Please don't be sad, Dashie
"Rainbow Dash!? Are you ok?" Fluttershy sobbed, as she began to feel her own eyes dripping water. Rainbow Dash just stayed where she lay, not responding to Fluttershy. However, this didn't stop the yellow pony from continuing to run towards her.
"Go away Shy. Please..." Rainbow Dash muttered. Fluttershy stopped where she stood, her mouth opening wide as she tried to get over what Rainbow Dash had just said to her.
"Wha... what did you say?" Fluttershy asked, hoping that the cyan Pegasus was only joking. Sadly, this proved not to be the case.
"I said, go away, Fluttershy," repeated Rainbow Dash, with slight annoyance in her voice. Fluttershy shook her head, not wanting to listen to what she was being told.
"N-no, no. No, I don't wanna go Rainbow..." Fluttershy told the rainbow-maned pony who lay on the ground in front of her. Fluttershy continued to rush towards her friend, feeling extremely distraught about her. Fluttershy instantly dropped onto the ground, so that she was level with Rainbow Dash. She began to slowly caress her rainbow mane, but Rainbow just pushed her hoof away.
"Please Shy, just go.... I want to be alone..." Rainbow Dash grumbled, still crying lightly into her forelegs. Fluttershy started shaking, becoming really scared about her friend. She crawled right up next to Rainbow Dash, nuzzling her face into her neck. Rainbow Dash shivered slightly at the sudden contact, but she didn't force Fluttershy off.
"Rainbow, please tell me... what's up?" Fluttershy complained, feeling herself want to burst into full-on tears, "Please Dashie, I'm really scared about you... You seem really upset, and... I-I don't l-like it..." Rainbow Dash winced, feeling herself becoming more and more distressed at the situation.
'Come on Rainbow Dash, you're gonna have to speak to her,' Rainbow Dash told herself, trying her best to calm herself down, 'She's really worried about ya. Seriously, just do it, don't hide your feelings from her like this. You... you can trust her.' The cyan Pegasus was really beginning to panic. Rainbow Dash let out a big sigh, then moved her head up from her forelegs. She turned her head to face Fluttershy. The yellow pony noticed how red Dash's eyes were. Fluttershy cringed slightly, unsure of how to feel. Rainbow Dash sniffed, as she began to speak.
"Listen, Fluttershy..." Rainbow Dash began. Fluttershy instantly leaned in closer, to hear everything her marefriend had to say. "I've uh, I've been having a bit of a, rough time... these past few hours. I've been crying my eyes out, as you can probably see..." Rainbow Dash pointed to her blood-shot eyes, to which Fluttershy's shaking increased. She put a foreleg around Rainbow Dash, as said pony continued her conversation.
"Sooo, I've been trying to get over my little 'incident' at the party... You know, me getting seriously drunk, and then kissing you in front of everyone." Fluttershy nodded, taking every word in. "And... I will admit, I feel really embarrassed about it - I really do.... I wish I could go back and stop that from happening..." The two ponies were getting completely soaked in the rain. Fluttershy wasn't really one who liked getting wet. But, Rainbow Dash instantly opened up one of her wings and put them above Shy's head. The timid mare looked at the cyan Pegasus with big eyes, to which she responded by giving a small, but also sad smile. Fluttershy tried to manage a smile of her own, but failed miserably.
"Anyway, while I've been, regretting doing what I did at the party, it's made me think of many other things I've done in the past which I, uh... regret," Rainbow Dash continued, to which Fluttershy found herself getting more scared at each sentence that she heard. She'd never heard Rainbow Dash speak to her about things like this before, especially not with her thinking those things.
"Rainbow..." Fluttershy tried to speak, but Rainbow Dash cut her off. She put a hoof to her mouth, as she spoke softly.
"Fluttershy, it's not your fault... It's not..." Rainbow Dash reassured the shy pony, although Fluttershy still continued to panic, "But, and I guess this is where it gets dark... but - I'm beginning to, *sniff* uhh, ummm *sniff* have... d-d-doubts..." Rainbow Dash felt the urge to rub her eyes into her forelegs again, but Fluttershy noticed this and quickly used her own hoof to wipe away the tears from her lover's depressed, magenta-coloured eyes.
"Dash, please, oh please don't say this... I'm begging you, no..." Fluttershy wept, feeling herself starting to be unable to hold in her sadness. Rainbow Dash wrapped a foreleg around Fluttershy, holding her tight. She didn't want to say what was on her mind, but she knew that she had to.
"I'm, I'm really sorry Flutters. I really, truly am..." Rainbow Dash explained, to which finally broke Fluttershy. The yellow pony now began to sob into the cyan pony's neck. Rainbow Dash felt a fresh batch of tears of her own, trying to make their way through her eyelids. Unfortunately, she just couldn't hold them in. Rainbow Dash leaned into Shy's large, fluffy pink mane, using it as a tissue to cry into.
Both ponies lay near the cliff of Mount Pony, both crying their eyes out. Not because they wanted to, but because they had to. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke. Apart from their sobbing, there was complete silence between the two ponies. Even when either of them wanted to speak, all that came out of their mouths was just a breathe of air, no words.
After about 10 minutes of non-stop crying, Rainbow Dash managed to continue speaking, although she had to stop constantly and have breaks - so that she could try and stop more tears from coming out of her eyes.
"I, I just don't know *sniff* why this is, happening to me. *sniff* I don't understand why..." continued Rainbow Dash, as breaking down into tears kept getting harder and harder for her. Something which usually, was very unlikely from her. "But, but... *sigh* it's, uh, been a few weeks now. I've been getting *sniff* these, umm... thoughts. Regrets. Doubts even. They've, uh... been about, me. Me, my life, and what I've done within my life."
Fluttershy gasped in horror, and Rainbow Dash knew why. However, the rainbow-maned pony didn't dare say a word. Instead, she allowed the shy Pegasus to speak.
"These... thoughts, you've been having.... please don't say they've been, horrible ones..?" Fluttershy pleaded, hoping Rainbow Dash wouldn't say the one thing she felt like she couldn't handle hearing. Dash took a deep breath, feeling really worried about speaking now. However, she knew that she'd already gotten too far into the conversation, so she couldn't back out of it now.
"Listen, Fluttershy... I've uh, I've really been thinking some... dark stuff lately..." Rainbow Dash admitted, making Fluttershy eep in fear loudly. Rainbow gulped hard, then continued. "I've been thinking, about... how worth it, is my life? What do I matter in this world? Do I even deserve to be here? *sniff* I just, I don't know what to do with myself... I haven't exactly been the perfect pony." Fluttershy wanted desperately to step in and just tell Rainbow Dash to calm down, and that she'd promise to help her, but she felt like it would just be useless.
"Let's face it Shy: I don't deserve ya. I really don't... And you don't deserve me." Fluttershy couldn't take this anymore. In her head, she had no choice, but to have her own say, on what her opinion was in this conversation.
"Rainbow, please... please don't hurt yourself or, or even worse... Pl-pleaseee, I've been through this myself... You know I have. The last thing I want is for you, for you to suffer, from the exact same thing..." Fluttershy cried, as more tears began to appear from her watery, cyan-coloured eyes. Rainbow held Fluttershy as close as she possibly could, gently rubbing her back.
"I'm sorry Fluttershy, I really am. Honest, I don't wanna feel like this..." Rainbow Dash explained, trying hard not to allow any tears creep from under her eyelids. "But, I really have been thinking, quite badly about myself... Let's think about it: I'm a lazy, dishonest, tomboyish son of a, you know what, who never plays fairly at sports, is always trying to pick fights with others... I don't even deserve to live!" Rainbow Dash's voice increased in volume on her last sentence, as she dug her head as deep into Fluttershy's fluffy, pink mane that she could.
The yellow pony resumed caressing Rainbow Dash's multi-coloured mane, although this time, Rainbow didn't shake Fluttershy's hoof off. Fluttershy felt so hurt by the words she had just heard. 'How could Rainbow think like that?' Fluttershy thought to herself, not sure how someone like Rainbow Dash could think such awful things.
"I just, I just wanna curl up and die - or even worse, jump off of this cliff and fall to my death. That's all I want to do now. I mean nothing, to anyone..." Rainbow Dash claimed, to which somewhat angered Fluttershy. She raised her head from Rainbow's neck, and stared right into her eyes.
"Dashie, you are wrong on that statement. You DO mean something to people, many people in fact..." Fluttershy argued, disagreeing with Rainbow's comment.
"*sniff* Yeah, like who?" Rainbow Dash asked, although it was sort of a silly question.
"Rainbow Dash... your parents, your friends... me. We all care about you. You know that," Fluttershy explained, to which Rainbow Dash shook her head sadly.
"How, how can you care about me Shy!? How can someone as kind as you, give a single damn about me, after what I did to you that night!?" Rainbow Dash yelled, bringing up that night where Fluttershy had self-harmed herself again. Fluttershy jumped when Rainbow Dash spoke loudly, but she didn't let the terrible thoughts of what happened 'that' night, get to her.
"Dashie, I... I know you didn't mean it..." said Fluttershy, although Rainbow Dash thought she was joking at first. However, she knew that deep down, she knew that Fluttershy was telling the truth. "I know you never meant to hurt me, and... and I was silly to think that all of the mean comments that I'd heard from the mean bullies were actually true. I know now, as my psychiatrist said, that I am important, that I'm not a failure. I know I might not be perfect, and things are certainly harder for me than it would be for most other ponies. However, despite that, I should never give up at the first hurdle - I can do anything any other pony can do. Even if it does take me longer, I can do things as good as everypony else...."
Rainbow Dash felt more tears drip from her eyes, although these weren't ones of sadness - they were tears of joy. She understood everything that Fluttershy said, because it was true. Everything she said, was the truth. Fluttershy didn't exactly have it easy: she did have a smaller wingspan and wings and everything, which made a lot of Pegasi stuff much more difficult for her. Even some non-Pegasi stuff wasn't easy either, but, Fluttershy had finally realized - that she can do anything everypony else can. Sure, it may take longer, but nothing is completely impossible for her...
"It's, it's harder for me to speak to you about this because, *sniff* I've been through these same thoughts and emotions as you Dash. Believe me, it's horrible - to live your life in fear, sadness, and just wanting to do whatever it takes to end your life, right at that moment. But, but that's not what you should do, if you encounter any problems in life. Dr. Shrink told me that, I should never be afraid to ask for help... and from now on, I'll ask for help whenever I need it... because, I know I can succeed in life." Fluttershy paused for a moment, turning away from Rainbow Dash for a moment. When she looked back at Dash, her eyes were starry.
"And... and, and I love you... Rainbow Dash. I need you, I need you to be by my side, to help me through thick and thin... I care about you, an awful lot, and that'll never change, no matter what. How I feel for you, is unlike how I feel for any other pony." Fluttershy felt like crying again, but Rainbow Dash wiped her eyes with her hoof. She rolled onto her back, and held Fluttershy's head in her hooves. Rainbow's eyes also began to become starry, as a small red blush started to appear.
"You, you really know how to talk to other ponies, don't ya?" Rainbow Dash explained, making Fluttershy giggle slightly. A pink blush began to appear on her face. "You know Fluttershy, you're right. You really are. No one is perfect, I guess I have to realize that, whether I like it or not... I know things haven't been easy for you, and you don't deserve to have life be difficult for you. You deserve to have the greatest, most calmest, and most happiest life ever. Because, you... you are a good person Shy. My only friend, aside from Gilda, who perhaps I should get into contact again sometime... My only true friend in Flight Camp. I was always there for you, and you were always there for me."
Fluttershy felt her own tears of joy pouring out of her eyes. Fluttershy managed a small smile, which made a smile grow on Rainbow's face. "I care about you an awful lot too Flutters, and that isn't going to change. Not now, not tomorrow, not in a years time, not ever. You mean, so much to me... I don't know what I'd do without ya in my life..." Fluttershy's blush increased.
"We all make mistakes sometimes Dashie, believe me - I've made my own mistakes..." Fluttershy admitted, having a quick vision of ripping out her feathers on her wings, "But, as long as we learn to not dwell on those mistakes, and we move on... then everything will be alright in the end." However, Dash's small began to turn sad again.
"The thing is, Fluttershy, I really can't forgive myself for yelling at you like I did that night. It really haunts me..." Rainbow Dash confessed, which Fluttershy felt a slight sense of worry kick back in again. "I made you feel like ripping the feathers out of your wings was right. It wasn't... Problem is Shy, what upsets me the most isn't the fact that you actually did it - it's the fact that it was because of me that you were doing it... I have these nightmares occasionally, where you actually did, you know... end it..... It's horrible." It made sense to Fluttershy why Rainbow Dash felt so hurt by those events, but the timid mare didn't want it to bother her no more.
"Rainbow, don't hold a grudge against yourself for that night. It's not right - I don't want to see you suffer like this because of it..." Fluttershy told Rainbow Dash. The cyan Pegasus tried to look more calm, although thining about her 'nightmares' probably wasn't the best way of doing so. "Besides, if things get too much for you, I can always give Dr. Shrink a call... He's helped me, Dashie. I don't see why he wouldn't help you." Rainbow felt happiness beginning to return again.
"P-perhaps you're right..." Rainbow Dash agreed, smiling once more. "I guess, I guess that if I feel myself sinking down... I can get the help I need. ...The help you got. The help which allowed you to feel more confident and happier in yourself." Fluttershy began to feel a sense of joy fill her.
"Don't worry Dash, I'll help you through this," Fluttershy vowed, putting a hoof to her heart, "You helped me when I went through this... it's only fair I do the same for you..." Rainbow Dash shook the thoughts of Shy's death away. It was clear that the yellow pony wasn't going to allow her to hurt herself. Something which Rainbow Dash was relieved at.
"...I forgive you for that night Rainbow Dash, because I feel so strongly for you. I know how much I mean to you, especially now. We were alone around pre-school without each other. Not seeing you there, would make me sad. Seeing you there, would make me happy. ...I forgive you, because I've learned to forgive and forget. Even if it isn't easy to do so, it's still something you need to remember to do... I also forgive you because... I, I... I love you." A single tear appeared in Rainbow's left eye.
"I... I love you too, Fluttershy..." Rainbow Dash said softly, as she leaned up into Fluttershy's face, connecting her lips together. Rainbow pulled herself into a sitting position, while still connected to Fluttershy. The yellow pony did the exact same thing. They both held their hooves on each others faces, as they continued to kiss. They both felt their wings shoot open. Occasionally, both of them would moan softly, whenever the kiss got more passionate (which it was near enough, the whole time). Without warning, Rainbow Dash tried to sneak her tongue into Shy's mouth. The timid mare however, gladly accepted the 'visitor'.
Before they knew it, both of them were wrapping their tongues around each other, as they both began to really get into the kiss. After about a minute of being inside Fluttershy's mouth, the yellow pony decided to wriggle her tongue into Dash's mouth. Within no time at all, their tongues were doing the kissing for them again.
Rainbow Dash pulled away quickly, although her lips still hovered over Shy's. Both of them had their eyes half-open, while they breathed each other's air. "Your lips, are sooo soft Shy..." teased Rainbow Dash, to which Fluttershy chuckled quickly. As seductively as her bravery could muster, Fluttershy decided to have her own 'fun' with the rainbow-maned Pegasus.
"I never realized how sweet your lips tasted, Dashie..." whispered Fluttershy in a seductive voice. Rainbow Dash continued to smile, as she noticed how her marefriend was really enjoying this attention. After Fluttershy finished speaking, they connected their lips together once more...
==========
After about 5 minutes of non-stop kissing, the two ponies finally pulled away from each other, while they still held their heads in each other's hooves. Fluttershy & Rainbow Dash both stared into each other's eyes, as they glistened brightly within their own.
"I love you, Flutters... I mean it," Rainbow Dash told Fluttershy, who began to giggle again.
"Well, I... I really love you too, Dashie... And I always will," Fluttershy admitted, as the two still continued to look at each other. After a minute of being lost in each other's eyes, Rainbow Dash removed her hooves from Fluttershy and stood up. She helped the timid mare to get up, as she then kept a hold of one of her hooves. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy exclaimed happily, to which Rainbow Dash responded with a wink.
"Not a problem Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash replied, giving the yellow pony a big toothy smile, "I'd do anything for you... anything..." Fluttershy found herself laughing more at her friend's suggestive comment.
"Oh, oh please don't be so 'dirty' Dash..." joked Fluttershy, who actually liked it when Rainbow Dash spoke like 'that'.
The two looked at the beautiful view in front of them - the sight of Ponyville from so high up. Rainbow Dash decided to comment on the view.
"Ponyville looks so beautiful up here..." Rainbow Dash confessed, before quickly adding, "But not as beautiful as you." Fluttershy began to blush even more, as Rainbow Dash smirked at how her marefriend was acting.
"Oh stop it, Dashie. You just like seeing me all flustered..." Fluttershy told Rainbow Dash, laughing away to herself, "Although I'm flattered to be called beautiful."
"But you are beautiful Shy, you truly are," Rainbow Dash continued, "In fact, you're stunning, you're so adorable and cute, you're... you're..." Fluttershy felt like she could see where this was going. She bit her lip, putting on a romantic smile.
"I'm a what, Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy asked, getting some distinct déjà vu from this situation. After all, something very similar to this had happened at the party, while Dash was drunk.
"You my friend... are not only one very, VERY naughty filly, but you, are also.... awesomely sexy..." Rainbow Dash concluded her statement, giving her own romantic smile.
Fluttershy flung herself towards Rainbow Dash, as she hugged her tightly. "I'm glad I'm with you Rainbow Dash - I feel so, special..." Fluttershy explained, to which Rainbow Dash gave an embarrassed smile.
"My pleasure Shy. As I said, I'd do anything for you," replied Rainbow Dash. After 20 seconds, Fluttershy removed her forelegs from around the cyan pony. She reached into a small bag that she placed on the floor when she came over to see Rainbow Dash when she saw her led on the floor crying. She pulled out two tickets with her mouth, to which Rainbow Dash was somewhat confused about.
"What are THOSE for?" Rainbow Dash asked, puzzled by what she was seeing.
"Well, Rarity said before I came up here that the two of us should enjoy a relaxing spa session after all this," Fluttershy explained, to which Rainbow Dash nodded.
"I would LOVE to go to the Spa with you Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash said, to which Fluttershy smiled, "After all, we probably need a spa trip after the state we got ourselves in." Fluttershy gave an embarrassed chuckle, as she remembered how upset both of them felt a while ago.
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing too, Dashie..." Fluttershy agreed. Flutterhsy let go of Rainbow Dash's hoof and used both of her hooves to put the small, pale beige bag around her neck. She put the spa tickets back into the bag, as she then re-zipped it back up. Once she did that, she grabbed a hold of Rainbow Dash's hoof again.
"Come on then, let's go meet Rarity by the spa, then we can enjoy ourselves..." Fluttershy told Rainbow Dash, to which the rainbow-maned pony nodded excitedly.
"Yeah, I can't wait to go!" Rainbow Dash admitted, as the two began to make their way down the mountain. She shared one more quick peck on the lips, before they began to both raise into the air together.
"I love you, Dashie," Fluttershy said with a big smile. Rainbow Dash smiled back.
"I love you too, Flutters..." Rainbow Dash responded, as the two turned their eyes away from each other, and began to fly into the air. They flew slowly over to Rarity's spa, where they met Rarity, and got to go in for free (because of the tickets that Fluttershy had been given by the fashion loving pony). Once they arrived inside, they enjoyed a relaxing massage, got a face pedicure, and even enjoyed some quality time in the hot tub together. They had a lot of fun there, and as they made their way home to Fluttershy's cottage and got into Fluttershy's bed, they both decided to go again the very next day. The two of them slept happily together, enjoying each other's warmth...
Welcome to part 2 of 2 of "Embarrassing Things Happen Sometimes...", my Flutterdash story that I am writing for the "Change" contest held in the FlutterDash group. Sorry that this chapter's much more darker than the first, but unfortunately, I don't think the whole topic of "Change" is exactly one which is 'all happy and rainbows' (and other stuff like that).
Luckily though, the story does end on a happy note: Fluttershy calms Rainbow Dash down and gets her to realize that, it's ok to make mistakes sometimes, and that we're not perfect - no one is. Then, Fluttershy offers a spa trip at Rarity's for her and Rainbow Dash. I think after the state they've gotten into (not trying to sound harsh here), they need it.
Even though I don't like writing really upsetting things, I did really enjoy writing Fluttershy's speech about "I know I might not be perfect". Perhaps it's because that's how I feel too. I feel like I can't do anything right, but, if I keep trying again and again, I know I can succeed... 
I might do a sequel to do this in the near future, but I'm not sure yet. I'll decide what to do in a few weeks perhaps. Finally, I hope that this story does well in the contest! I know it may not be the best, but I've really put a lot of hard work and effort into it!
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I can't really say that I liked this story. It had a lot of problems with the way the characters are perceived and the way the story was told. (Not to mention a few things I hate that most of the fandom does.)
What are those problems? Well, that's what you're not explaining. Rainbow Dash continues to talk about the doubts that she has in her mind, but neither she nor the story is ever giving an example of why... Is it something canon like, 'she feels guilty for accidentally knocking Fluttershy down the day she defended her back as fillies?' Or is it something non-canon that happened off screen like, 'Rainbow wanted to surprise Fluttershy with a surprise gift one day, but Fluttershy didn't like it?' These are just examples, but the story needs to explain something along those lines, rather than just them saying they feel guilty for all the wrong they've done in the past.
It's really hard to believe that Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy would have suicide thoughts this deep when this isn't the first time something unbearably embarrassing was revealed to them, to all of Ponyville no less, rather than just in front of their friends. And yes, their parents were there too, but the story never explained how they'd feel about it. They're just kinda, there.
Anyway, besides the way the story is told, there are a few things that I personally hate that happens in the story.
It's really sad when people think like this with characters like Rainbow Dash. Without the Elements of Harmony, she has saved the lives of the Mane Six members and citizens more times than any of the other Mane Six have throughout the show. And I Hate how the fandom tends to perceive lives being saved as very unimportant.
In my eyes, Rainbow Dash was playing quite fairly in those sports in comparison. Of course, no one would think it that way, but I'm pretty sure Rainbow Dash would.
And although this shouldn't impact your story at all, there's something I wanna point out about your Author's Note.
That spa doesn't belong to Rarity. It belongs to the Spa Twins, Lotus Blossom and Aloe.
Hopefully this doesn't discourage you from writing more stories. I'm hoping this can be used to help you improve your stories in the future. I can't give the best advice for how your stories can improve.
7624244 Ok, I'm gonna admit - I do agree with a lot of the things you say. But, as I said in the group, it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be, but I was kinda rushing towards the end (and I also lost half of it through working on it). I'm not angry in any way but I'm still pretty upset and hurt in some ways...
Well, from what I read once, she doesn't play fairly. If she does play fairly, then she does. That's my mistake. But if not, then she doesn't.
I thought Rarity owned it, ok? Guess I was wrong, my bad. But, seeing as it is my own story, I can alter things slightly.
Ok, this is where I'm somewhat annoyed here. I know it's my own fault for not saying otherwise (I will alter the long description soon), but... there is a VERY good reason for why Fluttershy & Rainbow Dash have had suicide thoughts. ...This story takes place in the same universe as my first story, Fluttershy's Secret (although the events in this are un-canon to this story or any sequels after Fluttershy's Secret). Said story is also loosely (and I mean loosely) based on the events of this story, Ponies In Love (a story which The_Queen_Baby never finished). The whole 'Ponies In Love' thing is mentioned in the description of Fluttershy's Secret.
In this story's universe (don't know if this is actually canon to Fluttershy's past in the show or not, but), Fluttershy suffered very badly from bullying. Told she was worthless, a failure, given a whole load of other verbal abuse, along with a bit of physical abuse too. Luckily, Rainbow Dash was there to protect her through those times. ...Anyhoo, after being kicked out of the Wonderbolts for doing something stupid, Rainbow Dash is completely furious, and noticing how Fluttershy is happily walking below her, she decides to take her anger out on here - including calling her a 'pathetic excuse for a Pegasus'. Fluttershy runs off home crying her eyes out, then as she gets inside, the thoughts start appearing. She first thinks of going into the Everfree Forest, and killing herself with a kitchen knife. But, she decides that it's better to rip out all of the feathers of her wings, to try and get rid of them so that can be a normal Earth Pony instead.
Rainbow Dash, now out of her mind of rage, realizes what she's done, but it's already too late as there is already blood dripping all over the floor and on Shy's sofa. The poor pony is extremely weak from the pain she put herself through, and that's when Rainbow Dash promises to always make it up for her (always be there for her, to help her, basically just be a true best friend). That's where Dash begins to realize that she holds deep feelings for Shy, romantic feelings...
Anyway, my version of Rainbow Dash in the Fluttershy's Secret timeline still continues to hold a grudge against herself for that day. She still thinks about it, and it still hurts her. The fact that she essentially became one of those mean bullies, and told her only friend in Flight Camp that she was a 'pathetic excuse...', it's hard for her to get over it. I know I didn't exactly describe that within the story, but I can always make adjustments to it anyway. In fact, I already added hints about Fluttershy's 'self-harming' incident. Read through (I think around half-way of Chapter 2 of this story). Basically, Rainbow Dash is unable to forgive herself for what she did, and it's also making her think about the few other, much more minor things, that she has done to other ponies (these don't need to be described though, since this isn't what is hurting Dash the most).
Rainbow Dash is fully aware of all the times she's saved the rest of the Mane Six, including Fluttershy, along with the rest of the civilization. I'm fully aware of that. It's just, when you're really depressed, none of those things matter. All that you think about is warped thoughts of what you actually are (I assume so). Also, kissing in front of their parents and friends actually had nothing to do with Rainbow Dash wanting to kill herself, it's just she feels slightly awkward by it. Mainly because her parents were watching. Which as far as things go in this universe, her parents don't know about her relationship yet (over a year and she hasn't told them!?).
==========
Anyway, I'm not discouraged from writing more stories. Believe me, I agree with you when I say that I have certainly made a lot of silly mistakes here. Like I said, it's not exactly my best piece of writing (I'm capable of more than this), but I do hope to improve within the continuation of Fluttershy's Secret, along with any other stories after. Finally...
Not quite sure if you're saying that you just simply aren't that great at giving feedback, or if you're openly saying that my story sucks. If it's the latter, it's probably easy to say that I will be very hurt (and possibly angry even) at this.
7624615 I should probably get the elephant out of the room first.
It's the former, not the latter. Throughout this season, (and most likely earlier) I have learned that the things I like and hate more often than not are the opposite of what most people like/dislike. So when I say I can't give the best advice, I'm saying that my advice would probably ruin your future stories. Like this part:
This was just part of my personal hate towards the story and not something that I can say makes your story bad. (A shipping story can be done very well, but because of the pairing, one would hate it.) And yes, this:
-was part of my thought process. So don't take those things too personally, it's just my own personal opinions on those matters and I can't say it means your story is bad.
With that out of the way:
Like I said, it was in your Author's Note so it shouldn't affect your story. I just wanted to let you know just in case you made that mistake when and if you were telling it in your stories.
___
As for your explanation for why they had those suicidal thoughts, you provided a pretty good explanation on why they would think that way. I think your story could really improve if you expressed that in your story. Since there was no mention of this story being a sequel, or in a similar universe of another story, I had no way of knowing, and as such, had no way of understanding their pain.
But don't mind me. In the end, I think the most important thing about writing a story is to have fun with it. So I say, continue writing stories. Whether they're good, or bad, (unless attacking bad) as long as it's still fun, I encourage anyone to continue writing.
P.S. Sorry if my thoughts have upset you in any way. I don't mean to do that.
7624679 Ok, ok. Don't worry, I know what you were trying to say now. I'm no longer upset.
Like I said, I thought that Rainbow Dash cheated at sports. I'm sorry if this is incorrect.
As for the sequel stuff and the suicidal thoughts in the story: I'm gonna do this stuff now. As in, I'll say about it takes place in the same universe as Fluttershy's Secret and explain about Rainbow's thoughts more now.
EDIT: I've had thoughts of doing a sequel to this story. I'm not sure what the plot of it should be though. Do you have any suggestions, taking in all the facts that Rainbow Dash has, for the very first time, finally been broken by her mind into somewhat depression..?
I've now added some extra stuff to Chapter 2. Text in red is what was there before, text in blue is new stuff:
Everything after that last paragraph remains the same. I'm gonna ask: have I put enough about why Rainbow Dash is so scarred by Fluttershy mutilating herself that she thinks of suicide herself? Of course, I can some more if needed.
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now #95.
My review can be found here.
7680418 Thanks for taking the time to review my story.
Sorry to hear that you didn't enjoy it. I'm not really that hurt, if I'm honest. I know it sucks. But, I did end up rushing it, and how I portrayed Dash perhaps just wasn't realistic.
If needed, I can always make changes to this story. You'll have to help me with it though - give me ideas on what specifically needs improvement. I have no problem with that.