• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Inspector Brown


I am here to sharpen my writing skills. My objective with each of my stories is to create a narrative that dovetails with the show as seamlessly as possible.

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Something strange has happened to Twilight Sparkle. Her head has been divided into two heads, each with its own ideas and opinions about what exactly has happened, and which head is the "real" Twilight. With the help of her friends, Twilight does eventually get her head back together, but not before coming to terms with some unfortunate implications about the structure of her mind.

Inspired by this YouTube video.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

That picture is honestly freaky. Though that might just be me being my squeamish self.

Besides that, the story is what I can only describe as an interesting read started by a bizarre concept. Which is why I love it.

That was a nice short story. I really enjoyed it. Though I feel like you left that ending open like that for a sequel. Am I correct? Because I'd love a sequel to this where twilight ends up duplicating herself but nothing goes wrong due to the experience she just had with being split.

Oh the shenanigans she could get into if she was in more than one place at once.

Good things about this story:
*Unique concept. Not many people can say that these days.
*Good characterisation of LB-Twi and RB-Twi (mostly)
*No Grammar flaws (that I noticed at least)
*Good use of descriptives.
Bad Things about this story:
*Some characters went OOC, especially Fluttershy when she explained the Hemisphere concept
*Pinkie went from ponyville to CE and back in the time it took the others to wake Starlight up, this makes no sense
*The whole story is just hard to read, spread the paragraphs out more and use more of them.
*Most of the dialogue felt really scripted, as if what they were saying wasn't their own words.
*The transitions between scenes were rather rough, and unnatural.

Overall I'd give this story a 6/10, pretty good but still has much room for improvement.

So Lefty got her magic, Righty got her voice and Fluttershy got her book learning and lecturing ability. What the hell kind of magic are you flinging, Glimmy?! :pinkiecrazy:

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Are you seriously criticizing the author for Pinkie violating the laws of nature and logic? Heck, I'd be right there with you if it was Rainbow who did it (she's fast but not that fast), but Pinkie is absolutely capable of this... so long as it serves a joke!

7635714
If you wish to add extremely long-distance teleporting with company to Pinkie's resume, then sure. That reader felt that it was too absurd, even for Pinkie. He is allowed that observation. I can't personally remember Pinkie ever including another pony in her physics-defying antics like this, as a support.

However, she can live inside a mirror and pop out of one. Think what you will, I suppose.

But in all honesty, the author needs to space out his paragraphs and dialogue. Aesthetically this is a mess, disregarding the errors within.

7636529

But in all honesty, the author needs to space out his paragraphs and dialogue. Aesthetically this is a mess, disregarding the errors within.

I strongly disagree with you. This is formatted properly. For an explanation and also a way to make things look better in your browser, I'd refer you to one of my other comments.

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And for the 95% of us not using e-readers...

We strongly disagree with you.

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When the readers are more interested in the text formatting than in the story, the author has no choice but to accept that his story isn't as engaging as he thought it was.
:fluttershysad:

Wow that's fascinating! :pinkiegasp: And not entirely inaccurate! I wish I had magic that harmlessly split and reconnected your brain hemispheres. In sounds like a great way to better understand yourself.

Also, once again, Sunburst saves the day. :twilightblush:

did you by any chance watch this video when you made this? cause this is actually a really Interesting subject (and really weird at the same time) :facehoof:

8012763 Actually, that video inspired this story. I know I should have made that clearer in the description.

8012922 OOPS I just noticed that link silly me:derpytongue2:
Well I still really enjoyed the story it actually makes me wonder what would have happened if this had happened to any of the other Mane 6 members.:duck:

7637418
Ignore the sticks in the mud. They obviously have no concept of what makes a good story (which if it involves Pinkie in any big way, is that she will do something that doesn't make sense, even by her standards).

4 years late on this comment as I am, but I do love the story. If it helps at all.

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