- Member Since 28th Aug, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
Flora Blossom
Original character writer. (OC)
Flora Blossom
Joined 28th Aug, 2016 ·
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Wow I like it... Gives like here.
8089167 Finally some good news. I just don't think people like this well I know a few that are interested in it.
8089247 Give it time.
Well I have to say for voices on these ponies
1. Princess Sunbeam: Hailee Steinfeld
2. Lickety: Bailey Madison
3. Majesty: Jennifer Hale
4. Tantabus (The cursed one): Grey DeDisele
5. Surprise: David Hayter
6. Coral Grim: Shailene Woodley
7. Librarian: Grey Griffin
A small example from your story:
Honest opinion - if you are older than 15 and English is your native language - shame on you. If its not your native language or you are younger - try harder, read what you wrote down at least once after you finish few sentences and check if it makes any sense. Avoid repeating the same verbs and words in adjusted sentences.
The Cursed one giggles as Majesty stares at her for a second " That's impossible! How are you here?!" she start to sweat in fear...
Im not a master of english language myself as its my 2nd language but i couldn't go past 2nd page of this story because writing was so painfully bad and hard to decipher.
8491126
Yes I understand I will be finding an editor and a proof reader I just don't know how soon sorry.
8491126
However, i'm 22 and my english is a D-
8491126
If i may ask is that better than i did before hand?
8667939
You asking about this story(did you edit it?) or about your new one?
8668489
both
8668489
i totally finish them in past tense to make them look more readable I hope.
Alright, that was almost painful. There are so many oddly written sentences that it is nearly unbearable. To make matters worse, I'm not sure how I feel about the story because of the writing itself.
Without trying to be mean, it is awful (the writing)... I have no idea about the content of the story, but it might be fun. The troubles with the writing made it so I just couldn't focus on anything but the quality. If you'd like, I could edit the chapter (Intro) and send it to you. Because as it is, it is just awful.
Also, this is more like a chapter one than an introductory piece. This had all the signs of being a part of the story in a 'this is plot' kind of way.
8914892
The Intro is part of the beginning right? Or at least part of it. You may wish to send it if you must... But, I need to move on. But, I'll reconsider your offer. Sense i'm going to quit writing soon. To busy with work and not enough time to go through all of the 2 stories that are complete. When my third fiction ends I'm totally quitting writing as I'm highly stress trying to figure out ideas that no one has use yet.
8918577
Instead of focusing on trying to find ideas that no one has used. Just think up an idea and use it. A grand tale is better than nothing. Anyway, if fixing your stories has been causing grief, then allocate the work upon someone willing and able. It will help, as I don't think I can finish the first story -- considering I have no idea what's going on.
The introduction, as defined by Dictionary.com, "a preliminary part, as of a book, musical composition, or the like, leading up to the main part." what it means, is that it tells about (introduces) a subject (the story) while leading into said subject; however, while it is a part of the story, if it is just the general story itself, and not an introduction, then it would be part of the story. To put that a little simpler: the introduction talks about the story while not giving the story (in a sense).
I'll use your story as an example. You go through and you give events about the raising of Canterlot and talking about Glory and Majesty, as well as the birth of Coral. If it left off there, that would be an introduction; the main character is born, the slight events leading up... but no. You then continue to talk about Coral's relation with Celestia, and you continued to give events about what was happening. Which means one of two things (possibly more); that the introduction is unnecessarily long (especially compared to the rest of the story) or that it is chapter one or the prologue (and not the introduction).
It sounds rather confusing, I know.
8918887
then it's the prologue then? K chapter one it is then I went and fix the other stuff.
8918887
Well the purpose of this story is clearly very hard to explain but, I'll try to tell you whats going on in the story.... The story is about this little filly that awakes a secret monster called the tantabus (Luna darkest monster of giving people nightmares.) I believe it was made from a curse from being raped at the secret library in Canterlot. Tantabus got raped. This is why it's a mystery. The whole franchise is counting my second and my third fiction so far... Tantabus got raped and died in the library.... And Coral Grim the main character of this cast of the franchise seeks about why her other cousins controls dark magic.
I wont tell you the whole story because most of my followers are reading it so I can't spoil the franchise as of this day. I do apologies if it's a hard understanding read. I'm a low class level loser who is a low class writer.
That is not all.... I had to replace 2 fictions from present tense to past tense so yea i'm pretty sure i'm tired of fixing them... It's hard work and i'm truly dedicated.
So i'm clearly going to give 3 edits from fiction 3 and then the final edit.
8922076
If you have troubles with writing concisely or clearly, then you could have sought out the help of someone. Feel free to edit the comment so it doesn't have any spoilers.
Now, if you can explain it well enough in a PM; I'll be more than happy to edit it, and send you the fixes (changes). I'll do what I can, then send it to you. But that will be when I have the time.
8922172
That's no longer the issue I complete it. and it's final... My idea not the editors something that no one here cares about.... A story is a story to bring imagination to the table. This franchise is about 4 stories. The franchise is a universe so people can see what happening however, i finished this one and the second one and i'm no longer making a change.... it's done time to move on. Even if I do find several editors <<<... each of them would think a different way. Making the story fix and other terrible corrections for the narration. such as first person editor or 2nd or even third. It's hard to find at least a few editors now days because they only care about money and commissions. And they say do it your self this is an example.... I don't like what they say about it. This is why I can't find any editors that will do the whole entire thing...
9188505
You don't necessarily need to find an editor. A proofreader will be fine; he or she can work on the grammar, the only real time a line will be rapidly changed, is if it isn't grammatically correct.
As for payments: some people charge, some don't. One thing that's clear, it will be mentioned up-front -- before the service starts.
8089247
the only reason people hated it is because I was half drunk in 2017 and didn't realize that most of the file is lost....