RainbowDashian
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- storiesatrandom · 2k words · 20 6 · 6.6k views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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no comments? It is off into the great unknown to eplore this fic! Will edit comment later.
It was sweet! A nice, quick and easy read. I liked it. Don't understand why two people don't. Maybe they don't like Lyra and Bon-Bon shipping?
And from that day forward, BlackMuffin liked Mare/Mare ships.
How does a single fanfic change my idea about what kinds of ships I like?
o_o
Yup. I'm gonna keep watching you until you quit writing.
Which, for your sake, will be never.
794231 Uh, why did you say M/M ships? Lyra and Bon Bon are both female.
Cute
this is all right. It's a nice little story. It could be a little more emotional though.
I'd personally recommend more description, and trying to use dialogue a little less to convey the story. While dialogue is crucial to a story such as this, you can rely on certain narrative devices to more emotionally convey what is happening, or explore characters' back stories. weave exposition into the narrative instead of the dialogue, or maybe use a flashback.
So much DAAAAWWWW......
Awww, how sweet. And a good musing on the nature of adotion and feelings. Being a fan of Ozy and Millie, I've only ever seen 'Happily Adopted' types. I've never seen anyone who does not look at their adopted parents as "real" in some sense. Even Dana Simpson the creator looks on adopted parents in this way.
I like it. Good work.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png D'awww
794516 It stands for Mare/Mare. I'll change that up to ease confusion.
794079
I linked it on #fimfiction. There's two people who downvote linked fics. No one knows whom.
Interesting read, I'm not sold one way or the other on it yet, but I shall wait for some more chapters before making my mind up. It looks like it could be a good story and I hope that it will turn out that way
796343
Ah. Ok then. Well i enjoyed it a lot. Keep up the writing!
796608
Oh yeah... Is one shot.
I disliked this.
"You`re not my real parents" is a common enough trope - but it does not make it any less grating. It does not help that in absolute majority of cases, parents are whacked with emo-hammer at the nearest opportunity.
Not to be vain naysayer, here`s an example of what I would deem more appropriate dialogue on the matter.
___
"So I'm not really your kid?" Sprinkle asked. She could feel tears welling up behind her eyes, but she refused to let them go. She didn't want to cry over this.
"You are, Sprinks," Lyra said. "You are."
But you guys didn't give birth to me," Sprinkle replied, "So I'm not."
"I`ll give you that much. Biologically? We`re not. Legally, formally and morally, however? We are. You were very young when we adopted you - young enough to make nursing a question."
"Ok, so what of it?"
"What I`m getting at is that the contribution of your biological progenitors was merely that - biological. Feeding you your first spoon of alfalfa, watching you make your first step and laughing as you said your first word? All done by yours truly, here. I don`t know who it is who birthed you, sweetie - but we`re the ones who were your parents from then on."
"Why didn`t you tell me?"
"What would it change? Really, if you feel like finding your biological parents, we`ll support you to the best of our ability - but if they are alive, I doubt you`d want to hear what they have to say."
"So you weren`t going to tell me at all?"
"Actually, we were waiting until you`d be old enough to have sex ed in school. It would be rather hard to explain why adopting was our only option back when you didn`t know where the foals come from."
"You`re not my real parents! I hate you!"
"You know, I also said that line back when I was your age. I`m still ashamed I did."
"You what?!"
"I`m also adopted. And that was one of the reasons why I wanted to adopt. Because now, in retrospect, I realize just how much I lucked out. Because I`ve met some of my old friends who didn`t get adopted, and I decided there and then that I must give that kind of chance to somepony else as well. You."
1063834
Well, I don't blame you for disliking this story. Honestly, I wrote it while I was groggy with some drugs for my arm, after the surgery. Not high, but close to it. I'm not trying to guilt you into feeling sorry for me; there's no reason for you to. But this IS one of my worst stories, and I don't exactly like it very much. Also note that I'm not adopted, and I don't know anyone well who is, so I just wrote this on a whim of mine from what I think would happen. I'm grateful for your feedback, and would greatly appreciate it if you read and critiqued these other stories of mine:
"Pinkie Pie And I"
"Train Wreck"
"I Am The Cutie Mark Crusader"
And "Iron Baker: A Pinkie Pie Tale"
1067267
I believe I`ve read at least three of them, but I had nothing of importance to comment.
1067274
Okay.
I can relate to this, my folks told me that I was adopted and I reacted the same way.