Debugging Life
"We-he-hell, there's an explanation for that, Spike." Think, think, think!
Everything had gone so well for Thorax. The plan had succeeded. More so than expected. One could almost say it was too good to be true. Then again, he had understood ponies weren't always the wisest bunch, what with all the tactical blunders and general tomfoolery of logic running in their heads.
So of course his complete bullshit didn't fly over their heads. Well, actually, there was some kernel of truth in there that wasn't so corny, despite the love-based diet. And technically, Spike wasn't a pony nor was he so easily fooled. Most of the time. But still, the fact that it went so well at first meant he had somewhat forgotten plans B thru Omega. So there Thorax was, in the middle of an empty corridor in the Crystal Palace, completely stumped. No time like the present to improvise.
"You see, the brains of changeling nymphs are so well developed that memory imprinting is fully possible at the time the changeling eggs hatch." Thorax didn't mind whipping up one huge tornado deflecting all levels of fecal matter from hitting the fan in the eye of the storm. Completely understandable, of course, given his current predicament. And just to ensure he kept the heat off of him, he continued digging towards the mantle of Equis in the hopes of using the background thermal radiation like a chameleon would use the background of a jungle as camouflage. If anything, it would help mask the rising temperature of his bullshit-o-meter. "In fact, it developed as a natural defense of our species."
No god could prevent the questioning scaly eyebrow rising on Spike's facial expression, eclipsing even the mightiest skeptic. "How precisely does having functioning memory that early work as a defense?" Never let it be said Spike didn't have a keen eye for logical continuation. He was raised by the best, after all. Allegedly. Twilight's continuing teleportation dysfunction still remained a perpetual conundrum for Spike.
Thorax silently cursed his anomalous sweat glands. Changeling magic may create the illusion of the traitorous bead of sweat running down the totally-not-a-changeling's temple, but Thorax was the exception. His were natural. Chrysalis never found out why and hopefully never will. "Oh, well, um, you know..." he kept on digging. "We're a hive mind. An efficient hive mind, at that. Gotta be able to take orders immediately after hatching and all. Can't do that if our memory is all frazzled." He smiled a most innocent smile, predatory fangs notwithstanding.
Spike's inquisitive gaze could cut diamonds. Granted, his teeth could do that like nopony's business, but that was beside the point. He hummed. "Alright then."
Twilight's work at work, ponies. After the little serenade in the throne room, Thorax shouldn't be surprised. Still, he knew very well that just because there was silence after the first artillery bombardment didn't mean there wouldn't be a second follow-up.
"So you'll be staying here then?" asked Spike, continuing the march of the inquisition down the guest suite corridor.
At least this time, Thorax's bullshit-o-meter could cool down from the meltdown. "Yes, Princess Cadance was kind enough to offer a guest room, at least until I could get my green card set up." The jury was still out on whether or not the royalty here had an ulterior motive. Then again, ponies were gullible to the point of reckless liability, Thorax argued internally.
"Your what card?"
Curse you, brain! "I mean until I can get myself setup here. You know, my own home, maybe a job, those sort of things." He silently pleaded Spike to forget his little faux pas.
"Well that's great, Thorax!"
Yes! Honestly, coming to the Crystal Empire was an ingenious and totally original idea. 'Twas the city of love! Everlasting food, a changeling would be mad for not coming here. Mad! 'Twas also the city of magic! Well, psychedelic magic, anyway. Given the emotional states of the crystal ponies, Thorax had sworn he would one day find the secret crystal meth lab. Made sense at the time, given the naming convention of the empire, kingdom, principality, city-state and possibly vassal? The feudal hierarchy was honestly so messed up, it only provided more evidence to the existence of the lab. The city water system was probably laced with the product or something, which would explain why Spike's serenade was so successful.
"Oh, I am most grateful for it. Finally, I have a place to call home," Thorax waxed on.
"I can't wait to hear more about it. Got any plans of what you want to do here?"
Besides gorging on love and partying into the wee hours? Of course, with basically all plans forgotten, he was a bit stumped. What would he do now? More importantly, what should he do to maintain his cover. Best way of not getting tossed out was making the Empire need him in some way, and given their out-of-dateness... Was he really willing to travel that far down the Memory Lane? Fuck it.
"I... I suppose I could teach?" Thorax sheepishly provided an offer.
"You teach?" There it was again, that solipsist eyebrow.
Don't mess this up. "Ye-yeah, of course! Chryssie's only one mare, she can't possibly teach all of her nymphs."
"Chryssie?"
"Queen Chrysalis," he quickly corrected. Please don't question it.
"Right. Well I doubt you'll be teaching Crystal Empire history any soon."
"Mhm. I was thinking mathematics and engineering," Thorax filled in, memories rushing back of what could have been. "Some calculus here, linear algebra there, numerical methods and analysis in the cold dead of winter with a side order of optimization." He let that nostalgic smile grow.
"Uhuh. Yeah I don't really know any of that. Twilight could probably help you set up a standards compliant curriculum, or something."
It was at that point that Thorax realized just how screwed he could have been had Twilight actually been standing within earshot. Thus his flinch didn't go unnoticed.
"You alright there, Thorax?" Spike looked rather concerned. Not the Fluttershy kind of concern when the local butterfly comes down with the flu, but the 'I am friends with Twilight 2.0 please don't self-destruct with a two mile blast radius' concern.
"Oh, um, yes. I j-just realized I had left all of my notes back in the, uh, in the hive." It was one thing to intentionally impersonate Twilight as a changeling, but to do so by mistake without a disguise? Thorax could already imagine Spike rushing to the nuclear bomb shelter. Defuse the situation! "Not that that is a problem, of course. Heh." Smile, Thorax. Smile like you had never smiled before.
"You kidding? If I know Twilight, she'll definitely say it's a problem. References are everything in education. In fact, the sooner we get that sorted, the better. Come along."
Oh Thorax, what had you done? Your bullshit-o-meter would not survive the levels of bullshit required to dig yourself out of your grave. "We r-really don't need to—"
"No, we're taking care of this now while we're still here."
Solemnly, like a funeral march, the two walked towards a purple empty grave. Weaving their way pass this guard, that guard, a wide-eyed blue-coated mare and what Thorax assumed was the janitor, they finally reached the throne room in all its crystal glory.
"Hey Twilight, you mind helping Thorax for a second?" Spiked called the Princess of Friendship and Devourer of Knowledge.
She took notice of the pair as she wound up her conversation with her sister-in-law, Princess Cadance. Notably, Thorax was sweating a veritable Olympic swimming pool's worth of liquid at the time. Putting on a serene smile, courtesy of practice with her mentor Princess Celestia, she made her way over to the two. "Of course, what do you need?"
Thorax quickly tried to redirect the train wreck. "Oh it's nothing really, your Highne—"
"Nonsense, Thorax," Spike rebutted, proving once again that changelings had nowhere near the linear momentum necessary to deflect a flaming ball of metal. "Besides Twilight's good at this."
"Whatever it is, I'm sure I can help." Twilight confirmed her stance to defy the universe.
"See, Thorax here used to teach back in the hive and was thinking of setting up as a teacher in the Empire but he—"
"You teach?!" Twilight beamed at Thorax. Had he not known her nature, he would have assumed she would've devoured him right then and there with the smile splitting her head in two. As it stood, 'twas merely the psychotic interaction between two academicians.
"As I was saying, yes he teaches but he lost his notes back in the hive. I was hoping you might help him find the books to set up a curriculum."
"I can do that, what do you need?" She turned to Thorax.
"Um..." Thorax's brain worked overtime, trying to come up with a way to get out of this mess.
"He mentioned, what was it again?" Spike put a claw on his chin and took up a philosopher's stance. "Calculus, linear algebra, numerical methods and analysis as well as optimization. Something to do with mathematics and engineering."
The Olympic swimming pool quickly became a lake as Twilight's face grew more and more befuddled. Thorax wasn't sure what to do now that the cat was out of the bag. If he was lucky, the ponies were advanced enough to at least have heard of the concepts. But chances were he made the impression of talking out of his flank and would probably get kicked out. Worst case scenario, however...
"Huh," Twilight pondered loudly with a hoof on her chin. "I wasn't aware changelings already understood calculus. As far as I know, Hoofton and Trotfried are still feuding over who came up with it. It's relatively new."
Thorax could see the light at the end of the tunnel—
"But those other four?" Twilight continued smashing changeling hopes. "Can't say I've ever heard of them." She gasped and grabbed Thorax by the withers. "We can hold a seminary on the changeling advances in mathematics and engineering! Oh I'm sure we'll both benefit from it!" Turning to Spike, she guided the flaming train wreck down a ravine and into the cold abyss of an ocean trench. "Spike, take a letter. I need to get this organized and scheduled."
Spike could already see the stars sparkling in her eyes as he went looking for a quill, some ink and a piece of parchment.
Seeing as Twilight was preoccupied imagining the scientific praise she'd get from her mentor and Spike was busy spelunking the castle, Thorax decided that now was the time to make a speedy exit before all Tartarus broke loose. He backed out of the throne room silently and, as soon as the doors had ever-so gently closed, he made mad dash down the corridor. Once again weaving past the guards, he headed for the emptiest part of the castle, the guest suite corridor.
Everything had quickly backfired. His plans, his oh so grandiose plans of survival had been thrown out with the bathwater by simply his getting caught in the nostalgia. If he was lucky, he could get out of sight and take on the persona of a pony before the others were any wiser. Sure, he would have to stay away to avoid arousing the suspicion a new pony appearing on the same day the changeling disappeared would bring. He wasn't willing to bet he could fool the ponies that easily twice.
He was so busy planning his plans and backup plans that he didn't notice the blue-coated mare slamming into him and pulling him into a nearby guest suite before it was too late. As the door was closed and he was brought up against the wall, he took notice of the oh so green eyes of his hostage taker. Green eyes that quickly became rather slitted.
"Just what do you think you're doing, Thorax?!" uttered a hissed, two-toned voice.
"Huh?" Thorax watched as the blue-coated mare burst into green flame, becoming the one person he didn't want to see today. Crap. "Th-this isn't what it looks like, your Majesty."
Queen Chrysalis didn't buy it for a second. "Really."
"Um. I can explain?" he retorted with a sheepish smile.
"Oh yes," Chrysalis went on. Thorax could see the anger seething through her eyes. "Please explain why you ran away from your hive, your duties and your mother!" Thorax could've sworn he saw Chrysalis sniffle right at the end. Then again, knowing Chrysalis, she was a manipulative bitch.
You're not my mother, you crazy mare.
"Do you have any idea of how worried I was?!"
Why would you care?
"You waltzing away into the lion's den! They were going to kill you!"
I'm pretty sure the power of cringe-worthy music saved—
"If it weren't for my casting an impression spell, those ponies wouldn't have had their minds changed by that dragon's song!"
Oh. Well, fuck...
That still doesn't disprove the existence of the crystal meth lab. 'Tis a conspiracy, I—wait is she crying?
Once in a alcohol-induced blue moon, a love bug would cry.
Chrysalis found the floor very pleasant to look at. "We can't afford to lose any more changelings. The hive's weak enough as it is. We can't replenish our numbers with so little love left." Gazing back up at Thorax and pierced him with her eyes in ways the hive mind could not. "Do you have any idea of what you were getting yourself into, Thorax?"
Thorax tried to find a spot in an inconspicuous corner where his eyes weren't threatened by the queen's steely guillotine gaze but failed.
"Do you, Thomas?"
Thorax flinched. What.
She smiled. She fucking smiled. "You didn't think you could hide from the hive mind forever, did you?"
Oh fuck. As a wise man once said, neither confirm nor deny everything, lest you unleash the apocalypse.
"I always knew you were the odd one out. Your body language was so off from a normal changeling." She leveled her gaze closer to him, each one's eyes all but touching. "But your... resistance to the hive mind was always an enigma. Oh, occasionally some leaked out, like Thomas, but I couldn't quite figure it out.
"Imagine my surprise when you start talking about the most outlandish nonsense to these ponies yet your body language screams it out as a universal truth." Her narrowing eyes sent off all kinds of signals. Thorax wasn't sure how to interpret them other than nothing good. "Am I merely imagining you as insane or do you truly have such knowledge hidden under your carapace? What else are you hiding?"
Thorax wasn't sure what to do, but he had to salvage the colossal fuck-up he was in somehow. By completely going off the deep end. "Oh fuck off, you paranoid witch." He enjoyed seeing her visibly flinch. "I might have told you if you weren't such megalomaniacal idiot who thought the best idea of ensuring a lasting food supply was to invade with fucking infiltrators with absolutely no combat experience whatsoever against a peaceful civilization that you probably could have diplomatically achieved the same goals. And while I admit that your plans might have worked, the only reason I'm saying that is because the polyarchs of Equestria and the Royal Guard are notoriously incompetent and make downright shameful responses to national threats. You're a manipulative, lying and greedy harlot who couldn't care less if putting me in torture chamber to acquire the knowledge of science and future events would have granted you the edge required to get what you want. I am sick of... sick of..."
Thorax began to notice his hooves were getting wet from the epic rivers of tears coming from a very downtrodden Chrysalis.
"Is that what you see me as?" Chrysalis could barely be heard by Thorax. "Am I that heartless in your eyes that I wouldn't care for my nymphs? For my people? That I would put you through such pain to ensure our victory?"
"Well... I..." Now that he thought about it, when had she ever intentionally hurt him? Not even the little bump into the guest room hurt any meaningful amount, though that might've been due to the chitin plates. She took care of her people after the invasion. She had always had her people's best interests in mind, even if her perceptions of other civilizations were flawed and her methods could've been better. Thorax breathed in deep. "Maybe not. But can you blame me for being frightened of the prospect?"
Thorax suddenly found him encapsulated by black chitin. He struggled. Slightly.
"I'm sorry for ever frightening you, my child." Chrysalis maintained her bear hug like her life depended on it.
Thorax tried to think of a rebuke, to keep up his mental gymnastics, but his brain was already fried from working overtime. He relented, and cursed whatever mother-child complex his psyche had been given, embracing the hug.
Eventually, the two separated. "We should get going, this is no place for a changeling." Chrysalis took the lead.
Are you stupid? Thorax couldn't fathom why the two would abandon the opportunity. "But the love! There's so much love here!"
"I know. But ponies fear us and until we can ensure we won't be attacked on sight, we cannot remain here. At the very least we can take some of this love back." Her smile returned. "And maybe we'll discuss your... esoteric knowledge, if you want."
"Well, I wouldn't say it's impossible for you to stay," a familiar voice spoke out.
Both pairs of changeling eyes shot open and gazed to the door. A purple alicorn stood there with the most sheepish smile ever, her assistant busying himself with transcribing the conversation.
"H-How much did you hear?" Thorax immediately went to DEFCON 5 and scrambled fighters to intercept the supersonic fecal matter on approach to the fan.
"Enough." Twilight confirmed. "So... what's this about future events?"
Thorax lied down and sighed explosively. "Fuck."
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Wait, so he's a time Traveler? I'm not sure I get it.
But I like it. XD
7504866 'Tis implied he's a human turned changeling. I wonder where he could have gotten information of the future from...
Huh. Interesting first chapter, and he's seems to be somewhat misinformed about what Queen Chrysalis is actually like, and his knowledge of calculus and the like while also seemingly not knowing them well enough to stand up to Twilight's scrutiny. Based on all of this, I thereby deduce-
Well. That's no fun-I was going to have fun theorizing on his actual origins-although time traveler and human turned Changeling were at the top of the list. Damn you curiosity and instinctive urge to reveal spoiler tags!
Well wasn't that a surprise at the end. Let's see if Twilight realizes who that mare was. Probably did.
Anyway, a pretty amusing read! He dug himself in pretty deep. Always fun to see others set themselves on fire like that
7504927 Ooooooh, that makes sense.
Sort of.
Why and how would a human be turned into a changeling?
This story not support to complete yet! We need more!
Considering Twilight's friends I'm not even surprised.
Well, that is clashing heavily with my head-canon. But it's your story, so I'll simply roll with it.
Two other things:
Where (beside the tag) it is hinted Thorax is a human? Or did I mess it up completely here?
And is this story supposed to be 'complete'? Or did you accidently click the wrong button? Basicially what he (7508223) said.
Also: Debugging Live.
I see what you did there.
7508715
Technology in Equestria is one of those hand-wavy things given the sheer number of apparent anachronisms in the show. Technology anywhere from 16th century to 20th century are clashing together that it seems technological progression appears rather sporadic/chaotic.
Given thus the pacifist nature of Equestria, thus no wars prompting technological advancement, one would almost think that scientifically, with exception in maybe magic, that ponykind is rather complacent and advances come in sparks or bursts of almost random nature (e.g. sudden inspiration where the end product may not be fully understood).
Then again, magic would also have had an effect, in effect having ponykind relying more on magic than cold tech.
So where does this leave the thinking? Most of it will be probably hogged up in magic studies, except for the more rudimentary parts such as algebra and geometry. Calculus is a bit more advanced (though by human standards, the basics are basically analytic geometry on steroids).
Numerical methods and analysis as a subject concern themselves more on the aspects of computation and approximation and regularization, where an algebraic solution is quite complex, impossible to find or simply infeasible to find in time. Most of this is only really useful with some actual computational power such as a basic computer, which we haven't seen in Equestria.
Linear algebra in essence is solving linear matrix equations, which are basically systems of linear equations that I'm sure Equestria has found out about. But since linear algebra relies on vector spaces that come with some pretty advanced stuff built in, I have doubt that it has developed into a full subject in Equestria. This goes doubly so for numerical methods and analysis that sometimes rely heavily on vector spaces, even though Equestria probably has seen some numerical methods such as Newton's method (basically difference between discovery and development).
Optimization, in its most basic form is basically finding the maximum or minimum of a function. No doubt Equestria knows how to do that, at least for unconstrained problems, in some fashion. Derivative tests of first and second order in addition to checking the boundaries. The optimization Thorax is referring to, however, is a bit more advanced than that in that the methods used are numerical (but based on the same principles if going by KKT-conditions.) Problems may now be constrained with many more variables, increasing the search space, with support for integer domains.
Considering the first basic method for large-scale optimization was done in the mid-20th century, I'd doubt Equestria has ever heard of it as a subject on its own. It would be something an industrial nation would have an easier time to discover due to the desire to optimize costs of complex processes (and not necessarily nonlinear either).
There are some that point that he's not what he seems to be. As for those that point out he's a human, you have his real name Thomas that he's kept hidden from the hive mind. Granted, Kevin, but given that the Mane 6 should have been able to see him through a window of the City Hall in Slice of Life, his canon status is debatable given the reactions in The Times Are a Changeling.
The second one is he mentions setting up his green card, AKA the US permanent residency card.
I wrote it as a one-shot, so...
I have a tendency of leaving the "true ending" to the reader's imagination.
WHERE IS THE REST!?!
7508929 I'm sorry, but a reader cannot infer a proper ending from this one shot.
If you had one or two more chapters as follow up, not going to deep of course maybe SOME explanation about past/maths and sciences.
Maybe a setup for the leaders talking or war , or something as that would really define an ending rather than leave it up to the reader.
7508929 also thorax must take spike in a chase to get that paper and destroy it!
If I am not mistaken DEFCON 1 is the most severe
Man, that was great. So, thorax of the empire was a mask of thorax of the hive? And the thorax of the hive has a mask for thomas? A guy from, presumably, earth? Man, that's deep. I love the concept, I might just have to take some ideas.
I really like the open-endedness of this.
There is one thing that bugs me though, where, before the end, did he mention knowledge of future events? I can't find anything other than that line at the end.
Hiff. Why do stories that seem like they'd be awesome to continue get left as oneshots? I wanna see the consequences of this!