Crazies. Everyone knows about them. They think they're cartoon characters, or people from their favorite movie or book. But what if they're not crazy? What if they're sane and everything they say is true. What if, unbeknownst to us, we're actually a dwarf from that one fantasy book, or the dashing protagonist from the most popular movie that year, or even a mischievous gerbil from a short film? These thoughts plague the mind of seventeen year old Locke Holman, following an interesting meeting with a stunning purple-haired girl.
Chapters (1)
This sounds really interesting. Hope to read more of it. The characterization was pretty good, though the inexplicable references to Monk and Haruhi Suzumiya kind of threw me off.
Also... first. Because I can, and it's not a comment simply saying first.
just
it is that good already
1596840
Monk...? If I referenced that, I didn't mean to... I don't even know what it is. (But good job noticing the Haruhi reference!)
1604552
The "It's a gift, and a curse" thing maybe a bit more generic overall than Monk, a TV show about an obsessive-compulsive detective that has all the powers of The Mentalist, but more insecurities than a conspiracy theorist. That TV show definitely killed whatever sense of seriousness it might have once held, and is the king of overusing it.
1596999
Most detailed review I've ever gotten... And the nicest. That's amazing. 
Thanks. While I admit her bitchiness was quite a bit over-exaggerated, note that this is through the eyes of a perceptive cynic able to find fault in anyone. I do agree that I overdid her bitchiness, which will probably be fixed upon the next chapter (Which, sadly, studies have kept me from writing yet... I have no idea when it'll be done.)
... Wow.
Also, the "MLP Universe" isn't leeching into ours. It's much more complicated than that. In fact (This technically is a spoiler, but I said it in the description), all universes are. It's a seemingly inexplicable, complex matter, and every single character in the story is from another work of fiction, quite possibly making this the most crossover-heavy story ever. Locke Holman, the main character, isn't based off of a "Mary Sue"... Whoever that is. He's based off of a very well known character; some may describe him as the cornerstone protagonist of his genre. But enough of that; I've given you too many hints already.
As for Rarity's poorness... Well, I mean... This universe isn't perfectly parallel with the others; in fact, there are multiple differences. For example, Locke's character would have had no possible way of knowing what a television is, much less have been able to watch My Little Pony on it. Also, Rarity's fake reality creates heavier comic relief - in my opinion - if she's near destitute and feigning wealthy. But that's just my opinion.
Anyway, the grammar in this fic is the result of having written it after six college essays; I might not be able to replicate it in the next chapter. But I'll try. As for the dialogue, I personally find it mediocre.
Also, I've been reading The Silmarillion lately, and that's helped with the grammar and such. On a final note, this story will include many well known characters as well as some fairly obscure one. For example, they character introduced in chapter two will be quite well known for some, but very hard to figure out who it is. On the subject of figuring out character identities, this whole story will be a large guessing game; I want people to guess which characters are which throughout the story.
1604591
Ah. Well, I was actually quoting the book from which the phrase is - to my knowledge - first used.
1604621
Our stories officially must have a crossover. It sounds quite a bit like my Unified Fiction universe, where due to the heavy amount of crossovers between MLP and other fictional series, as well as reality, the boundaries of reality are breaking down around it and one by one, the different universes are crashing into it, and the people of the MLP universe must either find a way to cope with the universes, or find a way to wall them back up.
1604942
Mine's a bit like that, but it takes place in our universe and is much more individualized.
I looked at the picture for the fic. My first thought was "Wheres Waldo?" ALSO MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR
Took a while, but I figrured something out. Humans have no free will. We do what the universe wants us to do, based upon the easily predictable path of atoms. THe only possible way we can have free will is if our souls were distortions in time and space effectively controlling a human body.