Chapter 1
Scootaloo stared at the Officer in disbelief “You want my WHAT?”
“Your license and registration Miss” The officer repeated firmly “Hoof em over!”
“I don’t have one of those, I don’t even know what that last one is!!”
“Miss, you need a License to operate a vehicle in Equestria! It is also required by law to have said vehicle registered with your local DMV.”
“But this is a SCOOTER!” Scootaloo cried out, pointing a hoof at her prize possession. “That law is only for motorized vehicles, scooters don’t count. PLUS I’m only like ten years old!!”
“Miss, the reason I pulled you over was because you were riding on the wrong side of the bike path back there!”
“Riding on the wrong side of the road?” Scootaloo repeated. “What the flop are you talking about? You were blocking my way on the path, and I was just passing you!!”
“Still Miss you are not allowed to ride on the right side of the path into oncoming traffic. That’s unsafe!!”
“Nopony was coming the other way, AND it’s a dotted line!!” Scootaloo pointed at the yellow markings along the middle of the pathway. “Yellow dotted line means you are allowed to pass, which was exactly what I was doing!! A straight line means no passing, but a dotted line means you’re allowed to. This is a dotted line, correct?”
“Miss spare me the commentary on the law, point is you were riding on the wrong side of the path!”
“NO I WASN’T!!!”
“Listen to me!” The Officer interrupted “One thing, I’m a cop! Wouldn’t you rather see a Police Officer around here, making sure there’s no crimes being committed? Most ponies would love to see a Police Officer doing his job!”
“Gee I’d LOVE to see that too” Scootaloo shot back, her words dripping with sarcasm “Yet here you are pulling me over for making a turn on a dotted line, while some pony out there is probably getting robbed or destroying public property!!”
“Miss were not talking about everypony else right now, were talking about YOU riding on the wrong side of the path which is dangerous!!”
“For the last time IT’S A DOTTED PATH!!!” Scootaloo shouted, thrusting her hooves out again at the yellow lines “Tell me, does a dotted path mean you can pass or not? Yes or no? Because I’ll be MORE than happy to go ask another officer up at the station! Who’s there, what’s their name?”
“Ok Miss, you know what we’re going to do? I’m going to write you a ticket for unsafe speed!”
Scootaloo had to do a double take on that one. “Unsafe speed? On a child’s Scooter?!!!”
“Yes Miss, and the reason I’m going to write you up for unsafe speed is because you’re arguing with me!!”
“So in other words you’re not writing me up for an actual violation, you’re just writing me up for knowing the law better than you do!”
“No Miss. The reason I am writing you up for unsafe speed is because you were riding on the wrong side of the bicycle path, while looking at me, and complaining because a Police Officer was standing on the bicycle path. That’s unsafe!!”
“This is a joke right?” Scootaloo face hoofed shaking her head “Right Officer, just is a flipping joke?”
“No Miss, the law is not a joke!! Now what’s your name?” The officer asked pulling out a small clip board and a pen.
“Princess Celestia!”
“Miss, do I honestly look that stupid to you?”
“Actually, yes!” Scootaloo muttered as a few passerby’s giggled.
“Miss let’s not play games here, now what’s your name?”
“Scootaloo.”
“Thank you! When is your birth date?”
“June seventeenth, two thousand and five!!” Scootaloo answered, continuing to give the officer a glare that clearly wished him a most painful death.
“Alright Miss Scootaloo, and how old are you?”
“Are you KIDDING ME??? I just told you like five minutes ago!!!”
“Miss, I’m tired of arguing with you, please just tell me your age!”
“Look I just gave you my birthdate right?” Scootaloo asked as though she was a teacher talking to one of her students. “So it should be simple math to just count down from the year of my birth to this year to figure out how old I am. You DID at least pass the third grade right?”
“As a matter of fact yes I did!!”
“Ok then so let’s start from two thousand five and count down” Scootaloo began counting on her feathers “One, two, three, four, come on you should be doing this yourself!”
“Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine,” The Officer began counting reluctantly, while more and more onlookers stopped along the path staring and laughing at him.
“Very good. Now this may come as a shock to you but you may have to actually use your BRAIN on this last one, try not to strain yourself!" Scootaloo grinned clearly enjoying herself. “Now what comes after nine?”
“…….Ten!”
“VERY GOOD!!!” Scootaloo reached up and petted the officer on his helmet while onlookers rolled around on the floor in fits of laughter. “Good BOY, Who’s a good wittle bittle copy woppy, would the good copy woppy like a cookie wookie?”
The Officer pulled away from her reached, and busied himself with writing on the ticket. Even through his visor, Scootaloo could tell he was fuming with embarrassment. “Ok Miss, now if you are doing acting like a child…”
“I am a child you incompetent buffoon!!” Scootaloo reminded him, causing more laughter from the crowd.
“Can I have your ADDRESS Miss?” The Officer asked, his voice beginning to show signs of irritation.
“Aren’t you a little old for me?” Scootaloo asked doing her best Rarity impression.
“You’re ADDRESS MISS!!”
“Sure, I live with my parents!” Scootaloo answered.
“And where do they live Miss?”
“In the house!” Scootaloo answered grinning.
“And where IS their house?”
“Next to our neighbors!”
“And where do your neighbors live?”
“Oh you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Scootaloo grin turned into a smirk.
“Where?”
“Next to my parent’s house!”
The Officer suddenly threw his clipboard onto the ground, his face contorted with rage. “OK MISS, I’VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF YOUR LITTLE GAMES!!! SINCE YOU’VE ALREADY GIVEN ME YOUR NAME AND BIRTH DATE I CAN JUST LOOK UP YOUR ADDRESS BACK AT THE STATION! AND AFTER THAT NOT ONLY AM I GOING TO SEND YOU A SPEEDING TICKET, BUT I’M ALSO GOING TO PUT IN FOR A WARRANT FOR YOUR ARREST FOR HARASSING A POLICE OFFICER!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT PINT SIZE???!”
“Go ahead, I’m sure your boss would LOVE to hear how you bullied an innocent filly for making a perfectly legal turn on a dotted line.” Scootaloo called his bluff. “And while you do that I’M going to make a personal complaint to both Princess Twilight AND Princess Celestia about Police brutality, and I’ll be sure to give them your name Officer Trix Maiden!!” Scootaloo read his name off his badge before the Officer was able to cover it.
A flicker of fear passed over the Officers face at Scootaloo’s threat. But he shrugged it off, returning to his security cart. He gave her one final glare before slamming on the gas petal, only to find out he had switched gears to reverse on accident and drove backwards into the pond at full speed.
“YOU’RE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO LAW ENFORCEMENT, DO YOU KNOW THAT!!” Scootaloo shouted down at the Officer, as he sputtered angrily attempting to stay above water. Scootaloo left wondering who in their right mind hires a Cop who can’t even swim.
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Funny. Was wondering why no comments at the end but was posted... today. Could explain it.
7030520 Probably, and thanks
While this didn't make me laugh, I was smiling throughout. Would kind of like to see a sequel where this cop gives Luna a speeding ticket.
7030568 A Speeding ticket, or a ticket for too much noise? Can't really imagine Luna being a speeder, but i can totally see a new cop overhearing Luna's Canterlot Voice and trying to reprimand her for it
7030579 Why not start off as a noise ticket and it devolves into a speeding ticket?
7030591 That could work too.
Very bored police officer or one that was already in trouble monitoring a bike path in a small town.
7030686 Or one that's just a complete butthead. Ton's of those here in the U.S.
7030726 Even those aren't assigned to bike paths unless there is a problem. Generally there are too few cops to assign them to make work position
7030764 It can happen though. In fact i got the idea for this story from this Youtube video i found https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXI7170ahNI
beautiful.......just beautiful
I feel like it might make more sense if it happened on the other side of the mirror... but eh, whatever. Short, sweet, and fun to read regardless.
7030964 Took me a minute to figure out what you meant by "other side of the mirror"
Yea probably would have, but i didn't think about using EQG at the time. Plus coming up with the story kind of had me thinking about what other kinds of law enforcement does Equestria actually have other then the Royal Guard? I mean we've never really seen much of any type of law enforcement other then that one scene where Rainbow is being chased out of Ponyville Hospital, and those where mostly Nurse, Doctors, and the Hospitals own security guards. There was also that time during the Trouble Shoes episode with the sheriff and his rangers or whatever. But other then that not much has been seen of Equestria's Law Enforcement. So i was kind of exploring with that.
7030946 Thanks
LOL! That is a very good short story. :-D I guess Equestria's relatively low crime rate compared to this world puts much lower standards on their cops. Because that is the ONLY way THIS idiot could have graduated from the police academy. I mean, honestly, he makes Barney Fife look like Joe Friday. And, yeah, I could see some cop, even if that cop WAS smart enough to actually KNOW it was Luna trying to pull the "even the Princesses aren't above the law" routine on Luna over a noise complaint and/or speeding.
Seriously though, excellent humor in this short story. :-D
7031088 Thanks, glad you enjoyed it :D
7031088 You have to keep in mind while I can't speak to other countries there is NO national standard for police in the US. Some states have a standard but others don't a sheriff can still deputize people in some places. Campus police vary just as much in places and some have as much training as a security guard
Are you sure he's not a stripper trying to act like a cop?
7031468 Lol, nah. Trix Maiden is a name from the game Star Wars Rogue Squadron 3D. I was trying to think of a name for the cop and it just came up on the spot. So i used it.
Until the end I gave the officer no distinct voice. At the end I went back and reread the story as off the officer was Barney Fife. It made it far funnier through the reread. Now I got that song stuck in my head. Have an upvote.
7032788 Thanks :D
I got the idea for the fic from a YT video about a bicycle rider and an idiot cop, so i just imagined the cop with the same voice as the one in the video while writing it.
7030579
- Excessive volume
- Volume-related damage to surrounding windows
7031071 Easy to miss but there's a bit in that scene where the "barking" ponies in the group are revealed to be actually insane patients from the hospital who are told to go back.
This was a fun little story
XDD that's was so funny ( now laughing in church but oh weeeellll XDD)
7036149 Thanks
7047344 Lol, thanks
7050278 You're welcome.
sufficiently silly. Have up vote. Is laconic day.
Thank you! This story was frigging hilarious! Thank you so much for such a fantastic story!
7917871 You are welcome, glad you liked it
7917889 Whenever I read the story, I always imagine the cop's voice as Officer Barbrady from South Park. It does wonders when you read it.
OH MY GOSH THIS WAS SILLY! XD
I love it!
7920905 Thanks
YOU’RE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO LAW ENFORCEMENT, DO YOU KNOW THAT!!” Scootaloo shouted down at the Officer
Officer:
https://m.i cant stop laughing XD