• Member Since 8th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen Jul 9th, 2016

GoldenLoyalty


Alternate account of GoldenChaos :)

E

Twilight for the past few weeks has been questioning herself about how she truly feels about the Lord of Chaos. When she finally realizes her own feelings, it is hard to let Discord know, especially when she has competition with one of her best friends.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

nice little story
even if its a bit rushed
i love Discolight as well
but for my part i really really like Dislestia as well, and for that matter i really dislike Fluttercord
it not correct to say a ship doesnt make sense
a ship doesnt need to make any sense at all as long as there is someone who can enjoy the ship anyways
so even if you think dislestia doesnt make sense, it does for others (me for example)

Just waaaayy to rushed even for a short story making it for me and most likely others... well unable to actually accept the events and especially the characters motives, desires etc. and it felt like a mumbling reception of something that the teller had observed. Just so incoherent and lifeless.

Some parts felt almost like reading an instruction manual and some like we had skipped a whole paragraph. I'm writing this to be just honest and not to mean. I could not feel anything for the story and I have read shorter ones that grabbed my attention and heart.

You just need to spread it out a little and make it feel alive and organic. I can't tell you exactly how to do it in this comment and it's not my intention to tell you how to exactly do it either. But the missing part is the linguistic spark of life that is needed to make it real in the head of the reader, just as if a actor in in a play don't act with the mind of the character they won't be able to express the emotions and suck in the audience to make it as seemingly real as life or at least a movie.

This is my 2 cents on this piece. Good first try but you need to work on the linguistic expressions..... ^^

7377087 Wow I saw an old Fluttercord story comment of yours, saying you hope Discord chooses Fluttershy over Celestia XD

7778721 whaaat hahahaha
yeah that comment must be veeeerry old haha
cause back when i joined the fandom i loved flutters the most and therefor shipped Fluttercord to
but my interesst in Fluttershy changed A LOT over time and now i really really really dislike the shipping haha

7779533 yeah. I understand. I like DiscoLight actually, but I don't write about it since I can't get it right!

7780831 yeah ^^ Discolight has become my OTP over time :D its just way too cute <3 <3 <3

ATTENTION: Making a rewrite of this on my main account :D

7780876 read mah last comment ):D

7870527 okaaay and what is your main account? xD

7871686 this account :3 XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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