• Member Since 6th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 17th, 2018


You should probably judge a story by the story itself rather than the person writing it, right?


This is a simple HiE-story with a Brony waking up in Equestria and trying to make the most of it. As a Changeling. Let me rephrase that: As a creature that is a natural predator to all beings capable of feeling emotions, especially our pastel colored skittle-ponies.

Oh well, it can't be that bad, right? Right?

This is my first story, so I hope of a lot of constructive criticism (grammatical or otherwise). :twilightsmile:
I don't know much about age-groups or tags (even after reading the FAQ), so I'm just gonna start with what I know is gonna happen and go from there.
Oh, and one thing: In this fic, all races are capitalized. I may change that later on.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 42 )

It's not bad. Can't wait to check out the next chapter and see how things unfold. :twilightsmile:

Human in equestria as a changelings are my favorite stories to read here, will comment back later

Interesting, the lack of backstory gnaws down at me, but you made it up with a good narrative.
Why do I have the feeling our protagonist is still gonna get discovered shortly?

What do you mean 'corner of shame'? It's 'The Cone of Shame', besides that your not wearing the cone, so stap being ashamed and start making the next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

Nightmare MoonS

Wait, there's more that one? Celestia, WHAT THE HECK!?!?:pinkiegasp:

my room in all it's chaotic glory

Hey, stop calling my room yours!:derpytongue2:

That wasn't a smart move by far, hopefully he learns some better way to siphon emotions at better efficiency rates and longer distances in the future so he could've harvester crystals set around ponyvile which would gather excess emotion energy in the atmosphere and store until he comes to empty it.
Throwing an idea out there :pinkiehappy:

7239942 Jep.

7239686 Hopefully good, though I'm kinda improvising, so I can't promise anything. :pinkiesmile:

7243352 Thanks for catching that typo. Not sure if I'm going to correct it... but thanks for catching it either way :pinkiehappy:

7245639 Hmm... I think I'll build that in somewhere. I even have an idea about who's gonna get involved with that...

Na, I like reading the giant wall of text, then reading 1000 words per chapter. Although the 1000 words a chapter dose update faster than the the wall, the 1000 is made of way less effort which will usually lead to sucking

Just saying

Poor Scoots, he might've had the best of intentions but he delivered poorly.

Yeah, he might have sounded a little bit like a rapist or one of the many other creepy people that awake only at night

7253407 What are you talking about? I've not read the story yet, but it doesn't look like that'll happen.

Will Rainbow Dash be beating anybody up in this story? Will she be reaching Unstoppable Rage levels of anger? Will she be giving out any No Holds Barred Beatdowns?

This story is decent enough...but you need to clear up the grammar and spelling a bit.

Uhm...What usual disguise? You haven't told us...
The other disguise is too ugly so he got rid of it.,.So now, we don't have any visual description.

7268059 With Dash being as rash as she is and someone nearby who can magically silence some inhibitions with ease... yeah, it will probably happen at some point^^°

7268652 Ok, calling it "usual disguise" was probably a bit weird, given that this story is only 4 short chapters long at this point, so I just changed it to "hoof" to make more sense atm.

He is still using the very ugly disguise at the moment, though.

On the note of grammar/spelling, I decided to run the whole first three chapters through a spelling-check and will do this with future chapters too. The curse of being a non-native english-speaker has decided to rear its ugly head again :ajsleepy:

Yeah... The main character is not a very smart bug.

7272755 It's not rerribly difficult to come up with a good looking disguise...Seriously...He need to come up with something solid first and foremost, first lesson of infiltration (just how i see it). Or he could refine the old ugly mug that is his first disguise.

7273501 Oh, he's gonna change disguise, whether he likes it or not. On why he just slapped a disguise together without thinking in the first place, well... The fact that he doesn't think highly of ponies in terms of intelligence (in multiple meanings of the word) might factor into that...

7273746 It's weird how most people consider the ponies stupid because their tech doesn't seem quite as advance.
Let me respone with this: Incontent is the mother of invention. That said...Their understanding of science seem on par with our own both canonically and in this (to a certain extent)...They are content with their life. They had found what they want most in life, LOVE.

7273746 Here's something that show my idea that ponies are content.

7273773 There actually is a reason for why that is that way, but the reason might spoiler you. I try to keep it as spoiler-free as I can, but I'll still mark it as one.

While I can see where you are coming from... Well, I can see them being content in the video, they don't seem like that during the season 5 finale's alternate timelines. Intelligence implies understanding, and I think everyone (of us humans) pretty much saw coming that this would happen if the elements were out of the picture. Then why on earth did no on step up and say "Hey, could it be that complete reliance on a Deus Ex Machina we can not fully control without any back-up plans is not such a great idea?" Why did the season 5 finale play out as it did?

The answer, to me, is easy: Because no one did see it coming. Because they aren't smart enough to figure that out. Because even Twilight, who's supposed to be the smart one, didn't understand that, flat out stating that she "doesn't know why [she] and her friends are so important". Because Starlight literally couldn't see what her actions would cause.

So yeah, scientific understanding may work, but the total lack of common sense balances this out pretty harshly...
That... and the fact that I established in the third chapter that most scientific knowledge stems from a single source, which should imply that something is very wrong when it comes to ponies, magic and science.

7274042 Most of those are more fault of the writers and the rating of the show...
Also...When you compare it to many other super heroes or even normal heroes shows, anyone other than the heroes or even the heroes themselves are all stupid.

But, there is one thing that the fandom like to use when the princesses were made stupid and nerfed by the plot, is that they play a chess game of the immortals. As for the normal ponies...They are content, their country is prosperous and peaceful aside from occasional monster attacks. They are not constantly at war.

Another point is that the mane 6 are still very young. based on RD birthday cake, she seem to be at around 21 years old...or 41 if the otherside have more candles. that means the ponies live a lot longer than us.


Most of those are more fault of the writers and the rating of the show...

True. However, I am writing a fanfic of MLP:FiM... and... that is the show^^°

Interesting. I hope u continue writing this. First human as a changling story I've read and I'm intrigued.

Revise this chapter ASAP. You made the m.c. look like a dumbass rapist. And he didn't even realize he was doing it! Like the story but god damn that was bad.

7272755 so much cringe. Why make him so much of a dumbass in this? How old is the m.c. anyway? I mean really? Putting her head in his lap? He's begging to be labeled a pedophile.

7284947 While I get the rapist part, can you to tell me where exactly the dumbass part lies? In the third chapter, I mean (also I'd like to know if it's in the second or the first half). If it's the obliviousness, I'm contemplating if I should make him realize this in the next chapter or have him immediately tell something is up (or insert a small bonus chapter where he realizes his mistake).

Though I'll readily admit (and even have the MC himself state) that he had a brainfart during chapter 4.
On the topic of him being a pedophile because he likes Rainbow Dash, that's a good question for multiple reasons which I will try to answer (for this story):

Q: Does Equestria even have laws against it?
A: Unlikely. Since this story's Equestria represents a world as close to the cartoon as possible (setting-wise, meaning that it's child-friendly), Ponies and it's other inhabitants, as a rule of the thumb, don't rape others and certainly don't sexually abuse children. So I'd say they don't have laws against child abuse and rape on the basis that they don't consider it a thing that can happen. Of course, if the MC would do it, they may very well retroactively screw him over.

Q: Assuming they have laws similar to earth, with what could the MC consent with/how old is the MC?
A: He's a Changeling. He's as old as he wants to be. It's kinda their thing.

Q: Is Rainbow Dash underage?
A: Now this is interesting. According to Equestria girls, she's a teenager, which means she isn't exactly legal. Of course, that would mean I take EG as canon and ignore the fact that Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara go to High School, which is weird on it's own, among other things (if Diamond Dogs become human, why don't Dragons become human? How can Celestia even exist as something else than dust if she's been a mortal human for 1000 years?). Then again, EG is a world that's made for children, so maybe the writers didn't care and in turn we have a school system that makes it possible for them to attent.
So I figured I make it like this: Rainbow Dash is around 20 years old, which, in human terms, would make her legal. BUT: Ponies age differently from humans, as seen by their respective maximum lifespan (I won't use the chart that normally comes up when you google "Pony Age Categories", because that would imply some serious "Children of the Corn" stuff). So while she'd be legal for humans, who consider everything around 18 legal at, let's say, a general maximum lifespan of 90 (generous, I know), Ponies, if Granny Smith is to be trusted, may very well have a lifespan of 120 years or more. And where I was generous with humans, with Ponies I might actually be stingy...
20% of 90 is 18, so humans consider 18 legal. 20% of 120, however, is 24, which means Rainbow Dash is 4 years short of being of Equestrian legal age. So I suppose you are right to say that, if Ponies have the same view as humans on the matter, the MC crushing for Rainbow Dash DOES make him a pedophile. Of course, this was math'd rather fast and doesn't include weird-ass teenage-sex-laws like Germany has them, for example.
All in all, I'd say that the MCs age isn't different enough to be worth mentioning.

Q: Would the MC reasonably care if he were a pedophile?
A: Questionable. While it is common courtesy to have the humans in any halfway-serious HiE fic be saints, this isn't gonna be one of those stories. The MC in this story is a human that hasn't been magically cleansed of all the ugly that lurks in a human's mind. He wouldn't go after Scootaloo or the other fillies (probably), but the whole "legal = 18 and above" thing has been burned into his mindset for a long time and probably won't change that easily.

Cant wait for more!

7307693 In regards to pony ages and Granny Smith, I'd like to point out that, in family appreciation, we discover that Granny was present at the founding of Ponyville, when Princess Celestia herself gave it to the Apple Family. We also learn, in Winter Wrap Up, that there's been an Anti-Magic rule in assisting with the celebration for, and I quote, "centuries". Thusly, Granny Smith has been alive for at least two hundred years...

7555096 Yeah, that's why I said I was stingy when i said ponies live up to 150 years. Rainbow Dash could, in theory, approach her forties or even fifties and Scootaloo and the rest could long be 18+ too. Though I settled for 150 so it wouldn't become too weird talking to a fifty year old with... well, Rainbow Dash's mindset...

At least it's not my first time waking up naked in the woods


7284947 I rather believe that was the point, don't you think? The MC is a well-meaning idiot, who can come across as a creep, due, in part, to his changeling nature being influenced by his human mind, which is influenced right back. What else did you expect from this? That's like throwing a Chaotic Good Human with tendencies into the body of a Wererat; did you really expect the human to be completely unchanged by his transformation?

Speaking of,

This isn't even my final form!

7307693 In regards to your musings on EqG ages (relative to FiM), one must also consider the banishments of the Sirens 1000 years prior to Rainbow Rocks... Yeah, things seem a bit weird and screwy, once you then realize the the Native Human Sunset Shimmer has not only been absent from the apparent world, but also remains ignorant of any information of potential identity theft. Then again, all we can really do is speculate on that particular manner, until addressed in either the show, the movies, or the comics (if you wanna go the bottom most layer technical canonicity)...

When will you write more?

8057722 When I get the time to. My new job is killing me right now, so I'm fairly sure that, sadly, it will take some time until I can write again.

It took a while, but I finally found the first hie story of another writer. Mine's very bad(In my opinion at least). I'll try to get around to reading this when I get the time to. Between my academics and writing (Not Very) Happy Camper and a new sci-fi story that I haven't named yet, I should be finished reading what's in this story so far by tomorrow morning, since I don't sleep much.

The first one... How?... Second one... Why?

when are you gonna update this?

Login or register to comment