the Spring Flower Festival in Canterlot as your… date?”
“I’m having problems believing it too,” said Dry.
“Yeah, I’m awesome like that,” said Rainbow. “It’s the perfect solution. That way when he and Twilight suck face the next time, I’ll be there. I’ve already got a dozen or two snappy comebacks lined up for it.”
“The next time?” inquired Rarity with an innocent expression.
Rainbow waved a hoof in the general direction of the distant crystal castle. “Yeah, they were smooching it up in the castle kitchen. Spike won the pot.”
Rarity looked down and checked a note. “Oh, bother.”
“We were not ‘smooching it up,’ Rainbow,” protested Dry Roast. “We… Um… She woke up. Oh, and the pot is still in play. With somepony else! Not me!”
Rarity leaned forward and practically purred. “It must have been a considerable shock to her system to awaken with a handsome stallion on her lips.”
“It really wasn’t a calming event for me either,” said Dry somewhat defensively.
Rarity smiled and picked up her tape measure. “I’ll just need a few measurements for your outfit. Rainbow Dash, if you could allow us some privacy, please?”
The seamstress measured around a reluctant Dry Roast for a while after Rainbow left, and eventually spoke up after measuring the length of one of his long legs.
“What a tall, handsome fellow you are, Mister Roast. It is such a relief that Twilight finally has met her special somepony. For the longest time, we girls thought she was going to wind up aging all alone in that big empty castle with a dozen cats.”
Opal took that moment to meow at her from a nearby cushion.
“Oh, not you, Opalescence.” Rarity paused to look rather uncomfortably around the empty boutique while Dry Roast squirmed.
“I’m not her special somepony. I barely know her.” He lifted up a leg and allowed Rarity to check the fit of an ‘off-the-rack’ suit jacket which seemed suspiciously near his unusual size. “We have nothing in common and we’ve barely exchanged a dozen words that don’t involve coffee.”
“Give her time, Mister Roast. Our little Twilight Sparkle can be quite surprising at times. Just wait until you get to know her.”
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Gee, who lives in The Crystal Empire who might be going to this too?
I bet Spike's just gonna spend all the money he's won on a nice little hoard of gems. Or could he just have a hoard of bits instead?
Or maybe he uses his hoard to entice Ember to be his broodmate, so Twilight can have her castle full of dragons.
8699655
8699655
Oh no, not Sombra. He'll cause all the flowers to freeze and crystallise.
8699655
Clearly Cadance, and possibly Shining Armor with her. All of this is before the Cutie Map, I think, so I doubt Sunburst and Glimglam will show. It's also in Canterlot, so there's a significant possibility of Celestia taking a little peek too.
8699655
Hmmm, I wonder who lives in Canterlot, who might've gotten an official invitation to the spring flower festival, and who might see it as an opportunity to meet her niece from the Crystal Empire.
8699655
I'm kinda really hoping Cadance, Princess of Love, just comes to town one day, takes one look at this situation, sees everything for exactly what it is, and sets everyone straight. Give poor Roast one ally.
8699655 Gee who won't being going to if Shining is told what are the chances he won't tell Candance.. Also what are the odds of Shining not finding out if Candance is told. Beyond the fact the guard wasn't pushier I assumed either Celestia or Shining Armour had sent him to interrogate err learn more about Twilight's special somepony
I'm not sure which is going to cause more chaos: Twilight's brother and sister-in-law showing up, or the inevitable visit from Twilight's parents.
Well, no, that's exactly what you want to avoid. Twilight is a terrible pony to get mixed up with, as you, Rarity, ought to know better than just about anyone.
I can imagine.
He knows how to bribe a dragon.
Et tu, Spike?
You should run.
She has.
Also a possibility.
Oh?
Of course it's for that.
Thus far, I don't think she's given him any desire to do that.
Ah, lovely. Now I can sleep with a smile.
It actually just hit me, what happens when Cadence or Shining Armor hear about this?
Also, I'm seriously doubting Dry sleepwalked. Just sayin.
8699737 *GASP!* Are you implying that an alicorn princess used teleportation magic to move Dry into Twilight's bed? How shocking! (and true)
8699729 Dry's little brother provides much the same role in this story as Spike does for Twilight in the toon. It allows Dry to talk out loud without sounding crazy.
8699704 I promise, I haven't used Twilight or Dry's parents in here anywhere. Honest.
8699679 This is set after the discovery of the Crystal Empire but before Cadence gives birth, so she's pregnant in Chapter 9 when she shows up in the story. (I had to go in and mark that specifically, because I had not really came out and said that anywhere. Show AND Tell.)
8699777
Well, crazier than usual.
Experience does have that effect.
I do not think that is presently high on Dry's list of plans before Tartarus freezes over. But when have plans meant anything...?
Unfortunately for Spike, considering the fact Twilight was still predominately asleep when the kiss was initiated I expect appeals will be made to the Princess of Pool Arbitration to have this kiss declared invalid.
8699777
It is after the pregnancy announcement, right? Otherwise everyone's going to be very surprised as to how Cadance has suddenly become so rotund. I do hope you'll make her have some sort of really strange craving for food, or she'll just go into maximum ship mode, as has probably already happened.
8699777
Question is, which alicorn princess? The sister-in-law of shipping, the amused employee, or the lover in denial?
(As far as I can tell, the former teacher doesn't even know yet. Though of course, I could be wrong.)
The "crazy dragon lady" idea sounds great, only I'm imagining the cat lady from The Simpsons now.
I can certainly see her throwing little bundles of claws, teeth and fire at Dry.
The best part of waking up, is alicorns running off!
I'm fairly confident that the fact that he has so many bits tied up in his shop, and probably really likes Ponyville are the only explanations for why Dry Roast hasn't moved somewhere else.
At least if he did that, he'd have a case.
8699799
Doesn't know? Please, she alone is responsible for half of Lyra'y college. Who do you think the resident monster hunter is spying?
I can only say
8699799
That is my question. If it's Twi, she either has a locate coffee-colt spell, or a spell for summoning one. Luna would likely have a number of means for offering Dry Roast to go, and I don't know what sorts pf shenanigans Love Princess would have access to...
8699816
Might I recommend Lady Sybil Ramkin of Pratchett's Guards! Guards! ? She breeds swamp dragons.
8699181
It's one of the reasons that I can sit through poor Dry Roast being bullrushed by the crazy ponies in Ponyville; it mostly IS his fault, after all.
Well THAT goes without saying.
Frankly I'm surprised that didn't happen already; it would have been another funny moment to have Sleepwalking!Twilight barge into his house and order coffee at her usual time, and then curl up on his couch. Only for her to wake up properly later and freak out. Dry Roast would probably have to buy another couch, and maybe repair his living room. And Luna would no doubt be there to waggle her eyebrows at the poor stallion.
Ah, well. Keep up the good work.
8699374
You think this guy's stories have butt-monkey protagonists? Man, you should stay away from certain other authors on this site, then; it's a gorram plague with some people.
Someone: "No one could write a story with Twilight as a tsundere, and it be any good."
Georg: "Hold my beer."
Maybe if Roast sues Twilight for sexual harassment, she'll stop sleepwalking?
...And then I realize this chapter is up and read it.
Hmm, now did Dry Roast sleepwalk, or did Twilight Sparkle sleepwalk and grab him?
8699888
Yes she does, but she has too much respect for them to throw them at hapless not-suitors. And I hope Spike isn't quite as volatile as those swamp dragons.
Besides, there's probably a better princess to compare to Lady Sybil.
On an unrelated note, Dry better update his will before "Samuel Vimes" comes down from the Crystal Empire.
8699958
I inclined to think of the latter scenario. Dry can barely navigate the crystal castle.
I want to know whether the other Princesses were in the pool or not. Especially, I want to see Cadance's reaction when she knew she missed her Twily's first, conscious, kiss.
Spike is best pet-slave.
8700021
Oh my glob. That is just so perfect I'm wondering why I didn't think of it myself. Although I hope Shining Armor isn't a recovering alcoholic, and can figure out how to not be on-the-job 24/7.
But I'm getting the distinct impression he makes sure to be home every day at 6pm to read Where's My Pig to Flurry Heart...
"Then we confirmed she was immortal—please don't ask how—and so we thought she'd wind up unaging all alone in that big empty castle with a dozen religions."
In any case, it sounds like Twilight's managed to twist events such that this is somehow Dry's fault. I do hope someone sets her straight... not that Dry's doing much better. It might kill some of the tension, but Cadence acting as a relationship counselor would do these two a world of good.
(Also, I find myself hoping that Dry didn't accidentally cover the pancake sacrifice in emerald sprinkles... assuming alicorns can't digest those.)
Looking forward to the Flower Festival. Madness is sure to ensue.
You never disappoint. And I no longer have anything I need to do! Thus meaning I can read all I want without worrying about procrastinating.
8700042
Lewd.
Derpy has the best line in this.
Also I'm considering adding Lyra as running betting rings to boost her income to my headcanon
Of course he did.
See, I'm still thinking something along those lines was what happened. Either that, or Luna (or some other third party) was trying to pull something. But I guess we'll see how that...along with everything else...plays out.
Yeah, why is that, RD? You do seem to have been conspicuously absent from most of the fun here, which...you know...doesn't match your reputation at all.
8699655
Didn't even think of that.
Oh dear.
Especially as this is only going to further complicate the public's view of just who, exactly, Dry is pairing himself with, because I foresee three candidates for the ol' grapevine to gossip about now.
You know, that line about her becoming a crazy cat mare has me wondering something; if crazy cat mares get more and more cats the older they are, and Twilight is immortal, does that mean that in a few centuries, someone could come by the castle to visit Twilight, only to be buried under an avalanche of cats when they open the door?
8700257
Probably not. Unlike Twilight, cats are quite mortal.
8699737
Yeah. Either Twilight has begun sleep-teleportation, or there's some Princess mischief going on. TIME FOR THE LINEUP:
Luna: She's Princess of the Night, so she can enter dreams and influence them, possibly doing so to Twilight so that she'll sleepwalk... OR influence Dry to do so after taking amusement with the whole situation.
Cadence: She's the Princess of Love and wants Twi to have a special somepony by any means neccasasary.
CELESTIA: She's a [BEEP]ing troll, and she's kinda Twi's surrogate Mom in a way. If this ends up being some plan concocted by Celestia, I will probably die laughing.
ALL THREE: Seeing as how Celestia is obviously watching from the shadows (And all three have the power have teleportation), Luna being able to manipulate dreams or influence nighttime activity, AND Cadence being Princess of love, I wouldn't be shocked if ALL THREE of them teamed up to start this whole situation.
In any case, I love this story to death and look forward to its updates every morning.
8700257
I love how THAT'S the first thing you think of after reading this.
8700257
Oh, don't forget the "lovely" smell of cat urine...
Oooo, she finally woke up.
Rainbow's plans aren't necessarily good, but they should prove to be interesting at the very least. Possibly exciting too.
8700257
That would make a funny short story.
Anyway, I also doubt he was the one sleepwalking (or he had help). I suspected something like this would happen, but did not guess this one!
I somehow think Cadance would only make things worse if she arrives. She sure would not try to set it all straight.
8699924 Ahem. Twice, if you count The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian.
She was beautiful. Radiant power seemed to fill Twilight Sparkle’s entire being, from her stark white eyes to a smoldering mane that flowed in a nonexistent breeze with little sparks of fire at the tips of each hair. A crackle of ozone filled the library with a tang that seemed to catch on the back of the tongue and tingle along his spine, holding every hair on his coat on end. Even though he was just moments from death, Green Grass could not help but stare and marvel at the power of the cosmos, ready to be unleashed. On him.
8700570 8700526 8700257 8700321 Just to let you guys know, you're not alone in the cat idea. Tek left a note that I didn't get into author notes:
(on cats) Hey, there's an idea for the royal guard
Yeah, you could be like some old lady, sitting in front of the fireplace while petting her cats.
(cuts to Canterlot)
Celestia, sitting in front of the fireplace, stroking the guard's mane
"Um, ma'am? Princess? Excuse me?"
I'm surprised Twilight's castle doesn't involve any locks on any of the doors.
WHY does Rainbow Dash think her dating Dry will make things better and WHY is he going along with this?
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/023/180/notsurprisedkirk.jpg
Off to a good start.
The humor is in the details. Luna's lungs, that's a good line.