Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back.
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Rainbow Dash invites Fluttershy to watch the fireworks display with her on New Year's Eve. While there, they discuss their new year's resolutions.
However, what starts off as a simple conversation about resolutions turns into something more personal.
Edited by James Fire.
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Great idea, but you didn't submit it to your editor before putting it up........ The typo gods are cheering for you.
And... Squee! So adorable!
You get a B-. Not an amazing story, quick paced with occasional grammar errors.
But not bad at all.
7841837 Yeah, I know. I should've at least submitted it for proofreading.
Also, it was adorable? Great, I didn't completely screw up.
7841922 A B-? That's far better than I was expecting—which was a C.
That said: how long do you feel a story like this should be? I wasn't sure in terms of length, and winged it entirely.
7842308
No, not completely...
And now I shall have to torture you with editing comments.
Or just one big one.
No comma needed.
I suggest changing the first 'as she' into 'while waving' to remove the repetition.
As quiet as a pin hitting the floor?
I do believe she trotted up to her now trembling friend's side. But that doesn't make sense, Rainbow never moved away, and she was already close enough to lift Flutters head.
Remove one of those 'as'. Don't want repetition, and it sounds better anyway. And if you remove the second one, put a comma in its place.
Missing a quote.
Having 'you do realize' gives the statement more weight, as well as reading better.
You should be able to figure this one out.
She's already there.
She must be walking in circles, or something. She still hasn't walked away at all.
Again, you can spot this one, I think. And at least they weren't already sitting ne t to each other.
Not a typo, but........
I call BS! Rainbow doesn't make tears! She sheds liquid pride! Just ask Shining.
Instead of from Cloudsdale.
And some of the ones I mentioned in the previous torture chamber weren't fixed.
7842651 Didn't you know? Rainbow was on a treadmill the whole time!
Seriously though: I blame that largely to the fact I added a fair amount to the story. So, I overlooked movement immensely... Oops.
Anyways, I promise not send every disgustingly fluffy story to you from now on.
I make no promises that they won't be on treadmills.
Also, I was editing the mistakes one at a time.
I was in the middle of an Overwatch match.
7842776
You had better send them to me.
Or that happens. And editing comments, those things are torture, aren't they?
7842651
Now, I'm not really a big grammar natzi, or know enough grammar corrections to be an editor, but I'm pretty sure this line isn't a mistake. After all, it's Rainbow Dash's way of talking. People like that purposely leave out words that way, or talk in ways that aren't grammatically correct. The only way sentences in quotes would be a grammar mistake, is if it doesn't match their character.
7842897
I do realize it is correct the way it is, but as I said, the correction would give it more weight. And in a serious situation like that, I could see Rainbow saying it that way.
7842308
If you're making a one-shot (especially if it's a ship), you need to dive into the characters and not rush into it. Giving Dash and Flutters more character in the story makes it much stronger. This would range somewhere between 2.5k-10k words.
I hope you found this helpful.
7842935 Understood! I figured that this was probably too short, though my goal was more "dawww" than anything else. I'm guessing I succeeded. If not... then bummer.
That said, I'll definitely make sure my next romance story is longer!
Greatly appreciate the advice!
7842955
Well you did get the dawwwwwww right.
And good luck to you in the future!
Not bad, not bad. I'll definitely give you an 8/10 for the d'awwww factor.