"You're not a burden, my love" Simon comforted his partner, Prince Lucian. "You're all 7,634,420,069,142,002,387,487,862,912 stars in my sky, Luce. And I love how brightly you shine"
I Just Want a Comment15,705 stories ·3,671 members
Heartwarming1,900 stories ·1,098 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,224 stories ·5,457 members
Starlight Glimmer I690 stories ·479 members
Starlight Glimmer2,902 stories ·1,539 members
Reformed Starlight Glimmer149 stories ·380 members
Starlight Glimmer Deserves Lots and Lots of Love274 stories ·334 members
Starlight Glimmer Lovers!303 stories ·200 members
Starlight and Sunburst are dating, but they're each in love with somepony else... the two of them agree to talk about it over a card game. Things get... complicated, but they each have another secret... they're not who they say they are.
My first romance oneshot, so please comment.
The characters are actually me and StarLadybugQuinn.
New sequel!
It's called Patience of Love.
Page generated in 0.206 seconds
Total duration
947 users online
239,708 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, since you asked...
-This feels like it's supposed to be in meter, but I can't match it with any. Between Starlight's ultra-casual rhymes and Sunburst's flowery, Shakespearean speech... is it a reference to something I'm unfamiliar with?
-Careful with the tags. I'm assuming this should be Complete, and just Starlight and Sunburst are sufficient for character tags. Those are supposed to tell you audience what the story's about, not give away the twists. Use an Other tag if there are characters who are integral to the story but would be spoilery in the description. Also you don't need a species tag when the only present member of the species has their own tag; it would be like putting Zebra on a fic with only Zecora in it. Also, that's a LOT of genera tags for a story only 1k long.
8046257 I changed the tags and the status.
This felt quickly paced. If I can even call it that. Would you like me to add it to my "Desh Reviews" series for next weeks entries? Anyway, this didn't really deserve a upvote, or a downvote... thumb, just call them thumbs. Ugh, before I end up rambling... was this based off of one of the Roleplays you two did?
Edit: oh, and also. The light kissing, even without detail, would move this up to a Teen rating, as well as with the Sex tag.
8046438 Why the Sex tag if they don't have sex?
8046442
Have you looked at the rules for each tag? Here is a link. HERE
8046448 I changed the rating and added the tag.
8046451
I just noticed that I put the wrong one. But I am glad you found it. I accidentally clicked the rules not tag info...
Well this wasn't what I had expected, the sudden transformations of the two caught me off guard. I feel it was also supposed to be symbolic. Since it was only 1000 words it felt rather fast. Overall I feel it was nice.
Great job! Maybe work a little more on shifts in the emotions of the characters, but I'm liking it.
8046257 The "meter" was unintentional... the rhymes are just pretentional.
8046438 Please review it.
8046599
Alright, it will be with next weeks batch. Possibly Monday, unless I get behind like I did this week... then it will be Tuesday.
Said card game is Yu-Gi-Oh!, right?
8046658 War.
8046658
Yu-Gi-Oh has monsters, spells, and trap cards, though there is far more than just that. But War seems to be accurate, or go-fish...
8046785 War is in the title... it's a pun of "All's Fair in Love and War" and Shapeshifting. The game is War.
I got no bone to pick with this at all . . . Gigity, Gigity, Gigity.
But for reals. I really liked this fic. Nice twist there at the end.
8046820 Thanks. It's based on a true story... as the description should say.
Hey there my guy *instert new York guy meme*
You asked me for a review and I did just that over on my blog posts. Give it a look-see
Sorry for the long time, but here is the review.