Remedy, She/Her, writing bad fanfics since 2011 and not stopping anytime soon.
On the eve of her five-hundredth show, Spitfire's world is turned upside-down in more ways than she ever thought possible. Now she is in the middle of a centuries old cult, chasing ancient magic artifacts, and encountering more strangeness than she ever thought possible.
No matter the obstacles, Spitfire just can't help but feel that this is something she was destined to do.
An idea from Befallen Tragedy and Nimbus Productions!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hey, this is shaping up to be interesting. I know its only one chapter in, but I like the characterizations so far and the plot hook is solid. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
If you don't mind some minor grammar corrections and constructive criticism, I would like to point out what I noticed as I was reading. These are just what stood out to me; I wasn't exactly going over it with a fine-toothed comb.
Don't need that period.
A dialogue tag is separated from its dialogue by a comma, generally.
he had fans who adored her, good friends who would never leave her side, and a career that most ponies only dreamed about
at her friend's intentional buffoonery
The
Yeah, a vacation is one of those things
Don't need the extra closing quotations.
I also noticed a lot of Lavender Unicorn syndrome: lots of "orange pegasus" and "cyan mare" and "blue pegasus." Its okay to describe a character when they are first introduced or when its relevant, but it becomes tedious after a while to keep doing so instead of just using the character's name or a pronoun.
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So about all of the mistakes: I actually didn't have an editor for the first chapter, and I really should have. I have one now so future chapters will be better.
Addressing the other point: The first three-quarters of this was written a while ago during the development of A Scratch On Shining Armor. I had the same problem at the beginning of that story, but I quickly got away from it. Expect less of that.
Well, I'm definitely ready to see some adventure with unusual protagonists.
I wonder if Fluttershy's non-presence is significant. Seems like it was just thrown in but... it's the same with Rainbow shrugging off the tablet's magic.
Twilight and Flash's maybe date seems a bit less likely to apply to the story, but who knows. Although until Flash almost said it, I assumed we were going in the direction that Flash is reviled and incompetent.
The antagonists are infuriating already! Especially the unicorn pulling the strings.
The tablet's prophecy also has an eldritch vibe to it.
Soarin and Spitfire... well I don't have a strong opinion on them, yet. We'll see how they get more involved with this antagonist.
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I'm going to say that Strider and Star Shine are my favorite thing ever to write. They have really good chemistry when they're together, I can't wait to put out the next chapter
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Sorry, I'm taking a break from editing for a while to focus on my own writing. Hopefully his new editor will whip him into shape.
Interesting. Star Shine gets another fragment of an Epoch stone, and it seems to be from Celestia or Luna. You have my attention in solving this mystery.
Some hints would be appreciated, if you can spare them.
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Let's just say that we're going to get more fragments from other ponies of the past. Both heroes and villains speaking about Epoch. Not all of them were always good or bad though, they might've swapped at some point or another.