When the villainous Ob Nixilis arrives on the plane of Equestria, he attempts to steal the Elements of Harmony. He is foiled by Discord who wraps himself around the Tree of Harmony to protect the elements. Enraged Ob Nixilis stirs up trouble to torment Discord, and the ponies of Equestria are forced to deal with old foes. Princess Twilight Sparkle and Spike travel to the plane of Innistrad to find one who has the knowledge to undo the black magic of Ob Nixilis and see the villain banished for good.
This is a Magic The Gathering crossover story.
Chapters (7)
Where's Chapter Three?
7032500 I put it up now. I was up late when I published this. Thanks for alerting me of the problem.
Hmmm, in need of editing as well as show dont tell but I like the premise. The chapters are shirt but I suffer that as well and the speed at which things are going are ridicules type fast. However I enjoy this and would love to see more. Thumbs up!
Plus if you look at my favorites you'll realize my bar is set very high so I don't mean anything rude with my criticism.
7034612 Thanks for the feedback
. Getting the show and tell balance in a story right is something that takes more work than people realize. 
The story does move quickly, but I want it to be action heavy.
I've written stories where ponies just talk a lot, but I didn't want this story to be like that.
Magic The Gathering is a game of action after all.
Editing is tedious, and I am often impatient to publish.
If this were something I was publishing for money, I would have gone over it several more times as well as engaging outside assistance.
Do note that it's spelled Ob Nixilis.
7036246 It's an alien name. Spelling is flexible, but I might change it. It's a clunky name. That's why I call him simple Ob in many sentences.
7037607
No, it's not flexible. His name is Ob Nixilis. Not Nixlix. Not Nixilix. Nixilis. Just like the plane is Innistrad, and Twilight's sister-in-law is Princess Cadance (though I kinda understand that last one).
That's not gonna do you any favors. Whether or not it's for money, you should take pride and edit your own work before publishing it, if not for yourself and your readers, then at least because it's in the site rules. There were many spelling and grammar errors, the worse mistake being misspelling the word bite. It's bite, not bight.
Then maybe don't put up this chapter? You didn't have to use someone else's work to explain this; a quick recap as Ob Nixilis entered Equestria would've sufficed, like so:
See? A quick recap before diving right into the story, and you didn't need to use anyone else's work (which is also against site rules, by the way).
(As an aside, I edited that little paragraph about three times before posting this comment.)
Lastly, Jace is useless--by his own admission--against the undead. It's only a nitpick unless they end up beset by more zombies, though.
Now that the negatives are out of the way, let's get to the positives. I liked the interaction between Discord and Nixilis. They both seemed well in-character. I also found myself genuinely chuckling at Discord's jokes at the game table. Lastly, I appreciate the effort with Zecora's rhymes (even if they were a tad clunky), and I'm glad you spelled Jace's name correctly.
I'll be keeping an eye on this. The story's premise is interesting, and I've been looking for a good Magic: the Gathering crossover story on this site. Hopefully, with a bit of editing, this'll be just the story I'm looking for. Good luck on this and your future endeavors
!
7044105 Oh!
If everyone cares so much, I will make more of an effort. Distressing my readers was never my goal. I'll fix the errors I can find and hopefully put a revised edition up soon.
I'm keeping the plagiarism. I like the seen where the pyromancer, Chandra, blasts Ob Nixilis with fire before he escapes. That was an addition I thought was needed in the original story.
7036246 Thanks for the heads up by the way.
7044476
Remember, if it seems like you don't care about your writing, readers won't feel like they should care either. Not bothering to get the characters' names right screams indifference, as does making no effort to edit.
7044469 I'm very glad to hear that you're gonna be making a better effort to edit and get names right. I still highly suggest just doing away with the prologue. Yes, it was a cool scene, but the very fact that you're calling it plagiarism means that you acknowledge that you shouldn't be using it at all. Don't get me wrong; I don't think Doug Beyer or WOTC is going to be throwing a fit over this, but like I said, plagiarism is against site rules. Someone might report this story and get it deleted, and then there goes all your work. I seriously suggest removing it before anything like that happens.
P.S. It also sets the reader's expectation of the story regarding spelling and grammar, and it will surely disappoint them when they see that every other chapter isn't quite up to snuff on the technical side.
7044752 I'll think about it.
7044105
One is an act, the other is a part of geography or a loop of rope. I did not know they were spelled differently, but now I do.
I really think the ordinary reader is not going to have a problem with it though. The words are phonetically the same, and it is clear I do not mean a loop of rope by the context.
7046704 I actually didn't know that the word bight actually meant something, so thanks for the quick vocabulary lesson
. That said, I don't think people will overlook the fact that you misspelled bite.
Is that part of your notes? It seems very out of place.
7243559 Yes, I thought I'd deleted that.
woo update!
7426685 I plan not to have you wait so long for the next one. Thank you for your patience.
No, you don't need to capitalize minotaur, since it's used as the name of a species instead of denoted the one-and-only Minotaur from Greek mythology. That said, there are some spelling errors here, but none too huge, likely simply passed by when you were proofreading. Heaven knows I've certainly let small typos pass when I proofread.