Ponyville Millionaire's Club

by Inspector Brown

I Have Several Questions

Rarity almost didn’t recognize Filthy Rich. He wasn’t wearing his usual vest and tie, and his slick black hair was still covered by his cypher hat. However, there was nopony else Rarity knew of who had three moneybags for a cutie mark. In his present state, he looked positively ridiculous. He must take the Millionaire’s Club very seriously, if he’s willing to look like this. Next to him was Copper Coin, manager of the Ponyville Savings and Loan. She was a yellowish-brown unicorn with a curly brown mane. Rarity remembered Copper congratulating her on the day she deposited her millionth bit. Wait, was that how the club found out about her new status? That was disturbing. Big Macintosh played Cypher the Thousand. Rainbow Dash played Cypher the Hundred. Royal Pin was Cypher the Ten. And although she recognized Cypher the Unit’s voice, Rarity was still honestly shocked to see Miss Cheerilee inside the clubhouse. Before anypony could say anything, Rarity trotted up to her.

“Miss Cheerilee, I hope you don’t mind me asking,” Rarity said, “but what are you doing here? This is the Millionaire’s Club, right?”

“Oh, it’s not like that,” Cheerilee said. “I may not be a millionaire any more, but that doesn’t mean I’m no longer a Member. Once a Member, always a Member.”

Rarity grimaced. “That’s sweet, but that actually raises more questions than it answers. How did you become a millionaire in the first place, and where did all that money go?”

“Where the money came from is kind of a long story, I’ll tell you all about it some other time,” Cheerilee said. “As for where it went, I used most of it to help the Club fulfill its monthly charitable obligation.”

“Charitable obligation?”

“Of course,” said Copper Coin. She walked up beside Rarity, without her cypher hat. “The Ponyville Millionaire’s Club has always been a charitable organization. Each month, we make a donation of twenty-five thousand bits or more, to help improve and uplift our community. And we expect our members to donate from their vast wealth. Now, you’re a new member, so we don’t expect you to start donating right away, because we want you to feel comfortable with our club before you start contributing. Here, come join me on the sofa. I’ll be happy to answer any other questions you may have.”

Rarity followed Copper to the couch, while the rest of the millionaires began to mingle. Rarity recognized a few of the other members, and was surprised to see many of them. Of course, Bronze Serpent was there, as expected. And since Big Mac was already a member, it followed that Granny Smith and Applejack were present as well, though Rarity couldn’t figure out why. Rarity also recognized Davenport, Mason Dixon, the town surveyor, and Vinyl Scratch, aka DJ-Pon3. There were also four other ponies, two earth, a unicorn, and a pegasus, whom Rarity had seen around town, but whose names escaped her at the moment. That made a total of seventeen members, including herself.

“I must admit,” Rarity began, “this clubhouse is not at all what I was expecting.”

“Newbies always say that,” Copper said. “They expect something fancy, elegant, and sophisticated. Something like what Bronzy and I have back at home, I imagine. But for those of us who live in that kind of opulence, it’s nice to get away from that every once in a while. Plus, I think the relaxed and casual atmosphere of this place is actually quite charming in its own right, don’t you?”

“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with elegant simplicity,” Rarity said, “but if we’re going to discuss our charitable work in a common and casual environment, we could do that in any building in Ponyville. Why have an entire secret clubhouse if we don’t decorate it in a style that suits our station?”

“Because that’s not what our club is about. The mission of the Ponyville Millionaire’s Club is to use our great wealth to make Ponyville a better place to live for the rich and the poor alike. Creating a den of massive luxury for ourselves to enjoy exclusively runs counter to that mission. It also flies in the face of the club motto: Multum Datum, Multum Sperandum.”

“From those to whom much has been given, much is expected,” Rarity translated.

“Yeah, how’d you know that?”

“It was one of my grandmare’s favorite expressions. She said it to me all the time whenever she visited from Whinnyapolis.”

“She sounds like she’d fit right in with our club. Speaking of which…” Copper reached into her fluffy mane with her magic and pulled out a small brass key. “This is your key to the clubhouse. The house is yours as much as it is everypony else’s. Feel free to come and go as you please, but always keep that front door locked. And don’t lose your key. These are a pain in the rump to replace.”

Rarity nodded, and took the key from Copper.

“Now, this is a secret society, so you can’t tell anypony you’re a member. If anypony asks, deny, deny, deny. You also can’t tell anypony who the other members are, where we met, what we discuss, or anything that happens inside the clubhouse walls. The only exception to this rule is if one of our members does something illegal in the clubhouse; if that happens, we report him to the police, and we also kick him out of the club. This hasn’t actually happened yet, but the rule is in place just in case it does.

“We don’t charge money for membership dues, because we prefer to use our money for our charity work. However, you will be paying dues in the form of household chores here at the clubhouse. Cypher the Thousand is our majordomo; he’ll help you find a way to pitch in around here. Aside from that, just keep doing whatever it was that made you a millionaire in the first place. Like Cheerilee said, we won’t kick you out if your bank balance drops back down to six figures. But we can, will, and have kicked members out for violating our code of conduct. Just ask Spoiled Rich. Questions?”

Rarity huffed. “Would it really be too much trouble to redecorate this place? I know it’s really not my place to say anything about how the club works, but you did say you wanted me to be comfortable here. And I’m not asking for all that much to change, really. Maybe we could start with getting this furniture reupholstered? Something in velvet, perhaps?”

“That does sound nice,” Copper admitted, “but it’s really not my decision to make. Big Macintosh is in charge of the clubhouse, you’d have to ask him before you go around changing anything.”

Rarity grimaced. “Of all ponies, how did he get to be in charge of the décor? More’s the question, how did he become a member of the Millionaire’s Club in the first place?” Both Granny Smith and Applejack were present in the clubhouse as well. Though Rarity didn’t specify, Copper assumed her question extended to them as well.

“Rarity, are you honestly surprised that the Apple Family is well-off? Between the three of them, they are the majority shareholders of Sweet Apple Acres, Inc., a nationwide business worth tens of millions! I assume you’ve had their Zap-Apple jam?”

“Of course I have.”

“Then you don’t need to ask how the Apples became millionaires.”

“But, they always fret over making enough money from cider sales to support themselves during the winter. Why would they depend on that money so much when they’re allegedly so wealthy?”

“I’m not really sure, but to hear Applejack tell it, most of the money they make goes right back into repairs and maintenance on their land and equipment. But if you ask me, I’d say it’s because they’re all too stubborn to sell their stock in the company to outside investors, lest the farm’s operations be taken over by somepony who isn’t an Apple.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Applejack,” Rarity agreed. “Now, what about Royal Pin over there? I doubt there’s any money to be made in popping party balloons.”

“No, but there is plenty of money at the blackjack tables in Las Pegasus.”

“You’re kidding! He made a million bits by gambling?”

“He doesn’t call it gambling, he says he has a fool-proof system for beating the odds. I never much cared for the practice myself, and I wasn’t too thrilled about him joining. But he’s the best treasurer we’ve had since Granny Smith and Stinkin’ Rich founded this club all those years ago.”

“I see. Now, what about Rainbow Dash?”

“Well, it turns out her great-grandfather was the inventor of the cloud brick, which was instrumental in the development of cloud-based infrastructure. Without him, Cloudsdale simply would not exist. And he left 500 shares of his old company to Dash in his will. And, thanks to the advice of the Ponyville Millionaire’s Club, she was able to parlay that money into one of the most successful investment funds this town has ever seen. Of course, when I say the advice came from the club, I mean it mostly came from me.” Copper chuckled to herself.

“Astounding,” Rarity said, shaking her head. “I’ve been friends with her for years and never knew that. This club really is one of Ponyville’s best kept secrets.”

“And it’s a good thing too.”

Rarity turned and found Rainbow Dash standing over her shoulder. “Dashie, what are you doing, sneaking up on me like that? Is this part of the club initiation or something?”

“Sorry, Rares, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Rainbow said. “I just overheard you two talking about me, and I wanted to make sure you didn’t think any differently about me.”

“Why would I think any differently about you?” Rarity said. “Just because I found out you’re rich? What, are you worried I’m going to start hitting you up for money all the time?”

“You don’t understand. When ponies find out you come from money, it changes everything about the way they see you. Asking for loans is just a small part of it. For some ponies, they think that having as much money as we do changes your personality; that it makes you less considerate, less friendly, not to mention lazy. That’s what I love about the Millionaire’s Club; even though everypony here knows I’m rich, nopony judges me for it.”

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, “I am insulted that you would think me so shallow as to judge you for your bank balance. We’ve been friends for too long for something like that. Ooh, speaking of friends, I’m glad you came by here, Rainbow. I was hoping you would know where Twilight disappeared to. Is she upstairs?”

“Twilight Sparkle?” Rainbow confirmed. “She’s not here. She’s not a member.”

“Not for lack of trying on our part,” said Copper Coin. “We did send her at least two invitations to join us, but she never responded. It’s a shame, but it’s her loss in the end.”

“Oh, dear,” Rarity said. “Rainbow, you heard what she said about us last night. If she was actually serious, this could be a major problem for the club.”

“What’s the harm?” Rainbow asked. “So what if somepony gets the wrong idea about us? It’s not like there’s anything she can do about it.”

“Maybe for an everyday run-of-the-mill pony,” said Rarity, “but this is no run-of-the-mill pony we’re talking about. This is Twilight-freaking-Sparkle. Not only is she the Princess of Friendship, but she has a prowess for magic to rival Starswirl the Bearded. With that much power and clout, she could destroy the club if she felt so inclined. And given her disfavor of secrecy in general, I’d say she’s tilting that way already.”

“You make a good point,” said Copper Coin, “but what can we do about it? We’re a secret society, and we have to maintain club confidence. The only way we can tell her the truth is if we make her a member, and that can only happen if she accepts our invitation. But it’s clear from her past interactions with our organization that she wants nothing to do with us.”

“Perhaps…what she needs is a little persuasion,” said Rarity with a smirk. “And I think I know just what to say to her.”

Author's Note:

Okay, this last exchange between Rarity and Rainbow Dash is just a set up for the real reason I started writing this story in the first place. I wanted to set up a conflict between a secretive but completely harmless social club (the PMC), and an overly suspicious outsider who assumes the worst about the society by virtue of its secrecy (in this case, Twilight). I wanted to see if it was possible to dissuade such an outsider from investigating harmless social clubs without breaching the club's confidence, and to what degree a benign secret society like this should be transparent with the surrounding community. I'm telling you all this right now because I want to know if this is a topic you guys want me to explore. I'm willing to see this story through to its conclusion, if you want me to. But, I could just as easily give up and move on to something else, if you feel I'm wasting my time. Please let me know, because I want to entertain you as best I can. Thank you.

Comments

[JFalk]

Nice and intriguing idea.
It would be an interesting conflict, but only if you don't set Twilight as the bad guy of the story.
Show that Twilight do have reasonable reasons to be suspicious of societies like the PMC: even if the PMC itself *is* harmless, other societies could not have been, so Rarity would have to give good arguments to change Twilight's mind (and they would have to be really good one, after all it is Twilight...).

[La Barata]

You know, a lot of RD's self-centered entitlement makes perfect sense if she's stupid rich.

You write the characters well

[RainbowSparkle3]

Please don't stop writing this story, it's really starting to get interesting now, in fact, it even rivals spot that changeling, which is probably my favourite mystery story of all time.

[RainbowSparkle3]

Will you continue this story?

[Inspector Brown]

8112158 I'm not sure. The longer I go without writing, the harder it is to get back into the swing of things. I have an ending in mind, and I do want to finish this story, but that seems unlikely at this point.

[Twilight Connor]

This is a really fun, albeit short read.

[Inspector Brown]

8434535
So, should I finish the story, or what?

[Twilight Connor]

8435116
Yes. Dear Cetreelestia, yes.