• Member Since 23rd Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

alfonso_rd_33

newbie in the Fandom... Brony on the Edge, Doing my Journey Through the Decades.

alfonso_rd_33 Joined 23rd Sep, 2015 · Offline

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A couple days after the Summer Sun Celebration, an unexpected, unwanted arrival will change forever the future of Equestria

Now with Edits by ThatNoobOnline and Dimondium
Chapters (10)
Incomplete Published: Dec 25th, 2015 Download
11,151 words
Comments ( 6 )
_Z_
_Z_ #1 · Dec 25th, 2015 · · · 1 - The Comet Cometh (Edited) ·
Reply

Could use another run through of editing. The constant use of '....' to end sentences was very jarring. I would recommend only using that for dialogue, to show a pause in speech. Good luck on the story!

alfonso_rd_33
alfonso_rd_33 #2 · Dec 25th, 2015 · · 1 · 2 - The New Alicorn ·
Reply

6765029 oh OK thank you... I must say the 3 dots are a vice of mine... as you can see I pause... a lot...

Finalmagnus
Finalmagnus #3 · May 18th, 2016 · · · 2 - The New Alicorn ·
Reply

Liking this story so far so more please

Comment posted by alfonso_rd_33 deleted Jun 16th, 2016
Draco Dei
Draco Dei #5 · Jul 20th, 2019 · · · 5 - Pony Ghostbusters ·
Reply

Giving the same events from multiple POVs can be perfectly fine, but here we don't really get anything out of it other than a bit of schadenfreude* on AJs part about Twlight's magic not working right on him.
*If you don't know what this is... you are on the internet. Look it up!

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