• Member Since 6th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 1st, 2019

SprocketProductions


Creativity in its purest form is self-expression. I choose to try to express myself in everything I do.

T

If you haven't read my story, Dream Come True, do so now before reading this story, so you know what's going on.

Sprocket successfully sealed her place in Equestria, but at the expense of her memories and a magical amulet which was all she had to remember her friends from the human world. Now, with her spouse, Metalwing, she must find it and regain what she lost.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 3 )
Comment posted by The Watcher Face deleted Jan 27th, 2017

7781018 You shallow little pain. I'm trying to write a story with deep meaning and you write a comment bragging about how you're the first one to comment on the story. How much of a jerk can you be to a writer?

7897384
See when I posted that I thought more people where going to comment.
And when later chapters came out I was going to try and post my opinion of the chapter. Try and break up the flash backs with something like a line or something. Don't use I as much, good god I found 5 I's in one paragraph. Use more descriptive words "show don't tell". Try and get at least 2000 words or more 1900 word chapters are good but you really want to aim above 2000, looks more professional and doesn't detour readers, big chapters usually equals more views. Also have you thought about rewriting your first story to not make a Mary Sue. You need to spread out scenes more and not rush chapters add some sub plot or arcs to your story. Ponies don't just magically make friends (unless your pinky, ask megaton about his favorite song) relationships take time to grow two ponies, yeah two ponies might hit it off initially but friendship is a bud it takes time for it to blossom into a true relationship. Heck you might not fully read this and I'm ranting to nobody but you can always improve your writing. Can't wait for your next chapters bro(ny).
Watcher out-

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