• Member Since 16th May, 2014
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

BaeroRemedy


"Don't write for the readers, write for yourself" - Vincent Spallo

T

Twins do everything together: they share secret languages, they go everywhere together, and some work together. Some like Breach and Clear, two unicorn twins, hunt down and capture changelings for the government together.

Sometimes that work includes going to remote locations with not a lot of support and just each other to rely on. So this contract shouldn't be any different, right?

[This story is rated a rather high 'TEEN' for descriptions of light gore and naughty language.]

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 6 )

Well, this story was intense, for sure. I got drawn into the characters pretty quickly, even though neither are the sort of characters I usually like.

Which is pretty good.

Spoilers ahead:

It's got a lot of tense stuff going on, and I really should have figured out something was wrong when the "captain" was telling them to be reckless, going directly against the cautious and friendly captain in the first place. Well, I mean, I sorta did, but I didn't suspect the voice to be something else, I expected that the captain was showing his "true colors". And am received its not like that.

It's a good ending, though, even though it is a tragic one. It's at least reasonably clear by the end that Chrysalis, for all her righteous "you killed my people!" Probably doesn't really have much of a leg to stand on for righteousness... but also isn't actually entirely wrong. The nuclear option is really all the twins have left, to stop Chrysalis who really does represent a threat to pony society. And I like it, even though it doesn't end well for our protagonists.

I do also like how they were both desiring a better outcome than killing the changelings, though. They were willing to at least try for a peaceful ending, even if there was no peaceful option to begin with.

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I'm glad you enjoyed it. I strayed far from my comfort zone in both themes and overall composition when writing this and I was really hoping for a good payoff.

Thank you for your feedback!

Wow, this story was really impressive! I admit it had a relatively slow start, but dang, that Banner-Hocks Syndrome is a pretty unique idea! I get the feeling it's probably a reference to something? At any rate, it's a pretty neat-o condition, and portrayed in an interesting light! And the two main characters interacted with/played off each other well. Makes me wish I could have seen them on a normal mission!
One of the bits I particularly liked was the passage that looked into Clear's thoughts immediately after she killed the diseased changeling. It struck me as a very believable reaction- she thought she had come to terms with it and that she could harden herself against it, but she was just as vulnerable as before. (Also for some reason the cannon scene was also realistic? Like, of course she's not gonna get the throw on the first try)
Although I do wonder why the changelings ignored Clear. Wouldn't the queen want revenge on both of them? Ah well.
And hooo boy, did it go out with a bang! ...pun unintended. I'm a sucker for dramatic endings, and that was a heart-wrenchingly good one. Awesome job, and thumbs up!

I'm so used to the protagonist(s) finding a way to escape or save the day that I wasn't ready for this outcome. Good work overall.

Well, that was a thing.

RIP everyone at ground zero

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