Anyone can attest that no matter how skilled a chef may be and how tight a kitchen they run, occasionally something can go awry. A pinch to much salt in the soup, an untossed salad wilting from an extra helping of dressing, or heaven forbid the wrong plate arriving at a patrons table. Anyone that is save Gourmet Palate.
When Gourmet Palate is invited to an event he provides only the most delectable dishes befreit of such amateur mistakes. Instead a string of suspicious events follows him wherever he travels.
Chapters (1)
I’m a bit confused about the plot. It’s a well-written story – a very nice read – but I’m not sure what's going on.
Edit: the story outline on your blog does clarify how the events relate to each other. I suppose it’s a bit foolish of me for not being able to connect the dots at first.
I’ve also got a few corrections:
,” he said
Its and hurdle.
I thought there were only two: ponies and gryphons. Or is it referring to Equestria, Kronson, and Randal?
It’s missing a word or two there.
These sentences read strangely. Adding some conjunctions, or rephrasing the sentences themselves, should fix it.
I love this story, Thanks for writing it.
You used my Snowy, and wrote her so well!
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Thank you for the corrections and suggestions. I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of reading it.
I probably should have been more explicit in this regard. This story and all of my stories for that matter are set in the Quill & Blade universe which leads to the occasional detail I don't make as clear as I probably should. In this case King Kronson and King Randal control different gryphon nations. I didn't originally use nations (now changed) because the author of the canon Q&B setting doesn't use that word.
Bit weird, but still funny. That title just made me laugh and wonder what I was in for...
Shouldn't that be Silver?
So, Gourmet's an unintentional troubleshooter? Best of all, one can never tell if he caused these or fixed these...
Unless he actually knew?! And this was a part of the plan?
Either way, great story.
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It certainly should have been. I don't think I would trust food from a waiter named Sliver Platter.
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Let's just say Gourmet denies all allegations that he is anything other than an amazing cook.
7100747
Instand fave.
I think his food was the bomb.
I have absolutely no idea what was going on here. A lot of mystery was introduced, but nothing was explained. Was that intentional?
Also, you need more commas and fewer page breaks. You could take out practically all of them, and the story would flow much better because of it.
This certainly has an interesting idea, and you write well for the most part, but I could not enjoy it because of the aforementioned issues.
Looks like you need a proofreader (but not necessarily an editor; the plot's fine)-- the prose is a bit choppy. But other than that, not a bad story.
Obligatory video:
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Unfortunately it was entirely intentional. Sorry for ruining your enjoyment.
7102257
That is indeed the original "BAM!". Though when I close my eyes the first thing I see is the spice weasel.
7102374 Don't apologize; that's really about my personal preferences. Funny thing is, I could see myself writing something like this, even if I don't like reading it.
7100795 Ah, I see.
"your keyblade is a chainsword?"
"Yep. It opens doors. In walls."
-that came to mind when I looked at the cover pic.
Aaahhhahah. Needed a laugh, looked through my "Make Time to Read" list, and... voila! Hoofington, my dear chap, you never fail to bring a smile to my face.
Actually, the wingblades are a simultaneously fascinating and terrifying idea. Just imagine if Mango got her claws on them.
I'll have to use this as reference material when Gourmet Palate makes his appearance in one of my stories.
Belated, but enjoyed nonetheless!
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Given how versatile pegasus wings are in the show, this idea immediately popped into my mind when I thought of those chefs who slice and dice then toss food to the patrons.
Mango or Mango-pony having them would be grounds to evacuate the building.